A Season for Tending (45 page)

She stared at him. Had he sounded like a madman? Her eyes scanned the orchard before she stood. A smile crossed her face. “I think I know.”

“I’d love to hear it.”

“It’s time to stop.”

His heart pounded. That’s not the answer he wanted to hear. She looked so weary, much as he had when he finally stopped trying to fix his mess of a life among the Englisch and come home.

She bent and picked up an apple from the ground. “It’s time to stop worrying what Emma means.” She brought the apple to her nose and smelled it. “It’s time to let go of my guilt and enjoy whatever small joys the day brings. It’s time to do whatever it takes to live and love and help those around me when the opportunity comes.”

“Is it time to at least look at the apple orchard and farm in Maine?”

She held out her hand. “It’s time.”

This is what Jacob wanted, a way to build hope in all of them, however small or however much work it would take. Hope for a better tomorrow is the only way he knew how to get through today.

And once Samuel saw his orchard, he’d need that too.

FORTY-FIVE

Samuel woke, groggy, as snapshots of memories floated through his brain. Lying on a twin bed in the summer kitchen. Rhoda beside him, promising him he’d be fine. And despite the pain and anguish, he’d believed her.

He remembered Jacob carrying him to the truck and then waking up in a hospital bed. He remembered being released days later. Various memories, disconnected segments, all giving him distorted images of his life. He was weary of floating in and out of some half-conscious, drug-induced state.

Enough was enough. He wouldn’t take any more pain medicine. He needed to be fully awake and alert, and he’d find a way to cope with the pain.

He tried to pry open his eyes and place his surroundings. He managed to catch a glimpse of the room he was in and saw a young woman sitting on a couch nearby, but he couldn’t make out her face. His mother towered over him.

Now he remembered. He was on a bed in the living room.

Mamm smiled down at him. “That’s it. Time to wake up, take your medicine, and get some nourishment.”

He opened his eyes. “No more meds.” In a rush he bolted upright, searching for Rhoda. Was she safe? Samuel pushed the sheet off him and sat upright. His leg was covered in bandages.

“Whoa, easy, young man.”

His head swam. The tornado was gone, long gone, but he couldn’t lie back down. “Where is everyone—Rhoda, Leah, Jacob, Eli?”

“Not far. Everyone is helping around here.”

Relief took the edge off his panic. “What day is it?”

“You ask the same question every time you wake up.” Mamm smiled. “Wednesday, September seventh. The doctor cut your pain medication in half
yesterday. He said you’d be more awake today, might even remember some of what has happened since you had surgery.”

“Rhoda’s family?”

“They’re all fine. You’ve spoken to her several times this week. Their house wasn’t touched.”

He relaxed a bit. He did remember that. But his mind was playing tricks on him, blending his dreams with reality. “And Catherine?”

His mother looked across the room. He blinked several times, trying to focus.

“Hi, Samuel.”

“Catherine.” Bits of conversations he’d had with his siblings returned to him. “Jacob said your family fared well.”

“We’re good, much better than you’ve been.”

Samuel glanced around. Large blue tarps covered the gaping holes in the house. “Is it safe to be in here?”

Mamm passed him a bowl of soup. “Ya. Jacob and your uncle Mervin’s construction crew worked while you were in the hospital and put new support beams in.” She pressed her hands down her apron. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone.”

He ate his soup, wishing the disorientation would go away.

Catherine moved an ottoman to the side of his bed and sat on it. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

An ache the size of the gaping hole in the house opened within him. But it wasn’t for her—or them. What was it? He set the soup on an end table. “I’ll be fine.” Why hadn’t she come to see him before his injury? “But I’m not up to talking about anything right now.”

She reached for his hand. “May I come back and see you again?”

He wasn’t good at telling her no unless he was angry, and he had no strength to do so now. What had happened to them, to the connection from his heart to hers? “Ya. Maybe you should wait until next week, though. If I get my way, I’ll be off the pain meds by that time and able to think.”

Surprisingly, she nodded. “Okay, if that’s what you want. Next week, then.” Catherine squeezed his hand and walked out, leaving him alone in this muddled, weird place.

His home surrounded him, but it didn’t. He’d expected the sight of Catherine to stir his heart, for her presence to remind him how much he’d missed her, but he barely felt the heartache over the chasm between them. Was that a side effect of the medicines too?

If she’d been impatient about marrying him when the orchard had a few issues, she’d never understand the length of wait they’d face now.

If he was interested in her waiting.

He lay down on the bed, staring at the flapping blue tarp.

Nothing resembled the life he’d once known. Nothing.

Catherine put on her best dress, feeling as nervous as she had on her first date night with Samuel. She ironed her prayer Kapp and combed her hair, repinning it half a dozen times before scurrying out the door to hitch the horse to the carriage.

Within fifteen minutes she was pulling into Samuel’s driveway. Leah was in the yard, hanging clothes on the line.

Catherine wished she didn’t need to speak to her, to apologize and be met with sarcasm and smart remarks, but she went to her. “How are you holding up?”

Leah clamped a clothespin onto a damp shirt and sighed. “As well as can be expected.”

Catherine kept telling herself to apologize. Even though she knew she’d been wrong, saying so didn’t come easy. “I’m sorry for what I said about you to Arlan. It was wrong.”

Leah shrugged. “I was wrong too, about lots of stuff.”

Wow. Catherine hadn’t expected her to say that. “Is Samuel inside?”

“No. He got in the pony cart and drove to the orchard early this morning.
He’s been there ever since, just staring at it. Rhoda and Jacob took him some lunch awhile ago. They’re probably still with him. They aren’t far. The orchard is too full of debris to get a cart past the edge of it. Want me to help you find them?”

“Nee, but denki.”

Catherine walked to the orchard and easily spotted the horse and cart. She kept going and soon saw Samuel with Rhoda and Jacob, all three sitting on a fallen tree. Rhoda was on one side of Samuel, Jacob on the other. They were looking at a large piece of paper, maybe a map of some kind. A batch of small magazines sat stacked beside them.

They seemed to be making serious plans. Until July, Catherine had been the only woman Samuel cared anything about. Had she been replaced?

“Samuel?”

The three of them looked up. Samuel folded the map. Rhoda and Jacob stood, greeting her before they excused themselves.

“I hope I didn’t interrupt something important.”

“We can get back to it later.”

“You look a lot better than last week.”

“Got a ways to go, but I’m stronger.”

She sat beside him, absorbing the ruin. This apple orchard had never meant more to her than a way for Samuel to make a living so he could marry her. Now she missed it. Missed seeing Samuel’s eyes dance when he talked about the pruning or good news concerning the yield. It’d been a part of him, perhaps more than she ever had. “I don’t understand what happened to us, Samuel.”

“Wish I could say I did.”

How could their two years of courtship turn into something that resembled the destroyed orchard around them? “I know I was wrong, and I’d like for us to start new.” She weighed each word. If she’d done that all along, they wouldn’t be in this mess. Or would they? “I came to tell you that weeks ago, but, well, I left a pie for you and hoped you’d at least come see me.”

He shook his head. “I don’t remember a pie.”

What would have happened to it? Had Rhoda ruined it, as she had everything else between Catherine and Samuel? “I left it on the cooling shelf in the windowsill of the summer kitchen. I can’t imagine what could’ve happened to it.” She fought the temptation to ask if Rhoda might have tossed it away. It’d be best to tuck that green-eyed monster out of Samuel’s view until she could free herself of it. Was that even possible?

She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Samuel. I should’ve spoken to you, not just left a pie.” She fumbled with her fingers, wishing he’d say something. “I … I need to know. Do you care for Rhoda?”

He turned to her, frowning. “I imagine she’ll be my sister-in-law one day.”

“Really?” Catherine jumped to her feet. “Is that all it is between you and her?”

When he didn’t answer, her excitement faded. Samuel reached beside him and grabbed a small magazine. He flipped the pages, folded the periodical in half, and passed it to her.

“An apple farm?” She turned the book over and back again. “Where is it?”

“Maine.”

She melted to her knees. Could he seriously be thinking about moving? “I love you, Samuel. We’ve both been through too much recently, and I think the pressure and stress has caused us some problems. Maybe that’s what has torn us apart, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.” She took his hands into hers. “Please.”

He gazed into her eyes, and it gave her hope.

“We’re going to Maine as soon as I’m strong enough, hopefully in a few days.”

“We?”

“Jacob, Eli, Rhoda, my Daed and hers, Landon, and Leah. Our uncle Mervin will go as a church leader, to give his approval or disapproval of the plan. And one of Rhoda’s brothers will go because he’s considering moving there too.”

Her heart broke. If they’d stayed strong the last couple of months, he’d
speak of his love and his hope for their future. But he didn’t seem to have an encouraging word for her.

Samuel picked at the bandage covering his injured leg. “If we like what we see and feel it’s worthy of our time, we’ll try to secure a lease-purchase option on a nearby farm while aiming to buy the farmhouse and orchard out of foreclosure. Depending on what we find out and the report we give, there are four other families who may want to move with us—establish a new Amish community. If we do this and can buy the orchard, I’d have to start living there as soon as I’m well enough.”

“You’ve decided all this since I saw you last week?”

“Landon had the information. His grandmother lives there. He got Jacob on board, and once Jacob believes in a plan, no one is more persuasive. But everything is tentative at this point.”

He talked without disappointment or anger, sounding much as he would’ve before they parted, except sadder. She longed for some crumb of hope.

She got off her knees and sat beside him. “If you get everything you hope to out of your visit to Maine, what will happen next?”

He picked up another book and flipped the pages back and forth. “Jacob will return here and do the construction work on our house until it’s done, which may not be till spring. Rhoda has a few weeks of work to do here, canning all she’s been harvesting from the fallen trees, the few remaining rooted ones, and what can be salvaged from the apples on the ground. Then she and one of her brothers will join me.” He moved a bit and winced. “If the orchard in Maine is salvageable, it’ll take a lot of work.”

“But you won’t have a harvest to can from for quite some time. Why would Rhoda move up there so soon?”

“There are three huge greenhouses on the property. She’ll spend all winter creating mulch for the fields and maybe growing berry plants. We’re not sure if the mulch will help as much as we need it to, but an orchard left unattended for two years needs every chance it can get.”

“And what about me, Samuel? Is there any room in your life for me?”

He looked down, and her heart sank. “I don’t know, Catherine.”

She hated that tears were running down her cheeks, but she couldn’t stop them. “We should at least try, shouldn’t we?”