A Most Unsuitable Match (43 page)

Fannie sighed. “I blamed myself for my mother’s sadness. It makes me heartsick to think Patrick might blame himself for my moods.” She paused. “I’ll talk to him in the morning. I’ll make him understand.”

“What will you say?”

“That we’re all . . . sad. We feel terrible about what happened to Samuel’s sister. I’ve been worried about the baby. And I’ve been missing my friends back home.”

“I know that’s all true, but it doesn’t explain what Patrick senses about you and me.”

He turned toward her. “What Patrick senses is something I’ve been too selfish to admit. I can’t make you happy, Fannie. However fond of me you might become over time, you will never look at me the way you looked at Samuel Beck tonight.”

“I never— I didn’t—”

“You can’t help it. You
shimmer
when he looks at you. It’s as if he’s holding up a light and you reflect it back to him. Everyone in that room tonight could see it, and Patrick sensed it. He asked me what made the sadness go out of your voice tonight.”

“Samuel doesn’t love me. He wrote a note saying good-bye. He even wished you and me well.”

“He’s being noble. Denying himself. And, I fear, confusing the issue by trying to decide what is best for you without consulting . . . you. You’ll have to be patient with him, Fannie. It may take a while for him to admit he’s been an ignorant son of a willy-walloo about a few things. It’s taken me most of the year.” He knelt before her. “I love you for Patrick’s sake, Fannie. I don’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. And Samuel does.”

“But Patrick—” Fannie’s voice wavered. She couldn’t hurt Patrick.

“
Patrick
isn’t giving you up. I am. I still expect you to teach him for as long as you are in Montana. I want you to play checkers and bake cookies and be the best friend you can be to him, right along with Abe Valley and Lamar and Samuel and Edie. And when the time comes that you leave Fort Benton or he and I do, so that he can go to school, I expect you to write. Often.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Neither of us is letting you go when it comes to friendship, Fannie.”

He couldn’t do it. He’d said good-bye enough. It was weak and perhaps even despicable, but as the morning dawned, and Samuel felt the reality of Fannie heading back to Fort Benton with Edmund and Patrick LaMotte, he realized that he just didn’t have it in him to pretend it was all right. He’d been noble and done the right thing by her, but enough was enough. He dressed without lighting a lamp, grabbed his boots, and headed down the stairs.

Pausing just inside the door to pull on his boots, he headed outside, through the barn, and to the massive pile of wood behind the barn. Bonaparte’s used a prodigious amount of wood. Nothing like a steamboat, but enough that Pete was beginning to have trouble keeping up. Edie had mentioned it as part of the reason she would welcome Lamar as a permanent resident. Pete needed help. Today, Samuel would give it. In fact, he welcomed the work. It would give him something to do besides chasing after Fannie, because he was very near making a fool of himself over her.
Help, Lord. Keep me from doing anything stupid.

He began to chop wood. When he got hot, he took off his coat. When his hands hurt, he ignored it. When he realized Pete was hitching up the doctor’s buggy, he ignored that, too.
Let her be happy.

Finally, he heard the crunch of buggy wheels on snow as Pete led the mare toward the house.

He stopped chopping wood . . . sank the ax into a stump . . . and looked up toward the sky.
Let her be happy.

The door to the ranch house opened, and LaMotte and Patrick . . . and Fannie . . . with Edie . . . emerged. Hugs. Last words.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let her go.
God forgive me. . . .
He called her name.

LaMotte looked his way. Waved. Patrick followed suit and then climbed into the buggy.

“Fannie! Wait!”

The buggy headed out. Sam started to run.
Let me make her happy. Let me. . . .
And that’s when he realized . . . she hadn’t gone. He looked back at the house. She was standing there . . . alone. Looking his way. Then running . . . into his arms.

He looked down into her eyes and saw love echoed there.

“I . . . don’t . . . have . . . words.”

“I don’t need words,” Fannie said. “I only need you.”

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly
above all that we ask or think,

according to the power that worketh in us,
unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus

throughout all ages,

world without end.

Amen.

E
PHESIANS 3:20–21

1874

Fifteen-year-old Patrick LaMotte stood just outside the door of the Missouri School for the Blind. When he heard a carriage roll up and a familiar childish voice shouting his name, he smiled, stooped to pick up his valise, and with the help of his ever-present white cane, made his way down to the street.

“Paddy! Paddy! Climb in!” Elizabeth called. “Wait till you see my new puppy! He’s all golden and he has a black nose and floppy ears and he’ll lick you to pieces!”

Patrick laughed as his little sister flung herself into his arms for a hug. She helped him climb aboard, and as the carriage wended its way through the streets toward home, Patrick learned that the puppy’s name would be Plato because Papa liked the Greeks. Jake, the daddy dog, was big and friendly, and he and the mama dog lived in St. Charles with the Hennessey family.

“Mrs. Hennessey saved the best puppy of the litter especially for us because Mama was her favorite teacher ever at the blind school!” Elizabeth gushed. “Mrs. Hennessey’s house has red bricks and black shutters, and it has the prettiest rose garden ever!” She went on to tell him that Mrs. Hennessey had a little girl and a brand-new baby, and Elizabeth was quite sure she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen . . . except for Mama, of course.

At which point Papa spoke up with what could only be called resounding agreement. And kissed Mama, right there in public. Which was embarrassing, but Papa didn’t care.

Concordia Theological Seminary in St. Louis, Missouri, celebrated its spring graduation with a ceremony on the lawn. The student chosen to give the graduation address was a handsome, square-jawed man with a scar running the length of his left eyebrow. As he rose to speak, a blond beauty seated in the front row swiped a tear with a gloved hand. As for the newly ordained Reverend Samuel Beck, he grasped the lectern and took a moment to smile down at his wife before beginning.

“I first met God in the face of a mother who forgave what, at the time, I considered unforgivable. After she passed on to her reward, I pored over her Bible, trying to find the secret to her peace of mind. I found not only what had given her peace of mind, but also I found what this book”—he held his mother’s Bible up “—calls ‘the peace that passeth understanding,’ the peace God promises to everyone who bows the knee at the foot of the cross.”

He looked out at the rows of his classmates. “I have met God in many places since reading my mother’s Bible: in the lives of friends of other races who showed me kindness . . . on a river . . . in the gold camps of Montana Territory . . . and in the face of the woman he miraculously enabled to love me, in spite of the many faults she must endure every single day.” Sam smiled down at Fannie before continuing. “And now, she and I are looking forward to seeing how God will help us use what we’ve learned here at Concordia to share a simple message: Jesus loves us. This we know, because the Bible tells us so.”

———

As Samuel concluded his address, Fannie swiped at more tears. She couldn’t help it. She was so proud of how hard he’d worked to regain his speech and how hard he’d studied. She was so in love with him she thought her heart might burst. And she was afraid. They were going back to Montana. Back to Fort Benton and its rowdy, stinking, mostly lawless streets. Fannie knew Samuel was right when he said that Fort Benton needed to hear about Jesus. She also knew there was no better person to talk about Jesus in that place than a man like her Samuel, a man willing to preach in a saloon. As for her . . . she was living in that place between what she knew and what she didn’t. The place where all she had was faith that God knew what was ahead and she could hang on to him.

People who’d known Fannie for years had been shocked to learn she was marrying a man intending to be a minister. “A most unsuitable match,” they called it. Foolish woman to think she was suited to such a life in such a place as Montana Territory. And in so many ways, they were right. She
was
unsuitable. But then, Hannah had always said that if the good Lord couldn’t use fools and foolishness, he wouldn’t get much done.

Fannie smiled as she contemplated all the “unsuitable” people God had used. The Bible was full of such people. And she was so glad, because finally, she had come to understand that God’s business was one of taking the most unsuitable and using them in spite of themselves. Of course, she still had moments when she felt overwhelmed by what the future held for them in Montana. Even with Mother there making a home for Josephine and “the girls,” even with the friendships of Lamar and Abe, things weren’t going to be easy. She would never be a perfect preacher’s wife. But with God’s help, she would be the best, most loving daughter and auntie and wife and helpmeet she could be.

Land sakes
 . . . it was going to be an adventure.