A Seal Upon Your Heart (41 page)

“What is she saying?” Tim asked while rocking her.

The young African was frowning. “I want Mama and Daddy…”

“What’s wrong with her?!” Jakob asked as he knelt beside them.

Tim met his best friend’s eyes fearfully. “She’s finally remembering.”

~***~

Martier was tucked into bed. She was quiet, sleeping. It had taken an injection from a doctor that was called in by the hotel to finally quiet the trembling young woman. He shut the French doors to the bedroom and dropped down on the couch in the front room where Jakob and Elaina were waiting.

“Tim,” Elaina began, “She’s going to need a doctor-
”

He met her eyes. “You want me to put her in the hospital.”

Her gaze was unwavering. “Yes.”

“No.” He said flatly. “I don’t want them treating her like she’s a mental case when all she’s doing is remembering.”

“You have no idea what damage is going on in her mind.” Elaina replied.

“She’s right.” Jakob said. “We’re dealing with post traumatic stress, Tim. She’s blocked something horrible for most of her life and suddenly she’s having to face it. She needs help doing that.”

Tim didn’t respond for a long time. He finally sighed. “Okay…but not here. I want her back home. And I don’t want her in a hospital-”

“You can’t put her on a plane like this.” Jakob said.

“Then I’ll rent a car and drive her home! But I don’t want her in the psyche ward. Period!” Jakob nodded after a moment.

“I can make a few calls,” Elaina spoke. “I’ll find someone for her.”

Tim nodded. “Thank you.” He stood up and began pacing. He realized that he was still shaking himself. He made himself a drink and rubbed his tired eyes and Jakob joined him at the bar. “She’s going to be alright. She’s strong, she’s smart and she has you.”

Tim nodded, too emotional to speak. “I should have…” he cleared his throat. “Should I have gotten her a therapist when I first found out about her amnesia?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jakob placed a hand on his shoulder and then looked over at his wife who watched them with concern. “Get some rest, Tim. Hold her and let her know that outside of her mind someone is waiting for her to return, someone who loves her.”

Tim nodded and hugged his friend and then went over and hugged Elaina. “Okay. I love you guys. Thank you. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“We love you, too, honey.” Elaina said and then they left him to tend to Martier. Later that night Tim spooned against Martier, pulling her close into his chest and holding her tightly, hoping that she could feel his arms around her while she relived the nightmarish memories.

~***~

Martier felt tired, thirsty and sore.
Where am I?
She sank back into the comfort of Tim’s arms and fell asleep again. When she next opened her eyes she was alone in the bed. Panic began to set over her like a cloud and she scrambled out of the bed…or tried to. Her limbs had grown stiff and the bed covers were suddenly restraints. She stumbled to her feet and out of the bedroom, to the front room where Tim was pacing and talking on the telephone. She felt awash in relief.

Tim met her eyes, “I have to go. Yes. Thank you.” He hung up approached her carefully. “Martier?”

Her dark eyes were filled with pain. “Tim, I remember it all. All of it…”

He pulled her gently into his arms. “It’s okay, honey. I know it’s hard but it’s going to be okay.”

Her body began to tremble. “It’s…” She couldn’t find the words to describe how horrible it was. Silent tears fell down her face and Tim lifted her in his arms and held her.

CHAPTER 35

They flew back home. Martier was very quiet and stared out the window of the plane for nearly the entire trip. Tim knew that she was trying to make sense of the new memories. He promised that they would get her someone to talk to about them but she only shook her head without responding.

Tim insisted that Martier take off a few days of work but two days of roaming her home with only memories of death and blood to keep her company was too much. Elaina had tried to keep her company but Martier finally had to tell the well-meaning woman that she needed this time alone to sort through things. Besides, the well-meaning woman wanted to talk about therapy and psychiatrists as if she was insane.

Why would she ever want to talk about it? All she wanted to do was to forget. Well that wasn’t completely true. Remembering her mother and father and her brother and sisters was a joy. And those memories kept her from sinking into a total funk.

When Dhakiya visited her to see her purchases, Martier couldn’t help staring at her in newfound appreciation for her friendship. I am a Hutu and you are a Tutsi but we both lost our family due to the mass killings. There is no rhyme or reason to it all, there is just accepting it and moving on.

This young woman had done that; had lived her memories of her own family’s massacre. And it was in that moment that she knew she wouldn’t share that she had regained those memories, not with Dhakiya or with anyone else. She plastered on a smile convinced that she would put it behind her.

~***~

“You sure you want to go back to work?” Tim and Martier were cuddled on her couch. A movie was playing but they had barely watched any of it.

She gave him a half smile. “I want to go back to work.”

“Okay.” He placed a kiss on her lips and then sighed. “We should go to bed then.” He’d slept each night at her house. In actuality he wanted to take off work and stay with her but she wouldn’t allow it. It made her appear helpless and she didn’t want him to think that about her. She wanted everything to be normal but…there was a hopelessness that engulfed her and she couldn’t seem to shake it. She supposed that she was mourning—something that she hadn’t been able to do when she was six years old.

The next day as they drove in to work Tim mentioned that Claudette hadn’t been in to work since returning from New York either. Martier suddenly remembered how Aaron had snubbed her. She felt bad that she hadn’t thought any more about her friend. She’d call her as soon as she got a chance today.

Martier looked good in a gold and taupe Versace suit with a pencil skirt and a pair of Vivier pumps. Her hair was pinned in a French twist and she had donned a pair of small gold loops that Tim had purchased for her. She was a far cry from the young girl that had walked into the office months before wearing hand-me-downs from the church’s donation bin. Several of their acquaintances greeted the couple as they headed for their office and Martier didn’t feel the least bit self-conscious.

She had several messages and a backlog of work to get straightened out. She was going to have a busy day—and that was a blessing. She managed to squeeze in a break at ten and hurried down to the lobby for a donut for herself and a slice of lemon loaf for Tim.

“Martier!”

She turned and saw Lois getting ready to enter one of the elevators. The white haired woman hurried to her. “Martier, did you hear that Claudette quit?!”

Martier’s mouth dropped. “What?”

“What in the hell happened in New York?”

“Well…nothing. She seemed happy and…I need to call her!” She forgot about the donut and slice of lemon loaf and even that she was talking to Lois as she dashed back upstairs for her desk phone before remembering that she had a cell phone. She dialed her friend’s number while she was riding up the elevator.

“Hello?”

“Claudette!”

“Oh, hi, Sugar.”

“Claudette, did you quit?”

“Yes. Yes I did.”

“Oh, Claudette. Why?”

There was a long sigh. “Martier…I can’t go into it over the telephone-”

“Then I’ll come over there.”

There was another pause. “Ok.”

“I’m on my way.” She disconnected just as the elevator door opened and then she hurried to Tim’s office. She knocked once and stuck her head in. He looked up quickly from a file that he was leafing through. “Tim, I need to leave.”

“What?” He frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just…I need to borrow the car for a little while. I need to run an errand and I’ll be back before quitting time.”

“Martier, what’s wrong?” She stepped fully into the office and closed the door behind her.

“It’s Claudette. She quit. Did you know?”

“No.” He looked at her surprised. “Okay, go ahead. I’ll talk to Aaron and we’ll figure out what’s going on.”

“Thanks, honey.”

“Anytime.”

She knew where Claudette lived although she had never been to her friend’s home. Claudette had a pretty house in an upscale suburban neighborhood. She rang the bell and was surprised when her friend opened the door and Martier could see moving boxes cluttering the hall.

“Claudette?”

“Come in.” Claudette gave her a brief kiss on the cheek and allowed her in.

“You’re moving?”

“I’m going back home to Alabama.”

“But why?”

Claudette led her into a nearly empty living room where there was still a couch and love seat but little else. “I’d offer you some refreshments but I already cleaned out the refrigerator.” Claudette looked around. “I’ve sold my bigger furniture and the couches. I have someone picking them up in the morning.” She looked at Martier again, “and then I’m going to fly out.”

“You weren’t even going to say goodbye?” Martier asked, voice reproachful.

Claudette reached for her hand. “Actually…I wrote you a letter. I know that was the chicken way out but…I’m happy you came over because this is better.”

“Claudette, what happened?”

“Well I wised up. I realized that I’ve been a fool.” Martier looked down, so it was about Aaron and the way he had snubbed them, snubbed her. “I thought I was so smart. I thought I had everything under control in my life and was running it just the way I wanted to run it. But then I realized that I was nothing but some man’s dirty little secret.”

Martier looked up sharply, shaking her head in denial. Claudette just squeezed her hands. “I loved Aaron for more years than I care to admit. I forgave him for not wanting to broadcast our relationship in the workplace. And I convinced myself that I didn’t need more; marriage, kids because we were perfect just the way we were--when it’s just between the two of us it’s perfect.” She swallowed and looked away. “I lied to myself because he didn’t act like the other men in the office. He didn’t cat around or even look at any other woman. So I told myself that we were just too evolved for marriage. Our relationship was modern and sensible.” Claudette looked at her and her eyes were narrowed.

“The truth is…Aaron is ashamed of me.” Martier shook her head. “He doesn’t want to be the man that they talk about at the country club, or during his family dinners. Maybe he even thinks that being married to a black woman is beneath him—I don’t know.”

“Claudette, have you talked to Aaron about this?”

“The minute a woman tells a man what she needs from him then she can’t really accept it from him. If I tell him that he didn’t love me enough to marry me and that’s the reason that I’m leaving…and then he asks me to marry him, then it’s meaningless!”

“But you shou-”