A Reason To Stay (22 page)

He tried earnestly to bathe himself without assistance. A few times the heavy cast threw off his balance. Elise caught him each time, getting a little damp from the gesture. It wasn’t long before he finished and she turned the knobs off.

She waited to help him hop to the rug and dry him off. It was a good thing he wasn’t modest about being naked in front of her. After she dried him off, she found another pair of boxers that fit over his cast and a shirt. He jumped back into the bedroom and semi-fell back on the bed.

“This completely sucks,” he declared with aggravation.

“What?”

“The first thing I want to do with you is make love to you in my shower, not have you hold my casted leg while I sponge off.” He reached for her. “Come here and let’s pretend this enormous kill-joy isn’t riding the other tenth of the bed. We can do this, right?”

No doubt he wasn’t talking about a Netflix movie and popcorn. And she couldn’t see sleeping with two different men within the same forty-eight-hour time frame as acceptable to anyone other than prostitutes. Perhaps another painkiller would have been wiser. For her.

“Darren, I’ve got to go clean up dinner. Just relax for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

“Did you pack something pretty to wear tonight?” Anticipation danced in his eyes.

“I didn’t have a chance to go back home. I’ll just grab one of your tee-shirts and sleep in it, if you don’t mind.”

“Elise, you didn’t go home and pack? I would have hoped you had done that rather than the grocery store. I need
you
here, not milk and juice.”

“Darren, please don’t. I’ll be right back. Rest, please.”

Before he could pitch any more fits, she walked out and went back to the living room. She laid on the couch to take a breath. Was there nothing more on his mind than her moving in? And if there wasn’t, she had to address it quickly to avoid running away from him altogether.

She must have fallen asleep because when she woke up, the room was completely dark. She felt for the lamp and clicked it on. Tiptoeing back to the room, she was quiet not to wake up Darren. Too tired to clean up the mess, she unfolded the blanket back on her side, slipped off her pants and lay down. She didn’t wake up until the next morning.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Meant for Flying

Elise counted the days when she opened her eyes, hoping it was Monday and she could return to work. The place where she knew what to do. No one was there that she had to run from, and she could live life in the open. Not on the emotional lam of her personal affairs. But it was Sunday. The day of rest. She imagined Kentucky and the church where her sister would congregate during the morning hours. And Ben. Would he attend church today? Would he ask God to just release him from Elise and her web of hurt and destruction to his life?

Darren pulled her closer to him, kissing her hair. “Good morning, sweetheart. I waited for you last night. I must have fallen asleep.”

“I did too. It’s okay, maybe we can catch a movie today.”

“Do you have any plans? Are you going to leave and go somewhere?”

Was this a trick question? She thought about it. “No, not really. Oh, yes. Actually I do have to go home to shower and change. Was there somewhere else that I’m forgetting? Do you need something at the store? Tell me and I’ll pick it up on my way back.”

“No. Just don’t forget to bring your things back here. It can’t be wonderful traveling back and forth to shower and get ready. And could you bring my case and hospital bag over here before you go?”

His request pierced her like an arrow, right between the eyes. Elise got up slowly from the bed and stared at the bag, knowing exactly what was inside it. Seeing it again, with x-ray vision. It was time for distraction and diversion. Had a calorie counter been invented yet for dodging situations of commitment? She probably burned at the very least three thousand a day, four thousand on the nights she stayed over.

“Do you have to go to the bathroom? I can help you up and get you some breakfast before I go.”

“That would be nice. Let me scoot over so it’s easier to lift me.” He got closer to the edge of the bed. “It’s a good thing I went on that diet last month. You would have to lift a few extra pounds if I didn’t.”

Elise helped him with his morning ritual and took a muffin with juice in the room for his breakfast. The daylight screamed to get inside the room, and she opened all the shades, feeling guilty that he was stuck at home.

“I know it’s difficult, but I can drive you somewhere. Don’t you want to get out of this house and go for a ride? I hate to think you can’t go anywhere.”

He laughed and nearly choked on the last bite of his sweet pastry. “Are you kidding me? I can’t even manage to pee without help. Going anywhere would take a lot more than I’ve got to give today. Being strung up between your backseat and front dashboard is not something I want to do for leisure. But thanks for thinking about me, hon.”

“Do you want a pill before I leave? Is your pain bad?” She folded back the blankets neatly and put her pants on that were lying on the floor.

“My pain isn’t bad when you’re around. So, maybe I should take a few.” He watched her play nurse around the room.

“I won’t be long, Darren,” she said, handing him the pill with a fresh glass of water.

“Don’t forget to bring back your things. I’m not going to want you to leave again.”

Inside, Elise’s nerves were suffering their own mini-earthquakes. Never leave again? Is this what obligation felt like? Jail? She looked at him lying helplessly on the bed. His handsome looks certainly weren’t taken with the car crash. The wave he made in her hormones when his tongue played with hers, before moving lower and then sucking on her neck, hadn’t changed. But her heart wasn’t there anymore. It never made the flight back to California with her. It had disappeared somewhere in Kentucky. The reason for the mishap was probably getting ready for church, right then.

“I’ll make sure I bring my outfit for tomorrow, Darren. And an extra-large bottle of lotion to sit on the bed stand. Anything else, dear?”

He patted the bed beside him. She walked cautiously over and sat down. His fingers streamed up and down her naked arm.

“That beautiful white nightgown I gave you before you went back home. Can you bring that for tonight?”

The muscles in her throat constricted, forcing her to keep what little saliva she had, inside her mouth. Who exactly was she cheating on, now? Ben, if she made love to Darren? But Darren
was
her boyfriend. But Ben was her true love. Crap, it was over with Ben. What was she thinking? In order to have something with someone you had to actually commit to them. Had she? Committed to either one?

“I think it’s still in the dirty laundry. How about if I bring back the one with the high collar and long sleeves.” She busted out laughing and stood up to leave. He took her hand before she got away.

“Baby, I don’t care if you wear a suit of armor tonight. As long as it has a point of entry, consider it removed by nightfall. I’ve waited too long for you.”

Duly noted. He had been patient. Letting him make love to her, however awkward it might be with an immovable leg in between them, would constitute moving forward. She just wasn’t sure that was the direction she wanted to move with him.

“I’ll be back in a little bit. Keep the phone by you. I’ll call about lunch.” She handed him the remote from the bed stand and left.

Elise didn’t remember any of the stoplights on the way back to her house. In fact, when she pulled in her driveway, she was kind of amazed how she had made it there. Fragmented thoughts about everyone and everything scattered in her mind. Ben, Darren, Diane Newton, her mother. The whole cast of misfits were there, each one wearing a number of priority. She didn’t feel like the time with her step-mother was finished. A call to her had to be made, for some reason.

If her home had arms, Elise would have embraced it the moment she opened the door. The air seemed cleaner there, with no problems to choke her, only the ones she let inside when she thought about it for too long. She sat down on her inviting love seat and made a few calls. The first one was to Melanie.

“Hey, girl, what’s up?”

“Hey, Elise. I’m glad you called. I’m just pulling into church. Is everything all right?”

Elise imagined the white church with the tall azaleas flanking both sides of the entry steps. The older ladies donning their amazingly old fashioned hats for the service. And the children trying to pull away from their parents before being carted off to Sunday school in the basement. What a wonderful thought.

“Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“You’re not homesick, are you? For this place?”

“No.” That seemed preposterous a week ago, but now it was undecided. “I just wanted to check on everyone. Well, I mean you and the kids.”

“Hold on a sec. I’ve got to tell the kids to behave.”

Elise waited while Melanie gave the routine talk about no running, no screaming and to hold Jacob’s hand through the parking lot. After she heard the car doors slam, she interrogated her sister.

“Um, did I just hear you say to go inside with Jacob?”

“Yes, can you believe it? Our first church service together as a couple. I’m freaking out a bit. He’s so wonderful, Elise. I think I’m in love. It’s different this time.”

“That’s great, Mel. You better get in there before they arrest him for abducting your children. I’m happy for you.” Elise caught herself smiling at the notion her sister had found happiness.

“Thanks, sister. I miss you, you know? Are you sure everything is all right with you? Ben has been acting strange.”

“How so? I mean, yes, I’m doing fine. Darren is doing fine. He’s going to be getting his cast off in a few weeks and we are just fine.”

“Was that two or three fines, Elise? I know something’s going on with you. I want to call you later and talk. I have to run now, though. The men are shutting the doors for service to start.”

“Okay, bye, Mel. Have a good day.”

She pressed the end button on her phone and suffocated her head in the sofa pillow. Why had her body made it back safely to California but her mind and soul remained back in Kentucky?

She searched her phone directory on the internet for Diane Newton in Clarksville, Tennessee. For some reason, she felt the unwavering need to call her. She held her breath as she waited for the nice lady to pick up the other end of the call.

“Hello.”

The answer came too quick. Elise didn’t have time to rehearse what she was going to say. “Uh, Mrs. Newton?”

“Yes?”

“This is Elise. We met a few days ago.”

“Yes, Elise. Of course, I remember. Please call me Diane. How are you? I felt so bad about our visit. I mean, it was good, but your revelation about your father was sad.”

“It was that. But I’m feeling better now. I’m back home in California. My boyfriend had a car accident and I had to cut my visit short.” She felt like such a fraud. Who was she fooling?

“I hope he’s all right.”

“Yes, he has a broken leg, but he should be as good as new in a few weeks.” She paused. Her life events, from the day she left the lady, was not why she called her. “Listen, the reason I called was that I needed to know if my dad ever wanted me. I mean, did he ever want full custody of me? I know it sounds weird. What does it matter now, anyway, you’re probably thinking. But I just wanted to know if my mother had a choice in keeping me or not. You see, my whole life I thought I was the reason he left.”

Elise’s eyes darted back and forth, and she waited for the answer to her incredibly bizarre question. She needed to know that her mother had wanted her in some way. Or, was she never given the choice not to have her.

“You poor girl. He always wanted you and you certainly weren’t the reason he left. You see, when he first left your mother, he didn’t even have a place to live. He stayed in a motel for a while. He couldn’t have taken you then. You were so small, and to take you out of your home and all you knew would have been selfish.”

“But I meant after you all got married. Did he ever ask to have me then?” The tone of pity rubbed between her words.

“Honey, he knew your mother wouldn’t let that happen. She wouldn’t even let him visit you, let alone take you.”

“But do you think he would have wanted to take me. You know, if he was allowed to?”

“Absolutely, without a doubt. You were his world, Elise. Unfortunately, you wouldn’t have known it, but he always smiled when he told me the stories of the times he shared with you. How he would ride you on his shoulders like an airplane and dance with you on the tops of his shoes. Honey, he adored you.”

Elise’s top lip began to quiver with the pictures of her dad in her mind. He was such an important person in her life for those six years. But that’s all she had with him. The rest were movies playing in her head. As time went on, the movies got shorter with memory loss. Now, he was practically a single thought in her mind.

“Elise, I would enjoy a friendship with you now. How about we keep in touch? Give me your phone number and address. If you don’t mind, I can call you sometimes and hear about your day or send you cards for holidays. Henry and I didn’t have children together and I would love some type of relationship with you now. In a way, I could share the memories I have with him, with you. What do you say?”

Wiping the stray tear from her cheek, she responded to her stepmother’s olive branch of friendship. “I’d love it. Maybe I could visit you again.”

“Anytime. And bring in your friend the next time. I wasn’t aware you had left him in the truck until I saw you leave. Was that your boyfriend?”

“No, he’s just a friend.”

She gave Diane her number and address, got off the phone, and took a much needed stress reliever shower. Happy with the new bond she had made with her stepmother, Elise had something to look forward to without the need to dissect it.

She turned off the water and grabbed for her towel. How had one week changed her life to the point of being unrecognizable? The mirror was steamed, thank God. These past few days made it difficult to look at herself. What seemed so definite last week had been turned over and shaken profusely.

A cloud of steam trailed behind her as she opened the door to her bedroom. A red light blinked on her phone. Like the nanosecond of a coin being tossed in the air, Elise hoped it was Ben. Maybe he had thought things over and realized she had no choice in returning home.

That hope was lost when she saw it was a missed call from Kelly. A little bit of shame, mixed with the fact she didn’t want to relive the last couple of days, made her type out a text that she’d call back later. Elise hoped that her friend’s return from Tokyo would exhaust her enough not to call her for a couple days. By then, Elise hoped she would have the results to the corner she’d had walked herself into.

Elise dragged herself out to the living room. The bags from her trip remained on the floor beside the door. Unpacking them was not something that brought her joy. She carried them to her room and shook the things out on her bed. Each worn outfit brought back a memory attached to the day she wore it. Somehow, that damned blue dress made it to California. Perhaps burning it while shouting incantations would break the spell Ben and Kentucky had over her.

After she kicked the dress under her bed (for whatever reason it made her feel better), she found an outfit to wear the next day and stuffed it in her case. There was no need to pack her toiletry bag; it was still packed and ready for her next to the front door.

Slowly and with a lot of dread, she got dressed and did her makeup and hair. Visions of Darren’s ring and Ben’s naked body standing in the hall ran like a montage through her mind. How would she survive the earthquake that erupted this week with two men waiting for her to make a choice? Running sounded like a good option. Didn’t her company have offices in thirty other states?