A Perfect Mismatch (15 page)

“You tell me! What else am I supposed to make out of it?”

“Are you jealous?” she asked bluntly with a broad smile.

He practically burned her to cinders with an incinerating look. “Why would I be? I understand that this is a temporary arrangement and you have a right to look elsewhere after this gets over but at least have the discretion to wait until it is over. Especially when you were giving me a pious lecture on not wanting a third party involved when you agreed to sleep with me. I do not want to get embroiled in an ugly scandal. That would hurt Mom a lot.”

The pain he had inflicted through those words stunned her, and then fury took hold. “I did not know that you had
such a low opinion of me! All this because you just saw me talking with a man!”

“And holding hands in a secluded corner! Surely you can’t make me believe that you were checking his pulse or counting the number of fingers he has?” he drawled derisively.

“Which century are you living in?” she scoffed. “You don’t mind the parade of nude girls in your studio and you expect me to behave in a certain manner?”

“I only asked you to maintain a little decorum! And I do not have a parade of nude girls in my studio! Besides that is art!”

“Artists are not narrow-minded!”

“I think this discussion is pointless!”

“Right! Let us not talk at all! If you say one more word I will get out of the car and walk home!”

“I am sorely tempted to let you do exactly that!” he finished succinctly

A host of barbed words rose to her lips but she held herself back in time. They remained silent until the time they reached home. She stormed out of the car in fury, tears blurring her vision. She hated him as much as she loved him and she didn’t know how to cope with that. He had infiltrated those boundaries a long time ago. There was no turning back for her now.

The house was silent as they entered, with Vini having slept long ago. Armaan followed her into the darkened hallway, regretting every bitter word that had passed between them. In one moment of suspicion, the whole evening was ruined. Anger and jealousy reared their ugly
heads to destroy the little thread of faith that had connected them. The sight of her with another man had made him furious. But his conscience smote him. Why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut? He had no right to question her when they were parting ways after a few months. It cut him deep. He had to tell her that he did not want to end this marriage. That he … cared deeply. She might want her freedom, he thought dismally. Even more so now, considering the way he had treated her.

Armaan prowled restlessly, “I will be back later.”

Their eyes met in the mirror. She averted her tear-filled eyes quickly removing her bangles roughly, some of them clattering on the table against the mirror, She dropped an earring into her jewelry box unmindful of where it fell.

Armaan turned away, striding out of the door, shutting it behind him. Standing in the darkened hallway, he felt like an idiot. What were they quarrelling over? He needed to be kicked out of town for his idiocy … and for falling crazily in love with Zara. He returned quietly to find Zara still in front of the mirror with her hands covering her face, crying silent tears.

“Zara … I am sorry! I shouldn’t have said such stupid things.”

Her voice was wobbly, “Shekhar’s wife died leaving a two-year old daughter behind. All he needed was someone to talk with … You really think I am not trustworthy?”

“No! I was wrong!” Armaan shut the door with a soft click and stood with his arms open. She ran to him and he folded her in a fierce embrace that crushed her to the bones. “And I don’t have a parade of nude girls in my
studio as you believe! I know a couple of models who agree to pose for me for a few preliminary sketches. I do not mix business with pleasure!” he added vehemently.

Zara put her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly, distracting him effectively.

“I don’t know what got into me …” Armaan said, voice cracking, trying to come to terms with the way he felt about her, feeling angry and exposed and vulnerable at the same time.

“I was … I am …,” he struggled as raw pain gripped him. Swallowing a hard lump, he dithered, hovering at the edge of a confession.

But he held back the words, his natural reticence gaining strength. He held her tighter as Zara gazed at him, her eyes glistening with tears. He kissed her forehead and then her lips with a feather touch and simply looked down at her with tortured eyes.

“What is it? Why do you look at me like that? What has changed?” she whispered urgently, her hands cradling his dear face.

“Nothing!” said Armaan hastily afraid to utter a word that would bind him down forever. “Let’s forget it happened!”

Sensitive to his internal chaos Zara insisted again. “Armaan! What is bothering you? Is it that difficult to let go?” With all the love in her heart, she bared her soul through her eyes and Armaan stood still for breathless moments.

Why had she said that? Had she guessed the truth? It was the closest he had come to admitting it. Then he kissed her hard, crushing her mouth beneath his, taking refuge in
the one and only emotion he could display without being trapped in the maelstrom.

Soon they were both desperately trying to get out of their clothes and kiss and touch each other at the same time. Zara gasped as he got rid of the sari and the rest of the clothes within record time before pulling her to him. With one deft hand he pulled off the pin from her silken hair letting it cascade down her back. Her skin felt like hot silk against his hard body as he lifted her high against him to latch on to her mouth. His hands fitted against her rounded bottom as he held her and crushed her lips kissing her all the way down to the curves of her breasts. It was impossible to stop as she felt herself throb unbearably against the hair-roughened texture of his thigh when she wrapped one leg around him. She craved for the fulfillment only Armaan could provide. They clung to each other kissing and touching as if they couldn’t control what they felt.

Before they could reach the bed, Armaan tumbled her on to the soft plush carpet at their feet and sank blissfully on top of her. She had that glazed look in her eyes as she smiled trustingly at him. Pressing hard drugging kisses into her mouth he parted her legs quickly, cradling her hips into him and heard her sigh in satisfaction. It was sheer pleasure that rocked them both as they merged, his hard body invading her velvet sweet depth. She wrapped her arms around him lovingly and gave herself to him. The coming together was feral in its wake and then the melting aftermath was even more beautiful. Welded together they lay on the carpet unable to move their tangled limbs.

Armaan kissed her again and again as she stirred and stretched sleepily. He picked her up gently taking her to bed where she slept cuddled into his chest, unaware of his troubled eyes gazing at her with deep love, a reflection of what he had seen in hers before she had come undone in his arms. A smile lifted the corners of his mouth at the sight of one earring still on her ear and the double pearl strings that still adorned her throat. She had forgotten to take off two of her bangles in the tearing frenzy. They clinked and shimmered as she moved her arms in her sleep. Her hair trailed and slid though his fingers and he buried his face into the scented darkness.

They had made love without a thought for the future. He regretted not having been careful this time. After their first time together at the lodge during their honeymoon, he had always been careful about using protection. But tonight the ferocity of their coming together had not given him the time to think about protection or practicality. To merge with Zara without any barriers was almost divine.

Zara turned in her sleep putting her arms around him. He envied that peace. Did she have no qualms about parting ways? Did she not want any permanence to their relationship? What was the meaning of that look in her eyes, as if he, her husband, was everything to her! Oh how he craved to hear her say those words! Say
what
words?

Slowly Armaan began to plot to make her stay and stopped short at the train of thoughts. He was doomed forever!

Zara could feel a subtle change coming over Armaan in the next few days. At times, she saw him brooding about something that seemed to put a deep sadness in his eyes. When she probed, he would avoid her with a cynical smile. He became gentler in many ways that made Zara want to blurt out that she loved him. Often she found him staring out into the garden through the window of his studio, without the brush in his hand. Thinking that he needed a muse to inspire him, she would slip away unnoticed. He began to spend more time in her company, taking her out for long drives in the weekends. While she worked on her laptop, he would simply sit up with her and read a book or tumble down with his head on her lap and go to sleep.

Zara cooked for him on the days he was late in returning and they would have a great time just having a prickly conversation. It made her happy that she could make him laugh. Their lovemaking turned both passionate and
mellow as the days progressed. Some days she would end up in tears at the sheer tenderness he showed her while he touched and caressed her. Each day brought new reasons for her to love him more deeply and each day she regretted time running out for her, like slippery sand through her fingers.

The thought of a future without Armaan was terrible. And there was no way she could approach him with a confession of love when Armaan had never mentioned a change of heart. It hurt her deeply that he never thought about wanting to extend their contract. But sometimes she sensed a vague sense of desperation in him when he made love to her. With every frenzied touch, every deep kiss, he seemed to be telling her something intangible. However there were never any words of confirmation from him about his feelings.

Another month passed and Zara fell sick with an upset stomach that had her sink into bed for a couple of days. It took her a while to come to the stunning conclusion that she could be pregnant. The pregnancy kit showed a positive, turning her world upside down. She couldn’t cope with it and moped about the whole day hovering on the brink of a breakdown.

Armaan was concerned to see her pale and tired and decided to spend the day with her while she protested wanting to be alone for the first time. He wanted to take her out but she pretended disinterest. He was taken aback to see her angry over mundane issues that normally did not bother her. On Vini’s insistence Zara agreed meekly to Armaan’s idea about going out for dinner.

The outing did her good but she returned home and threw up everything and collapsed into bed weakly. That night Armaan held her in his arms and soothed her to sleep.

The next day at breakfast there was a sealed envelope for Zara. It was a surprise because in the day of e-mails a letter was indeed a novelty. The information it contained shocked her into silence. It narrated the story her aunt had refrained from divulging to her on many occasions. Zara was addressed as a ‘bastard’ at the beginning. It described in detail her nineteen-year-old mother’s indiscretion and impropriety in maligning the prestigious family name by getting pregnant by a lover much older to her and then running away to Kolkata. Unable to cope with the rigors and demands of single motherhood, she had struggled for two years alone in a shanty and committed suicide by consuming poison. A two-year old Zara was left behind with the neighbours with the suicide note and the address of her aunt Sudha Seth in the wailing child’s pocket.

As Zara read it for the umpteenth time, she knew who had written it. She called her aunt to probe about the letter. After hedging and arguing for a while, she reluctantly confirmed everything. She refused to believe that Bani would stoop to that level. Unable to take too many jolts, Zara spent another dark day in the haven of her bedroom.

Armaan returned in the evening to find her sitting on the terrace swing, past dinnertime with her eyes swollen and red. Zara wanted to throw herself into his arms and pour out her problems, but that would only pave way for dependence. She wanted to tackle this on her own.
However, Armaan’s persistent questioning broke her resistance this time.

Armaan read the letter with a black rage etched on his countenance. The letter was clearly intended to make her feel inferior. The insults heaped on her were nothing short of disgusting and Armaan bit down on a snarl of pure rage as he read it again. His brow furrowed deeper as he suddenly realized who had written it.

“Bani,” she confirmed tiredly.

“This time I will kill her for doing this to you!” He picked up his phone to call her cousin.

“Don’t!” She stopped him, “I am more interested in the information the letter contains.”

“It is just a name! What if it is a lie? She is obviously trying to stir up trouble for you!” Armaan stood with his arms folded across his chest.

“I did some digging up and found out about Naresh Talwar. He owns a couple of factories in Noida and has several other business ventures. If … he is indeed my father then I think I should meet him. I called up his office and fixed up an appointment pretending to be an applicant for a vacancy for a CA.”

“You really want to do this?” Armaan sat down on his haunches and took her hands in his. He missed the usual sparkle in her eyes.

She nodded wearily. She had wanted to do this for years. To face her father and ask him why he had abandoned her mother and her.

“I am coming with you.”

“No I want to …”

“I am coming with you tomorrow and that is final!” He led her into the bedroom gently. Are you sure you are not hungry?”

She shook her head while he tucked her into the bed and watched her eyes droop.

She was already asleep when he turned off the lights.

The next morning they drove to the address that Zara had discovered. The receptionist showed her the way in. Her stomach gurgled nervously. Afraid she would throw up at the wrong time, she popped a couple of lozenges into her mouth.

“Armaan. Please … I want to do this alone!” pleaded Zara, making him scowl disapprovingly. He agreed though without much grace and prowled about the lounge restlessly as she passed through the revolving doors into a corridor.

The short rotund man standing in front of a grand office table in the state of the art boardroom had a formidable air. Zara, who never felt nervous in an official set up, was for the first time intimidated by the fact that she was going to face her father. She stood inside the door as the man stared at her and in that split second Zara knew that she was his daughter.

Cold grey eyes, identical to the young woman in front of him assessed her from head to toe, There was a fleeting expression of surprise. He seemed to dismiss the vague sense of déjà vu with a shake of his head and turned away to settle into his seat with a dismissive air.

“You have ten minutes to describe exactly what you
need from this job and that will decide whether you are eligible or not.” He flipped through the folder she had brought along to gain entry into his domain.

“I am not here for a job.” Zara knew she was playing with fire. She had found several dark corners in his business profile, something that she had not revealed to Armaan. But she had been determined to know the truth.

“What do you mean?” He was about to shut away the folder when an old photo fell out of it neatly into his lap. He stared at it with cold grey eyes.

“That is my mother Malini Sharma. By the look on your face you seem to be well acquainted with her.” Zara was surprised to find her voice calm even though she was trembling within.

The pause was long enough to confirm all her doubts. Naresh Talwar picked up the photo, flung it over the table, and snarled under his breath, “Get out!”

Unmoved by his anger, Zara looked at him coldly.

“Name a price,” he said with sinister quietness. Quickly he drew out his bank cheque book and threw it at her face.

“I am your daughter whether you like it or not. All I want to know is why you abandoned my mother.”

“She was a clinging parasite just like you!” His sneer was repulsive. The veneer of sophistication cracked.

“She was just nineteen! Did you know that she was pregnant?”

“Yes, she told me, the sniveling stupid woman! It was fun while it lasted but she wanted more. Marriage and children! She didn’t want an abortion. She threatened me
that she would tell my wife! She ran away when I took her to a doctor I knew. I never saw her after that. You wouldn’t have been here if she had been sensible! The last I heard was that she had killed herself after a couple of years.”

“You were married and you dumped her like unwanted baggage!” Zara’s voice had caved into a hoarse whisper as tears ran down her face.

Zara picked up her folder and the photograph, saying quietly, “I have wanted to meet you for years. I had hoped that you would turn out to be different from what I have seen today. I was wrong. Your money is useless to me. I won’t be coming back. My ten minutes are over and so is your one chance at redemption. Thank you for your precious time, Mr. Talwar.”

Zara turned around on rubbery legs and walked out. Armaan was at the door. One look at her face and he was ready to storm in. But she stalled him. “Armaan!” Zara was white. “Please! I don’t want a scene,” she pleaded before rushing out of the building

She stopped only when she had reached the pavement outside the gates, bending double to throw up her breakfast. She would have collapsed had Armaan not caught her in time. They hardly spoke on the way back. After they reached home, Zara headed straight to the room, bathed, and collapsed on the bed in silence. She was grateful that Vini was not present at home to witness the state she was in. Armaan wanted to take her to a doctor but she had already slept.

Late into the night, he found her sitting by the bedroom window deep in thought as she brushed her long hair. “Are
you better now, Zara?” He kissed her cheek as she rested her head on his shoulder in defeat with tears streaming down her face.

His face tightened into an angry mask. “Do you want me to file a paternity suit for you? I personally think this is not worth pursuing. You should have let me teach him a lesson, for insulting you like that!”

“He is my father! I don’t need a paternity suit to prove it! You can’t beat him to submission to accept me with his heart! No one can be forced to love or accept another person!” her voice dipped as she looked away. “I don’t want to hurt him!”

“Don’t you think your loyalty is misplaced?” He stood up abruptly. “If I were you I wouldn’t have even bothered to look him up! Mine was no different!”

“No! Your father was different, Armaan! He did not abandon you. He had differences with his wife. But he always took care of your needs and kept you in his life. You abandoned him!”

Armaan reeled under that accusation. He refused to acknowledge the truth behind her words. “Oh yeah! Now this is my fault? You didn’t want me to sort him out? Then why didn’t you go back to him Zara?” He hit back because she had dug into a raw wound.

Zara was about to explode. She clutched her fists into her chest and gave out a cry of helpless anguish. Wanting to be alone, she ran into the terrace and shut herself out.

Armaan wanted to follow her, but knew that it was again one of those private moments she had sunken into. It was after midnight that she slipped into bed. Armaan pulled her
into his arms. Zara sank into his embrace gratefully. Her voice crumbled, “All I wanted was … to be accepted. That I belong to someone.”

“Zara! I am sorry!” He held her tight as she fell apart in heart-breaking sobs.

Armaan wanted to tell her that she belonged to him and soothe her pain. But that would mean commitment! It would be foolhardy to reveal his emotions at this point when they were both vulnerable. So he held her tighter, somehow trying to convey to her that she mattered to him more than life itself.

Zara wept bitterly for a long time. Armaan cuddled her closer. “What do you want to do now?”

Zara sighed brokenly “Nothing. Now I feel purged. It is time to let go of old baggage. You are right. He is not worth the pain. He was just a man who sired me. I forgive my mother too. She was so young. That must have been the most difficult time for her. She didn’t abort me! She let me live. She was just a sad, lonely young woman. Her suicide was a result of desperation. It is time I re-invented my identity and stopped thinking of myself as a bastard! I am much more than that!” She paused immeasurably moved, that Armaan was there to support her. Looking at him she whispered, “Thank you for everything.”

Her eyes were pools of pure love and Armaan was agonized, craving to respond to that love that he knew was his for the taking. But he shied away terrified. He knew that it would be the end of everything. It tore at him, her look of unadulterated affection when she kissed him on
his mouth, showering tiny kisses all over his face and bare shoulder.

It was all he could do not to blurt out the truth when Zara gazed at him longingly with a question in her eyes. He held her tighter, burying his face into her throat and Zara slept peacefully while he cradled her head into him.

Armaan could hardly get a wink. There was no peace for him. It had deserted him long ago.

Another day passed and Zara came to the decision that she needed to tell him everything. Deep in her heart, there was a tiny speck of hope that Armaan cared for her more than he was willing to admit.

Zara made an appointment with a doctor and went for a checkup alone when Armaan was at the studio. It confirmed her condition. There was a glorious sense of elation at the thought and she just knew that whether he wanted it or not she wanted this baby. She returned home, at peace, in a better frame of mind, having resolved several issues and went in for a long bath.

Zara never expected the shock of another revelation, when she met Vini for a cup of tea in the kitchen afterwards. “Did Armaan say when he is meeting the lawyer about his father’s will? Your marriage was within the stipulated time so they will have to hand over Armaan’s money.” The explanation that followed was rather depressing. So it wasn’t just the love for his mother that forced him to propose to her. No other woman would have agreed to marry him at such short notice! It would be easy to discard, dowdy old Zara after she had served the purpose! What a fool she had been!