A Perfect Waiter

Apart
,
who can divide us?
Divided, we shall never be parted
.

Twilight of the Gods
Richard Wagner

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

A Note on the Author and Translator

On September 15, 1966, Erneste was surprised to receive a letter from New York. But there was no one with whom he could have shared his feelings. He was alone—there was no one to whom he could have confided how utterly astonished and delighted he was to hear from Jakob, the friend he hadn't seen since 1936. His dearest wish, which was that Jakob might someday return from the place he had gone to thirty years earlier, had never been fulfilled. Now he was standing in front of his mailbox with Jakob's letter in his hand. He turned it this way and that, staring at the stamp as intently as if he had to memorize the number of lines in the postmark running across it, until he finally put the envelope in his breast pocket.

Erneste seldom received any mail. Getting a letter from Jakob, whom he had completely lost sight of but never forgotten, was more than he'd dared to hope for in recent years. Jakob wasn't dead, as he had sometimes feared; Jakob was alive—still alive and living in America. Jakob had written to him.

There hadn't been a day in all these years when Erneste had failed to think of Jakob. He had lost sight of him, yes,
but he'd never erased him from his memory. The past was locked away in his abundant recollections of Jakob like something inside a dark closet. The past was precious, but the closet remained unopened.

Erneste gave the tablecloth a quick wipe with his napkin. The crumbs went flying, but none landed on the dress of the young woman who was deep in conversation with a somewhat older man in a dark-blue suit. From the couple's awkward manner, Erneste felt sure she was appearing in public with him for the first time. Having been a fixture at the Restaurant am Berg for sixteen years, Erneste was the most dependable member of an ever-changing staff. Never once ill or absent in all that time, he had seen countless waiters and waitresses, chefs and kitchen hands, subordinates and superiors come and go, whereas he himself was known—and had no objection to being known—as a rock in shifting sands. He was a reserved, rather pallid man of medium height and indeterminate age with the impeccable manners of a patient and perceptive employee—almost a gentleman. He accepted his tips with even-handed dignity and hoarded them with care, never tempted to live above his means.

Shadowlike when he had to be, Erneste was also an attentive observer who would come hurrying up at the right moment, thoroughly alert and quick on the uptake.

Equipped with a more than adequate command of German, Italian, English, and—of course—French, since France was his native land, unobtrusive but omnipresent Erneste was a man of whom little was known. No diner ever dreamed of asking Monsieur Erneste what his surname was. He lived in a small apartment, two furnished rooms rented for 280 Swiss francs a month.

Erneste liked being a waiter and had never aspired to any other profession. Just then he caught sight of a little glistening bead of sweat on the man's moist neck, a few millimeters above his collar. Nauseated, not that he showed it, he turned away with an impassive expression. Someone had raised a hand and called his name. He hurried over, gave a little bow, and proceeded to clear the table. The diners, an architect and his wife and a young couple unknown to him, requested some cheese and another bottle of wine.

For years now, Erneste had waited table exclusively in the Blue Room. This part of the Restaurant am Berg differed markedly from the outer room, a smoky rendezvous patronized by the younger set: artists and students, actors and their fans, quaffers of beer and Beaujolais. None of Erneste's superiors, not even the manager himself, would have dared to ask him to wait table in the Brown Room. He was responsible only for the Blue Room, the one with the pale-blue drapes, where dinner was served punctually between seven and ten, not a moment before or after, every day except Sundays. No one who did not intend to eat was admitted before ten
o'clock at night. Even Monsieur Erneste could prove severe in that respect.

Monsieur Erneste belonged to a dying breed and he knew it, but he had no idea whether the people he waited on with due
courtoisie
knew it too. Wondering about it would have been a waste of time. But they, too, were members of a dying breed. Erneste didn't know if they realized it. Perhaps they merely sensed that they were growing older by degrees. The knowledge that they were not yet decrepit lent them the requisite sense of security. They had yet to resemble their elderly parents, who languished someplace in the country or the suburbs, where their offspring never made an effort to visit them except on Sundays. Such were Erneste's thoughts as he turned to go and order a bottle of Château Léoville Poyferré 1953, four glasses, and
les fromages:
Camembert and Reblochon, the best possible cheeses to accompany the wine in question. Plenty of things would change here too, but less drastically, no doubt, than elsewhere. Erneste wasn't blind. On the contrary, he had good eyesight and an excellent memory, and not just for the orders he took.

Erneste was entirely devoted to his profession. He had left home at sixteen, desperately eager to get away from his native village, his parents and his brothers and sisters, who had detected something alien and repellent in him. He went off to Strasbourg and became a waiter. He loved his profession because it brought him the freedom he'd craved for so long, the ability to do and think whatever he pleased without being observed. In that regard, nothing
had changed since his first job thirty-five years ago. He was free. He wasn't wealthy, but he was a free agent. He didn't know whether his siblings were still alive, but they probably were, since they weren't much older or younger than himself. At some stage—how many years ago was it?—they had informed him of his father's death. His mother had died a few months later, but he didn't respond or attend the funeral. Her image had faded long before. He hadn't acknowledged the death notice.

Nobody knew who he was. No one was interested, no one cared about his private life. When diners asked how he was they were merely uttering a form of salutation. “And how are
you
?” he would reply as he took their coats—a question that would have been wholly out of order back at the Grand Hotel, where a waiter talked with guests only in response to a direct inquiry but preferably not at all. Still, a restaurant wasn't a hotel, and besides, times had changed. The rules weren't quite as strictly observed these days.

The patrons of the Restaurant am Berg knew only that Erneste was an Alsatian. This was obvious, but they didn't call him an Alsatian; they referred to him as a Frenchman even though his accent was unmistakably Alemannic, not French. How old was he? Over forty and under sixty, but he was such a staple part of the restaurant's inventory that no one devoted any more thought to his age than they did to the true age or authenticity of the various pieces of furniture that had always stood there, which were, of course, Louis Quinze or Biedermeier reproductions. And
he himself felt a part of that inventory. After all, he knew every plate, every knife and fork, every napkin, every irregularity in the parquet floor, every fringe of every carpet, every picture, every vase. Being reputed to have an artistic eye, Erneste was responsible for the restaurant's floral decorations.

He was indifferent to the days of the week. They came and went as he worked and he worked as they came and went, each as unmomentous as the next. He took little notice of the seasons. In springtime he exchanged his heavier overcoat for the lighter one, in wintertime his lighter overcoat for the heavier one, and that was that. First came spring, then winter. In the intervening periods he made do with jackets, two dark and one pale. He never wore cardigans. On Sunday, his only day off, he slept in, often until noon. He savored the peace and quiet and thought of his next working day, listening to classical music on the radio—operatic arias and lieder for choice. Choral music he liked less, but he never turned a program off and stayed with it to the end. He had never been to the opera, even though his salary would have enabled him to afford the occasional theater ticket. He had seen singers visit the restaurant and noted their names, but they never stayed long because they couldn't stand the cigarette smoke. They didn't smoke themselves, drank nothing but mineral water, and said little.

So Erneste contented himself with lightweight fare such as Adolphe Adam's comic opera
Le Postillon de Longjumeau
. He was happy listening to the radio in his warm
bed. He was alone but he didn't feel lonely—or only sometimes. That was when destructive thoughts coursed through him, only to disappear as quickly as they had come. He didn't abandon himself to them, nor did they haunt him. When he took a vacation, which was seldom, he usually spent it in the mountains. He had also been once to the Loire Valley and once each to Venice and Biarritz. The better rooms of the little hotel in Biarritz were already taken, unfortunately, so he'd had no view of the sea, but it was audible day and night.

Erneste sometimes went out after work on Saturdays, except that then he ran the risk of drinking too much. He didn't like making a fool of himself, which wasn't always easy at his age. Once he started drinking he couldn't stop—he simply couldn't help it. He had a recurrent dream in which a gang of schoolkids demanded to see his identity card, which he either didn't possess or wasn't carrying, and when they saw he couldn't produce it they got angry, and no one restrained them. Incapable of defending himself, he was glad to wake up.

Only two bars came into consideration when he went out. He seldom encountered any patrons of the Restaurant am Berg there. If he did, he would say a polite hello but avoid getting into conversation on the principle that one's leisure time and professional duties were mutually exclusive. If he encountered them at the restaurant he showed no sign of recognition, although their faces belied this. He occasionally smoked a cigarette or two in one of the bars, which didn't close until three in the morning,
and chatted there with strangers or casual acquaintances. At other times he spoke to nobody and nobody spoke to him. Afterward he would set off for home on his own. When he emerged into the open the cold morning air enveloped him like an intimate embrace, a dank, agreeable penumbra that reminded him of Paris, although it smelled quite different here. As he slowly skirted the lake and made his way along the river bank, the moisture seeped gradually through his clothes to the skin. He liked that too. He was free, exempt from any commitments outside his job. He never paused, always walked on, trying to think of nothing at all. Then he dreamed.