A Risk Worth Taking (17 page)

If only she hadn’t come to care for him so much. If only she had a home to go to where she could hide until this didn’t hurt so much. If only…

But there were no more
if onlys
. There were only the facts. And the fact was, Griffin Blackmoor regretted kissing her. He’d found it so distasteful that he’d moved out of the earl’s town house so he wouldn’t have to look at her or be around her or be reminded of what he’d done.

She looked at the five men sitting across from her. Lord Benchley was here again today, as well as the Marquess of Candlewood, Baron Fillmore, and Lord Jamison. And again, for the first time since that first week, the Earl of Portsmouth had come.

The earl was older than the others, perhaps a score and more, but he was still very handsome. He seemed a quiet gentleman with a sharp mind and a pleasant personality. His hair was graying, which gave him a distinguished look, but his eyes still contained the sharpness of youth. They were filled with a natural humor she didn’t often see. He
was tall, and there was not an ounce of excess flesh around his middle.

Anne felt very comfortable around him, and she had to admit that the qualities he offered her would not challenge or threaten her. He was someone whose company she could learn to enjoy. Perhaps she might eventually learn to appreciate him in a special way.

Griff would not approve of him.

“My lady, you have another guest. The Marquess of Brentwood.”

Anne watched the man who now held Freddie’s title enter the room.

There was a slight commotion while the five guests who’d been there longer than was polite said their farewells and left. Then, only Brentwood stood before them.

He greeted Patience first, then stepped in front of her. He held her hand longer than necessary and Anne couldn’t stop herself from pulling her fingers from his grasp. A stabbing of discomfort pierced her.

“My dear Lady Anne.” He took the seat directly across from her, where he couldn’t help but focus on her every move. “I have been extremely concerned for your welfare. I called the minute I arrived in London to be assured that you were well.”

She smiled. “As you can see, I am doing splendidly. Lord and Lady Covington have graciously opened their home to me and have invited me to stay with them for the Season.”

“Do you have plans after that?”

She felt her cheeks warm. She refused to admit her quest to find a husband. “I haven’t decided.”

“I did not mean to offend, my lady.” He looked remorseful. “I am simply anxious. You and your sister are my only living relatives. I couldn’t live with myself if I thought that you were in need and I hadn’t come to your aid.”

“Let me assure you, Lord Brentwood,” Patience said, placing her hand over Anne’s. “Lady Anne is not in need. She knows she is more than welcome to stay with us for as long as she wishes.”

“How gracious of you and your husband.” He returned his gaze to Anne. “I wish you would have told me that you were coming to London the last time we spoke. I would have been more than happy to let you stay in the Brentwood town house.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t imagine spending even one night in the house that used to belong to Freddie—the house where the new earl might appear at any moment.

“As a matter of fact,” Brentwood continued, sipping on the tea Patience had poured, “I realized there are a number of items that might be of value to you. Mementos and personal keepsakes that your brother kept at his London residence. I would like you to have them.”

His words gave her pause. “Thank you, my lord. That is very gracious of you.”

“Nonsense. I am only staying in town a few more days. Perhaps you could come tomorrow afternoon and gather anything that is of value to you, and I will have it sent here before I return to the country.”

She looked at Patience, then back at Brentwood. “I would be most grateful. Perhaps tomorrow at three?”

Brentwood nodded. “I will expect you then.” He placed his cup and saucer on the table in front of him and rose.
“Before I take my leave, I would beg a few minutes of your time in private, Lady Anne. Perhaps a walk in the garden would not be inappropriate.”

“I—I don’t—” she stammered.

“Please. It is important.”

She gave Patience a look that told her to come to her rescue if she was gone too long. “Very well. For just a moment.”

She rose and walked with him out to the garden. They strolled down the flowered paths in silence for a while before he said anything.

“I know we did not part on amiable terms before you left the country, my lady, and I want to apologize for my actions that day. They were inexcusable. My only explanation is that I was overcome by your charm and beauty, and was not myself. I deeply regret my forwardness and promise I will never behave so rudely again.”

He stopped near a bench and waited for her to sit. She reluctantly sat. She did not like having to look up at him. It was a very intimidating experience.

“Although I handled our conversation very badly before, the one thing about our last meeting I do not regret was that I asked you to be my wife.”

“Lord Brentwood—”

“Please, hear me out. I know your reason for coming to London is to procure a husband. In your position that is indeed a wise course to take. However, as I explained before, I am in need of a wife, and have found myself quite taken by you. I beg you to reconsider my offer and agree to marry me.”

“I couldn’t possibly accept—”

“Please, don’t make too rash a decision. I realize the staggering dowry that goes with your hand is almost a hindrance, but you can be assured that I have no interest in the money. It is only you that I want.”

The breath caught in her throat. “My dowry? But I do not have a dowry,” she whispered. “You know what I was left.”

Brentwood gave her a look that indicated he intended to call her bluff. “Everyone knows how much Mr. Blackmoor put on your hand, Lady Anne. Such an amount would entice half the male populace of London Society who are searching for a bride.”

She clasped the edge of the stone bench to keep her balance. “Mr. Blackmoor provided me with a dowry?”

“Enough to make you the catch of the Season.”

She felt the blood rush from her head. No wonder she’d received such attention. The thought almost made her laugh. Not only did Blackmoor not want her, but he thought she would be such a valueless commodity that no one else would be interested in her either. Not unless she came with a hefty purse.

“I know how very fond you were of your country estate,” Brentwood continued. “By marrying me, you would be assured of remaining in your childhood home forever. I am the perfect choice, Lady Anne. I already believe the two of us are well suited to each other, and in time, will develop a certain fondness that will be quite pleasant.”

Anne felt as if her head were going to explode. She wanted nothing more than to rub her fingers against her temples and pretend none of this was happening.

“Lord Brentwood,” she began, keeping her voice pleasant yet firm. “Let me first state how flattered I am by your
offer. There is nowhere on earth for which I hold greater fondness than Brentwood Manor. I grew up there. Every memory from my childhood is connected there. Which is exactly the reason why I could never spend the rest of my life there. It contains too many memories.”

“Then we can live somewhere else.”

“No. Brentwood Manor is yours. It is a wonderful home, a place where the wife you choose can make a life for the two of you. Where the two of you can raise your children, and look forward to your grandchildren.”

“But you and I—”

“No, Lord Brentwood. There is no
you and I
. I am flattered by your offer, but I will not marry you.”

The look in his eyes turned hard. A stabbing of wariness raced through her. For a moment he appeared dangerous.

“There is nothing I can say to change your mind?”

“No. I will not be swayed in this.”

His face turned red. The veins at the side of his neck stood out. “I will bid you a good day then, my lady.”

“I am sorry, Lord Brentwood. My intent was not to hurt you. Perhaps it would be best if I did not come to your town house tomorrow,” she said when he turned away from her.

He stopped but did not look at her. “No. Please come. I intended to leave for the country later tomorrow afternoon. I will change my plans and leave first thing in the morning to avoid the embarrassment of meeting again. I will inform the butler that you will arrive at three o’clock to pick up your personal belongings. Take whatever you want.”

“Thank you, Lord Brentwood.”

His hands remained fisted at his side. “Good day, my lady.”

She sat on the bench a long time after he left, fearing she would be ill.

Mr. Blackmoor had offered a sizable dowry for her. It was no wonder the drawing room was filled each day with suitors. But none of them were interested in her. They only wanted the money that would come with her.

The pressure in her chest weighed with painful heaviness, and she hurt more at that moment than she had hurt since they’d brought Freddie’s body home. If Griffin Blackmoor were here now, she wasn’t sure what she’d do. But she was certain he would not survive it.

At first she thought she might cry, but her eyes remained dry. The time for tears was past. She was too numb to feel any more pain, too numb to wish for her life to be different.

“Are you all right?” Patience asked when she reached the bench where Anne still sat. “Lord Brentwood did not seem pleased when he left.”

“No. He offered me marriage and I refused him.”

“I see.”

“May I ask you a question, Patience? Something I’d like you to keep just between the two of us?”

Patience hesitated a moment, then answered. “If it is that important.”

“It is.” Anne needed to know. She had to find out if there was one man, just one, who had vied for her hand who did not need the money.

“Of all the men who have called on me in the past few weeks, is there one of them who is wealthy in his own right?”

Patience hesitated as if to consider an answer to Anne’s question. “I’m not sure I can answer that, Anne. Adam
would be a much better source to find out finances than I am.”

“I do not need to know how much they are worth. Only if they have enough wealth to support me.”

“Well, they are not all on the verge of bankruptcy, if that’s what you are asking. It’s just that some of them are supposedly more solvent than others. A handsome dowry would benefit all of them, I believe. With the exception, of course, of the Earl of Portsmouth.”

“The earl does not need money?”

“Good heavens, no. He is as rich as Croesus and could probably buy and sell each of the others in the room today ten times over.”

“So if the earl were looking for a wife, the size of her dowry would not influence him one way or another?”

Patience shook her head. “I would venture that the earl wouldn’t care if his bride came to him in rags.”

“Thank you,” Anne whispered.

She finally knew what path she would take. The only path Blackmoor had left her.

G
riff paced the room like a trapped animal. “No, Adam. I won’t do it. You take her.”

“I can’t. The prime minister is holding a special meeting to discuss overseas trade regulations. I have to be there.”

Griff slapped his hand against his thigh. “Find someone else.”

“No!” Adam pounded his fist on the top of his desk. “I agreed to keep Lady Anne under my roof and sponsor her in Society. My promise did not absolve you from any association with her. You are obligated to do at least this much.”

Griff started to turn away, but Patience’s gentle voice stopped him.

“Please, Griff. There is no one else I would trust. I’ve already explained how upset Brentwood was when he left yesterday. It is imperative that you accompany Lady Anne to get her personal items from her brother’s house.”

Griff walked to the window and braced his hands on either side of the frame. “I’m certain Lady Anne would rather go alone than have me anywhere near her.”

“She needs you, Griff,” Patience said. “It will be hard enough just going to her brother’s town house so soon after his death. Going through his personal belongings will be even more difficult.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” Griff said on a sigh. “We didn’t part on exactly the best of terms.”

Patience walked across the room and placed a hand on his arm. “I gathered as much. There is a sadness in her eyes that wasn’t there before you left. I’ve tried to get her to confide in me, but she refuses.”

Griff dropped his head between his outstretched hands. “I was afraid she was beginning to care for me.”

“And that would have been so terrible?”

Griff turned. “Do you think I want to risk another person’s life?”

“It’s not your fault Julia drowned, Griff.” Patience’s voice contained compassion and understanding. “It was an act of nature. There was nothing you could have done to save her.”

“I could have left her at home. She didn’t want to go with me, but I forced her. And now she’s dead.”

Patience brushed a tear from her eyes. “So you punish yourself every day because you didn’t die with them? Because you are alive and they aren’t? Have you ever thought that there might be a reason you survived? That there is a reason you didn’t die during that storm? A reason that you survived the war, even though you took every risk imaginable? That you survived after you returned, even though you tried to drink yourself to death? That maybe there is someone here and now who needs you alive? Have you ever thought that it might be the person you’re trying to ignore?”