A Penny's Worth (20 page)

“Thank-you.”

Whirling around, she found Dr Bruck
standing behind her with a look of amusement.

She put a hand to her mouth and
stammered, “I didn’t know anyone was out here.”

He took a step closer. “It’s so
refreshing to see a person with goodwill toward man. You’re in a jolly good
mood.”

She said with a gleeful snort, “I like
Pig Out. All the pigs are so cute in there. Have you ever had the three pound
pulled pork sandwich?”

“No, I can’t say that I have. Are you
hankering for one?”

“Not on your life. I’m not hankering to
find my face plastered on the Pork of Fame.” She swayed sideways and put a hand
on the railing.

Dr Bruck stepped in even closer. He was
so close that she could smell his aftershave. A big knot of nerves hit the pit
of her stomach, and she stared at him with wide eyes.

“Are you hankering for this then?” He
leaned forward until his lips found hers. His arms surrounded her as if he was
wrapping her for Christmas. Closing her eyes, she opened herself up to the
kiss. She had wanted it, fantasized about it since she first saw him at
Fernfair. Her arms slid around his waist, and she kissed him back with
everything she had. She waited to feel swept away with fevered passion. She
waited, and waited, and kissed him with all of her being, but there was
nothing. Not a stir, not a flutter.

The only feeling that swept over her was
extreme nausea. She pulled away from the delicious doc, and threw up all over
his Italian leather loafers. He jumped back, exclaiming something that sounded
like a German curse.

She didn’t answer him, as she was still
throwing up. As if detached from the moment, she wondered how she would cope
with the humiliation that would inevitably follow.

Dr Bruck said briskly, “I’ll get one of
your friends,” and sloshed back into the restaurant.

In her drunken and sick haze, she twigged
that if Dr Bruck had been the one for her, he would have leaned over and put a
hand on her shoulder, maybe even helped her up and sat her on the front steps.
Her body may have been responding correctly toward a man that had never
addressed her by her name. She stood on the front lawn of Pig Out, feeling an
enormous sense of relief that the nausea had passed.

Alyssa came running out the front door to find her
slumped on the front steps. Penny heard her gasp, “Oh, shit, Penny.” Her
follow-up laugh was an almost delighted sniggle of fun as she pointed down to
the front steps. “Would you look at this mess you made girlfriend? Are you
okay?”

Penny turned toward her friend and
replied, “Even if Dr Bruck had the hugest, most enormous penis in the whole
wide world, I still wouldn’t like him.”

Mike, who had just appeared at the top of
the steps, laughed out loud. “We better get this one home, pronto.”

With a struggle, they folded her into Mike’s
Dodge Dart and packed her back to her apartment. She snoozed most of the way,
occasionally resurfacing to mutter, “I love you so much.”

“We love you back tenfold,” Mike said as
he tried to yank off her boots.

“No,” she slurred, “But I really, really,
love you really, so much. So many people have puked on my shoes you know. Payback’s
a bitch.”

Josephine shook her head slowly. “She is
totally trashed.”

“I don’t really speak to my family
anymore you know. I haven’t seen them in a really, really, long time.”

“Okay,” Josephine said slowly. “If you’re
going to continue, try to leave out the word really.”

Laughing and snorting, she slumped over
to the side of her couch. “I don’t mind because it was me who wanted the split.
It’s kind of like a divorce.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” Mike offered.
“Just please, don’t get sick again okay?”

“I promise I won’t.” She made the sign of
the cross on her chest. “Swear to God and hope to die. Did you know that I
puked on Bruck’s shoes?”

“We do,” Alyssa said with a smile. “You’re
going to wake up feeling pretty lousy in the morning.”

“I wonder how he’s going to feel about
that? You know, having me throw up on his shoes and all. I really don’t miss my
family so much and do you want to know why?”

“Sure we do,” Mike piped in.

“I don’t miss them,” she declared as she
waved her arms in excitement, “because they don’t give me that special place in
their heart that they give to everyone else.” She turned around to look at
Alyssa who was sitting beside her on the couch. “I am special too you know.
Everyone in the whole world deserves a special place, somewhere,” her right
hand flopped down as she added, “or they will wilt like a dying flower.”

“Yes, you definitely would wilt,” Alyssa
agreed with a nod of her head.

“I mean,” Penny continued, warming to the
subject, “your family should believe in you and think you’re great, right? Even
if you’re really just a big asshole. Do you know what I’m saying? So since
no-one supports this asshole, what I’m doing is becoming my own cheerleading squad.”
She slapped her leg wholeheartedly.

Mike said, “I think that’s a brilliant
idea. I’ll be happy to join your squad.”

“Thank-you,” Penny said, clapping her
hands.

“Me too,” Alyssa chimed in. “And I think
I’ll also cheer for myself when I’m feeling down.”

Shrugging, Josephine added dryly, “Penny,
your family sound like a bunch of losers.”

“Josephine!” Alyssa scolded, and patted
Penny’s shoulder. “We’re going to put you to bed now. A good night’s sleep and
you’ll see everything different in the morning.”

“She’s going to feel like shit in the
morning,” Mike piped in.

“Shhhh,” Alyssa whispered with her finger
to her lips. “Don’t tell her that.”

“I am seeing them on Thanksgiving! I have
the courage you know. It’s time to see them and time to change everything over
there once and for all. It’s all about space and place.”

Hauling her up from the couch, Mike
mimicked, “Space and place, good job, brave girl.”

Alyssa, Josephine, and Mike gently took
her coat off and laid her down on the bed. They quietly tiptoed out of her apartment.
Penny fell fast asleep in seconds. She had sweet dreams, and smiled often
throughout the night.

She woke, and images of Dr Bruck’s expensive, ruined
shoes slapped her eyelids shut again. She put the pillow over her head and
groaned.

Finally pushing herself out of bed, she
couldn’t shake the memories of her evening at Pig Out. She had no idea how she
would face Dr Bruck, but if she didn’t go to work today it would just be that
much harder tomorrow.

The dizziness passed when she limped over
to the bathroom, took three aspirins, and put the shower on hot. I have to face
everyone and get through this excruciating embarrassment as best I can, she
thought with a sigh.

At work, she walked gingerly into the
locker room. To her great relief, no-one was around. She hung her coat and
pocketbook in her locker, and ventured out into the corridor to get a cup of
black coffee. Her head still felt like it was in a clamp and she prayed that
the end of the day would come sooner than later.

Nurse Reins stood guard by the coffee
stand. Seeing Penny, her stern features relaxed into a rare smile. “So I hear
you got drunk with the rat pack of Wayside and threw up on Dr Bruck.”

“I… where did you hear that?”

Reins patted the nurse’s shoulder, passed
by her and said, “Way to go.”

Penny spotted Dr Bruck strolling down the
corridor. Reins turned round and looked at Penny with raised eyebrows. Her face
felt hot and she knew it was probably as red as a beefsteak tomato. Her first
instinct was to run away, but she stood her ground. She had to see him at least
ten times today, so she had better get the first meeting over with.

She held out her cup of coffee to him and
said sheepishly, “Here’s a peace offering. I’m so sorry about last night. I
never drink and…”

He put his hand up to ward off her
excuses. “No problem. I never even liked those shoes that much, so you did me a
favor.” He looked at her with a slight grin, and Penny could see he was just as
uncomfortable as she was.

Placing the coffee cup in the palm of his
hand, she put her other hand out to shake his. “Friends?”

He agreed, and then laughed as he clasped
her hand. “It’s a lot easier to shake your hand then it is to kiss you.”

She laughed, and he joined in
reflexively. She was desperate to get over this awkward moment, and she was relieved
that the laughter had broken the ice. As if not to be outwitted though, the
awkwardness seemed to take over her voice.

She blurted out, “Dr Bruck, what’s my
name? I know I’ve told you it.”

He looked at her with wide eyes. “Well
uh, you’re Marins, you know, you’re Marins,” he finished lamely. He looked
down; his toes seemed to be writhing awkwardly inside his shoes. “I find you
very attractive, and I would have asked for your first name if you hadn’t
gotten sick on me.”

She took the coffee cup away from him. “A
day late and a dollar short I guess. Don’t you think you should at least know
the name of a girl you want to kiss?” she chided with a smile. “By the way,
it’s Penny, Penny Marins.” She took his hand in hers and shook it. “And it’s
really nice to meet you.”

She understood why she didn’t feel
anything when her fantasy man had kissed her. There was nothing between them.
His body was tight and finely muscled, he was handsome, successful, and had
everything going for him, and yet, there was no connection. Her heart held the
most honest emotion of all, and there was no denying that her heart told her to
throw Dr Bruck back into the pond with the other fishes without a moment’s
hesitation.

Looking at her watch, Penny exclaimed,
“Oh, look, I better get to my patients. I have to start up three IVs.”

He looked relieved. “Oh, of course.”
Looking at her warily he added, “See you later then? Penny.”

They parted and Penny briskly walked the
opposite way. Relief washed over her like a fresh spring rain. She had walked
through the first obstacle that had faced her today and she didn’t botch it up
too badly.

I have not only changed my life, she
thought in amazement, I’ve also changed me and I hadn’t even realized it.

She had a strong urge to call her mother
and tell her Thanksgiving was off. She couldn’t take a chance that she would
lose all that she had gained. A longing to see them had now mingled in with the
trepidation of having them back in her life. She felt confused, and torn. She
thought of her niece and nephew’s faces, and knew she must at least try to
change her family’s deeply rooted misperceptions of her.

Time to check in on her first patient of the day. Mrs Perkins,
age ninety-two with stomach cancer. Her grown-up daughter was leaning over her
mother and holding her hand. Mrs Perkins was admitted to Wayside because she
had just experienced a stroke. She was unable to get up and around with her
walker, and as Penny prepared to take her temperature, she could not help but
overhear their conversation.

The patient was frail and her skin was so
white that it looked like chalk. She had on a dainty lace white nightgown with
a robe to match. Mrs Perkins was clearly well cared for. Her daughter looked to
be in her mid sixties, perfectly resembling her mother minus the wrinkles.

The daughter’s voice was so low that
Penny couldn’t hear too clearly, but she saw Mrs Perkins patting her hand as
she said, “Don’t worry Beth, your sister is going to be okay.” Looking up at
her daughter with wide eyes she added, “I would go visit her, but I can’t.”

Beth began to cry, and Mrs Perkins folded
her in her arms, saying, “There, there now, it will all be alright.”

Penny decided that the temperature taking
could wait. These two women needed their privacy.

She next went to Mrs Jennings’ room and
found Rosie, the night nurse, in the process of stripping her bed. Penny stood
in the room for a moment and stared blankly at the bare mattress. The room
possessed a complete stillness and Penny knew Mrs Jennings was no longer on
this Earth. A bolt of sadness gripped her and made her body freeze. “Rosie,”
she asked, already knowing the answer. “Is Mrs Jennings having tests?”

Rosie stopped gathering the sheets. She
was holding Mrs Jennings’ pink pillow, and in her mind Penny could clearly see
her patient’s head resting there. Mrs Jennings was one of her favorite and most
delightful patients. She had looked forward to seeing her more than she
realized.

“We lost her at about six o’clock this
morning,” Rosie said with a sigh. “She went peacefully. No fuss, no suffering;
I think she just decided to leave us. I really adored her though, didn’t you? I
was such a fan of her novels too. Such a talented lady.”

Penny fought back the tears that were
threatening to fall down her cheeks. She couldn’t believe how quickly they had
formed, but she could not halt the flow even though she tried to blink them
away. If I could have picked my Mom, I would have wanted Mrs Jennings, she
thought vehemently.