A Perfect Marriage (32 page)

"Your mother said you couldn't conceive of being the victim of an
infatuation, that
you'd have to believe it was something more important."

Reluctantly, he seemed to think about this. "Maybe she's right. I guess I'm an arrogant bastard-I didn't want to see myself as just another married man involved in an extramarital affair. And then Kate-I knew it wasn't a trivial thing for her, and I couldn't just walk away. So I persuaded myself I had to be serious about her. A way, I suppose, of retaining some self-respect. Being in love was my excuse for what I'd done to her-and to you."

In a funny way she could understand that. She'd done some pretty strange things, too, in her attempts to retain her self-respect. "Our problem was," she told him, "that for twelve years we short-changed each other, skating over the surface of our emotions, never allowing them to go too deep. Because we'd loved once and found that it hurt when things didn't work for us."

"You're damned right," Max agreed. "It wasn't true that I had used up all my capacity for romantic love on Juliet. I'd just slammed those feelings away and locked them up because I couldn't face the prospect of that kind of grief again.

  
 
But when I thought I'd lost you, through my own stupid fault, I discovered how deep my feelings for you really were.
Much deeper and much truer than I'd ever realised."

"And it wasn't true, either, that Mike had taken all the romance from my life. I was just scared that I'd give myself, my heart, all over again to someone who didn't really want it."

"I practically told you I didn't want it when I asked you to marry me," Max recalled. "I'm sorry, Celine. Sorry for the years we've wasted."

"They weren't wasted.
All these years that love has been building up, layer by layer.
Even if the stars don't always shine, they're still in the sky."

"I guess we never saw them before because we didn't believe in them." He lifted her hands and kissed them one by one, almost reverently.

That was one thing Kate had done for him, she supposed. He'd been shaken out of his conviction that falling in love was
a
once-in-a-lifetime thing. She decided that the next time, and the next and the next forever after, it was going to be with her.

A little hiss came from the fire, and Max said, "I'll put on some more wood."

"If you like, but-"

"But?"
Poised over the woodpile, he looked at her inquiringly.

"I think I'd be more comfortable in bed."

 
guess
so."

She saw he was uncertain of her meaning. "Help me up and take me to bed," she said.

When he slid into the bed beside her, he said, "What do your baby books say about star-gazing?"

"They say it's easy if you adopt the right position:' "Sure it's allowable at this stage?" He took her hand again and began nibbling at her fingers with his lips. "I'm sure."

He put his other hand on the hump under the bedclothes. "I love
this,
I'll miss it when it's gone. It's such
a
 
round
, smooth, feminine shape.
Quintessentially, prime vally female."

Celine turned her head and kissed him.

"Is it
okay
to touch you here?" he asked her, his hand tentatively on her breast.

"Okay? It's wonderful." She manoeuvred herself into a more comfortable position.

"What about here?" he whispered, his hand wandering. "Mmm, bliss."

Max shifted, trying to fit himself around her. "We're go ing to have to learn a whole lot of new techniques." "Sorry."

"Not at all.
It's exciting, don't you think?" he asked her as his hand found a new place to nestle.

Celine gasped. "That is!"

Some little time later he said, "Can you-no."

Stifling a laugh, Celine murmured, "Maybe we could umph! They say this is possible! Hand me a pillow, would you?"

"Better?" she asked him when she'd settled herself again. His tongue circled her ear. "Ah, yes. Is it comfortable for you, like this?"

"It's-it's more than comfortable. Oh, Max-"

He laughed softly. "I'm glad you like it. I do, too. I'll make it last if I can, but I've waited so long for this-" "So have I... I want... Oh, yes! That!"

The stars came down out of the sky and burst around them, and much, much later, as he lay at her side with his hand resting lightly against the sphere that housed their baby, she said, "And the moon, too."

"What?" Max's eyes gleamed at her in the darkness. "Never mind," she said, drifting into a euphoric, weightless sleep. "No more crying..."

Chapter 16

 
"What are we going to call her?" Max gave his little finger to his new daughter, and watched entranced as she curled her small hand about it. "Do you want to name her for your mother?"

"I don't know. Do you think she looks like an Elizabeth?"

"Beth, maybe."

"What about Bethel?"

"Mmm.
She could shorten it if she wants to."

"You don't mind that it's a girl, do you?" Celine asked. "She could be the only one."

"Mind?
I'm over the moon, haven't you noticed? And she's definitely the only one!"

Celine laughed. "It wasn't that bad!"

"I never want to go through that again!" "You don't?"

"I don't want to see you do it again. I was scared stiff for you."

"It was hard work, but worth it." Celine looked down at the baby, who had relinquished her father's finger and was gazing up at her mother while she tried to stuff her hand into her mouth.

"God, I love you!" Max
said,
his eyes on Celine's smiling face.

Celine looked up, her eyes reciprocating, and he leaned across to kiss her, his lips lingering.

The baby opened its mouth and wailed, limbs flailing inside its wrapping.

Max sat back. "I thought she'd stop making our love-life difficult once she was born."

"She's hungry." Celine began unbuttoning her gown.

Fascinated, Max watched the baby nuzzle impatiently at her breast and begin to drink.

After a while he said, "Do you mind if I hold you while you do that?"

"It might be a bit tricky." There was amusement in her eyes.

"I've learned a thing or two in the last couple of months," he said, and walked to the other side of the bed to hitch
himself
up on it and seat himself behind her. His arms came round under
hers,
cradling both her and the baby, and his cheek was against her temple. "Do you know I find this incredibly sexy," he whispered in her ear.

"Max!"

"Have I shocked you?
It's
okay, I know I have to be patient, and I will be, for as long as you need.
Promise.
But I can dream." He turned his head a little and kissed her temple, then slid his lips to her ear and gently caught the soft lobe in his teeth.

Celine moved her head, and he lifted his. "Sorry."

But she turned her face to him and said, "I dream, too. You won't have long to wait, Max. Kiss me."

Max obliged, with barely restrained passion, while their daughter, oblivious to what was going on above her downy head, continued to get on with the important business of life.