A Rancher's Christmas (Saddlers Prairie) (18 page)

Stony faced, he sat up. “It’s late.”

Gina sat up, too, pulling the covers with her. “So you can do the most intimate physical things with me, but you can’t share your personal stuff.” Add utter hypocrite to her list of flaws.

“What we just shared was pretty damn personal. I care about you, Gina, but this is as personal as you’re going to get from me.” He rose from the bed and put on his boxers.

“I’ll leave as soon as I’m dressed.” Holding the blanket around her like a protective shield, she retrieved her clothes. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“Down the hall, to your left.”

“Go back to sleep,” she said. “I’ll let myself out.”

Zach didn’t argue.

Fifteen minutes later, feeling more alone than she could ever remember, she tiptoed into the house and made her way up the stairs.

Chapter Eighteen

In need of a friendly ear, Gina called Autumn the following day and invited her to lunch. “Let’s meet at the Pizza Palace,” she said.

“Love to. Hold on while I see if one of the boys can watch April.” Seconds later, she was back. “It’ll have to be a quick lunch. I can meet you at twelve, but I have to be back by one.”

Shortly before noon, Gina found an empty booth and sat down to wait for her friend.

It wasn’t long before Autumn slid in across from her, her cheeks flushed from the cold. “What a great party last night.”

“It was.”

A teenage girl took their orders. When she left, Autumn smiled. “You and Zach are seeing each other while you’re in town, huh?”

“I’m not sure.” Gina bit her lip. “That’s one of the reasons I called you. I really need to talk to someone.”

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s pretty embarrassing. You won’t tell anyone, right?”

“Not even Cody.”

Satisfied, Gina lowered her voice. “Zach and I made love last night.”

“The way you were looking at each other at the party, I’m not surprised.” Autumn frowned. “You don’t seem happy about that. Was the sex bad?”

Still glowing from their lovemaking, Gina shook her head. “It was wonderful. But Zach doesn’t trust me. He’s told me a little about his family, but he won’t talk about his past—where he worked, what he did there and why he left Houston. I can’t help but wonder what he’s hiding.”

Autumn nodded but didn’t comment. She listened without judgment, which was exactly what Gina needed.

Gina wasn’t going to share her own secrets, but once she started talking, her troubles spilled out and she unloaded everything—her strong feelings for Zach and why they scared her, her job situation and her money troubles.

“Here I am, questioning Zach for not telling me about his past, when my own life is a total sham,” she finished. “Pretty pathetic, isn’t it?”

Autumn shrugged. She didn’t seem nearly as disappointed in her as Gina had imagined. “Stuff happens.”

The waitress delivered their food. As soon as she moved away from the table, Autumn went on. “The job thing isn’t your fault.”

“No, but my financial situation is.”

“You can fix that. Trust me, I know—I was in the same boat when I went to work as Cody’s housekeeper. You’ll get another job and everything will be fine.” Autumn dug into her lunch.

Having eaten little since long before the Dawson’s party, Gina was famished. For a few minutes she and Autumn both concentrated on eating.

“I’m not sure what to do about Zach,” she said when she finally came up for air. “Should I trust him?”

“You’re the only one who can answer that. What does your heart tell you?”

“I’m in love with him, and I think he cares about me, too.”

Autumn nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe if you trust Zach enough to share your problems with him, he’ll open up to you.”

Gina had never considered that.

“It all boils down to what you want,” Autumn said as they finished the meal. “What do you want, Gina?”

She’d been mulling that over since Kevin had suggested she think about it. “I’m not sure,” she admitted.

“You’ll figure it out. I hate to cut our conversation short, but I have to get back.”

They paid and walked out to their cars.

Before they parted ways, Gina hugged her friend. “Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime. Let me know what happens, okay? And merry Christmas.”

On the drive back to the Lucky A, Gina thought hard about what she wanted.

Only weeks ago, her dream had been to make vice president at Andersen, Coats and Mueller and go on climbing the ranks from there. The commonsense part of her wanted a good job in marketing and the potential to advance. But her heart wanted Zach, and fighting with her heart was a losing battle.

Autumn was right—if she wanted a relationship with him, she needed to be honest. The very thought terrified her. He might not be as easygoing about her situation as Autumn had been. Gina would have to tell her family, too.

She swallowed. Could she risk the humiliation of admitting she’d been living a lie?

She wasn’t sure she was brave enough.

* * *

F
ALLING
FOR
G
INA
was about the stupidest thing Zach had ever done, and over the next few days, he called himself ten kinds of fool. He steered clear of her. She didn’t try to find him, either.

His one consolation was that they seemed to be of the same mind. Neither of them wanted a relationship. That was a relief—or so he told himself.

On Christmas Eve day he was in a foul mood. Hard work always helped take his mind off his problems, but he’d worked over Thanksgiving. For the next two days, Pete, Bert and Chet were responsible for doing all the chores.

Early that afternoon, Redd phoned him. “Merry Christmas. The dogs and I just arrived at the house. We’re spending the night. The usual friends and neighbors will be stopping by later this afternoon, and we want you here.”

Zach was in no mood to spend the holiday with the Arnetts, particularly Gina. He doubted she wanted to see him, either. But her family expected him there. “What time?” he asked.

They settled on three o’clock—an hour away.

Zach was wandering around the small trailer, waiting for the time to pass, when someone knocked on his door.

Grateful for the distraction, he opened it. To his surprise, Gina stood on the stoop.

He drank in the sight of her. “Redd called a little while ago. I said I’d come at three. What are you doing here?”

“Merry Christmas.” She fiddled with her glove and tried to smile. “May I come in?”

Wondering what she wanted, he shrugged. “Sure.”

He moved back so that she could step inside.

* * *

Z
ACH
LOOKED
WARY
and tired, as if he hadn’t been sleeping. Gina wasn’t sleeping well, either. There was too much to think about, too much at stake. Weighing the risks of honesty versus continuing to live a lie had consumed her, and she couldn’t sleep or eat, let alone enjoy the Christmas festivities.

She was so miserable that Gloria and Sophie had stopped bickering, uniting to shower her with pitying looks. Even Sugar and Bit avoided her, slinking past with their tails between their legs.

Her conscience was eating her alive. If she didn’t do something soon, she would make herself sick.

It was time to tell the truth.

Zach took her coat and hung it on the hook. “You want coffee?”

At the moment, she couldn’t put anything in her stomach to save her life. “No, but I would like to sit down.”

He gestured toward the little table in his miniscule kitchen. They sat, their knees almost touching.

“If this is about the other night...” He cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have let you leave like that.”

“We both said things.” She wasn’t sure exactly how to begin, so she spoke from the heart. “I know you care about me, Zach, and I have feelings for you, too. Strong feelings. But I need to tell you something, and... Well, I’m pretty sure that once I do, your opinion of me will change.”

Any wariness vanished under a quizzical look.

“When Gloria broke her ankle and I called my boss, he was pretty unhappy that I wanted to stay here,” she said. “In a nutshell, he gave me a choice—either leave the company or come back as an assistant.” The idea was so repugnant that she shuddered. “I can’t do that. He’s not going to give me my year-end bonus, either, and you have no idea how badly I need it.”

Afraid of what she’d see in Zach’s eyes, she looked down at her hands. “I’m in real trouble. I can’t pay my bills, and collectors are starting to call. I have one more paycheck and my vacation pay coming. After that...” She swallowed around a lump of fear. “I may have to declare bankruptcy. I didn’t think I was anything like my parents, but I guess I’m like my dad. He spent money he didn’t have to impress people, and I did that, too.”

There. It was out.

Her cheeks burning with humiliation, she forced herself to meet Zach’s gaze. To her surprise, she saw only warmth.

“Back up to the part about your feelings for me,” he said. “I’m a lowly ranch foreman.”

“I know, and go figure. I’ve been thinking about your past. I don’t understand why you’re hiding it from me, but the truth is, I already know everything I need to about you. You’re a good man with a big heart—that’s what matters.”

The last part was the hardest to say, and she cleared her throat. “Now you know that I lied about my life. If you don’t... If you’re not interested in me anymore, I understand.”

“Because your jackass boss fired you and you have money problems?” Zach shook his head. “Those things don’t matter to me. I’m still crazy about you.”

Gina couldn’t quite believe her ears. “Even if I have to sell the ranch to pay down my bills?”

Across the table, he caught hold of her hands. “That’d be a real bummer, but even then.”

She was so overcome that her eyes filled. “Zach Horton, I love you.”

“Yeah?” A smile started at his lips and spread until his eyes lit up and crinkled at the corners. “I love you, too. Come here, and I’ll show you just how much.”

Zach pulled her close and kissed her, and nothing else mattered.

Later, when she was lying naked and sated in his bed, her cell phone rang. “I better get that.” She pulled out of his arms and glanced at the screen. “It’s Gloria. I told her I was going out, and I’m sure she wonders where I am.”

“Tell her you’re with me.”

“I will.”

When she hung up, she reached for her clothes. “It’s time to go to the house.”

“We still have a lot to talk about,” Zach said.

“We’ll have to save that conversation for another time. Please don’t say anything to my family about my job or finances. I’m not ready to tell them.”

“I won’t say a word.”

Chapter Nineteen

Later that evening, after the guests had consumed the Christmas Eve meal and headed home, and Gloria, Redd, Sophie and the dogs were safely asleep, Zach sat on the sofa with his arm around Gina. Only the fire and the Christmas-tree lights lit the room.

“What a beautiful tree,” she said, snuggling close.

“You’re beautiful.” He kissed her, her soft sigh wrapping around his heart.

Gina loved him. He felt good about that and awed that she’d been honest with him. It hadn’t been easy for her to tell him about losing her job or her money worries, but she’d told him all the same.

Her courage inspired him, and before he left the house tonight, he intended to bare his soul to her. She deserved to know the kind of man he used to be. Like his family, she might not understand why he’d chosen to give up his old life, might think he was crazy. She could decide she didn’t want him, after all. Dread knotted his gut.

“Zach? You’re frowning.”

“Am I?” Not quite ready to tell her, he forced a light expression. “I think your family’s onto us.”

“You mean because they made sure we sat next to each other at dinner and turned in early so that we could be alone?” Gina rolled her eyes. “I should never have told them we were together when they called this afternoon.”

“Are you going to tell them about your job?”

“Yes, tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to that.”

“They’re still going to love you,” he said.

He only hoped that Gina would still love him when he shared his past.

“They’re going to be shocked. They’re so proud of me, and I hate letting them down.”

“They’ll get over it.”

“Will they?” She tried to smile. “I feel lost, Zach, and I will until I find a new job. Plus, they think I have all this money. I need to tell them, but I wish I didn’t.”

“Hey.” He smoothed her hair back and smiled into her worried eyes. “You’re one of the bravest, strongest people I know, and you can do this.”

“Brave and strong. I’ve never thought of myself as either. Thank you for that.” She leaned up and kissed him, a gentle press of the lips not meant to incite passion.

Yet the hunger between them simmered in the air.

Gina checked her watch. “It’s getting late and we both need to get some sleep. I wish you could stay here tonight, but with my family in the house...”

“Yeah, that’d feel weird.”

Zach needed to go soon, but first it was time to come clean. “Before I leave, there are some things you need to know about me.” He let go of her, leaned forward and stared at his hands. “I don’t like to talk about my past, but it’s time I explained.”

Gina sucked in a breath and went still.

“I used to own my own company. Horton Real Estate was a commercial real-estate corporation. I worked long hours and lived for deals and profits, and my company thrived and grew. I met my fiancée when she came to work for me. We lived in a big, custom-built home and owned three cars. Money, love, success—I had it all and should’ve been happy. But I wasn’t. I thought the answer was to cut bigger and better deals.

“A man named Sam Swain owned a choice section of land I coveted. I dreamed of developing it into a premiere shopping mall. Swain wanted to leave it undeveloped and deed his acreage to a land trust.”

This next part was hard, and Zach paused and studied the calluses on his palm. Gina reached for his hand, silently offering support. Unable to look at her just yet, he laced his fingers with hers and went on. “I wouldn’t let it go. I wined and dined his family, his accountant and his lawyer. I wouldn’t let up. Soon everyone Sam trusted, especially his wife and kids, was pressuring him nonstop to take the money and sell. He finally signed off on the deal, but it broke his heart. Literally. Not long after I took possession of the property and broke ground, he dropped dead of a heart attack.”

Emotion clogged his throat and he swallowed. “Sam Swain is in his grave because I put him there.”

Gina opened her mouth, but he signaled that he wasn’t finished. “His death changed me. I no longer wanted to run the business or cut deals. I sold the company and donated some of the proceeds to the land trust Sam favored. My family ridiculed me for that. They still think I’m crazy. Losing their support was rough, but at least my fiancée stood by me.”

He gave a humorless laugh. “Or that’s what I thought at first. I was mistaken. She broke off the engagement and decided to stay on at the company. A year later she married the man who bought it from me.

“That was around the time I left Houston. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. After drifting for months, I ended up in Saddlers Prairie. I didn’t know anything about cattle, but Lucky took a chance on me. He taught me about ranching and showed me how to find joy in simple things like a hard day’s work. He advised me to learn from my mistakes and move on.” He managed a smile. “I’m still working on that one.”

Finished, he bowed his head.

Gina pulled her hand from his, cupped his face and turned his head toward her. “Sam Swain’s death wasn’t your fault, Zach.”

They were the same words his family had repeated countless times, only hers held no scorn. In Gina’s eyes he saw only love.

“You’re a good man, Zach Horton. That’s why I fell in love with you.” She smiled. “Even though I fought it tooth and nail.”

Zach’s heart swelled in his chest. “That’s one battle I’m glad you lost.”

He kissed her without holding anything back. A long time later, he reluctantly broke away. “I should go.” He took her hand and pulled her to her feet.

She loved him, but he wasn’t sure love was enough. If she accepted him as he was, he would give her a Christmas gift she would never forget. If not... Well, that just might kill him.

At the back door, he turned to her. “We have...” So much was riding on her and what she wanted, and his voice shook. Zach stopped and cleared his throat. “We have a lot to talk about. I know you want a high-flying corporate executive, but I can’t be that man ever again. If you want a future with me, you have to be okay with that.”

He left her standing in the door.

* * *

T
HERE
WAS
SO
much to think about, and Gina couldn’t sleep. Zach loved her and she loved him.

But was love enough?

She no longer had a big salary to keep her afloat, and neither did he. She didn’t want to make the same mistakes her parents had made—she didn’t want a marriage plagued with money worries.

Zach had suffered dearly for Sam Swain’s death, which hadn’t been his fault. His guilt over that made Gina love him all the more. Everything made sense now. His comments about the rat race and his seeming disinterest in the corporate world.

Living a hectic, competitive life hadn’t made him happy. It didn’t make her happy, either. Nor had her big salary, expensive clothes and nice condo.

If she set aside her money problems, she wouldn’t miss her job at all.

That was such a revelation that Gina could no longer lie in bed. She rose and slipped on her robe. Uncle Lucky had taught Zach to find joy in the little things. Why couldn’t she do the same? Peering out the window, into the darkness, she noted how the snow caught the moonlight, making the moon twice as bright. The fields sparkled with light.

Such a beautiful ranch and a perfect Christmas Eve night. She could almost imagine Santa and his sleigh flying through the sky.

She smiled with joy. So this was what finding pleasure in little things felt like.

Still grinning, she crept back downstairs. The fire was low but she heard the sizzle of the dying embers. The sound delighted her, and plugging in the Christmas-tree lights only increased her happiness.

She plunked down onto the sofa and, for a while, she simply enjoyed the sights and sounds. Then she thought about other things that made her happy. Not what,
who.

Zach.

He’d made her laugh countless times and always brightened her day—even when she was mad at him.

Regardless of what he did for a living, life with him would always be blessed with love and joy.

And just like that, Gina let go of her need to be with a man driven to succeed. She let go of her own need to climb the corporate ladder.

It was an odd feeling, trusting that she was good enough to have love and friendship no matter what she did for a living. She would need time to get used to that.

Her debt was an awful burden, and the thought of declaring bankruptcy made her sick to her stomach. She didn’t want to do that and needed a new job—soon.

Sometime before dawn, she stumbled upon the solution to her problems. She could hardly wait to share it with Zach and her family.

She tiptoed into the office, wrote a note and wrapped it in Christmas paper. After adding a ribbon and printing Zach’s name on the gift card, she slipped it under the tree beneath the other presents.

Humming and feeling strangely energized, she danced up the stairs to shower and dress. Downstairs again, she made the coffee and started the Christmas breakfast casserole.

It was baking in the oven when her family entered the kitchen. Minutes later, Zach showed up.

“Merry Christmas, Zach. I thought about what you said last night, and I’m fine with you—just as you are.”

Zach’s eyes looked suspiciously bright. Gina’s eyes filled, too. Without the least bit of embarrassment or nervousness, she pulled him down for a kiss.

When they broke apart, the expressions on her family’s faces were priceless.

After breakfast, Uncle Redd pushed his chair back. “Let’s take our coffee into the living room and open our presents.”

It was time to tell her family the truth.

“If you’d all wait a minute.” Gina stood and gestured for her family to remain at the table. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Wanting Zach’s support, she glanced at him. Without hesitation he joined her, grabbing hold of her hand.

Gloria and Sophie gave her knowing looks, and Uncle Redd beamed. They obviously thought that this was a romantic announcement of some kind. They were in for a disappointment.

“This isn’t easy for me to say,” she said, “and my timing sucks.”

They looked concerned now. Zach gave her hand an encouraging squeeze and her story spilled out.

“You don’t know this, but a couple of weeks ago my boss fired me,” she said, strangely eager to get the words out. “But that’s not all. I’m in debt and teetering on bankruptcy. I know how embarrassing that is for you. I’m so ashamed and so sorry to ruin your Christmas this way.”

For once, Gloria was speechless.

Sophie clutched her chest. “Oh, cookie, that’s terrible.”

“We’ll be all right, honey,” Uncle Redd said. “But what will you do?”

“I’ll answer your questions after we open our gifts.”

“Now?” Gloria frowned. “This is serious. Don’t you want to talk about it?”

Sophie glared at her. “She just said she will later. It’s Christmas, and she doesn’t want to think about her problems right now.”

“Well, I do.”

The sisters glared at each other.

“Girls, please.” Uncle Redd shook his head. “Like Sophie says, it’s Christmas. Can’t you knock it off for a while? If Gina wants to open presents now, so do I.”

Her family all looked fondly at her.

Nothing had changed. They felt for her, but they still loved her, just as Zach had said.

She could hardly wait for them to open their gifts.

They headed into the living room, Zach holding her hand until she pushed him into a chair and handed out the presents.

Her family loved the things she’d picked up at the mall. Sophie loved her new earrings and Gloria wrapped herself in her new sweater. Uncle Redd was pleased with his kidskin gloves and Sugar and Bit seemed delighted with their new chew toys.

Gina opened the gift they’d all chipped in to buy her. “Red cowboy boots. I love them! Thank you all.”

They gave Zach a display case for his watch.

“What a lovely Christmas,” Sophie said.

“Wait—there’s something else under the tree.” Gloria pointed to the last gift. “It’s a skinny little thing. What is it?”

“That’s for you, Zach—from me.” Gina retrieved the gift from under the tree and handed it to him.

He unwrapped the paper and read the note she’d written. He looked incredulous. “You’re not selling the ranch.”

“That’s right.” She smiled. “That’s my real present to you all. I’m not sure yet how I’ll keep it going, but, Zach, I hope you’ll stay and help me. As soon as I get back to Chicago, I’m going to cut up my credit cards and trade in my Lexus for a practical car I can afford. I’m going to sell my condo, too. I’ll use some of the proceeds to pay down my bills and the rest to pay your salary. Will you stay?”

“Where will you be?” he asked.

“I’m going to drive right back here and move into this house. I’ve decided to start my own marketing/PR business. I’m good at what I do, and I know I can make it work.”

Gloria wiped away a tear, Redd cleared his throat and Sophie bawled like a baby.

“I think they like the idea,” Zach said. “I sure do.”

“So you’ll stay on?” Gina asked.

“That depends on what you think of my Christmas gift to you.” He pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her.

* * *

A
S
G
INA
READ
Zach’s card, her jaw dropped, just as he’d imagined it would. He grinned.

“Do you mind if I share this with my family?” she asked. He shook his head. “Zach has offered to buy half the ranch so that we’re equal partners.” A puzzled frown filled her face. “How can you afford that?”

“I have some money in the bank, money I haven’t touched in a long time.” He hadn’t known what to do with the proceeds from the sale of his company. Now he did. “I figure that with your marketing smarts and my business know-how, we’ll get the dude ranch up and running in no time.” He grasped hold of Gina’s hands. “If things work out the way I hope, we’ll be much more than business partners.”

He wanted to go on, but emotion clogged his throat. He had to swallow and clear it several times. “What do you say?”