A Question of Identity (31 page)

‘You’re looking forward to it, aren’t you?’

‘Yes. Nervous though. A PhD is a big step from a short course. What happened to your thoughts on doing an Open University degree by the way?’

‘That’s all they are. Thoughts. I don’t think I could do it.’

‘Why not? People of ninety do degrees.’

‘Nothing to do with age. Just commitment. And your father isn’t keen.’

‘Now that doesn’t sound like you.’

There was a difficult silence. Cat had deliberately arrived early for just this eventuality. They were in the centre of town now, but she pulled up in an empty side street and switched off the engine.

Judith looked out of the window.

‘If you want to talk and not go to the book group you know that’s absolutely fine. We can go and get something to eat or –’

‘No.’

‘I’m concerned. You know I am.’

‘It’s all fine, darling. We’d better get a move on.’

There were ten members of the book group but they rarely had a full house. Tonight, eight sat round the front of Emma’s bookshop. The idea was that although the Lanes were quiet at night, people still went through, and the bar on the corner and the brasserie were open until eleven, so lights on and a group sitting talking in the shop full of books attracted attention.

Emma provided coffee, others brought cakes and biscuits, and they all put money into a communal pot to buy wine. Cat always looked forward to the group evenings, and until the last few months, so had Judith. Tonight, she sat at the back, on a chair behind two others, her scarf still round half her face. Someone asked if she was all right, and sympathy was universal at her murmured ‘Dentist. Root canal.’

It was Emma’s turn to introduce the book and she held up her copy to get their attention.

Cat listened, but every so often took a covert glance at her stepmother. The discussion began but Judith did not say anything. They had some pleasantly fiery disagreements, the usual people took the floor and wouldn’t give it up, the usual others said little. In five minutes they would break and whoever’s turn it was would go out to the kitchen to organise the refreshments.

A slight movement caught the corner of Cat’s eye and she looked at Judith. The scarf had slipped. The right-hand side of her face, around her cheekbone, was badly bruised and flared red, and there was also a livid patch on her jaw.

Cat looked away but not before Judith had realised. She flushed, and pulled the scarf back up.

Cat sat through the rest of the evening on autopilot, drinking a glass of wine too quickly, then a cup of sweet black coffee, eating nothing, her heart racing. She could not look at Judith
again, did not say a word about the book, nor even take in the rest of the conversation.

‘I think that’s it, then. What a great discussion. Cat, you’re hostess next month, your turn to choose our book. What are we going to read?’

She hadn’t the faintest idea, not given it a second’s thought. Now, she looked quickly round the shelves.

‘
The Magic Toyshop
. Angela Carter,’ she said, seeing a new edition displayed on the table.

People said this or that – they had read Carter, they hadn’t, they admired her, they weren’t sure.

Cat took Judith’s arm as they went out into the street.

‘I’ll get a taxi home, no need for you to bother coming out all that way.’

Cat said nothing at all, merely walked down through the narrow streets to Cathedral Close and her car, parked at the top. Simon’s own car was absent, his lights not on.

Judith sighed. ‘The pressure he must be under.’

‘I know. But he has the coolest head of anyone I know. He never lets it get to him, just works harder.’

‘Did you hear about the fire? That poor man, burned to death – it must have gone up like a tinderbox. They say he had a paraffin stove and lamp – dreadfully dangerous things. You really should have let me get a taxi, darling.’

Cat said nothing, simply drove out through the archway and hit the road home. She switched on the car radio to a Bach cello recital. It was like a balm as she drove through the darkness, praying that she would get it right, say the things she had to say and not upset her stepmother.

They turned off the bypass.

‘Wrong way.’

‘I know,’ Cat said. ‘I’m taking you back to the farmhouse.’

‘No, please, I have to get home . . . your father . . .’ Quietly, turning her head away to look out of the window and away from Cat’s sight, Judith began to cry.

The children were all in bed though Sam’s light was still on. Silke left in her battered Mini.

Cat got out a bottle of wine and held it up.

‘Or would you rather have a whisky? Yes. So would I. Let’s go in the sitting room.’

Judith did not argue now. The spirit of protest and keeping up appearances seemed to have gone out of her.

‘Let me take a quick look at your face.’

‘It’s fine.’

‘Maybe.’

Cat saw harsh bruising, inflamed skin, a contusion down Judith’s right jaw but nothing worse. ‘What have you put on it?’

‘Cold water.’

‘Painkillers?’

‘Yes. All the usual. It’s not sore now.’

Cat poured two stiff whiskies, splashed in the minimum of water. She was still giving herself time, still shocked and uncertain exactly how she should handle it, what she should and should not say. Inside, she felt a great tumble of emotions.

Judith’s eyes were red, the skin beneath them hollowed out and dark. She had taken two large swigs of her whisky. Cat poured another measure.

‘How long has this been happening?’

‘You mustn’t think this is . . . I’m not a beaten-up wife, you know.’ She made a slight attempt at a laugh.

‘Excuse me, that is exactly what you are. I’ve seen enough of them. Once or a hundred times, it makes no difference and you know it, Judith. My father – Christ, I can’t believe this . . .’

But in fact I can, Cat realised, I’m horrified to discover that I can believe it only too well.

It was an appalling thing to acknowledge that her own father was capable of hitting his wife. Had he done the same to Meriel? To her own mother?

‘How long has this been going on? You have to talk to me, Judith. It’s serious and you know it is. You haven’t spoken to anyone, have you? You’ve pretended and covered up, it’s all been in silence behind the closed front door and the drawn curtain. It always is.’

‘No, darling, that’s ridiculous . . . it isn’t like that at all.
I’m not one of those poor beaten-up women with brutal husbands.’

‘Yes, Judith. Yes, you are. The fact that he is a highly respected physician and pillar of the Freemasons, living in a handsome detached country house, makes not one iota of difference. He is your husband and he hits you. How often? Every week? Every day?’

‘Goodness no. Of course not. It was a stupid argument about nothing, Richard had had too much to drink, I was irritable with him – oh, you know how these things flare up.’

‘No. I know people quarrel and have silly arguments about something trivial and don’t speak for a few hours. I’ve done all that myself, heaven knows. Most married people have. But most married people don’t have husbands who escalate the quarrel to the point where they lash out, physically. You’re trying to pretend this is a one-off. I don’t believe you. When did it start?’

‘I know I can be an annoying person to live with –’

‘Don’t you dare claim this is your fault! Dear God, who are you trying to protect? Tell me when it started. You seemed so happy, it all looked so right from where we were standing.’

‘But we were. It was. It still is. In a way.’ Judith finished her drink but put her hand up to refuse any more. ‘I love Richard. Loved. I don’t know now. It takes a lot of accepting – that the person you love and married is someone else, at least part of the time. I always knew he had another side – I’ve seen how he is with Simon often enough. I knew he could be sarcastic, cold. He isn’t someone who shows warm feelings easily but he has them. He loves me, loves you and of course he adores the children. He actually does love Simon. It’s because he loves him that he gets so angry.’

‘Rage and disapproval aren’t the most usual ways of showing love. Nor is hitting your wife.’

‘I know,’ Judith said so quietly Cat could barely hear her.

They were both silent, Judith tracing her finger along the pattern in the cushion, Cat thinking furiously. The last thing she wanted to do was behave as if she were in her surgery with a traumatised patient, distancing and detaching herself from
what she had just been told, which was tempting because she felt so shocked and bruised.

She got up, went to sit beside Judith and put her arms round her.

‘Listen, we’ll sort this out. I’m on your side and I’ll do whatever you need me to. I understand why you didn’t tell me or anyone else. I’m glad you have now because this is where it stops. It won’t happen again, Judith, it can’t. Stay here tonight, and for however long you need.’

‘No, of course I can’t do that, I have to go back now, it’s late, Richard will wonder what’s happened.’

‘Let him. You can’t go home.’

‘I’m not leaving him, if that’s what you’re thinking. And please don’t say anything to anyone else about this. Swear to me.’

‘Why? What good will it do pretending it hasn’t happened?’

Judith got up. ‘I’ll ring for a cab.’ She made for the door.

‘Stay tonight,’ Cat said. ‘It’s something you’ve done often enough before at short notice. If you really care about what Dad thinks, I’ll call him.’

‘Of course I care what he thinks. What do you take me for?’

‘A woman who has been subject to domestic violence.’

Judith turned to her. Her face was flushed and angry. ‘I am going to ring for a taxi. I wish I hadn’t told you . . . no, wait a minute – I take that back, because I didn’t tell you anything, did I? You insisted on drawing conclusions based on an accident I had.’

‘Ah yes. You walked into a door.’

‘How dare you!’

‘Judith . . .’

But she was in the hall, picking up the phone and looking down the pad where the taxi numbers were written.

‘It will be about twenty minutes.’

‘Please come and have another drink while we wait then, if you really won’t stay tonight. I can’t bear this.’

They went back into the sitting room. Cat had a small Scotch and a lot of water, Judith the reverse.

‘I don’t want us to be like this. I won’t let you go until you tell me that whatever happened or happens you and I are never going to quarrel. Not about anything.’

‘Not ever never, as Felix says.’

‘Yes, that.’

‘You didn’t promise not to talk to anyone else about this, Cat.’

‘I don’t often make promises. Promises are dangerous things.’

‘Meaning you will, you’ll pick up the phone to Simon the minute I leave here.’

‘That is not what I mean and not what I’m going to do.’

‘I don’t want us to talk about this again.’

Cat looked at her without speaking. There was nothing she could say, not now – not until she had thought a lot and got her head round everything, when she was calmer.

There was the sound of a car, then a horn hooting.

Cat went to the door, cursing the laziness of drivers who would not bother to get out and ring the bell.

She put her arms round her stepmother and held her tightly, kissed her on both cheeks, and then, because she could not stop herself, touched her forefinger gently to the bruises.

Judith turned away and went out to the taxi. She did not glance back.

‘SERRAILLER.’

‘Are you DCS Simon Serrailler, Lafferton Police?’

‘Yes, I am.’

‘I’m calling regarding your enquiry.’

‘And not before time. It’s two days since you said someone would get back to me and I’m in the middle of an investigation into two murders.’

‘Your enquiry was about an Alan Frederick Keyes?’

‘Do have any idea what could happen in two days? Yes, of course you do. Now, what can you give me?’

‘We can neither confirm nor deny that we have knowledge of an Alan Frederick Keyes. That’s all.’

‘Hang on a minute. I’m pretty certain your department gave Keyes a new ID ten years ago, for his own protection as a result of his being acquitted on three –’

‘I’ll just repeat, Superintendent. I can neither confirm nor deny that we have any knowledge of an Alan Frederick Keyes.’

‘What are you, a bloody robot? Listen –’

‘That’s all I’ve got for you.’

The line went dead. Simon swore vividly.

Half an hour later in a small meeting room on Floor Five, three men sat at a table. Two had laptops open in front of them, one had nothing.

‘“Jogging Sparrow.” Are we on song?’

The others nodded.

‘Right. Alan Frederick Keyes was given a new ID in 2002. Code name: Jogging Sparrow. As Keyes, mid-brown straight hair, light blue eyes, clean-shaven. As “Jogging Sparrow”, shaven head, dark brown contact lenses, moustache. General appearance as Keyes, tidy, grey trousers, shirt, jacket or zip-up anorak, leather shoes. General appearance as JS, always jeans, T-shirts, sometimes fleeces, trainers. Scruffy but not dirty. Slight Yorkshire accent but Keyes only arrived in the county at the age of seventeen, so not pronounced. Birthplace Mansfield but moved about a lot until he left home and took himself north. JS, birthplace Rotherham. All early records based in Rotherham. Alan Keyes worked as a general builder with a range of skills, set up his own small building firm doing subcontracting. Married to Lynne Dodley, 1989. No children. Parents both dead, and Keyes lost contact with them as a teenager. Jogging Sparrow lived in Leeds. Last known address for which we had contact, 226a Pinder Road, Leeds.’

The man with nothing on the desk in front of him said, ‘“. . .
for which we had contact
”?’

‘Yes. His liaison officer with us was DS Paul Merriman, known to JS as Paul Q. Merriman retired six years after we placed JS.’

‘Who took over?’

The officer looked anxious. ‘Officially, DC Lester Hodges.’

‘“
Officially
”?’

‘It looks as if DS Merriman was the last person from us to be in touch with JS, sir. After that . . . well, JS disappeared off the radar.’