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Authors: Kim Boykin

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Talking to Remmy at the end of the day had become my reward for looking after the sisters. No matter how fearful or tired or exasperated I was, hearing his voice made me feel better. Gave me hope that I could change because even now the idea of returning to Camden, returning to him, was terrifying. But with Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana between us, I could relax, enjoy the easy conversation, how safe he made me feel.

But there was a tightness in his voice; the way he said my name said something was wrong. “Remmy, are you okay?”

“Mr. Buck died today.”

“Oh, Remmy, I’m so sorry.”

“Stubborn old coot had pneumonia and was complaining his chest hurt; wouldn’t let me admit him to the hospital when I checked on him last night. I went by his house this morning and found him on the floor. Pretty sure it was a heart attack.”

“Remmy, it’s not your fault.”

“It is my fault. I should have called his son Cletus, who acts like he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the old man. They fought all the time, but at least Cletus would have made Buck go to the hospital. Shoot, I all but forced him in my car to take him myself, but he still wouldn’t budge. After that, I came back to the office, hoping you’d call.”

“Oh, God, Remmy, I’m—”

“Stop right there. I’m not blaming you, Nettie. I just wanted to tell you what happened.” He hadn’t mentioned a thing about Mr.
Buck last night. I suspected that Remmy was accustomed to everyone relying on him, and it wasn’t easy for him to rely on someone else. Another thing we had in common. “I canceled my patients the rest of the day and sat by this phone, waiting for you to call because I needed to hear your voice.”

I felt every mile, every inch between us. I wanted to be with him, comfort him, help him the way he’d helped me. “If Buck didn’t want to go to the hospital, Remmy, you couldn’t have made him.”

“You’re right.” His voice was so thick with regret, it was breaking my heart. “Folks come to me and expect me to fix them. Makes me feel a little bit like God until God reminds me I can’t fix anyone, especially someone I really care about. Then I feel like shit.”

“But you do help people, Remmy.” It was one of the things I loved most about him. “You helped me.”

“Not sure that counts, Nettie. You’re not nearly as broken as you think you are.”

25
E
MILY

D
id you see the train station?” Lurleen smeared orange marmalade over her toast, took a bite, and closed her eyes for the sugar rush.

Emily had seen the station on their walk about the city yesterday. It was surprisingly large for a town the size of Palestine, and if she hadn’t seen it, she would be more than aware of its presence with trains coming and going at all hours. “Yes, Sister,” Emily said. “Would you like to take the train back instead of the bus?”

“I believe I would. We could get a sleeper car, break up the trip into two days instead of three.”

“But the train doesn’t go all the way to Camden,” Emily said.

“True enough,” Lurleen said. “We could always call Pastor Gray to fetch us from Columbia or I’m sure a certain young doctor would be more than happy to pick us up and take us home to Camden.”

With the exception of her class trip to Folly Beach, neither Emily
nor Lurleen had ever been more than a hundred miles or so from Camden. Lurleen had always talked about traveling, perusing books at the library about faraway places and daydreaming about visiting. Emily had wanted to too, but never did. There was always the notion that someday, Teddy would come home, and she wanted to be there to welcome him. Throw her arms around him and never let go.

The only reason she’d suggested this trip was for Lurleen. Even then it was hard to leave, because an inkling of hope that Brother was alive and well would always live as long as Emily did. The back door would remain unlocked. She’d even left his favorite banana pudding in the refrigerator, just in case. Although, she suspected when she got home, it would be brown and ruined and untouched.

“I can ask Remmy when I call him tonight,” Nettie said.

“In my day, a woman didn’t telephone a man. It was indecent,” Emily said.

“And why didn’t we?” Miss Lurleen asked. “What difference does it make who calls whom?”

“It’s simply a rule, the very definition of decency,” Emily snapped before turning her attention to Nettie. “There is a fine art to courtship and flirtation, Nettie, and—”

“And if Emily actually knew what that art was, she might well be married instead of being an old maid like me.” Lurleen winked at Nettie.

“Bite your tongue, Sister,” Emily snapped. “We are
not
old maids.”

“I think we are the very definition,” Lurleen said.

•   •   •

I
t was good to see Lurleen rested, laughing, poking fun, even if it was at Emily’s expense. After a day and a half of lazing around Palestine, Emily was still exhausted and disappointed, although
Lurleen’s nonchalance over this pointless trip served to quell the latter.

It was good to get out and see the town that ended up being the prize at the end of their journey. It was a charming place with a lot of things a young person like Nettie would have probably enjoyed if she wasn’t saddled with Emily and Lurleen. On her walk about town, Emily noticed a horde of cute boys hanging out at Heck’s Drive In. If Nettie had any sense, she’d catch the eye of the most handsome one and get him to take her to dinner or maybe to see
Monkey Business
playing at the Texas Theatre near the bus station.

As long as she lived, if Emily never saw a bus again, it would be too soon, although she’d never tell Sister that. But if she absolutely had to, she would grit her teeth and ride that Greyhound all the way back to Camden. The only difference, this time, she would forgo the motel experience, because she’d had quite enough of those as well.

Emily was more than happy to give Nettie her and Lurleen’s bus tickets to trade in along with enough cash to pay the difference for the train fare. Nettie returned with the tickets and a train schedule, and they planned their route home over dinner.

“The beaches of
Biloxi.
Sounds exotic, doesn’t it? Have you ever been there, Nettie?” Lurleen asked.

“No ma’am. Sometimes my family would go to the beach in Mobile. It’s about a half hour from Satsuma; we just went for the day.”

“Oh, and let’s remember to find the bookstore the gentleman at the front desk told us about,” Lurleen said. “I believe it was Swift & Holmes. I want to get a book for the trip.”

“Yes ma’am,” Nettie said. “Would you like for me to pick one out for you?”

“We’ll both go; I’d love to see the inside of a bookstore once more before I—” Lurleen looked at Emily and glossed over her certain death with a smile. “Of course you’re welcome to come too, Sister.”

Oh, let them have their fun; Emily didn’t want or need the invitation to their little club. Looking over the brochure-like map, her finger landed squarely on Alabama. “Mobile sounds especially lovely, compared to
Biloxi
. Perhaps we should go there instead,” she said, trying to get a rise out of Nettie. Usually Emily’s verbal jabs felt wicked and good, but the words only left her feeling a bit guilty.

Anyone with eyes was well aware of the girl’s aversion to Alabama. Nettie had been nothing but nice to Emily, fulfilling her promise to be both nurse and caretaker. And friend. As hard as Emily had been, Nettie had never returned her unkindness. Not once.

“You’re right, Sister,” Emily said. “Biloxi does sound exotic. I’m sure the ocean is especially beautiful there. We can stay at a hotel on the beach and have our toes in the sand by suppertime tomorrow.”

N
ETTIE

I
scurried around, pulling myself together along with my things, wishing I had packed the night before. I hadn’t fallen asleep until almost morning. Maybe it was the naps I’d taken to catch up on my rest from what had seemed like a never-ending bus ride. Or maybe it was Remmy’s words that he needed me rolling around in my head. I’d never had that with Brooks. We just were. Always together because that’s the way it was. We were a handsome couple who were
bound together for so long, our friends expected us to be that way forever. I had accepted the natural progression and never questioned it. Not once.

Did that mean I never loved Brooks? Did that mean I’d never been in love before? Of course I’d been in love or what he’d done wouldn’t have hurt so bad. But it wasn’t the wound that he’d caused that kept me from healing; it was Sissy’s part that stung hard. Throbbed, competing with the love I had for her.

The shrill ring of the bedside phone startled me, but I should have grown accustomed to it. After Miss Emily figured out she could order me around by the house phone as easily as in person, she’d used it often over the course of our trip.

“Good morning,” I said, steeling myself for one of her jabs.

“Hey.”

“Remmy?”

“Did I get you at a bad time?”

“I’m getting ready to catch the train back to South Carolina. How did you know to call here?”

“You said you were staying at the Redlands, and there’s only one of those in Palestine. Only one Nettie Gilbert for sure.”

“They’d almost hang you if they heard you saying it that way. The looks we get when one of us lets it slip. I think Miss Emily does it on purpose just so she can glare right back.” When he laughed my heart fluttered, the same sensation traveling down to my belly. “Feel better today?”

“So now you’re playing doctor,” he laughed. “Why, yes, Doctor Gilbert; I do feel better just hearing your voice. But I still miss you; still want you home.”

“You say that like you belong in Camden now,” I teased.

“Long as you’re here, it sure feels that way,” he said. “I turned down the job in Columbia.”

“Remmy. You said that job was everything you ever wanted.”

“I thought so, but when I thought about leaving patients like Miss Lurleen in someone else’s hands, I just couldn’t do it.”

“As long as you’re happy with your decision.”

“I am and I’m happy with you. When are you coming back?”

“Unless the sisters extend their beach trip in Biloxi, we should be back in Columbia Sunday evening. I’m supposed to ask if you’d mind picking us up.”

“You’re asking an awful lot, Nettie.”

“I’m sorry. I—”

“It’ll be impossible not to kiss you hello in front of the sisters. I’m not making any promises about being decent in their eyes, but you can bet I’ll be there.”

“Miss Lurleen’s disappointed we’ll be coming in in the evening. She wanted to ride in your car with the top down.”

“Convertible works just as well at night as it does during the day.” He laughed. “I’m looking forward to showing you, alone.”

“I’d like that.”

There was a long silence and he blew out a breath. “That’s good to know, Nettie Gilbert. Does that mean you’re done running?”

I’d only known Remmy a few weeks, and already he knew me better than anyone ever did, and sometimes better than I knew myself. He’d pegged me as a runner from the beginning. The question was, did I want to run back to him? No, I was done running. I would get on that train, glide through Alabama without her raising the first hackle. And when I saw Remmy, I would dash purposefully into his open arms.

“Yes,” I said.

“Then come home to me.”

•   •   •

T
he cabbie picked us up at the hotel and deposited us at the train station. The sisters were as giddy as schoolgirls, excited about traveling in the comfort of the train with our own roomette. The tall, lanky porter showed us to our berth, pointing out the luxuries along the way. The sisters settled in and gabbed nonstop after we pulled out of the station.

I watched the scenery go by. Squatty Texas trees changing to slightly taller, scant-looking, bald cypresses as the train crossed into Louisiana. The train stopped in New Orleans, and a horde of people filed onto the platform.

Aunt Madge, Uncle Doak’s wife, was from New Orleans and had always talked about how much better it was than Satsuma, better than the entire state of Alabama, she claimed. Nobody much liked her thinly veiled complaints, but then no one uttered a word in defense, including me, for fear that she’d get angry and stop making the Creole jambalaya from her mother’s side of the family and handmade boudin sausages and other Cajun dishes from her daddy’s side that made every last one of us beg for more.

From the rail yard, New Orleans didn’t look any different from any other town we’d passed through, but the best thing about the Big Easy was we would be in Biloxi in a couple of hours. Train travel suited all of us. It was my first time, and I liked having room to ourselves as well as a dining car with excellent meals. Miss Emily looked completely rested, so much better than she did back in Palestine, and Miss Lurleen wasn’t as short of breath as she’d been since we’d begun our trip.

Wouldn’t Remmy be surprised if the trip that was supposed to kill her had actually made her better? But then he’d made very sure I knew that wasn’t possible.

Miss Emily gasped and threw her hand over her chest. “Oh, my, Sister! We don’t have proper bathing attire.”

“If you think I’m getting in some kind of beach getup at my age, Sister, you’ve got another thing coming,” Miss Lurleen snorted. “The very idea.” Her laughter turned into a cackle, and Miss Emily and I joined in loud and hearty enough to be heard in the dining car three cars over.

“I’m having the best time,” Miss Emily said when she came down from her laughing fit. “I feel like we’re throwing ourselves a party.”

“And why the hell not?” Miss Lurleen said, setting them off again.

26
E
MILY

E
mily kept a close watch on Lurleen and kept her entertained; she didn’t want to nod off and miss sister’s seeing the ocean for the first time. Of course they’d seen plenty of water along the way, the mighty Mississippi, Lake Pontchartrain, but she knew nothing would compare with the endless expanse of the Gulf of Mexico. Except maybe the Atlantic. Yes, if Emily could give Lurleen anything, it would be the Atlantic Ocean tied up in a colorful bow. But after this trip, dragging Lurleen east of Camden just to see the ocean would be pressing her luck, and now, Emily only wanted for Sister what she wanted for herself. To die at peace surrounded by her precious things at home.

Yes, the gulf would have to do. And when the train reached the tip of Mississippi and it came into view, it did not disappoint. She shimmered in all her magnificence like a Mississippi belle who
couldn’t decide whether to wear her most beautiful blue gown or her very stunning green one, so she’d worn both. As the scant few clouds moved over the expanse, pockets of water took on a striking cobalt color, some a gunmetal gray. And the sand was like someone had spilled millions of bags of sugar, and looked so different from the grayish-colored sand on beaches back home in South Carolina.

“Holy Lord,” Sister whispered, grabbing Emily’s hand. Lurleen absolutely glowed with wonder and Emily couldn’t wait for Sister to feel the water swirling around her ankles, the sugar-white sand between her toes.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Emily gave Sister’s hand a squeeze as the gulf showed off like the prettiest girl at the dance. Glittering. Beautiful.

“Thank you, Sister,” Lurleen said. And Emily felt like her own heart might burst right then and there over Lurleen’s delight.

“It is beautiful,” Nettie affirmed.

“Thank you.” Emily’s words tumbled out, almost startling the poor girl. Emily offered an apologetic smile. “We could never have done this without you. And I’m not completely sure we could have found another fool for our folly.”

Lurleen threaded her hand in Nettie’s and raised their clasped hands up. “These are the only fools I care to folly with.”

The train pulled into the station, and Emily had the cab take them to the best beachfront hotel in Biloxi, which turned out to be the Savoy. Emily asked for a single room with two beds and a rollaway, her way of including Nettie in the slumber party. And Nettie had certainly earned that privilege.

The bellman took their bags to their rooms, and they’d taken
turns changing out of their traveling clothes. Nettie was in those dreadful pedal pushers again, but so be it. Lurleen wore the blue dress that matched her eyes, the one Emily had picked out for Lurleen to be buried in. Although she hadn’t shared that with Lurleen, and Sister was never as particular about what she wore as Emily was. Of course Lurleen had drug that horrible gray suit along, but Emily was only too happy to save her sister from yet another fashion faux pas.

Each armed with a towel, they marched down to the lobby and out onto the huge veranda that overlooked the beach. Of course it was the gulf, and the waves were making a pitiful effort to be heard. Yes, if Emily could change one thing, which was always a caveat because she could
never
just change
one
thing, she would make the waves a little bigger. The ocean a little louder. The sky a little bluer. But just for Lurleen so that when she got to heaven and looked down on Emily, maybe she would remember only the good things. How very much Emily loved her.

Sister was trembling when her feet touched the sand and even faltered a little, almost pulling Emily down, making her heart beat so fast, she felt light-headed, but to be honest, Emily wasn’t sure who was pulling down whom. Nettie steadied Lurleen, who did the same for Emily, and the three of them continued their march down to the surf, which for the love of God could have had a little more oomph to it.

When they got to the edge of the water, Lurleen didn’t stop. Laughing, squealing, she walked right in until the water swirled around the tops of their thighs. By now, Emily’s hand was numb, Sister was holding on so tight. Emily couldn’t speak; there were no
words for this moment. Every puny wave that pushed against them swayed Lurleen.

Emily’s vision began to blur. She blinked hard and it cleared just long enough to see Lurleen’s jubilant face. Emily’s heart literally burst with joy, and the last thing she saw before she left the earth was the love in her sister’s eyes.

L
URLEEN

L
urleen couldn’t stop laughing until she saw Emily’s face droop. She knew what was happening. She screamed at Nettie to help her get Emily back to the shore, but it was too late. The lifeguard on the beach pulled Emily out of the water; he turned her on her side and beat her back to try to get her to cough up the water, but Lurleen knew she hadn’t drowned. She was already gone before she collapsed into the surf.

Lurleen crumpled by Emily’s side, and Nettie did the same for Lurleen until the ambulance arrived and took Emily away. She and Nettie sat on the beach for what must have been hours before Nettie got up and wordlessly extended her hand to Lurleen. They went into the hotel, where the staff hovered over them until they reached their room. Lurleen couldn’t open the door, just pressed her forehead against it and started to cry again. Nettie was sobbing for an old woman who until today had never been nice to her, and she was crying for Lurleen because she’d lost her sister again. Forever.

Just last night, Lurleen had lain awake on the train, planning on
telling Emily the secret she’d intended to take to her grave. She was going to wait until after they checked into the beach hotel and saw the ocean together. Ask Nettie to give them some privacy, and then she was going to tell Emily one of those detectives they’d doled out all that money to had actually found Teddy. In prison in West Virginia.

But the closer they got to Biloxi, the harder it was to even think about speaking the truth. And why do it now? To unburden Lurleen’s own soul? Why, she had never seen Emily so happy as she’d been since they got on the train, so absolutely flush with excitement, gasping for breath as they laughed over the silliest things. That was the way she wanted to remember her sister. Not brokenhearted. Not broken like she surely would have been if she’d known what had happened to Teddy.

Of course it was none of Emily’s doing. Brother had set his course for destruction long before he left home. He started getting into trouble before he turned fifteen, vandalism, stealing. He hung out with a rough crowd, a bunch of hoodlums, mostly older than him, who drank, gambled, and pulled sick pranks. Alcohol and Teddy became good friends by the time he was sixteen, but they never agreed with each other. It made Brother mean and destructive to anyone who got anywhere near him.

Word around town said that same rough crowd, part young men, part juveniles, had gotten drunk and then turned four dogs loose in Albert Jessup’s turkey farm. They watched as the dogs went on a killing spree, leaving hundreds of birds dead in a matter of minutes. Up until then, Brother’s antics hadn’t harmed anyone but himself and Mother, who grieved his descent into madness to her deathbed
and beyond, but Jessup wanted retribution. Rather than go to jail, Teddy left the morning of his birthday without so much as a word.

Lurleen had gotten up that morning to find his bed made, his rucksack missing. He’d roamed as far as West Virginia and had taken a job in the coalmines in Mucklow. Believing he was a murderer because of John’s death and Mama’s, one by accident, the other slow and painful. He’d proven himself right in a bar fight and had barely made it to nineteen before he killed a man.

He went quietly to prison, and waited to be executed. Two years’ worth of letters from Lurleen were never returned to her, but she doubted he’d ever read any them. She’d even called the prison and spoken to the warden, explained everything about John, about Teddy’s alcoholism, his feeling responsible for Mama’s death. The warden liked Teddy and agreed to let Lurleen speak to him by phone, but Teddy had refused.

And in case Lurleen had any ideas about coming up to see him, Teddy had told the warden he’d exercise the only right he had left and refuse to see her.

“I’m sure he loves you; he just doesn’t want you to see him like this,” the warden had said. Although, Lurleen doubted Teddy had said so. “He says he’s ready to die, ma’am.”

Of course he was. He’d been ready to die since he was fourteen and errantly pulled the trigger, killing John Young. It’d taken him seven years to fulfill his own destiny, and, as much as Lurleen hated it, on his birthday, February 16, Lurleen had honored his last wish and let him go home to Mama and Daddy alone.

The warden called the house when the execution was over. Lurleen had been waiting by the phone. He expressed his
condolences, said there were folks who belonged in prison, but even with what Brother had done, he didn’t believe Teddy was one of them. Lurleen hung up the phone and went upstairs to Teddy’s room. She threw herself on his bed and sobbed into his pillow until she collected herself. She went downstairs to break the ridiculous silence she’d kept for seven years to constantly remind Emily everything horrible that had happened was her fault. Even though years ago, Lurleen had admitted to herself that what had happened was nobody’s fault.

Emily was standing in front of the refrigerator, in stocking feet, all dolled up from one of her many dates that she never allowed to go beyond a free meal and gay conversation. There was a tune on the radio, Lurleen couldn’t remember what it was, but Sister was shuffling her feet and singing. Happy. Until she looked up and saw Lurleen standing there.

Her face went as blank as Lurleen’s had every time Emily had looked at her throughout seven years of silence. During that time, Mama had passed. Lurleen had handled all of the arrangements because Emily was crushed. But Lurleen never uttered a consoling word, never laid a hand on her sister. The silence had continued so long, Lurleen didn’t know how to stop it because it had become as much a part of her and Emily as their sisterhood.

And God knows, Emily had long since given up on ever hearing Lurleen speak to her again. She had accepted her punishment without protest because she felt she deserved it. And if she didn’t believe that from the beginning, Lurleen’s refusal to acknowledge her existence reinforced the point.

“There’s some banana pudding on the top shelf,” Lurleen said. It
was a stupid thing to say. Of course there was pudding. Always on Brother’s birthday, courtesy of Emily, who believed with all her heart Teddy was alive and well and would come bursting through the door and devour the whole bowl before tearing up the piano that remained silent long after Lurleen’s armistice.

“Are you speaking to me again, Sister?” Emily whispered.

“Yes, I believe I am,” Lurleen had said like they’d just had the longest conversation and she was tired, so very tired.

From that moment forward, Emily never once mentioned Lurleen’s silence, she just accepted that things would go back to being the way they’d always been, and she was so happy, there was no point in telling her what had happened to Brother. Besides, Lurleen was so ashamed that she’d kept his whereabouts and his death a secret because she had robbed Emily of Teddy as surely as Lurleen had been robbed of John.

Even as anguished as Teddy had become, he loved Emily best. She always found a way to comfort him when he tormented himself. They had a special bond he and Lurleen didn’t share. Emily was his favorite, and he would have done anything for her if he could have. He would never have deliberately taken another man’s life. He would never have left home. He would have sobered up. But he was so very sick and could do none of those things.

In the beginning, Lurleen never intended to protect Emily from any of this. She wanted her to feel the blame, the hatred Lurleen had for her. Keeping Brother from her for spite had been a much more potent payback.

But paybacks are indeed hell, and Lurleen could almost see the ends of the tethers of her life. It wouldn’t be long now. She knew it was selfish to let Emily leave this world without knowing Teddy was
finally at peace. Spineless. And Emily had deserved to know the truth. Still, Lurleen couldn’t come right out and tell her face-to-face, for Lurleen was indeed a coward of the worst kind.

She was going to wait. Wait until the time was right. Wait until Lurleen was settled in her bed back home. Wait for that quiet moment, just after Emily had turned out the lights and said good night. The pregnant pause just before the door closed. Lurleen was going to tell her. All of it. But she couldn’t. Emily was gone.

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