A Promised Fate (19 page)

“We're still gathering information. More details will
come out in the investigation.”

“Bull shit. I'd put money on the table that I’ll
never hear from you again.”

I shoved Ava’s ring, necklace, watch and cell into my
pocket and left. I couldn’t tolerate being in my own house any
longer. The sight of the broken glass, the police moving in a
seemingly random way from room to room, and our belongings thrown
carelessly about the house – all of it was overwhelming. Too many
questions that would very likely remain unanswered whirled in my
head. I was certain that what had happened in our home on this day
was not random, nor was the perpetrators' goal a chance to steal
valuables or to get a glimpse of Ava’s life. This crime was meant
for us and us alone ... and it shouted hate.

It was evening before I got back to my parent’s home
with a pathetic and haphazardly packed overnight bag for three
tossed over my shoulder. A text from August whistled through my
phone right before I walked in through the back door letting me
know Ava had arrived at the condo.

The crowd in my mom’s kitchen had grown since we
left. My father, uncle, aunt and Rory had all left work immediately
and headed straight for home. My sister, Julia and Max were seated
at the island. Max was eating a hotdog and chips.

“Where’s Ava?” three people asked me at once.

I sighed, “Well I’m just
fine
-- and thanks for
asking. How are all of you?”

“Ari, honey, no one asked you how you were.”

“I … God, Ma, jeeze, it’s sarcasm.
That was the
point
.”

“I don’t get it.” She batted her eyes. “Where did Ava
go? What was your house like? Was anything stolen?”

“Nothing is missing,” I said and yanked down my tie.
“The house is a disaster; I don’t know how we'll ever clean all the
broken glass or replace our pictures, most of which have been
ripped to pieces. Ava’s with August. They'll be along later.” I had
opened the refrigerator and was talking into it as I pulled out the
rest of a jumbo pack of hotdogs, relish, onions and mustard.

“What are you doing?” My mother stood up from her
chair and half of the tissues she had used fell from her lap to the
floor.

“I am freaking starving! I’ve not eaten all day. Ava
and I are stuck crashing here tonight so I am making us
dinner.”

“Ari, sit, I’ll make you a nice meal.” She took the
hotdog pack out of my hands.

“I want a hotdog,” I said and pulled the pack back
from her.

“No, you don’t. Those are for Max when he’s here.
I’ll make us something we can all enjoy. I’m sure everyone is ready
to eat.” She took the pack away from me again and opened the
refrigerator to put them away.

“Ma, I want a hotdog.” My fist wrapped around the
refrigerator handle, keeping it open. I refused to let her close
the door.

“Don’t be silly!” She tried to shove the door
closed.

My knuckles around the handle tightened. “My house
was trashed, some assholes broke nearly everything I love, Ava’s
mad at me and I am starving. All I want is to eat a hotdog. Why
can’t you just let me do this one thing?” If I had been speaking to
anyone other than my own mom, I would have used the “f-word” by
now, several times. I wanted to scream the word so badly, I had to
bite my own tongue. My mom knew it too.

“Would anyone else like a hotdog for dinner?” she
said, capitulating completely and sniffling a little at having
failed to control the dinner situation. Everyone in the kitchen
raised a hand.

“I’ll be on the deck.” I took the jumbo pack back
from her limp hand, gathered the buns and all the condiments,
hauled them to the back deck and tossed them onto the table. I sat
by the grill, spread the hotdogs over the heat and kicked my feet
up on the deck railing. The sun seemed to be only inches from the
horizon and the few clouds in the sky were a swirl of purple,
orange and pink.

“Hiya, Daddy.”

“Oh, hey!” I let out a breath and smiled for the
first time since the morning, then scooped Max onto my lap. He
leaned the back of his head into my chest and we stared out to sea
together. His little hand crept up and found comfort on my cheek.
His fingers smelled like ketchup and salt and his hair smelled like
Ava’s shampoo.

“I love you, sweet boy.” I breathed him in again and
was thankful he was unharmed and clueless about the day’s
disaster.

“Love
you
,” he yawned.

“This sunset, Max used to be my favorite view. All
day, I would look forward to sitting right here to watch the sky
fill up with beautiful colors and see the sun sparkle on the waves
and then kiss the sea before disappearing from sight. Then one day
I met Ava and I saw her smile. Her cheeks turned the same shade of
pink as the sky did.” I pointed towards the rosy cotton candy-like
clouds. “Now this magnificent sight pales in comparison to
her.”

He nuzzled his head in even closer to me and relaxed
in the dip of my arm. “My mom, your Yaya, used to tease me and say
that the only girl I would ever love was the sea. I spent all my
time with the waves, telling the cool waters my secrets. My
favorite color was that sweet, vibrant green that only the ocean
can create. Then I locked eyes with Ava and saw the prettiest sea
green imaginable. Her eyes sparkle like calm water in the sun. And
in her eyes, I saw my whole world, my reason to breathe. Now, the
sea green of her eyes is the only color I see and she’s the only
one I love. The sea is jealous of her.”

Max giggled at the idea.

“I was a fool when I met Ava. I had no idea what I
was getting myself into when it came to love. I thought I knew
everything. I had no clue that love was this powerful. I never
imagined that I could love this much. I hope one day that you get
to love someone the way I love Ava. And that that person loves you
the way Ava loves me.”

“Hey.” A firm hand patted my shoulder and I glanced
up at my father. “Don’t mean to interrupt, but we're starving,
too...” He thumbed the small gathering of people standing behind
him waiting, not particularly patiently, for something to eat. I
rolled the hot dogs into a pile and passed them out like money to
greedy, hungry hands. Even my mother had one. I waited for Ava to
come home and my shoulders sloped in relief after I heard her and
August at the bottom of the deck steps.

“Oh, wow, whatever that is, it smells delicious,” Ava
said to August and she climbed the stairs.

I had her plate ready with two dogs drowning in
mustard and relish and a side of crunchy chips. Max skipped to the
gate and greeted her with a hug around her leg. She peppered the
top of his head with kisses then raised him up by his underarms and
balanced him on her hip. Her stomach stuck out more than Max could
wrap his leg around so instead he hitched his knee over the top of
her belly. She skirted around the pool and August winked up at me,
giving me the all clear signal. Very likely she was still mad at
me, but at least the risk of her throwing something at my head had
diminished thanks to his efforts.

Max whispered in Ava’s ear and she paused at the edge
of the table where everyone sat. Her eyes narrowed and her forehead
scrunched as she strained to understand what he was saying.

“Daddy said the sea doesn’t like me?” Her nose
crinkled like a bunny. “Why would he say that?”

“That’s not what I said! Max, tell her that’s not
what I said.”

“Is too.”

Food had recently become the quickest way to Ava’s
heart and I knew hotdogs were one of her latest weaknesses. I held
her plate up as a way of surrender and she put Max down on his feet
and traded him in for her supper.

“Thanks.” She actually smiled at me. “I've wanted one
of these since breakfast.” Ava’s teeth sunk around her first hotdog
and she closed her eyes, moaned, and then licked the mustard from
the corner of her mouth.

“Did the police say anything after I left? Do they
have a lead or anything? Any prospects?” She crunched a chip.

“Uh,” I scratched a cheek. She wasn’t going to like
this at all. “They are kind of thinking that this is related to
those celebrity vandalisms they've been seeing up in L.A.”

“What?” her nose scrunched again.

“It’s been in the news lately – evidently there's a
group of loser thrill seekers who have been breaking into celebrity
homes and stealing stuff.”

“I haven't heard about it...”

“Yeah, well, I guess it’s been happening for about a
year now. They caught some people a few months back, and now others
are mimicking the behavior. Breaking into known people’s homes is
sorta the trend now.”

“That’s absurd.”

“You know that one chick who was in that new zombie
movie?”

“Kimmie Lovelace?” My sister chimed into the
conversation.

“Yeah, that one. They got her house last week and
apparently, it got trashed too.”

“You don’t actually believe that is what happened to
us do you? That’s not it!”

I didn’t believe that was what had
happened to us. Not even for a second. But, my mother was
listening, practically hanging on my every word, and if she
thought
I
believed that bogus story then she would, too. And I had to
keep in mind that
her
level of worry over unknown perpetrators with a personal
agenda would be
debilitating.

“Officer Bryant said they're still gathering all the
facts. More details will come out in their investigation. We can
stay here tonight and start the clean up tomorrow.”

A breath pushed between Ava’s lips. Her eyes were
sad. The shape of her curved mouth was sad. The slope of her
shoulders was sad.

“Hey, Baby, don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry? Ari, this is serious.
They need to find this person. I feel so, so… dirty. Someone was in
my house. Touching my life … he was in
our
room.
Max’s
room!”

“I know.”

Even though we were all gathered together on a rare
Monday night for dinner, the mood was heavy and all anyone could
talk about was how this incident could have happened, why us, who
could have done it. The questions piled up but we came up with no
more answers than we had when we started. I still suspected Ava was
holding on to something that she wasn’t ready to reveal. She kept
catching my speculative gazes in her direction and excused herself
early. I followed after, determined to crack her façade.

I was alone. Waves crashed, sea spray hissed, jagged
rocky earth jutted out from the sea like harpoons. My fear was
surreal and terrifyingly intense. Unyielding tears saturated my
eyes and rolled down my cheeks to my quivering lips, my weakened
knees tottered with each step I took. I was marching to my death,
surrendering my soul. I had been betrayed. Desperate and frantic, I
filled my mind with images of her – her lips, her eyes, her soft
blushing cheeks, her smile, her warm touch and soothing smell, and
at last, when she filled and consumed every corner of my mind and
heart, I sucked in a last breath of salty sea air and jumped. My
fate was the water, not the rocks. The jealous sea was angry with
me and grabbed hold of my ankles, pulling me down and swallowing me
whole. Cold water trickled past my mouth, slipping down my throat
and into my frantic lungs. Suddenly something ignited deep inside
me and in a panic I kicked and struggled and fought for my
life.

“No!” I yelled and jerked violently awake. My body
was pressed flat to the mattress, I was hot and the air of my
parents' guest room smelled stale, like warm bodies. Ava lay draped
across me with one leg tucked under my own and the other kicked
over me. Her belly pushed into my side and I could feel the gentle
nudging kicks of our unborn child. Half asleep, I somehow managed
to liberate one foot from the tangled sheets, providing cool air
for my toes. Ava’s head was heavy on my arm and my fingers were
tingly from the loss of blood flow. I turned my head in search of
cool air and tickled my nose against the top of Max’s springy hair.
He was spread out across my chest with his arms wrapped around my
neck and his head tucked just under my chin. My free arm enveloped
him in a secure hug. My palm and spread fingers covered his tiny
back completely.

“Ava?” I whispered after sucking in a breath for my
pleading lungs. “Baby?” my voice was nothing more than a throaty
croak in the darkness of our room. My brain tried to talk my arm
into moving so I could nudge her awake but the tingling limb was
heavy and unresponsive.

A mix of our sweat suctioned my shirt to my dampened
skin. My heart continued to race from the fear caused by my
nightmare. In it, I had taken my own life -- that was clearly what
I had been doing. I jumped over the rocks and into the sea,
allowing the tide take me under. There was no fight left in me
until my final moment. Only one tragedy could motivate me to end my
life, and that was not only losing Ava, but all of them – my wife,
my baby and my son. Something was happening. I could feel the
change, the pressure of panic deep inside my chest. The anxiety was
so strong that it controlled everything. It orbited and settled
like a cloud around my belief that Ava was keeping something from
me -- a secret that would inevitably lead to our deaths.

“Ave… Baby?” I gave her a gentle bump and coaxed her
with my shoulder until she whimpered and squeezed me even
tighter.

“Hey,” I said louder in her ear at the risk of waking
Max, and Ava blinked her wet eyes at me. She had also been having a
nightmare -- the one that made her sad.

“Hey,” I said again, but she was still half asleep
and did not answer. “Ava. Try to wake up. I need to talk to you.”
My voice was rough, my mouth bone dry and scratchy.