A Risk Worth Taking (28 page)

“No, but I would understand if you did. I have not been much of a husband to you.”

“You have not been
any
kind of a husband to me.”

Her words stunned him. “No, I suppose I haven’t. You would certainly be within your rights to ask for an annulment.”

“I do not wish to be separated from you.”

He felt the air leave his lungs. “If not an annulment, what do you want?”

The relief he felt was so great, he vowed she could ask for the moon and he would give it to her. He would give her anything if she would not leave him.

He looked into her eyes and saw the determination. “What is it, Anne? What do you want?”

“A child. I want to have a child.”

Griff caught himself on the edge of his bedside table. She’d just asked for more than the moon.

H
is mouth dropped. “You can’t be serious.”

Anne saw his horrified look but didn’t give him time to voice his refusal. She couldn’t back down. Her future rested on this moment. “I know you didn’t want to marry me. That you weren’t ready to take another wife, but it’s too late to undo what has been done.” A cold chill washed over her. “Unless
you
want an annulment.” She looked into his eyes, praying she would see his true feelings. “It is not too late. Our marriage hasn’t been consummated.”

“No, I don’t want an annulment.”

Anne breathed a sigh of relief when Griff didn’t hesitate. “Neither do I. I married you knowing how things would be between us. I married you knowing that I could never replace what you’d lost when your wife and child were taken from you. But I do not intend to allow you to dictate what I must give up because of your reservations.”

She took a step closer to him.

“I will not spend my life alone. If I—”

She stopped. She did not have the courage to tell him if she could not have a husband who cared for her, she would at least have children she could love. “You promised you would give me whatever I asked, as long as it was in your power,” she finished.

“You
don’t know what you are asking of me.”

“I’m not asking anything of you. I’m demanding that you be a husband to me, at least until I am carrying a child.”

“It’s not just
a
child. It will be
my
child.”

“It will be
mine
!” she yelled. The frustration and anxiety she felt stripped her of her patience. “You do not have to love it, as you do not have to love me. You only have to provide for me and the child I will bear so that we do not go homeless or hungry.”

“Bloody hell, woman! Do you think I could watch you grow large with my child and not marvel because I gave it life? That I could ignore the fact that the babe growing inside you is flesh of my flesh and that it carries my blood in its veins?” Griff slapped his hand against his thigh and walked away from her. “Do you think it’s possible for us to couple like two animals, then walk away from each other as if what we shared meant nothing?”

“It is a risk I am willing to take.”

“Well, I’m not!” His deep voice caused her to flinch.

The air cracked in mocking silence as his words echoed in her ears. The door to his secret fears opened, and for the first time she saw what he truly feared. “Is that what you are afraid of? That if you lie with me you might come to care for me?”

“I already care for you. That’s why I married you, because I care for you.”

“No. You married me because you felt obligated to me and because Portsmouth left you no choice.”

“Perhaps you don’t remember the kisses we shared, wife, but I do. There was nothing uncaring or unemotional about them. I all but had you naked in my arms when the earl walked in on us.”

“That
doesn’t prove anything except there is a certain attraction between us.”

“There is more than an attraction. Every time I hold you I forget why I should not.”

His words stunned her. “Why shouldn’t you hold me?”

“Because neither of us can take such a risk. I don’t want anything to happen to you. There has been an attempt on my life twice, and both times someone else paid the price. First Freddie. Then you. That same person was my shadow wherever I went in London, and now he has followed us to Covington Manor. This morning when I went for my ride, he was in the bushes waiting for me.”

“You saw him?”

“No. But he was there.” Griff paced the room. His hands fisted in tight knots at his side. “Don’t you see, Anne? I can’t risk that something might happen to you. Just give me until I find who it is that wants to kill me.”

She squared her shoulders. “I have lived my whole life afraid to take risks. When Father was alive, we couldn’t go to London for fear Society would discover his sickness. Then I was afraid to risk taking a husband because I might end up living the same life as my mother. I don’t want to be afraid any longer, Griff. I don’t want to be alone.”

He closed his eyes. “You don’t know what you are asking.”

“I do,” she said softly. “I am asking you to give up one small piece of your life. I am asking you to find a tiny place in your heart for a wife and child. You don’t have to promise we’ll have your whole heart, just a corner where we can find contentment.”

She paused to take a breath. “I am asking you to give me however many hours or days or years God grants us together.”

He shook his head as if struggling with all the fears he’d harbored since he’d lost his wife and son in the storm. She knew his agony as if it were her own.

“Would it be so terrible to love me, Griff?”

He shook his head, then reached out his arms and clasped his hands around her shoulders. He pulled her close to him. “No. It would not be so terrible to love you. It would be impossible to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me, Griff. I promise.”

He placed his finger beneath her chin and tilted her head, then brought his mouth down over hers. His lips were warm and firm pressed against hers. He pulled away from her, then kissed her again, his touch gentle at first, then harsh and demanding, with a certain desperation she tried to meet and satisfy.

She knew what he expected, what he wanted. He opened his mouth and she opened hers, anticipating, expecting the thrust of his tongue. The swirling inside her yearned with a savage desperation. She pressed herself closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. She urged him to kiss her like he had before. But he held back.

When she could not wait any longer, she raked her fingers through his hair and brought his head closer to her. She needed to touch him, feel him, and she explored further.

His tongue darted forward, touching, then mating with hers in a frenzy she could not control. She withdrew, leaving
him to savagely breach the warmth of her mouth. He kissed her long and hard, then pulled his mouth from hers.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he whispered, trailing kisses over her cheek and down her neck.

“Yes,” she whispered back. She spanned her hands across his back and shoulders to keep him close. “But I am not near the expert as you.”

His hands cupped her cheeks, holding her steady while his face lingered only inches from hers. “You are expert enough, wife.”

He brought his mouth down over hers again, kissing her with ravenous hunger and a fierceness that left her gasping. She had no choice but to hold on to his shoulders and arms and let him be her strength.

He kissed her with frenzied urgency, then with a consummate completion. With each assault, a hunger raged inside her that was nearly uncontrollable. She wanted more than his kisses. She wanted to feel his hands on her naked flesh.

She wanted to be his wife.

As if she’d spoken her thoughts aloud, he pulled her close. He kissed her again then looked down at her with eyes black and mysterious with passion.

“Are you sure? Do you have any doubts at all, Anne?”

“No. The time for doubts was before I let you kiss me that first time. Heaven help me, I think I will die if you stop now.”

His fingers worked the ribbons at her neck. He loosened the lacing down the front and pushed the material from her shoulders.

Filmy white gauze and soft peach satin slid over her hips and landed in a puddle at her feet. When she was naked, he picked her up in his arms and placed her on the bed.

She watched as he loosened the tie at his waist and shrugged out of his robe. He stood naked before her, so virile and handsome she wanted to cry.

“You are beautiful,” she whispered.

He chuckled as he brought himself down over her. “I think those are words that I am supposed to say, my lady.”

“I don’t need to hear that I am beautiful.”

She lifted her hand and stroked her fingers down his face. Oh, but he was handsome. More handsome than she ever imagined her husband would be.

He nestled his face in the crook of her neck, nuzzling her skin and kissing her to distraction. “Then what do you need to hear, Anne?”

“Only that you want me. For this. For tonight. For as long as we have together.”

“I will always want you, Anne,” he whispered. Then he made her his wife.

Griff slept peacefully. She could tell by the slow, relaxed breaths he took. He’d dropped one arm and one leg over her, and lay in quiet contentment.

She wrapped her arms around him, marveling at the rightness of his weight atop her and how complete she felt. Marveling at how perfect loving him was.

Knowing what they’d shared was worth the risk.

She closed her eyes and slept in his arms. She would not worry that Julia or Andrew held the largest part of his heart, just as she would not worry that he would want a drink more than he wanted a life with her.

She would live her life with him one day at a time. And she would be happy.

A
nne looked up from the letter she was composing to Becca and sighed. How could she put into words how her life had changed since she had become Griff’s wife? How could she explain that marrying Griff wasn’t the tragedy she’d feared at the time?

She thought of the man she’d married and realized she didn’t regret becoming his wife. She’d come to care for him and rely on him. She’d come to look to him to fill the part of herself she’d never known was missing—a part that made her feel whole.

Although he was still a mystery to her, she knew that given the chance, she wouldn’t do anything differently. She wouldn’t wish to be married to anyone else if it meant she would have to live a future without Griff. She would take one day at a time and trust that her life would be complete.

He had changed little in the past two weeks. He still kept her at arm’s length more often than not, refusing to open up to her or show her that he might care for her. She understood now that he was terrified that something might happen to her.

He went out every day to search for the enemy he was certain was waiting to do her harm. He’d increased the number of men guarding her to the point that she’d given
up trying to call them all by name. She was never alone. There was always someone with her, watching over her.

Every night he came to her, whether out of need, or because of her demand, she wasn’t sure. She preferred not to know for certain. She’d come to care for him entirely too much to realize his reason might only be one of obligation.