A Quiche Before Dying (5 page)

“I wouldn’t demean myself.“

“Then you have no right to comment on their content, quality, or morality. I’m sorry to say this, Mrs. Pryce, but if you can’t keep quiet until you’re called on, I’ll have to ask you to drop out of this class.“

“I’ve paid my money and I’ll stay as long as I wish. That is my right as a citizen.“ She turned and looked around smugly, as if daring any of them to dispute this.

“Now see here—“ Missy began, then caught herself. She looked down at her notes, took a long breath, and went on with her lecture. “The first thing you must determine is the purpose your autobiography is to serve. There are many reasons for writing one, some therapeutic, some instructional....”

Jane was making notes.
Why is Priscilla writing this autobiography? To explain herself to her descendants? To clear her conscience? To plead her cause in the eyes of the world? Or to prove a point to the woman she believed to be her mother for so many years?
For a little while she was able to put aside the suffocating tensions in the room. Mrs. Pryce didn’t exist in Priscilla’s world, nor did any of Mrs. Pryce’s victims.

5

“So how did it go?“ Jim Spelling asked Jane, Cecily, and Shelley as they trooped in the door. He was at the kitchen sink washing grease off his hands.

“Not bad—“ Jane said, preoccupied.

“Not bad?“ her mother and Shelley said in unison. “Jane! Have you gone mad?“ Shelley finished. “What?“

“Earth to Jane. Do I need to get the jumper cables?”

Jane laughed. “I’m sorry. I was thinking about something else. The class was ghastly, at least Mrs. Pryce was. Is Katie home, Uncle Jim?“

“She came and went.“

“She’s not supposed to go anywhere.“

“Just next door to look at somebody’s hair. Why anybody’d walk five feet to look at hair is a mystery to me.”

Shelley was getting out coffee cups. “It’s my daughter’s, and it is worth gawking at. She looks like somebody went at her head with a lawn mower.“

“I’ve been thinking about it, and I believe Agnes Pryce is insane,“ Cecily said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “I remembered her as being overbearing and insensitive, but nothing like that performance tonight. Maybe it’s a particularly nasty form of senility.”

Shelley joined her at the table, setting cups around. “You might be right. I did some volunteer work at a nursing home for a while. There was a man there, not all that old, but he’d had a stroke. He was belligerent and had the foulest mouth I’ve ever heard. His family was always visiting and always left in tears. Apparently he’d been a gentle, kind person before. The doctor and nurses kept explaining to them that the stroke had triggered activity in some part of his mind that we all have, but normally repress. I guess his inhibitions had been cut off somehow. Maybe that’s what age has done to Mrs. Pryce.“

“That woman never did have inhibitions,“ Jim said, turning off the faucet and looking at the drip with irritation. “This needs work, too.“

“Jim, this was far worse than I remembered her,“ Cecily Grant said. “This poor woman who has some illness sat down next to her, and Pryce behaved like she’d been thrust into the middle of a leper colony. She called another woman a drunk and accused the mayor of embezzling the town treasury. All that before the class even started. That’s when she went to work on the teacher for writing pornography.”

Katie burst in just then, and there were five minutes of hugging and kissing and shopping plans between granddaughter and grandmother.

“Jane, I ran into whatsisname today,“ Jim said when the greetings had died down.

“Which whatsisname?“

“VanDyne.“

“Oh?“ Jane was elaborately casual.

“Yeah, said he was going to give you a call. Hadn’t seen you in a while.“

“I’ve been right here.”

Jim glanced up from the offending plumbing, surprised at her arch tone. “Yeah—but he hasn’t, you know. He’s been teaching some law enforcement seminars out in California.“

“Who are you talking about?“ Cecily Grant asked. “Mel VanDyne, Mother. I wrote to you about him.

The detective I invited to Christmas dinner with us.“

“Oh, yes. The fabled Christmas dinner when Todd got sick.“

“Todd couldn’t help it. I never heard from VanDyne again. I guess he thought somebody always threw up on Christmas around here. Long family tradition. After all, if the president can upchuck at a state dinner, why should Todd be any different?“

“Jane, I’m sorry,“ her mother said.

“No, don’t be. It’s nothing,“ Jane said.

But it was. Mel VanDyne had been her first timid venture back into the world of romance after being widowed, and she’d been humiliated when he never called back after the ill-fated dinner. She’d beat herself up about it for weeks. What had she expected? He was younger than she, extraordinarily good-looking, and sophisticated in the real world. She, on the other hand, was domestic to the eyebrows, wallowing in children, pets, recipes, cleaning products, and PTA committees. What possible interest could a handsome bachelor have in her? And yet, she’d been instrumental in helping him solve a couple of crimes, and the reason she was able to help was that she understood the suburban life that she was so thoroughly a part of and he didn’t. Still, he had probably regarded that as a helpful- trait, not a sexy one.

“You aren’t going back, are you?“ Jim was asking.
It took a second to hoist herself out of her reverie.
“You mean to class? Sure. Missy’s a terrific teacher.“

“Besides, we’re committed now,“ Shelley said. “We’ve been summoned to dinner at Pryce’s tomorrow. A sort of royal command.“

“We have?“

“Jane, I’m worried about you,“ Shelley said. “Don’t you remember? Where is your mind? Mrs. Pryce announced that we would all meet for dinner at her house. You even asked if there was anything you could bring.“

“I must have been on autopilot. Whenever people talk about getting together, I go into my casserole mode. What did I offer to cook?“

“A quiche,“ Shelley said.

“What? I don’t know how to make quiche. I’d never volunteer that.“

“No, it was assigned you. I was assigned a fruit salad—no pineapple. Don’t you really remember?“

“I guess it is ringing a faint bell.“

“I’ll make your quiche, Jane,“ her mother offered. “I’ve got a great recipe that uses chicken and asparagus—“

“You don’t mean you’re all really going to her house, do you?“ Jim said. “Why would she invite you, anyway?“

“She just wants to show off her house, I guess. And yes, we have to go. We can’t leave the others unprotected,“ Cecily explained.

“I tried to wriggle out,“ Shelley put in. “Missy nearly slapped me. She said if she had to go, we all had to.“

“Besides, I’m curious to see how she lives,“ Cecily said. “It’ll probably give me stories to dine out on for weeks.“

“But why would anyone go? You should have all refused,“ Jim insisted. He was a lifelong bachelor, and the ways of women never stopped surprising him.

“If we’d had any warning, I imagine we would have,“ Cecily said. “But, Jim, I’ve been to dinners where I was expected to eat eels—and act as though I like them. If I can survive that, dinner with Mrs. Pryce ought to be a piece of cake. Now, Katie, let’s go sit in the living room and plan our shopping tomorrow. I want to take some notes on your closet.”

Shelley told everyone good night and took off. Jane opened the refrigerator door, wondering if she had the necessary ingredients for quiche. She was hard-pressed to remember what went into a quiche. It was just a custard without the sugar, wasn’t it? As she was standing and staring stupidly into the white box, Uncle Jim came over and put his arm around her. “Janey, what’s wrong? You aren’t acting like yourself.”

She shut the refrigerator door and hugged him hard. “I’m fine, Uncle Jim. Really fine. And the garage door works beautifully. Thanks for fixing it. I kept hoping something truly terrible would happen to it and I could persuade the insurance company to pay for fixing it.“

“I don’t think you should be taking this class. It’s making you unhappy,“ he said to the top of her head.

“No, it’s really not. I’m not unhappy. I’ve just got something on my mind.“

“Anything I can help with?“

“No, it’s nothing bad. In fact, it’s kind of exciting and nice. Let’s take a couple beers out on the patio.“

“So, what’s up?“ Jim asked when they were settled outside. “Is it VanDyne? I don’t think the bastard’s right for you, honey.”

Jane laughed. “Uncle Jim, Mel VanDyne and Ihave no relationship at all—not that I’d mind if we did. Just out of curiosity, though, why isn’t he right for me?“

“He’s too slick.“

“And I’m a hayseed?“

“Naw, that’s not what I mean. Anyway, I think—well, I think he’s younger than you.“

“You say that as if it’s a dark, dirty secret. He’s four years younger than I am. I asked.“

“See?“

“That doesn’t matter these days, Uncle Jim.“

“ It should.“

“You sweet old reactionary. Well, it’s not Mel on my mind anyway. It’s something I’m writing for Missy’s class. We were supposed to write an autobiography, but I didn’t want to. So I invented a person to write about, and I can’t keep my mind off her.”

Jim looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “You’re sure that’s all?”

She took a sip of her beer. “Yes, I think so....”

In the morning Katie and Cecily set off on their shopping expedition. “Operation Desert Shop,“ Jane called it. They had lists of stores to visit, and had taken a quick inventory of Katie’s clothing so that Cecily would know the gaps that needed filling. They planned to start with underwear and finish with shoes, and fit in a lunch somewhere along the line.

Jane glanced at their itinerary. “Mom, Design Delight isn’t in the mall. It’s—“

“A block to the west in the little strip of shops with the green roof, isn’t it?“ Cecily said.

“Yes. How do you know that?“

“We went there once,“ Cecily explained. “I’ll get things for the quiche and be home in time to make it.”

Jane saw them off, sorted out a cat tiff, and took a quick tour of the house. For once, there wasn’t anything that desperately needed attention. She’d done a thorough cleaning before her mother came, and with the boys gone, the laundry situation was under control. There were hardly enough dirty dishes to justify running the dishwasher, and Katie had not only cleaned her room but, astonishingly, made her bed in honor of her grandmother’s visit.

Smiling, Jane turned the kitchen radio to a classical music station and sat down at the table with a legal pad and pencil. “Well, Priscilla, what shall we do today?“ she said.

The phone rang at one o’clock. “Yes?“ Jane said sharply, irritated at being interrupted. She and Priscilla were in the midst of an adventure, and Jane was dying to see how it came out.

“Jane? This is Mel VanDyne.”

Gulp! Nicely—but not
too
nicely—Jane said, “Oh, hello. How are you, Mel?“

“Fine. How are you getting along?“

“Just fine.“
God! I’m so boring! Say something fascinating! Quick!

“
Listen, Jane—I’ve been out of town, and I wondered, that is, would you be free this evening?“

“What did you have in mind?“ That was cool, wasn’t it? Cool, or just bitchy?

“Dinner, a movie?“

“I’d love t— oh, no. I can’t. I’m taking a class. It’s not out until nine-thirty.“

“Then how about after your class?“

“Where would we go then?“ Jane asked, then feltstupid. Just because she was usually home by nine didn’t mean the world shut down at that hour.

“I don’t know. How about going for drinks? Maybe some dancing?”

Dancing!
She hadn’t danced for a decade! “How about ice cream and talk, Mel? I want to hear about what you’ve been doing, and bars are so noisy.“ She’d probably find out that bars were quiet these days and she’d shown herself up as completely out of touch, but she couldn’t face dancing without a couple weeks of practice. Lessons, more likely. The last dance she’d really mastered had been the twist.

“Sounds great. I’ll pick you up from your class. Where is it?“

“The city hall. It’s not a real class for credit. Just a community thing.“ What was she explaining that for?
Get a grip on yourself Jane.

“
Good. I’ll get some paperwork caught up at the office and pick you up at nine-thirty. Jane...?“

“Yes?“

“I’m looking forward to seeing you.“

“Me, too. ‘Bye, Mel.“ She hung up the phone, hugged herself, and spun around the room. Cats scattered from her path. “I’ve got a date tonight, Meow. A real, live date with a man who voluntarily asked me out!“ She scooped the orange cat up and waltzed into the living room.