A Mother's Secret (13 page)

“Yeah, except he
acts
like her dad.” Malcolm’s face crinkled. “I don’t know what happened to her other dad.”

“I think he died.” A car accident, if she remembered right.

Any hope that he would continue to be distracted by speculation about other kids’ fathers was erased when Malcolm frowned. “You said my dad didn’t ’specially want to have a family. Like us. Only, Daniel acts like he does. Right, Mom?”

Heart aching, she said, “Yes. He does. People change, honey.” She closed her eyes. “Or maybe I was wrong then to think he wasn’t ready to be a dad.”

“Oh.” Mal thought about it. “So he came to find us?”

“No, you remember that day at the restaurant, when we were with Aunt Naomi? And you came outside when I was talking to Daniel? He called me later and said he wanted to spend time with you.”

“Does that mean you’re gonna get married?” He grew more eager. “And he’ll be here all the time? And maybe he wants
another
kid, too, ’cuz I’d like a baby sister. Or maybe a baby brother, but I think I’d like a baby sister better.”

She laughed even though she felt like crying, and enveloped him in a hug. “I know you want a baby brother or sister! You keep saying so! But you’re not going to get one anytime soon. And no, Daniel won’t be here all the time. We aren’t getting married. It’s
you
he wants to spend time with, not me. Mostly you’ll spend time with him without me. Eventually you’ll go to his house some weekends. Like Polly, who can’t come to Noelle’s party, because she’s going to her dad’s house this weekend.” Bad example, she realized immediately, seeing his expression. Hastily she added, “She’s probably going to be doing fun stuff with him instead.”

“But what if she really, really wanted to go to Noelle’s party?”

“Then I’m betting her dad would have switched weekends, so she could be home for the party. I know Daniel wouldn’t want you to miss anything important.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t made any attempt to pull back from her embrace. Instead, he kept sneaking looks up at her. “Do I have to go spend the night at his house? Because I like it when you’re there.”

She smiled at him, because she couldn’t possibly let him know how terribly she hurt. “I think it’ll be okay if we take this slowly. That’s what we’ve been doing. I thought it would be better if you already knew Daniel before you found out he’s your dad. You do like him, don’t you?”

His head bobbed vigorously against her. “He’s
real
nice. He’s even got the same color hair as me, right, Mom?”

“Yes.” She laid one cheek on his head, hoping to hide the hot tears that spilled over. “Your hair color is one of the things you got from him.
And
your freckles.”

“And I like bulldozers, too. Like Daniel does.” He snuggled against her in silence for a moment. “Do you think he’s going to want me to call him Dad now?”

“Yes.” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the flow of tears, but failing. “Yes, I think he’d like that.”

Malcolm pulled away abruptly to stare at her in astonishment. “How come you’re crying?”

She laughed and wiped her cheeks. “I guess I’m happy and sad both. Because I think Daniel will be a great dad for you, but…I liked it when it was just you and me, too.”

He looked worried now. “I won’t have to go with him lots, will I, Mom? ’Cuz I like being with
you
.”

“No. You won’t go with him lots, and especially not when you don’t want to. Daniel doesn’t want you to be scared or sad.”

“Okay.” She could tell he wasn’t entirely satisfied, but he said, “Can we read stories now, Mom?”

“You bet. After I go blow my nose.”

As she headed for the bathroom, he said, “Maybe I’ll call him Dad when he comes Sunday.”

Oh, Lord
, she thought.
I’d better warn Daniel that I’ve told him
.

B
Y THE TIME HE PULLED
into Rebecca’s driveway on Sunday, Daniel was as nervous as a pimply faced sixteen-year-old with a fresh driver’s license picking up a girl for a first date. He’d been stunned when she phoned yesterday to tell him that Malcolm now knew Daniel was his father.

“Why now?” he’d asked hoarsely.

“I just…thought the time had come.” She sounded evasive. “He was excited that you’re coming tomorrow, he likes you, he’s seen your house. He was ready.”

More generosity. In the beginning, Daniel had agreed only reluctantly to this charade. That first day, when they went to the beach, he had realized she was right. Pretending he was just an old friend had taken pressure off both Malcolm and him. Truth be told, a couple of outings would probably have been enough; they were comfortable with each other by then.

Reasonably comfortable
, he amended, ruthlessly honest with himself.

But he also hadn’t felt ready to be solely in charge. He’d
never been alone with a preschooler. What if Malcolm cried? Or wanted something he couldn’t provide?

And, damn it, he’d liked spending time with Rebecca, too.

Did this mean the three of them wouldn’t do anything together in the future? he wondered, getting out of the car. Would they say no more than hello and goodbye when he picked Malcolm up and dropped him off?

The other night, it was her he’d wanted to talk to. He’d thought she would understand some of what he had felt when Vern said he was sorry, and when he still called him
son
. He hated the idea of losing even this pretense of friendship.

And although she’d insisted that Malcolm was happy that he would have a father now, Daniel was still nervous about facing him. What if she’d exaggerated and Malcolm was only grudgingly okay with the idea?

God! His palms were clammy as he formed a fist and knocked on the front door.

He heard a flurry of footfalls inside and the door was flung open. Malcolm grinned at him. “Mom says you’re my dad!”

“Uh…yes. I am.”

“I’ve always wanted to have a dad,” the boy confided. “Can I tell everyone else you’re mine?”

He was aware that Rebecca stood back, within earshot but letting them have this moment. He didn’t look away from the bright, happy face of his son.

“You can tell anyone you want.”

“And can I
call
you Dad?”

His throat seemed to have swelled closed. He nodded, swallowed, and managed to say, in a voice that didn’t sound like his, “I’d like that.”

“Okay, Dad,” Malcolm declared. “Do you know how to roller-skate?”

Good God. Were his eyes getting misty?

“I, uh, think that’s one of those things you don’t forget how to do.”

Predictably, Malcolm asked, “What other things don’t you forget to do?”

His mother laughed and came forward. “We’d better go or we’ll be late. Mal, where’s Noelle’s present?”

The boy made a face. “I think it’s in my bedroom. It’s a dumb present anyway.”

Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Her mom didn’t think she’d want a bulldozer.”

Daniel choked back a laugh. Malcolm raced off to grab the girlie gift, whatever it was.

“It’s a Bratz doll. She’s an ice-skater. There didn’t seem to be a roller-skating one.”

“A brat?” he echoed.

She kindly spelled out the name. “They’re popular with the girls right now. They’re sort of Barbie-like. Noelle likes both, her mother says, but once I dragged Mal away from the heavy equipment aisle at the toy store, he chose this one. He was quite decisive, mainly to avoid lingering. He probably didn’t want to be seen in the overwhelmingly pink aisle.”

Daniel’s laugh was genuine, but oddly, it hurt, as if he’d had a bad cold and had a sore throat and chest. “He really is okay with this.” He indicated himself with an abortive gesture.

“I told you.” Rebecca’s smile twisted. “He was thrilled.”

He was luckier than he deserved. One hell of a lot luckier. Daniel had a flash in which he wondered again how
he would have reacted if she’d told him back then that she was pregnant. His shock would undoubtedly have showed. He hoped he wouldn’t have said something cutting, like, “Did you decide it was time to move our relationship forward?” Maybe it was just as well neither of them would ever know.

Malcolm tore back out, triumphantly bearing a package wrapped in sparkly paper with a shiny bow. “I found it! Can we go now?”

Laughing, Rebecca said, “We can go. See?” She held up her hands. “I didn’t even bring my purse. So I don’t have to worry about it while we roller-skate.”

The rink, it developed, was brand-new, thus explaining its popularity as a venue for birthday parties.

“The high school has a roller hockey rink, you see,” Rebecca said. “They share it with the Boys & Girls Club. That stirred interest, I guess. Now everyone wants to skate. The Skate Inn opened just two months ago.”

New or not, inside the place looked about like the roller-skating rink Daniel vaguely remembered from his own childhood. One of those mirrored balls rotated above the rink, and the place was crowded with kids and adults both circling all in the same direction to the beat of tinny music. More stood in line to rent skates or sat putting on their own Rollerblade skates. A concession bar sold the usual burgers, fries, hot dogs, licorice ropes and ice cream. A few glass-fronted rooms with long tables were presumably designed for parties.

“There’s Chace.” Malcolm jumped up and down and waved his hand.

The other boy and his mother stopped.

“This is my dad,” Malcolm told them, pride ringing in his voice.

Rebecca laid a hand on his shoulder. “Daniel, this is Chace and Judy Dunhill.”

“Daniel Kane,” he said, shaking the mother’s hand.

Her glance was speculative—she evidently knew Malcolm had never before had a father anywhere to be seen—but her bruiser of a son was completely uninterested. “I want to get skates. Can we do that now?”

“Yeah!” Malcolm agreed. “Can we?”

“No,” Rebecca said. “We’re going to go wish Noelle a happy birthday first, and leave the present in the room. We’ll find out whether cake and present opening comes first, or whether there’s time to skate now.”

The boys, groaning, conceded. There had to be fifteen kids in the room designated for Noelle’s birthday party, at least as many adults, and a table heaped with gifts. Skating, Rebecca learned after a brief parental conclave, was to come first. Each child was given a certificate for a free rental.

Daniel and Rebecca opted for roller skates rather than blades. Malcolm wasn’t given a choice. They sat down in a row and laced up, Daniel hoping he remembered how to do this. Falling on his butt would probably sink his status irreparably in Malcolm’s eyes.

Turned out he was initially awkward but stable. Rebecca moved with ease. Malcolm clunked along, trying to walk, hanging on to his mother with one hand and Daniel with the other.

They’d made one round when the birthday girl’s mother waylaid them. “Any chance you could help Lydia skate, too?” she asked apologetically. “Her mom couldn’t stay, and I need to be in the room.”

Rebecca smiled at the girl clutching the railing. “Are
your skates all laced up? Oh, good.” She held out a hand. “Here we go.”

“I didn’t fall down even once,” Malcolm assured her. “It’s easy.”

Daniel coughed to disguise his laugh. Rebecca shot him a glance, her eyes dancing with amusement.

“Tell you what,” she suggested. “Why don’t I skate with Lydia, and Mal with you, Daniel? If we try to go four abreast, no one will be able to pass us.”

“And some of the kids go
fast
,” Malcolm said. He let his mother’s hand go, gripping Daniel’s even harder. “I wish I could go faster.”

“Hey, no sport is easy when you first take it up,” Daniel told him. “Give yourself a couple of years and you’ll be tearing around.”

“Yeah!”

Ahead, Lydia wobbled and lurched. Rebecca kept them moving forward. Half listening to Malcolm’s chatter, Daniel watched her smile gentle encouragement at the little girl. Her neck, bared by the ponytail, was long and elegant. She skated the same way she walked, with effortless grace. His body tightened as he remembered nuzzling her nape below the heavy fall of hair, kissing his way down her throat. Wrapping his hands around her slender waist. He kept seeing her naked, her dancer’s body pale, her smile luminous. The next second, Malcolm’s chatter would register, and he’d realize they were at a birthday party, that she’d given birth to their son since he’d seen her lying on his bed, waiting for him to plant a knee between her thighs and bend to suckle her small breasts. That their son, like the birthday girl, would be five years old this summer.

And then she slowed and stopped by the boards. Her
glowing smile, so much like the one he remembered, touched first Malcolm and then him. “Are you having fun?” she asked.

“Yeah!” Malcolm said. “I’m getting better. Right, Dad?”

His son’s irrepressible optimism and Rebecca’s smiling approval worked some kind of bizarre spell. All Daniel knew was that he felt…different. Lighter.

“You’re doing great. And we are definitely having fun,” he agreed, and damned if he didn’t mean it.

He couldn’t remember that many times in his life when he had realized he was actively, genuinely happy. Not just triumphant, because he’d rammed through permits he wanted or gotten a sweet deal on a chunk of acreage. Not just sexually satisfied, not amused at a turn of conversation. Happy. Big grin trying to break free. Wanting this moment to go on and on. The whole shebang.

All brought to him by a particular boy and his mom, the woman he’d been idiot enough to let get away.

D
ANIEL CAME HOME TIRED
and irritable after an inspection found shoddy electrical work on houses he was building in the East Bay. He’d walked through them with the electrical subcontractor, who had nothing but excuses. Daniel despised people who didn’t take pride in quality workmanship, and he wouldn’t tolerate any black mark against Kane Construction. He fired the guy on the spot and had to call in another electrical firm. Too little, too late. The development would now be delayed.

He grabbed his mail on the way in the door and tossed it on the kitchen table. What would be quick to make for dinner? He was too hungry to be patient. Daniel had gotten as far as opening the refrigerator door before the return address on one of the envelopes fanned across the table registered. MarTech Labs. The company running the DNA test.

He swung back and stared at the envelope. After a long moment of not reaching for it, he grimaced. What? Was he afraid if he opened it a lethal white powder would spill out?

No. Just confirmation that he wasn’t who he had always believed himself to be: a Kane, construction in his blood.

So which answer would he prefer? To find out he’d
been fathered by a man who never acknowledged him? Or that he was the son of a man who’d given him his name, his profession and not a hell of a lot else?

He swore, the sound of his own voice startling in the quiet of the kitchen. Open the damn envelope. Yea or nay, neither result changed anything meaningful.

Daniel grabbed it and tore it open. He skimmed, glad he’d read up on DNA testing enough to more or less understand the report. The conclusion was clear enough, though; he and Isabelle Carson were indeed related. Robert Carson had to be his father.

He’d expected this result. So why did he feel as if he’d just taken a fist to his gut?

He stood there, reading the report over and over until the words jumbled incomprehensibly. The pages fluttered from his hand back to the table, and he gripped the back of a chair.

Apparently, he thought with grim humor, it didn’t require a near-death experience for your life to flash before your eyes. Because that’s what was happening to him right now. Calling, “Daddy, Daddy!” and seeing a look on his father’s face so remote, it might have been dislike. Sitting at the dinner table with Vern and his new wife and knowing he didn’t belong. Waiting for the phone to ring when Dad had
promised
. The conversation with Mom when she’d expressed regret for her failings as a mother, but never said, “I panicked and married a man I didn’t love because your real father, who I do love, is married and not willing to leave his wife.”

Anger scalding him, he couldn’t understand why she hadn’t told him. Why take that secret to her grave? Didn’t he have a
right
to know who his father was?

Well, now he did, no thanks to her. No thanks to anything but the merest chance—Belle Carson bending to pick up the earring.

If not for that, Daniel was unlikely to have spent much time with her in the future. To see her in a bikini, say. Maybe Joe would have; it was possible Joe would have noticed the birthmark and thought,
Wait a minute, isn’t that like…?
But maybe not; he hadn’t seen Daniel’s in years.

Still in turmoil, Daniel flipped through the rest of the mail, then went back to the refrigerator. He still had half a jar of salsa and decided to make quesadillas. They didn’t take long to cook, and despite his turmoil he was hungry.

It was a couple of hours before he’d fully wrapped his mind around the news. Daniel tried to work, gave up and tried to read. Couldn’t concentrate on anything.

He was tempted to call Rebecca. He didn’t even know why. Would she listen only to be polite? Even assuming she gave a damn, what could she say that would help?

Finally he glanced at the clock and decided to call Belle. She was the one of the new relatives who seemed to care the most, even though the news would hardly be earth-shattering to her.
She
knew who she was, had grown up the secure and likely pampered granddaughter of Robert Carson.

He scrounged in his wallet to find the slip of paper with her phone number, then dialed. She answered after just a couple of rings. “Hello?”

“Belle, this is Daniel. Uh, Daniel Kane.”

“Oh!” She sounded breathless. “You finally heard?”

“Got the results today. Probably not a surprise. It would appear you can start calling me Uncle Daniel.”

She laughed with apparent delight. “I’m so glad!” There was a pause. “Except…”

“Except?” he prompted.

“You must have terribly mixed feelings.”

He hesitated, unsure if he wanted to talk about those feelings with this young woman, a near stranger. And yet, she’d clearly given some thought to how this would affect him, and he remembered that strange moment when they’d looked at each other after comparing birthmarks. Something had…clicked. He’d already found out that Sue Bookman was his niece, and felt nothing special. This relationship wasn’t any closer, but those matching birthmarks had inextricably tied them together.

“You could say that,” he admitted. “I thought I was prepared for this. What other reasonable explanation was there for our having identical birthmarks, especially such oddly shaped ones? But when I opened that damn thing tonight, I was still stunned and—” he pinched the bridge of his nose “—angry. How did my mother screw up her life so badly, and so many other people’s along with hers?”

“I suppose love makes us reckless.”

“You mean, stupid and heedless of consequences?” he said harshly.

“Foolish, maybe. If Matt had already been married…” She stopped. “I hope I would have had the sense not to let myself fall in love. Or not to act on it. But it’s hard to be sure.”

He only grunted.

“And Grandad deserves as much or more blame! Think about it. Wasn’t he taking advantage of your mom right after the war? I mean, there she was, a new widow and vulnerable. He was supposed to be taking care of her, and what did he do but sleep with her!” Indignation rang in her voice. “And it wasn’t as if they were swept away, that it was one crazy moment with unintended consequences.
Oh, no. Instead of…well, helping her get on with her life, he kept her as his mistress. If he ever intended to leave Grandma, he decided not to after she got pregnant with my dad. But he wanted to have his cake and to eat it, too. I think what he did is nearly unforgivable. I mean, it doesn’t sound as if he even provided financial support.”

“I don’t know,” Daniel said thoughtfully. “Once I paid her outstanding bills and probate was over, I dumped Mom’s papers in cardboard cartons and haven’t looked through any of it. It’s possible he did, at least in the early years.”

“What about after you were born?”

There was the question. Had his mother married Vern Kane because she couldn’t bear the stares and whispers of a less tolerant era, and the stigma of illegitimacy that would follow him? Because she’d already been dating Vern and knew him to be a thoughtful, steady man who would make a fine husband if only she could bring herself to love him? Because Robert Carson
hadn’t
offered financial support and she was desperate?

Or because she was equally desperate to keep him from ever knowing that she had become pregnant after one tempestuous night?

God. He hoped one night. He hoped like hell the two of them hadn’t continued an on-again, off-again affair over decades. He wanted to think better of his mother than that.

“I might do some research,” he said, realizing the idea had been in the back of his mind for a while. “All this might settle better if I had some answers.”

“I think all of us will be better off to know more. I suppose Sue and Joe and I are one step removed. It’s got to be more traumatic when it’s your mother and father, not
your grandparents. The funny thing is, Aunt Jenny has taken all this in stride.” She gave a little laugh. “Well, I guess it’s not funny—it’s her. She’s nothing like Sue. I doubt she agonizes.” She sighed. “The one who has taken it hardest is Dad.”

“So I gather. What I’ve never understood is why. He’s the only one of us who
didn’t
get any surprises.”

“I think he grew up arrogant. Jenny was adopted, he was the oldest kid. Maybe Grandma and Grandad made too much of him being the Carson. Or maybe it was all in his head.” She paused. “Do you know he and Mom are separated now? He’s…Well, a difficult man. I’ve spent too much of my life rebelling. That stupid diamond necklace has become a huge symbol to him.”

The Carson family necklace, a treasured heirloom that Sam Carson had assumed would be his after his mother died, threatened to tear the family apart. Sarah Carson had left it to Jenny instead—recompense, maybe, for all the lies. The way Daniel understood it, Sam had lost the last round in his lawsuit to reclaim possession, but nobody believed he’d given up.

“He’s brooding” was how Joe had put it.

Pip, part of that conversation, had scrunched up her nose. “Sulking, you mean.”

Daniel had seen that Sam could be charming. He didn’t know him well enough to venture an opinion on his current state of mind.

Belle, too, was still thinking about her father. She said, “Dad hated that he wasn’t the oldest son, that Adam was. Finding that out seemed to diminish him. Which is silly.”

“Has he heard about our birthmarks?”

“I’m hardly speaking to him at the moment. But I
will tell him about you. That…wow. He has yet another brother.”

“News that will thrill him.” Daniel found he was grateful that Belle and Sue
were
glad to welcome him to the family. He hadn’t needed family, God knows, but it would have been worse to learn none of these new relatives wanted anything to do with him.

Sure
, he mocked himself.
Say that again with conviction when you’re stuck at a huge Thanksgiving get-together with kids running around screaming and the men faking camaraderie while they watch football in the living room
.

Yeah, but he
did
like Joe. And Pip. With that soft New Zealand accent, she was starting to feel like someone he could relax with. Trust to make Joe happy. And Belle and Sue were okay, so maybe he would like their husbands, too, once he knew them better. Hey, he and Joe, along with Sue, would be the first to bring children to family gatherings. So he couldn’t complain much. He did like the thought that he had some family to offer to Malcolm, especially since Rebecca was estranged from her parents.

“Who cares what Dad thinks?” Belle said cavalierly. “
I
think it’s very cool that you’re my uncle Daniel, and so does Sue. And you’re young and hot, which makes it even better.”

He was surprised into a laugh. “Not so young. I’m thirty-eight.”

“Yes, but Dad is fifty-eight. So you’re closer in age to us than to our parents. And you can’t tell me women don’t fling themselves at you wherever you go.”

Damn it, now he was embarrassed. “Not that many women on construction sites.”

“Really? I thought lots were going into the trades these days. You must employ some, don’t you?”

“Mostly in the office. I did contract a female electrician today. So, yeah. They’re around.”

“Good,” she said. “I’m sure, in your position, Dad wouldn’t.”

“He doesn’t sound arrogant so much as insecure.”

“That may be, but either way I’m tired of it.” There was a note of finality in her voice. “I’m proud of Mom for leaving him.”

“We are a screwed-up family.”

“Do you know,” she said, “the funny thing is that I’d have sworn Grandad and Grandma loved each other. That she missed him terribly after he was gone. I felt…safe with them, if that makes sense. Maybe they had a bad patch when Dad was just a little kid and that’s when he became insecure about how important he was. And maybe when Grandad first brought Jenny home he thought he might be the only one who’d love her, so he paid her too much attention right when Dad was feeling like his place in the family was shaky. Kids do, when a new baby comes along.”

Yeah, Daniel supposed so, although by the time his mother had taken in Joe, Daniel hadn’t felt threatened. He’d closed himself off already. He hadn’t been jealous of how much Mom had been able to give Joe.

One thing to his credit.

“You’ve given a lot of thought to this.”

“Well, of course I have. After all, we’ve been untangling this for ages now, ever since Grandma’s attorney read us that letter.”

“Yeah, I understand that. Adam was…stunned. He’d believed all his life that his father was this war hero who would have been the dad-of-the-year if only he hadn’t died.
But no, it turns out Robert just chose not to acknowledge him. As for me…Well, the part I’ve struggled with is discovering that Mom had another baby. A baby she gave away.”

He sensed that she was nodding. “I got off easy, didn’t I?” She sounded almost rueful. “It blew Sue away. She and Joe were such close friends in high school. I think maybe Joe was in love with her. And now to find out they’re first cousins!”

“First cousins have married before. But, yeah, it would have been weird,” he conceded. “Joe told me that Sue was the one to end things, not him.”

“Now she thinks maybe she sensed something. He
does
look an awful lot like Grandad, in pictures from when he was young. So maybe that was it.”

They talked longer, but didn’t say anything important. Some of Daniel’s restlessness had subsided by the time he hung up, though. He guessed he’d just needed to talk to
someone
. Maybe anyone would have done. Then again, maybe not; he felt at ease with Belle like he did with Joe. They seemed to be sliding into friendship, which he guessed was what most of this conversation had really been about. That, and introducing him to the intricacies of this new family.

Her parents had separated, for example. He didn’t really care; the couple of times he’d met Sam Carson, Daniel hadn’t liked him. He’d been enraged when he heard that Sam had talked Adam into selling him Billy Fraser’s Medal of Honor. That medal had meant a hell of a lot to Adam, representing all he had of the man he’d believed was his father. Yeah, the medical bills were steep, but some things shouldn’t have a price.