A Mother's Promise (18 page)

When she arrived home, hot and tired, but triumphant, Hetty found Tom sitting in the parlour with Granny and Jane. Sammy and Eddie were outside in the back yard, making a great deal of noise as they washed themselves at the pump, although from where Hetty was standing she could see through the window that they were having a water fight instead of doing their ablutions. She turned her back on them, hoping that Granny would not realise what was going on and put an end to what was just a harmless bit of fun. Hetty bent down to pick up Natalia and she kissed her chubby cheek. Talia was going to have time to play and enjoy her childhood. With a pound a week profit, there was no telling where they would end up.

‘You look pleased with yourself,’ Granny said, frowning as if this was a crime in itself.

‘Did you have a good day, Hetty?’ Jane said quickly. ‘You’d gone by the time I woke up.’

‘I done well,’ Hetty acknowledged, smiling. ‘If trade keeps going like it did today, I shan’t complain.’

Tom rose to his feet. ‘It’s not what I want for you, ducks. Working long hours and out in all weathers. It ain’t right.’

‘She’s got to earn money, young man,’
Granny snapped. ‘If you can keep her in comfort, and take care of her brothers, not to mention Jane and her nipper, then you’re welcome to take over. If not, then I’ll thank you to hold your tongue.’ She raised herself stiffly from her seat, scowling at Tom, who opened his mouth as if to retort, but Granny’s attention had been deflected by the sounds emanating from the yard. Plumes of water were shooting skywards and hitting the windows like a sudden cloudburst. ‘The little devils.’ She rolled up her sleeves and hurried from the room.

Through the window, Hetty saw Granny erupting into the yard, which made Sammy drop the pump handle in fright. Even with the window closed, she could hear Granny’s strident tones telling them to clean up the yard and then go to bed without any supper. Hetty sighed. She couldn’t really blame Granny for being short-tempered sometimes. There were just too many of them cramped together in a small space with no indoor facilities, not even a stone sink. She had seen magazine illustrations of houses that boasted sculleries, kitchens and even bathrooms. One day, she thought dreamily, we’ll have the lot.

‘I kept your tea warm,’ Jane said, getting up from her chair and taking a plate from beneath a saucepan lid on the top of the range.
‘It’s pie and mash. I thought you could do with something a bit more filling than bread and cheese.’

‘When you’ve eaten, we could go for a walk,’ Tom suggested tentatively. ‘I know you must be tired, but I wanted to apologise for me behaviour the other day, and there’s something I want to ask you.’

One look at Tom’s eager face confirmed Hetty’s worst suspicions and her appetite deserted her. ‘I’ve been picking all day, so I’m not hungry, but ta for the thought, Jane.’

‘Then you’ll come for a walk with me?’

Tom held his hand out to her and Hetty saw that it trembled slightly. She could not bear the thought of hurting him, but she was tired to the point of exhaustion. She shook her head. ‘Not now, Tom. I’ve got to boil eggs for the morning. Perhaps we could leave it until Sunday?’

‘I don’t want to wait, girl. I’d rather say what I got to say now.’

‘I can take a hint,’ Jane said, taking Natalia from Hetty. ‘I’d best put baby to bed.’

Natalia began to howl dismally, holding her arms out to Hetty, but Jane ignored her small daughter’s protests and carried her from the room.

‘You ought to eat something,’ Tom said anxiously. ‘You’re doing too much, Hetty. It’s
a man’s work pushing a barrow all the way to Spitalfields, not the sort of thing for a girl to do on her own.’

‘I can manage perfectly well. I know you mean it kindly, but really what I do is my business, not yours. I don’t come round to the Gas Light and Coke Company and tell you what to do.’

His tense expression melted into a smile. ‘I should think not. I can’t imagine what the foreman would say if you did.’

‘No, well, it’s the same with me. I can make this work, I know I can.’

‘You’re always so busy that we never get a moment alone, Hetty. I can’t go on without knowing your mind on a certain subject.’

She looked into his earnest eyes, and she knew she must be straight with him. Tom was her oldest and dearest friend, and she could not allow him to harbour false hopes. ‘If it’s what I think it is, then my answer must be no, Tom.’

He did not pretend to misunderstand her. ‘But why? I love you, Hetty.’

‘And I’m very fond of you too, but it’s not the right time.’

He grasped both her hands, holding them close to his chest. ‘That’s just an excuse. If you go on like that it’ll never be the right time. Please hear me out.’

She shook her head. ‘Don’t do this to me, Tom. Not now. I’m tired and I’ve got a lot to do before I go to bed.’

‘And it kills me to see you working like a slave, Hetty. It was bad enough when you were spending twelve hours a day making matchboxes, but at least you were safe at home. Street trading is dangerous, especially for a girl. They’ve never caught the Ripper and those poor women were found not a stone’s throw away from where you’re trading.’

Hetty squeezed his fingers and she smiled. ‘You mustn’t worry about me. My pitch is in the market place alongside a hundred or more costermongers. Some of them are already like a family to me. George sees me home . . .’

He drew his hands away, scowling. ‘Yes, and I know what his game is, Hetty. His sort preys on innocent girls. He’s waiting his chance and you’ll be just another of his conquests.’

‘Stop it, Tom. Don’t talk like that. You’ve got it all wrong.’

‘Have I? I don’t think so. Marry me, Hetty. I love you and I think I’ve always loved you. Marry me and I’ll take care of you for the rest of me life.’

‘It wouldn’t work, Tom. I do love you, in
me own way, but I can’t imagine belonging to any man, not even you. I got to prove meself and find me place in the world. Can’t you understand that? Maybe one day . . .’

If she had slapped his face he could not have looked more stricken. ‘One day ain’t good enough, Hetty.’

‘Tom, please.’ Hetty reached out to touch his hand, but he drew away from her.

‘I’m sick of being second best. I want a straight yes or no.’

A pain shafted through her heart, but she could not lie to him. ‘Then it must be no. I’m sorry.’

‘Goodbye then, Hetty. I won’t trouble you no more.’ Tom slammed out of the room and his booted footsteps echoed down the narrow passageway. Hetty heard the front door open and then close with a loud bang that rattled the windowpanes.

Jane stormed into the parlour. ‘Hetty, you bloody fool. What have you done?’

Tiredly, Hetty picked up her teacup and sipped the rapidly cooling brew. ‘I had to refuse him, Jane. It wouldn’t have been fair to keep him dangling after me. We’d just end up fighting.’

‘You are so selfish,’ Jane cried, wringing her hands. ‘How could you send him away? Are you mad? He would have taken care of
all of us. How can you not love a man like Tom?’

Hetty stared at her in a moment of stunned silence. The truth had hit her like a punch in the stomach.

Hetty stared at Jane in disbelief. ‘You and Tom? You can’t be – I mean, why didn’t you tell me that you were in love with him?’

Jane rounded on her. ‘He don’t know how I feel, and now he never will, because you sent him away and I’ll never see him again. You’ve done a bad thing today; a bad, wicked thing and I hate you for it.’

Dazed and feeling numb with shock, Hetty was lost for words. She could hear Granny berating the boys in the room overhead, followed by their loud protests that she was scraping all the skin off their backs with the towel. Jane was weeping openly now and pacing up and down like a caged tigress.

‘I didn’t know,’ Hetty murmured. ‘I thought you was still grieving for Nat.’

‘I am. I mean, I was at the beginning. But it’s well over a year since he died and I’m young. I’ve got a life ahead of me and I ain’t a nun, Hetty. I always had a soft spot for Tom, but he was your fellow, so I never allowed meself to think about him in that way. But
since you’ve been tied up with your hot taters and then your blooming coffee stall, Tom and me have spent a lot of time together and . . .’ Jane’s voice trailed off and she buried her face in her hands.

‘Oh, Jane, I had no idea.’

‘No, you wouldn’t have,’ Jane said bitterly, raising her head to glare at Hetty. ‘You just go pushing ahead and never mind the rest of us what can’t keep up with you. You are so single-minded that you didn’t stop to think how poor Tom might feel. You didn’t even care that he was jealous of George. You just took it all for granted and you led him on.’

‘No!’ Hetty cried, stung by this injustice. ‘I never did that. I was always straight with him, and if I’d known that you cared for him, I would have finished with Tom long since.’

‘Well, it’s too late now. He’s gone for good this time, and he’ll never come back. You’ve ruined everything for all of us, Hetty. Why couldn’t you be like an ordinary East End girl? Why do you have to be so different from the rest of us?’

Before Hetty could think of a suitable reply, Granny burst into the parlour and stood arms akimbo, eyes blazing. ‘What’s all this noise? You two sound like a couple of alley cats screeching at each other. What’s it all about?’

‘Ask her. It’s all her fault.’ Jane fled from the room in a flood of tears.

Granny turned the full force of her wrath on Hetty. ‘If it isn’t those young limbs up to some mischief, it’s you two behaving like fish-wives.’

‘It’s something and nothing, Granny,’ Hetty said wearily. ‘I need to boil some eggs, if you don’t mind.’

‘I do mind, as it happens. I can’t have all that steam wilting the stiffening in my bonnets. You’ll have to use the copper outside to boil your eggs. That’s if you can wade through the water in the back yard. I gave those boys a good piece of my mind.’

She eyed the untouched food on Hetty’s plate. ‘Good vittles cost money. I hope you’re not going to leave that, my girl?’

Hetty picked up the plate, intending to sneak it upstairs to Sammy and Eddie who had been sent to bed with no supper. ‘No, Granny. I’ll eat it while I stoke the fire under the copper.’

‘And I expect you to pay for the coal, miss.’

Hetty nodded her head in mute acknowledgement as she left the room, closing the door softly behind her. She tiptoed upstairs and gave the food to the boys, who fell on it like starving animals. Sammy glanced up from the plate, swallowing a mouthful of cold pie. ‘Is everything all right, Hetty? Tom sounded
cross and then we heard you and Jane shouting at each other.’

‘I like Tom,’ Eddie said, cramming cold mashed potato into his mouth.

‘You mustn’t worry,’ Hetty said soothingly. ‘All grown-ups have arguments every now and then.’

‘He will come back, won’t he?’ Sammy asked. ‘He will take us to the park on Sundays?’

‘Maybe not this week, but you mustn’t worry. It will all come right in the end. You won’t remember it, but that’s what Ma always used to say.’

Early next morning, when Hetty was loading up her barrow, Jane came out of the house, bleary-eyed with sleep and still wearing her nightgown. She shivered in the cool breeze, and she pulled her crocheted shawl a little closer around her body. ‘Can I help?’

Hetty smiled and nodded her head. She knew that this was the nearest that Jane would ever get to an apology. ‘You could pack the eggs in the wicker basket.’

Jane went into the outhouse to fetch the bowl of hard-boiled eggs and she began stacking them carefully in the straw-lined basket. ‘I didn’t mean what I said last night – about hating you. I don’t, of course, but I am very cross with you, Hetty.’

‘You should have told me how you felt about Tom. I really had no idea.’

‘Well you know now, and it’s too late.’

‘I’m sure it isn’t. Tom flies off the handle but he soon calms down. If you like, I’ll go round to his house this evening and make my peace with him.’

Jane dropped an egg and it landed with a dull thud on the ground. The shell split and fragments of golden yolk spilled out onto the concrete. ‘Damn! Sorry, Hetty. It slipped out of me fingers. But you mustn’t say nothing to Tom about me. I’d feel like a fool, and it would only make things worse.’

‘You could have any man you wanted, Jane. Don’t throw yourself away on the first one who comes along.’

‘I’m seventeen and I’ve got a baby. What man is going to take me on with another bloke’s child?’

Hetty lifted the cardboard box containing the cups onto the barrow and she smiled. ‘With your pretty face and winning ways, when you ain’t pouting that is, blokes will be queuing up to step out with Miss Jane Huggins.’

‘The trouble is, I don’t want other fellows, Hetty. I got me heart set on Tom, but I can hardly go running after him, especially when he’s hankering after you.’

Jane’s lips were trembling and her eyes were
magnified by unshed tears. The breeze had whipped her chestnut curls into a halo around her head and she was shivering violently. Hetty shook her head. ‘What am I going to do with you, Jane?’ She gave her a gentle push towards the back door. ‘Go inside. You won’t get a chap at all if you catch your death of cold. Leave it to me, I’ll think of something.’

Jane grasped her hand. ‘Promise me you won’t tell Tom what I said.’

‘Don’t talk soft, of course I won’t. It’s our secret.’ Hetty cocked her ear to listen. ‘Talia’s crying.’

‘I wish I hadn’t given her that outlandish name,’ Jane said crossly. ‘And I still wish she had been a boy.’

Hetty let this pass. ‘I’ve got to go now, or I’ll miss the breakfast trade, but don’t fret, Jane. I’ll make things come right if it’s the last thing I do.’

Pushing her barrow, Hetty trudged through streets crowded with people, many of them appearing to be only half awake, making their way to their workplaces in factories, timber yards and mills that clung to the river’s edge. The soot-blackened brick buildings looked even darker and more forbidding in the brilliant spring sunshine, and an east wind brought with it the noxious stench of boiling bones from the glue factory. Hetty tried to
imagine fields filled with daffodils and the scent of wild violets, but today the real world forced itself upon her. She had hurt the man she had always thought she would marry one day in the far distant future. Tom had been an anchor in her life; someone solid and depend-able, whose affection was constant and unchanging. The realisation that she could never love him in the way he desired was almost as shocking and disturbing as the fact that Jane could. Hetty felt almost envious of her sister’s ability to allow her heart to rule her head. First there had been Nat and now she had transferred her affections to Tom. Hetty simply could not imagine feeling like that about any man. Perhaps it was not in her nature? Maybe she would go through life without ever experiencing such strength of feeling? Perhaps she was destined to be a business woman and remain a spinster?