A Natural Act (Contradictions) (12 page)

“
And there were two of them,” I point out.

“
So I just needed to be smart enough and strong enough to outwit and manoeuvre both of them,” he nods.

“
Ian didn't do anything?”

“
He did everything. He helped me realise that nobody else could help me until I was willing to help myself. My dad taught us all martial arts from a young age and I'd always enjoyed it but it was just a hobby. It was never anything more.

Ian
helped me train; become better, faster, stronger. Within a year or so of training every day with either him or the twins, I was bigger than Matt and faster than Karl.”

“
That's a long time,” I frown because he still had to struggle through those years.

“
I guess,” he shrugs noncommittally. “But the whole time felt like I was secretly winning because I was doing something about it. I wasn't just taking it. I was building on myself.”

“
What happened when you were strong enough?” I ask eager to know how he exacted his revenge.

His grin becomes cheeky and he cocks his head at me.
“What do you think happened?”

My own smile drops because the only solution I can think of involves him beating the crap out of them.

It's silly really, even though I know Craig's a fighter, the idea of him hurting somebody is abhorrent to me.

“
Nothing happened, Bella,” he whispers, tilting my chin up with his long fingers and cupping my cheek. The pad of his thumb gently grazes the curve of my cheekbone.

“
Nothing?” I breathe with a mixture of relief and confusion.

“
Nothing.” He affirms.

“
To this day I haven't fought back.”

“
What? Why?”

“
What good would it do?”

I don't know so I don't answer.

“Knowing I could defend myself was enough. If we fought, I blocked the blows. Whatever they did, I just ignored it. I was polite to them and didn't let it get to me.”

“
I don't understand,” I whisper.

“
Why?”

“
Because...” I trail off, ashamed to admit what I was thinking.

“
Tell me, Bella.”

“
Because,” I swallow. “Because I want Nigel to suffer for what he did to me.”

“
That's only natural, Bella,” he reassures me. “He made you suffer and you want him to suffer in return.”

“
It sounds so disgusting. So primal,” I admit, ashamed.

“
It is primal,” he nods. “Revenge is a primal instinct. It takes an enlightened person to forgive instead.”

“
Have you forgiven your brothers?”

“
I've forgiven myself,” he answers.

When I look at him with an utter lack of understanding, he explains.

“I've forgiven myself for not believing I was strong enough in the first place. For not trying to save myself. That's why I chose to tell you this, Bella. I know how you feel. I'm not saying I went through anything even close to what you suffered, it wasn't even in the same league. But you couldn't have been expected to fight that sort of evil, Bella. You survived and came out of it. For that you deserve a medal.”

Tears were building in my eyes as he spoke and it's all I can do to cast myself into his embrace and cry silently into the expanse of his pectoral muscles.

He understands. He knows the guilt I feel for letting myself be warped - mentally and physically - by that despicable being.

He doesn't speak any more. Instead, he scoops me up from the counter and carries me to the bedroom. Kicking the blanket out of the way, he lays down on the bed with me still against him, still holding my trembling body.

He's right. I hate myself more than I hate Nigel but it shouldn't be that way. Craig could have taken revenge and beaten his tormentors as retribution.

But he didn't.

Instead, he accepted his internal strength and used the core of what he was to become a better person. He embraced who he was and this power became a ladder to climb above those who tried to bring him down.

He forgave.

“I don't think I'm strong enough to ever forgive him,” I whisper once my body has stilled and I'm thoroughly relaxed in my favourite place. In his arms.

“
I don't think I could either,” Craig sighs. “Almost killed you, Bella.”

I nod because I know that all too well.

“I wanted him to,” I admit because I owe him that much after all he's just told me.

“
Know that, lady,” He replies on a sigh. “Saw it in your eyes.”

“
You did?” I whimper because I hate that he saw that side of me.

“
But I also saw that flicker of mischief in your expression when you cracked wise even in that state.”

“
I saw something in your eyes too,” I admit, more to myself than him. I didn’t really mean to say it out loud.

“
You did?” He recoils slightly, eyeing me warily. At least I think he’s weary. It’s hard to tell because they shields are sky high once more.

I nod semi-reluctantly.
“I haven’t figure out what it was yet.”

His tense shoulders relax somewhat and a cheeky grin makes its welcome return.
“Good luck with that.”

I stick my tongue out at him because
I’ll figure it out even if I have to tie him down and force it out of him.

I shake my head rapidly and try to dismiss images of him semi-naked, tied to a chair, and at my will.

“Anyway,” his grin softens as he sobers. “I think everyone goes through something which pushes them to breaking point once in their life. It’s called character building. It’s natural to get to a point where the physical or emotional pain is too much for you to handle. It’s natural to want that pain to end.”

I swallow thickly because it’s what I wanted but it was the easy way to end it. The coward’s way.

“Bella, look at me,” Craig demands. “It’s natural. It’s human. It’s not something you hold against yourself. And you know what?”

“
What?” I whisper, rendered almost speechless by the conviction with which he speaks.

“
I’m proud of you for pushing past that. I’m proud of you for wanting better. I’m proud of you for choosing to live.”

“
I didn’t chose to live,” I mumble, feeling unworthy of his praise.

“
Doctor, lady,” he reminds. “I know how this shit works.”

“
What does being a doctor have to do with it?” I frown.

“
You’d be surprised how much of the fight to survive is mental. Choosing to live, choosing to fight for your life, will always be the hardest option, but it’s the most rewarding. You’re here right now because you chose to be.”

It’s hard to explain my feelings as I listen to Craig speak. It’s as though he’s speaking to me on every level; emotional, physical, spiritual, and atomic. His words are a blanket around me at the same time they are microscopic particles which travel through every cell of my being, warming me from the inside out.

My gratitude and appreciation knows no bounds. So overwhelming are my feelings that I have no words.

What I do have is desire.

I have that by the lorry load.

The meal we’re cooking goes forgotten as I follow him back to the kitchen. I grab onto the toggles of his hoody to pull him close.

I barely give him chance to react before I press my lips to his greedily, praying he doesn’t push me away.

He stills for a second before his gigantic forearms encircle my waist, holding me tightly against him.

His lips part and brush against mine as he emits a low groan.

The pocket cucumber is back and it’s pressed right up against the seam of my jeans.

My brain doesn’t consider what it means that I’m grinding against it whilst my arms blindly find their way into
his jumper.

I’ve mischievously placed my hands on him during feigned sleep but not like this.

Oh God. Never like this.

His muscles physically strain against the palms of my hand
s as he lifts my body until my feet are off the floor.

I don’t miss a beat as our tongues become acquainted and I make sure my fingers explore the dips and grooves of his back.

Craig took me to have my cast removed earlier that week and I’ve never been so grateful to have the full use of my limbs. Even if he did nearly grind his teeth away watching the circular saw remove the heavy weight from my arm.

My legs instinctively move to around his waist and the throbbing beat of the
drums that have taken up residency in my southernly region is driving me to distraction as he emits a deep, carnal groan.

“
Craig,” I manage to whisper my plea against his moistened lips. It’s a plea for more.

I
crave more of him.

“
Bella,” he growls in reply. “Tell me to stop, lady.”

His is a plea as well.

“Please don’t,” I whimper in response.

“
Need you to stop me, Bella.”

“
Need you to carry on, Craig,” I reply, tugging him closer to me by grasping the band of his boxers.

“
Fuck,” he moans, placing my behind on the worktop.

The second my cheeks meet the butcher’s block counter, his lips are on my neck and his hands are grasping my buttoned shirt, pulling in both directions.

The sound of the small plastic buttons from my now destroyed garment bouncing off the hardwood floor is music to my ears. A symphony to rival the classics.

His large hands graze the thin fabric of the shirt, brushing against my petite, hardened nipples before the
material is pulled back and the swollen mounds of my chest are revealed to him once more.

His to
ngue follows the curve of my neck, gently grazing the skin. It’s so sensual that it sends a shiver through me and I return the favour by pressing kisses to any and all parts of him that I can reach.

He’s nestled between my legs as his rough palms trace my collarbones, rib cage,
and stomach.

His hands are everywhe
re but where I need them.

Until they’re not.

They’re cupping my breasts firmly, testing the weight of the tender flesh and applying pressure as he pushes the two swollen globes closer together.

He utters a moan of appreciation as he buries his face between the two, drawing in a deep breath through his nose and inhaling my
scent before he draws the peaked buds of my nipples between his teeth, grazing them before releasing them and sucking them into the inferno of his mouth to sooth them with swift flicks of his talented tongue.

I whimper needily, clasping his neck to draw him closer because I don’t know what I’ll do if he stops.

He surprises me by reaching up to ease my hands away, taking each hand and intertwining my fingers with his own.

My chest rises and falls to the beat of a rapid tattoo
as I look at him in confusion. It felt so right to have my hands on him, feeling the throb of blood beneath his heated skin as he lapped at my breasts with a ravenous zeal.

He winks as he places my hands firmly on the edge of the worktop, giving them a gentle squeeze as he backs away.

“Gonna need to hold on to that, lady.”

I don’t have chance to ask what he means before his lips are on mine once more
. I’m so focussed on the fervent movement of his lips that I almost miss the way his palms graze over the skin of my thighs, edging the hem of my skirt further up my legs.

“
Craig,” I groan into his mouth but he captures the speech before any real sound can form.

“
This flat is practically soundproof,” he informs me before he winks again and I’m hit with his full force bad boy charm as he squats between my legs.

I open my mouth to tell him I’m
pretty quiet but I’m silenced as his hands deftly grab my knickers on each side, ripping the fabric from my body without even the slightest of pressure on my skin.

My open mouth remains so as he holds my gaze, lowering his face between my legs.

His tongue licks up the centre of my slit, gently parting me with his hot heat.

I groan involuntarily as that heat reaches my pleasure centre, pulling the flesh of my clit into his mouth and flicking the tip of his tongue around it.

He alternates between rapid flicks and slow, deep licks and my fingers are almost crushing the worktop as I fight to maintain my balance.

The urge to grind my hips closer to the source of soul-shaking pleasure is overwhelming and it takes everything I have not to wrap my thighs around
his neck and trap him against my core.

He pulls away and winks at me as he slowly eases one finger inside me, probing at the readily moistened depths and rotating his digit to massage my inner muscles.

“You were right,” he breathes, watching my face as he lowers his mouth between my thighs once more. “Definitely something special about yours. You’re like honey, lady.”

The reference to our catheter discussion barely registers because his finger begins rapidly pulsing inside me at the same time his teeth gently nibble at my labia.

By the time his lips have reconnected with my clit, my preconceptions about being a quiet person are so far out the window that they’ve reached Neverland.

My screams reverberate against the wall
s as Craig begins humming against me, the vibrations travelling through the electric nerve endings and down my spine, permeating every inch of my body with sheer, animalistic pleasure.

My body vibrates as my climax rocks through me; every fibre of every muscle tense with ecstasy.

I’ve never tried drugs of any kind but I imagine this is beyond the reach of any chemical high. This is sexual ecstasy unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

An orgasm to rival all others.

My breathing is laboured as Craig rises, embracing my waist and holding my body against his, providing me with much needed vertical support once more.

Craig makes his way from my chest to my neck with gentle kisses, soothing my heavy breathing as he cradles me in his arms.

I’ve spent so many weeks lusting after this man that my post-orgasmic bliss feels unreal. I can’t believe that just happened and I can’t wait to get my breath back so I can return the favour.

I’ve never particular
ly enjoyed going down on a man - in fact it’s something I feared in my previous relationship – but there’s little to no fear with Craig.

My Guardian Angel.

I reach for his belt and smile with a shocking amount of shyness considering I’m sat with my breasts out in a ripped shirt with no knickers and my skirt hiked up around my waist

“
Just don’t hold my head,” I beg as I begin shuffling off the edge of the worktop.

Craig frowns, pulling my body against his as he helps me down from the work surface.

“What you talkin’ about lady?” He cocks his head at me with a wrinkle between his brows.

“
I want to,” I insist more confidently. “Just… please don’t hold my head.”

The idea of having all that masculine power within my grasp is far more enticing than the fear I usually associate with this situation.

“You’re not going down on me, Bella,” Craig chuckles. There’s no humour in his eyes though. Only concern.

“
I want to,” I repeat adamantly.

“
Know that, lady,” he smirks. “But now’s not the time.”

“
But-”

He cuts me off by pressing his lips to mine once again. There’s less passion but just as much feeling as his lips tenderly caress mine.

“It’s enough for me to hear you scream my name, lady.”

“
I did not,” I start to protest but he breaks out a full on grin.

“
Very loudly,” he continues.

I shake my head adamantly but honestly I have no idea. My body and mind were lost in the moment.

“Fucking loved it, lady,” he chuckles. “Don’t be shy about it.”

“
I’m not,” I protest but I’m sure my radiating cheeks say otherwise.

He just grins and gently kisses me once more. The back of his hand tangled amongst the roots of my hair.

I can feel the solid proof of his arousal against me and his reluctance to resolve the situation is a mystery to me.

He takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders winkin
g at me as he takes a step back.

“
Now,” he smiles with a hint of smugness. “Why don’t you go take a shower and slip into something that I haven’t ripped apart whilst I sort out the rest of dinner.” He gestures to the now slightly overcooked meal we’d begun.

“
But-”

“
Shower,” he insists firmly, placing his hands on my shoulders and guiding me towards the door to the shower.

I feel rejected until he spins me around, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead as he whispers a thank you against my skin.

I’m not sure what he’s thanking me for. I definitely have a million thank-yous on the tip of my tongue but I’m blushing too hard to get them out so I just nod and smile like an idiot as I go off to do his bidding.

As the hot water washes over my skin I have no idea what to make of what
just happened.

I don’t know what it means for me or us and I have a feeling Craig
is overthinking it. I need to put him at ease and let him know it doesn’t matter.

He’s already said he isn’t looking for a relationship and I don’t want to lose him from my life so I’ll can take what I can get. Scraps of Craig or heaven to the hell he saved me from.

I don’t really want to wash his scent away from me but the grime of the day needs to go and I know I’ll be wrapped up with him in bed tonight and his scent will be upon me once more.

I contemplate spending much longer in the shower and having a good soak but the urge to get back in the same room as my knight who looks great without armour is too tempting,