A Place to Rest My Heart (4 page)

“You care to explain why she left?” asked Tommy from the bar, not even turning around to look at us. Sean looked back at Tommy and then at the apron Jacob held.

“Come on, Ace,” I snickered. “You’ll look down-right cute in an apron. I promise not to tell your friends. You know, ruin that macho image and all.”

Sean jerked the apron out of Jacob’s hands and put it on. “Not one word, Laney.”

I laughed and went to the sink and started rinsing dishes. I was no stranger to doing dishes and it gave me time to think. Unseen forces were at work around me. I found myself laughing, smiling, and caring and I didn’t like it one bit. It’s been my experience that allowing those things into my life also meant that people would come to depend on me and expect things from me. Some people might think this was an odd reason to resist, but I’ve let so many people down. I don’t care for the emotional fallout. But I was realistic enough to understand that I had made the choice to come back to Muldoon’s. Sean might like to think that his lovely words of persuasion were what made me come back. I could allow him that little fantasy for now. Maybe there was more to this man who cared so much about these people than met my eye. Perhaps I had committed the same sin as he had. Judged without trial? But now I had painted myself into a corner and my choices were to mar the work I’d started, or sit back and wait for the paint to dry.

“Hey, babe?” Sean interrupted my thoughts. “You going to soak your hands in the soapy water all night or do something with them?”

I looked over at him and flicked water his way. “Don’t call me babe.”

“Why not? Should I use your real name? Helena Marie Murphy.”

“Laney is my name, Ace.”

“My name is Sean Michael Muldoon, not Ace.”

“Fine, Slick.” I don’t know what it was that made me want to push his buttons but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

Sean scooped up some soapsuds and blew them in my face. “It ain’t Slick either, sweetheart.”

I grabbed the sprayer hose from the sink at the same time he did and a wet tug-of-war ensued.

“I ain’t your sweetheart, Ace! Let go!”

He laughed, “What? And have you soak me? I don’t think so, your highness. But I bet you’d look good in a wet t-shirt!”

“Pig! And don’t call me ‘your highness.’ I’m not a queen!” I said through clenched teeth, trying my hardest to wrench the sprayer from his hands.

“Trust me, I know that. You’d make a good scullery maid though,” he said, grunting, surprise registering on his face at how strong I was. About then the sprayer head snapped off at the hose attachment and slipped out of our hands, whipping around the sink spraying both of us like a water pistol.

We both lunged for the hose, grabbing it at the same time. “What the devil is going on in here?” Of course, Tommy had chosen that moment to walk into the kitchen.

I immediately let go of the hose leaving it in Sean’s hands, water still pouring out of it, and stepped back, leaving Sean to be totally implicated as the starter of the mess. And a mess it was. Water dripped from the shelves, ceiling, and countertops onto the floor. Sheepishly, Sean reached over and shut off the tap.

Tommy took one look at us and I knew he didn’t buy my innocence. “Sean, come with me. I have a more enjoyable job for you.” Sean growled at me as he walked by me and I blew him a kiss.

Tommy stopped in the doorway and without looking back, said, “All of this will be clean and dry.” He continued walking through the doorway with Sean.

I spent the next two hours finishing the dishes and drying and mopping everything in sight. The kitchen was neat to begin with, so I knew how exacting Tommy would be were it not up to his standards.

It was well past midnight by the time I went to bed. I had no idea what time Sean left, or even if he had. I actually took great pleasure in hoping he got some slimy, disgusting job to do. It was a nice way to fall asleep.

I didn’t see Sean for the next two days. I didn’t realize I missed seeing him until he came in and sat at the bar for lunch. I even started to smile at him but I caught myself. What was I thinking?

Lunch was unusually brisk and I was deep into a debate about baseball with another customer. He and Sean apparently knew each other but I was too busy to pay attention to what they started talking about.

“Hey, Laney,” said the baseball debater. I couldn’t remember his name at all.

“Uh huh?” I said absently, as I was making a black and tan with one hand and ringing up a lunch order with the other hand.

“Sean here thinks I would be nuts to ask you out,” he said with a grin to Sean, who groaned and glared at what’s-his-name. “He thinks you’d chew me up and spit me out. Now, see, I think of myself as a brave man so I am willing to take my chances.”

“Chances? A chance on the fact that I will spit you out?” I was still too busy to fully grasp the whole conversation.

“Yes, ma’am. So, since I’m a brave sort, unlike Sean here.”

“Shut up, Dave,” Sean said.

Aha. Dave. That was it. I got the black and tan out, made change for the waitress, and took a deep breath. I took a drink of water and leaned against the counter.

“So, let me get this straight. You want to ask me out. Correct?”

“Yes,” Dave said with a cheeky grin.

“But yet you ask Sean if you should.”

“Um … yes.” The grin started fading.

“And Slick here, he warns you away. Correct?”

“Yes,” Dave said, starting to look a little uncomfortable.

“I just wanted to make sure I got the facts straight. Now first off, I can’t consider you at all brave, since you had to ask Slick for advice instead of just jumping right in.”

I straightened up and stretched long and slow, releasing my long, brown hair from its loose knot. I may not be the most feminine person on this planet but I am not oblivious to those feminine wiles I do have — and my hair is the best of them. It’s long, flowing straight past my shoulders, luxurious and velvety brown. William said it felt like sable gliding through his hands. Dave’s hand twitched and Sean just stared, as I took my time resetting it back up on my head.

“Now, since your bravery is based on a recommendation, then the answer is no.” I turned to Sean, “And you. You had better learn to keep your comments to yourself. I may have spit him out but at least I would have considered going out with him, which is more than I can say for you.”

Sean looked at me and I could tell he wanted to say something other than what came out. “As you wish, your highness.” Sean stood up and went to order his food from a booth.

Two of Dave’s friends who had been privy to the conversation made crash and burn noises to Dave as he left me a $5.00 tip and walked out.

By what rights did Sean have to tell Dave that I’d spit him out? Granted, I wasn’t the nicest person around but I gave as good as I got and from the moment Sean had stepped into my path he had been arrogant and antagonistic. A part of me almost admired the fact that he went toe to toe with me. Honestly, not many men had. I knew that was mostly my fault; I made it difficult or even impossible for anyone to get close to me. I didn’t want anyone to get too close. That would mean I might start caring and I would not do that again. Not caring meant my heart could stay intact. I had allowed a large part of my heart, what was truly left of it, to shrivel up and die. I had lost my parents and the only other person I had ever loved. Now, trust me, I wasn’t silly enough to think that everyone I loved would die. But regardless, I found it easier to shrivel up and die inside than try to live again. Then, once I had shriveled up inside, the rest became easier to do. The withdrawal from all polite society and the downward spiral began.

Now that I realized what was happening, that I was beginning to care again, I would be better prepared for it. I could allow myself to care for Tommy and Molly, and I could even allow myself to smile and enjoy living again. But as for anything more, the price the piper asked was too high to pay. I should have known then, that I was totally and completely deluding myself.

Chapter Four

Sean didn’t come back in during the week until Friday night, and when he did he was with a date. At least, I thought she was his date. She was tall with short, black hair and whipcord lean. This woman moved with the grace of a dancer or maybe a panther. She moved like she could take on anyone who dared to cross her path. Oh, she had some attitude, as well. There was a radiance about her that said she knew exactly who she was and what she wanted. Soon after arriving Sean left their table and went to speak to Tommy, and I found her watching me. I nodded to her and she responded by coming over to the bar.

“You must be Laney,” she extended her hand. “My name is Mason. Mason Storm.”

And I thought Laney was an unusual name, as I shook her hand. “That’s me. What can I get for you?”

“Well how about a shot of Tullamore?”

“Good choice. Coming right up.” I poured her a shot and set it on the bar. “Mason Storm. That’s an unusual name.”

Mason laughed and drank her shot of whiskey. “My real name is Elizabeth Sweeney, but I changed it long ago to Mason Storm. It seemed appropriate at the time. Now, it’s just a part of me. So, Laney, how has your first week as bartender gone?”

“Can’t complain. Tips are good.”

“I bet they are.” Mason and I made small talk as I worked the bar. I found out that she was a relative of Tommy’s and that she worked for Woo with Sean. Jesus, who doesn’t work for Woo? I saw Chase come in and scan the pub. From the look he gave Mason as he saw her sitting at the bar, I knew right away he only had eyes for her. Sounds corny, but it was like a banked fire just waiting for the right time to flare up. What confused me even more was she seemed oblivious to it. How could anyone not see it?

Mason nodded to Chase and walked over to the dartboard. The raw emotion that I saw briefly on Chase’s face seemed to wash right over Mason and then disappear. I must have looked surprised or confused at her reception to him because Chase smiled at me and shrugged.

“One day,” was all he said.

He knew I saw what she didn’t see or didn’t want to see. That he would walk through fire for her — and probably had. Right at that instant an almost physical pain stabbed into my heart and I had to rub my chest to quell the ache. This was what I wanted. That deep devotion; the want, desire, and love that threatens to consume you but still allows you to be alive on your own. This was what I wanted in my life. This revelation shocked me so much that I handed Tommy my bar towel and walked out the back door of the pub, over to some bushes, and promptly threw up.

Yeah, I know. Great reaction. I straightened up after a few minutes and Chase handed me a damp towel and a cup of water. I took a deep breath and wiped my face.

“I know just how you feel,” he said staring up at the sky, hands in his back pockets.

“How do you get around with all that held in? How can she not see it?” I asked.

“Mason isn’t ready to see it. I just hope that one day she will be. Until then I’m just happy that she’s alive.”

I digested that bit of information. Probably the only thing I could digest at the time.

Chase turned and looked at me, “Laney, people see what they want to see. We often close our minds to what we fear within ourselves. It’s usually easier to fix someone else’s problems than our own. We get a sense of accomplishment when we do that. There isn’t always someone around to congratulate us for fixing ourselves.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” I said. My hair, which had fallen from its usual place on top my head, was now in my face. Chase slowly reached up and moved my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. The gesture was simple, tender, and not at all a sexual advance. I watched him with wary eyes but allowed him to do it. Somehow I knew in that minute that a bond was forming between us, a bond of friendship that had no boundaries and no demands.

“I’ll tell you this, Laney. We all have our crosses to bear. Life, death, birth. We bear them. How we carry these crosses can define us. We either live or we don’t. Existing is not living. I know that I may never have Mason. I live with that every day. And every day that I have with her is a gift.”

He tucked the rest of my hair behind my ear and walked back inside. That was when I turned to see Sean standing in the shadows. We stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity before I looked away and went back to the bar. Something had flashed between us. Something grounding and strong and for the second time that night I ached. I also ruthlessly shut it off. Not now. Not ever. Had Chase seen Sean there? I didn’t know but I wouldn’t put anything past Chase at the moment.

The next few days went pretty much like the others. I felt that at several points Tommy had wanted to say something to me but couldn’t quite find the words. It was a bit amusing to watch and at the same time disconcerting. I might not like what he had to say. It might be, “Hey, hit the road,” or “well, it’s been nice.” I heard those often over the years from my various employers. I say various because I’ve had many. Bartender, janitor, security guard, dishwasher — I’m a Jill of many trades, but I was really enjoying working at Muldoon’s. I’d met some very interesting people, too. I even met Superman one day. Really. Superman walked in and sat at the counter and ordered a Coke. He was not particularly tall, but he gave the impression of being lanky and he was wearing a T-shirt with the big “S” logo on it that fit nicely over his well-defined chest. He had a keen sense of energy that seemed to float around him and was ruggedly handsome; sharp-cut cheekbones and dark eyes that drew you in.

“I didn’t know Superman drank Coke.” I set the glass down in front of him.

“Sure he does. How do you think he gets all that energy up to save the world?” he said with a cheeky grin. He extended his hand to me, “Mike Taylor.”

“Laney Murphy.” I shook his hand and tried to withdraw but he held on to it for a moment, gently rubbing this thumb over my knuckles and then he slowly let go.

“Can I get you anything else?” My mouth had gone dry.

“Sure, a date. Not with you, I mean, a date. I haven’t been out on one in so long the guys are starting to question my manliness.”