A Plain Man (35 page)

Here's my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

D
espite a ferocious thunderstorm surrounding the Yoder house, supper conversation carried on like usual. Kerosene lamps might have been lit earlier than usual, but no one else seemed concerned that the skies had opened with a deluge. But Josie had noticed. She jolted in her chair with each bolt of lightning and subsequent rumble of thunder.

“Something wrong with you,
dochder
?” asked Margaret, ever observant of her
kinner.

Josie shoved her lima beans to the opposite side of the plate. “No, I'm fine.”

“You've been moping around for days, jumping at every strange noise.” Her mother set down her fork to devote her undivided attention.

“I don't like thunderstorms.” Josie spoke just as another brilliant blaze illuminated the room.

“Since when?” Laura peered at her. “When we were little, you would press your face to the bedroom window so as not to miss a single flash, while Jessie and I cowered under the bed.”

Josie aimed a meaningful glare at her sister—something she'd been doing often lately. “I used to stomp through mud puddles as a kid too. You don't see me doing that anymore, do you?”

“Who knows what you do when our backs are turned?” Laura winked with mischief.

Josie smiled at the memory of playing in the rain. Why did every pleasant reminiscence underscore how miserable she was now? She
stabbed a row of beans in succession, forcing herself to eat to deflect further scrutiny. However, she wasn't to remain under
Mamm'
s radar for long. While washing dishes, a serving bowl slipped from her sudsy fingers and shattered on the floor. It was a common occurrence in most households, yet coupled with the tempest raging outside, the crash pushed Josie's frayed nerves to the breaking point. She burst into tears like a six-year-old.

Margaret responded like a mother hen with one of her chicks in peril. Shutting off the water taps, she snaked her arm around Josie's waist. “Jessie, go tell Laura to come help with kitchen cleanup. We're switching Laura's night off. I need some private time with your
schwester
.”

Jessie bolted down the hallway as Josie bent to pick up the pieces. “I'm sorry about the bowl. I'll be more careful. Laura doesn't need to do my work.” Josie quickly dabbed her eyes with her apron.

“
Jah,
she does. Because it's not a discount store bowl I'm worried about. Why don't we stroll to the barn where we can talk, woman to woman?” Margaret pulled her apron over her head.

Despite her sour mood, Josie snickered. “Am I the only one to notice it's raining outside?”

“Your
daed
and I are thrilled about the rain. It's perfect timing for the final crop of hay. And you won't melt from a little water. I have this clever contraption we can use.” Margaret lifted the plain black umbrella from its hook by the door.

“Why do you want to go to the barn? Our chores are done.” Josie cleared a patch of condensation from the windowpane.

“That's not why we're taking a walk.”
Mamm
dragged her along as though she were a naughty child.

Josie grabbed her outer bonnet and stopped resisting her mother's unflappable will.

When Margaret stepped onto the porch she breathed deeply. “Do you smell that? Lightning must have struck nearby. I don't know what it's called, but I love that smell.”

“It's called ozone. And you're the only one who appreciates it.” Josie huddled close for their march across the lawn. The soles of her house
slippers were instantly soaked through. “If I'd known we're going on an adventure, I would have put on leather boots.” They ducked inside the barn where the interior smelled sweetly of stored hay in the loft, along with a sour tang from horse stalls in need of fresh bedding.

“Worry not about your feet for one moment.” Margaret lowered her umbrella to her side. “I want you to unburden your heart. Why have you been brooding for a week as though your favorite pet just died?”

Josie glanced around for an escape route, but
Mamm
was blocking the doorway. She released a sigh with feelings of impending doom. “I have no reason not to tell you, other than I'd hoped it wasn't true. There will be no engagement to announce this fall.” Her tears returned with fresh intensity.

Margaret's demeanor instantly sobered. “Dear me, I feared that was the case. What happened? Did Cal change his mind about taking the kneeling vow? Is he not ready to commit to our ways?” She broke eye contact. “Of course, if you don't wish to discuss the matter, I understand.”

Josie perched on a stack of grain sacks. “I don't mind talking, and no, Cal hasn't changed his mind about joining the church. He's just not ready to commit to me.”

“What's wrong with you? Has he heard some false gossip about one of my girls?”
Mamm'
s hen-feathers ruffled with alarm.

“I don't think so. Apparently, whatever happened up in Cleveland has shamed him, and he can't seem to forget. I told him I don't care what he did, but it does no good. He said nothing he's heard during membership class has made any difference. He doesn't feel any closer to God being Amish than he did being
Englisch.
He said he prays, but God ignores him.”

That generated a
harrumph
from her
mamm.
“God never ignores a contrite heart. Maybe he's not all that sorry about his mistakes.” Margaret shook water droplets from her umbrella onto the recently swept floor.

“I believe he regrets his past, but can't forget long enough to plan a future.” Josie paused to choose her words carefully. “I hope this doesn't sound prideful, but he acts like he's not worthy of me.”

“
Ach
, maybe that's because he's not worthy of you.”

Josie blanched. “
Mamm,
it's not like you to be so uncharitable. Don't you like Cal?” Suddenly, she felt like that little girl stomping through mud puddles in their lane instead of a grown woman.

“My opinion of him is of no consequence. I used to like the old Caleb Beachy before he left on
rumschpringe
, but he was gone a long time. Five years in the city isn't the same as a month of camping out West. Plain folks who are gone that long usually don't return to the fold.”

“He shouldn't even try? We should wash our hands of a tainted man? Who among us is without sin?” Josie's voice rose in increments with each word until she was practically shouting.

Margaret arched one eyebrow. “Control your temper, young lady. I didn't say that and your courting woes aren't my doing.”

Josie abandoned the feed sacks to encircle her mother's waist with both arms. “
Mir leid
. I'm so miserable that I'm lashing out at everyone. Maybe I should move into the hayloft for a few weeks. You could set my meals beside the bowl of cat food.” Josie laid her head against her mother's shoulder.

“Nothing doing. Tomorrow is your night for dishes. We're not letting you off the hook.” Margaret rubbed Josie's back in a circular pattern.

“Even though we've broken up, I still love Caleb. How can I help him? Surely he can't be a lost cause. Look at Mary Magdalene's past history.”

Elizabeth held her at arms' length. “Of course he's not a lost cause. God often allows His children to fall far before drawing them back. But understand me:
You
can't do anything. The only person who can help Caleb is himself. He must want this. And I don't mean just marriage, but to be restored to God's grace. Going through the motions of membership won't suffice. I respect him for not falsely taking vows just to marry you. Now you're free to court someone else once your heart heals.”

Josie stepped back from her
mamm'
s embrace. “I don't want to court somebody else. Aren't you listening to me?” Tears streamed down her face as though in competition with the downpour outside. “I love him.”

“I have listened to you.” Margaret spoke with the patience of a veteran parent. “But I repeat: You can't change Caleb's future. You can make a life with someone else or remain single, wallowing in grief until you die. Caleb must choose his own path...with or without you. With or without God, for that matter.”

She slid back the door and opened her umbrella. “Looks like it's not letting up. Are you ready to make a run for it?”

Josie shook her head. “No, I'll stay here a little longer. I've got some thinking to do.”

Margaret's mouth drooped. “Suit yourself, but I'm ready for coffee and apple pie.” She turned and vanished into the growing gloom.

With her mother gone, Josie was alone to pace the aisles, climb the steps to the loft, and peer out the window on a soggy world. But no clever plan or new attitude arrived no matter how hard she mulled the conundrum. In the end she knew
Mamm
was right. There was nothing left for her to do but go to bed. And forget about ever sharing a life with Caleb.

On the Saturday after Labor Day, Adam Troyer limped back to the barn while gnats buzzed about his head. As days went, he'd had better. Although his brothers usually managed the farm under
Daed
's direction, harvesting demanded everyone's help—even those with full-time jobs elsewhere. He had little time to work on his new cottage for his bride to be.

It also left little opportunity to even see Sarah.

This week the inn would be recovering from the onslaught of the family reunion. Serving and cleaning up after thirty men, women, and children with only Rebekah and Mrs. Pratt must have been exhausting. The sooner Sarah quit her job the happier he would be. Yes, tourists arrived eager to see fall colors, but didn't leaves change on city streets and in suburban subdivisions? Lee Ann would have to hire someone else. Plenty of women were looking for jobs in this economy. If she would simply hire
Englisch
employees, she wouldn't be left in a pinch when Amish girls decided to marry.

Bending over to search
Daed'
s toolbox, Adam clunked his head on the vise handle. “Ow!” he muttered. While cutting hay, his brother declared the blade needed adjustment, so Adam volunteered to hike back for the tools...and twisted his ankle in a gopher hole along the way. Now he would have a goose egg on his forehead to go along with the swollen ankle.

“Are you all right?” a voice sounded from behind.

Adam turned to see his future brother-in-law's apprehensive face. “
Jah
, I'm fine. What's another lump on this old melon?” He forced a smile despite the start of a headache. “I don't know which of my
bruders
can't remember to turn the vise handle toward the wall.” After retrieving the screwdriver, Adam slowly straightened his spine.

“That lump is starting to swell.” Caleb stepped closer to inspect. “You might need some ice.”

Adam waved off the suggestion. “It's nothing to worry about. Why have you come this fine September morning? Did the Beachys run out of chores so you decided to lend the Troyers a hand?” He stuck the tool into his back pocket. “Everybody's out in the fields, cutting, raking, baling, or moving hay to the loft. We had a good crop this year. We'll have enough left over to share.”

Caleb shifted his weight between feet. “We don't own close to the size of your spread, but I still have plenty of chores. Especially since I'm gone all week at the Sidleys'. But the reason—”

“The Sidleys are who came to mind about sharing our hay. How is the house reconstruction going? My father said he'll send over a few heifers in the spring in case John wants to increase his herd. Even some bulls that he could raise for beef.”

“Albert will be much obliged, but John takes no interest in farming these days. The reason I came—”

Adam interrupted Caleb a second time. “Sarah told me what you've done for Albert and his
bruders.
You're a
gut
man, Cal. Few would take an interest in people who slammed the door in their face too many times to count.”

Caleb crossed his arms. “Sarah is why I'm here.”

Adam sighed. “Did you hear about our spat last week? I sure wish
Rebekah would find something better to do than eavesdrop on conversations. You needn't worry about us. Sarah will quit her job when the time is right. I just wish it would be sooner, rather than later. Say, would you like to see how our new house is coming?”

Caleb lifted both palms into the air. “What I would like is to get a word in edgewise. I've never heard you run on so, Adam.”

“Sorry. I'm excited about finishing our home.” His expression turned to that of a chastised dog. “You wanted to talk about your sister?”