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Authors: Joel Coen

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RABBI SCOTT’S OFFICE

A few minutes later. Larry sits tensely hunched
.

LARRY

And she wants a Gett.

A long silence. The hum of ventilation
.

At length:

RABBI SCOTT

A what?

LARRY

She wants a –

RABBI SCOTT

Oh, a Gett. Uh-huh, sure.

LARRY

I feel like the carpet’s been yanked out from under me. I don’t know which end is up. I’m not even sure how to react; I’m too confused.

RABBI SCOTT

What reasons did she give? For the rupture?

LARRY

She didn’t give – reasons. Just that, oh, you know, things haven’t been going well.

RABBI SCOTT

And is that true?

LARRY

I guess. I don’t know. She’s usually right about these things.

RABBI SCOTT

Mm-hm.

LARRY

I feel so … addled.

RABBI SCOTT

Yes, I can see.

LARRY

I was hoping that … Rabbi Nachtner …

RABBI SCOTT

That he would … yes?

LARRY

Well, with the benefit of his life experience … no offense –

Rabbi Scott chuckles
.

RABBI SCOTT

No, of course not. I am the junior rabbi. And it’s true, the point of view of somebody who’s older and perhaps had similar problems might be more valid. And you should see the senior rabbi as well, by all means. Or even Marshak if you can get in, he’s quite busy. But maybe – can I share something with you? Because I too have had the feeling of losing track of
Hashem
, which is the problem here. I too have forgotten how to see Him in the world. And when that happens you think, well, if I can’t see Him, He isn’t
there
any more, He’s gone. But that’s not the case. You just need to remember
how
to see Him. Am I right?

He rises and goes to the window
.

… I mean, the parking lot here. Not much to see.

It is a different angle on the same parking lot we saw from the Hebrew
school window.

… But if you imagine yourself a visitor, somebody who isn’t familiar with these … autos and such … somebody still with a capacity for wonder … Someone with a fresh … perspective. That’s what it is, Larry.

LARRY

Um …

RABBI SCOTT

Because with the right perspective you can see
Hashem
, you know, reaching into the world. He is
in
the world, not just in shul. It sounds to me like you’re looking at the world, looking at your wife, through tired eyes. It sounds like she’s become a sort of …
thing 
… a problem … a thing …

LARRY

Well, she’s, she’s seeing Sy Ableman.

RABBI SCOTT

Oh.

LARRY

She’s, they’re planning … that’s why they want the Gett.

RABBI SCOTT

Oh. I’m sorry.

LARRY

It was his idea.

RABBI SCOTT

Well, they do need a Gett to remarry in the faith. But – this is life. For you too. You can’t cut yourself off from the mystical or you’ll be – you’ll remain – completely lost. You have to see these things as expressions of God’s will. You don’t have to
like
it, of course.

LARRY

The boss isn’t always right, but he’s always the boss.

RABBI SCOTT

Ha-ha-ha! That’s right, things aren’t so bad. Look at the parking lot, Larry.

Rabbi Scott gazes out, marvelling
.

… Just look at that parking lot.

EXTERIOR: GOPNIK HOUSE

Our low angle looks across the lawn toward the front of the house.
Pounding footsteps approach and feet enter just off the lens and the
person – Danny – quickly recedes, cropping in as he races up to the
house
.

A beat later pursuing feet enter, slowing, for Danny is already
mounting the front stoop. Danny’s pursuer does not go deep enough to
crop in but we might gather from the size-eleven sneakers and the
cuffed jeans that it is hulking Mike Fagle
.

GOPNIK KITCHEN

We hear the front door being flung open and slammed shut, and in the
background foyer Danny appears, panting heavily. His mother and
sister eat soup in the foreground. His sister has a towel wrapped
turban-like around her head. One hand keeps the turban in place as
she tilts her head down for the soup
.

DANNY

We eating already?

SARAH

I’m going to The Hole.

Danny sits at the place set across from his sister. He picks up his
spoon
.

Some movement in Sarah’s body; Danny recoils from a kick
.

DANNY

Ow! Cut it out!

JUDITH

What’s going on?

The siblings slurp soup, neither answering
.

After a couple of slurps:

DANNY

… Isn’t Dad eating?

JUDITH

He’s at the Jolly Roger.

DANNY

Oh yeah.

More slurping
.

Fade out
.

SIEGLESTEIN, SCHLUTZ

In a small windowless conference room lined by shelves filled with law
reference books, Larry rises to greet Don Milgram, entering
.

LARRY

Don.

DON

How are you, Larry, Jesus, I am so sorry to be seeing you under these circumstances.

LARRY

Oh, well …

DON

I always thought you and Judy were rock solid. This is so terrible, Larry. This is devastating.

LARRY

Well, the way I look at it, it’s an opportunity for me to really sit down and figure things out, and, and, look at the world afresh instead of just, you know, settling for the routine, tired old way of looking at things.

 
Don Milgram stares at him
.

DON

… Really?

LARRY

(
deflating
)

I don’t know. Maybe not.

DON

Well, legally, I have to warn you, it’s never easy for the husband. Unless, of course, there’s some question of the wife having violated the marriage contract.

LARRY

Oh no, nothing like that. She’s planning to marry Sy Ableman, but they –

DON

Sy
Able
man!

LARRY

Yes, but they –

DON

Esther is barely cold!

LARRY

She passed three years ago.

DON

Well, okay, still – this changes the complexion, Larry! Sy
Able
man!

LARRY

Not in the sense that … there hasn’t been hanky-panky. To my knowledge.

DON

Oh.

LARRY

No. I’m fairly certain this is not an issue. And in fact they, uh, Judith wants a Gett.

Beat. Don stares blankly at Larry
.

Larry clears his throat
.

… A ritual divorce.

DON

Oh.

LARRY

So that they can remarry in the faith –

DON

Uh-huh, sure, not really a legal matter. Okay. Well. My goodness. How are the children taking it?

LARRY

Oh, they’re very …

He gropes
.

… resilient.

DON

Good. Well. On the other thing, the neighbor’s property line, I’ve asked Solomon Schlutz to take a look. There’s very little having to do with real estate that’ll get by Sol.

LARRY

Okay. Good. How do you – I guess I’m a little worried, how do you, I have money pressures and –

DON

Our fee structure? We bill by the hour. Dave Sieglestein and Solomon Schlutz bill at a hundred and ten, the associ ates, me for instance, bill at –

A secretary sticks her head in
.

SECRETARY

A call for Mr. Gopnik. Danny. At home.

LARRY

Danny?!

DON

You can take it here.

SECRETARY

Oh-eight-oh-nine.

Larry punches a button on a row of four on the conference-room
telephone
.

LARRY

Danny?!

VOICE

Dad?

LARRY

Are you all right? Are you all – is everything –

VOICE

F Troop is fuzzy
.

LARRY

… What?

VOICE

F Troop
is still fuzzy.

Larry stares
.

DON

Everything okay?

DAWN AT THE JOLLY ROGER

Wide on the motel room, weakly lit by sun starting to seep in around
the curtain
.

Larry sleeps in one of the twin beds; Uncle Arthur snores in the other
.

Uncle Arthur’s breath trips and tangles on an impeded inhale and it
wakes him, gagging. He blinks, sits up, swings his legs out, gazes
blearily around the room
.

He rises stiffly and heads for the bathroom
.

Larry stirs and looks blearily around
.

He stiffly rises. He takes the two steps across the room to the formica
desk on which are spread papers for his class. As we hear the sucking
sound of the neck evacuator starting up in the bathroom, Larry sweeps
papers together and mechanically stuffs his briefcase
.

CAR

Larry drives hollow-eyed to work
.

After a long beat of staring, the
ka-ching
of a bicycle bell
.

Larry’s eyes widen and his head swivels, tracking as he overtakes and
passes:

The bicyclist. A young Asian man wearing a white traffic mask
.

Larry looks at him in the rear-view
.

LARRY

Clive!

He frantically pumps down his window, shouting:

… Clive! You gonna send your mother next?! You little bastard! I wanna see you! I wanna –

Crash
.

He has rear-ended a car stopped at a light
.

A blaring horn, a quick second crash of wrenching steel and spattering
glass: he has been rear-ended in turn
.

The
ka-ching
of the bicycle. Clive Park cycles past
.

BLEGEN HALL

Larry enters the outer office, hugging his paper-stuffed briefcase to his
chest
.

The secretary crooks her phone into her shoulder
.

SECRETARY

Oh – Professor Gopnik. It’s Dick Dutton again.

LARRY

(
blank
)

Dick Dutton.

LARRY’S OFFICE

He sits in and picks up the phone
.

LARRY

Hello?

VOICE

Hello, Mr. Gopnik, this is Dick Dutton from the Columbia Record Club. I’m calling because it is now, what, four months and we have yet to receive your first payment.

LARRY

I – there’s some mistake. I’m not a member of the Columbian Record Club.

VOICE

Sir, you are Laurence Gopnik of 1425 Flag Avenue South?

LARRY

No, I live at the Jolly Roger.

VOICE

Excuse me?

LARRY

No, I – well, yes, okay.

VOICE

Yes you
are
Laurence Gopnik?

LARRY

Okay.

VOICE

Okay means …

LARRY

Okay, yes, Laurence Gopnik, yes.

VOICE

Okay, well, you received your twelve introductory albums and you have been receiving the monthly main selection for four months now –

LARRY

“The monthly main selection”? Is that a record? I didn’t ask for any records.

VOICE

To receive the monthly main selection you do nothing. You –

LARRY

That’s right! I haven’t done anything!

VOICE

Yes, that’s why you receive the monthly main selection. The last –

LARRY

But I –

VOICE

The last one was Santana Abraxas. You –

LARRY

I didn’t ask for Santana Abraxas!

VOICE

You request the main selection at the retail price by doing nothing. It’s automatically mailed to you. Plus shipping and handling. You’re about to –

LARRY

I can’t afford a new record every
month
! I haven’t asked for –

VOICE

You’re about to get Cosmo’s Factory, sir. The June main selection. And you haven’t –

LARRY

Look, something is very wrong! I don’t want Santana Abraxas! I’ve just been in a terrible auto accident!

Beat
.

VOICE

I’m sorry, sir.

LARRY

Well – thank you. But I –

VOICE

Are you okay?

LARRY

Yes. Yes, no one was hurt.

VOICE

Okay. Good. Well, you had fourteen days to listen to Santana Abraxas and return it if you weren’t completely satisfied. You did nothing. And now you –

LARRY

I didn’t ask for Santana Abraxas! I didn’t listen to Santana Abraxas! I didn’t do anything!

 
The secretary is sticking her head in
.

SECRETARY

Sir …

VOICE

Sir. Please. We can’t
make
you listen to the record. We –

SECRETARY

Professor Gopnik, your son. He said it’s urgent.

LARRY

Okay, look, I have to call you back, this is, this is – I’m sorry.

He irritably punches a button on the bottom row of four.

… Danny?

DANNY

Dad!

LARRY

Did you join the Columbia Record Club?!

Silence
.

… Danny?

DANNY

Um …

LARRY

Danny, this is completely unacceptable. I can’t afford to –

DANNY

Okay Dad, but you gotta come home.

LARRY

Is it
F Troop
?

DANNY

Huh? No no. Mom’s real upset.

GOPNIK HOUSE

Larry enters. We hear weeping, semi-hysterical, from somewhere in the
house
.

SARAH’S VOICE

… Dad?

LARRY

Yes?

She enters
.

SARAH

Does this mean I can’t go to The Hole tonight?

LARRY

Does what mean – what happened?

SARAH

Sy Ableman died in a car crash.

DANNY’S VOICE

Hey Dad!

LARRY


What
?!

Danny enters
.

DANNY

So are you coming back home? Can you fix the aerial?

The weeping, off, grows louder and more hysterical
.

LARRY

What
?!

DANNY

It’s still, you know …

Loud wailing
.

Black
.

After a beat in black, a white title:

THE SECOND RABBI

RABBI’S OFFICE

We are close on Larry. He sits hunched forward, hands clasped in front
of him, staring at the floor, sadly shaking his head
.

After a long beat:

LARRY

It seems like she’s asking an awful lot. But then –
I
don’t know.
Some
body has to pay for Sy’s funeral.

Rabbi Nachtner, sitting opposite, nods
.

RABBI NACHTNER

Uh-huh.

LARRY

His own estate is in probate. But why does it have to be me? Or is it wrong to complain? Judy says it is. But I’m so
strapped for cash right now – paying for the Jolly Roger, and I wrecked the car, and Danny’s bar mitzvah … I …

RABBI NACHTNER

Something like this – there’s never a good time.

LARRY

I don’t know where it all leaves me. Sy’s death. Obviously it’s not going to go back like it was.

RABBI NACHTNER

Mm. Would you even want that, Larry?

LARRY

No, I – well yeah! Sometimes! Or – I don’t know; I guess the honest answer is I don’t know. What
was
my life before? Not what I thought it was. What does it all mean? What is
Hashem
trying to tell me, making me pay for Sy Ableman’s funeral?

RABBI NACHTNER

Mm.

LARRY

And – did I tell you I had a car accident the same time Sy had his? The same instant, for all I know. Is
Hashem
telling me that Sy Ableman is me, or we are all one, or something?

RABBI NACHTNER

How does God speak to us: it’s a good question. You know Lee Sussman?

LARRY

Dr. Sussman? I think I – yeah?

RABBI NACHTNER

Did he ever tell you about the goy’s teeth?

LARRY

No … I – What goy?

RABBI NACHTNER

So Lee is at work one day; you know he has the orthodontic practice there at Texa-Tonka.

LARRY

Uh-huh.

RABBI NACHTNER

Right next to the Gold Eagle Cleaners.

We cut to sign for “The Gold Eagle Cleaners”. It dominates a small
suburban strip mall
.

Rabbi Nachtner continues in voice-over as we cut to a frosted glass
door with a painted-on “Leon Sussman, DDS”
.

RABBI NACHTNER

He’s making a plaster mold – it’s for corrective bridge work – in the mouth of one of his patients …

A close shot of a man’s mouth biting down on two horseshoe-shaped
troughs – an upper and a lower – that overflow goo.

… Russell Kraus. He’s a delivery dispatcher for the
Star
and Tribune
with chronic mandibular deterioration.

The grinding guitar solo from Jefferson Airplane’s “Bear Melt”scores
the narrative
.

The patient opens his mouth as a hand enters to grab the upper tray
.

The reverse shows Dr. Sussman, a middle-aged man dressed in the
high-collared white smock of an oral surgeon. He takes the mold to a
drying table
.

Kraus twists over the side of the chair and spits into the water-swirled
spit-
sink
.

… Well, the mold dries and Lee is examining it one day before fabricating an appliance …

Another day: Dr. Sussman sits at his workbench examining the lower
mold. He notices something unusual.

… He notices something unusual.

Sussman reaches up for the loupe attached to his eyeglasses
.

There seems to be something engraved on the inside of the patient’s lower incisors …

He flips down the loupe. One eye is hugely magnified as he stares.

… Sure enough, it’s writing.

Sussman squints
.

His point-
of-
view: tiny incised Hebrew letters
.

 

Back to Rabbi Nachtner: he confirms with a nod
.

RABBI NACHTNER

This in a goy’s mouth, Larry.

Back to Leon Sussman: the rabbi’s narrative continues
.

RABBI NACHTNER

Hey vav shin yud ayin nun yud. “Hoshiyani
.” “Help me.” “Save me.”

Sussman flips the loupe away and looks off, haunted. He rises
.

… He checks the mold, just to be sure. Oh, it’s there all right …

A dental mirror is dipped into the horseshoe-shaped hardened paste of
the mold. It pans tiny letters that stand out in relief, right side around
in the mirror:

Sussman leans back, thinking
.

He calls the goy back on the pretense of needing additional measurements for the appliance.

Close on Kraus grinning as he shakes Sussman’s hand in the reception
area. Sussman gestures to invite Kraus back to the examining room
.

Sussman chats, affecting nonchalance.

In the examining room, leaning over Kraus in the chair, the dentist is
indeed chatting with apparent casualness
.

Notice any other problems with your teeth? Anything peculiar, et cetera?

Sussman unpockets a dental mirror
.

No. No. No. Visited any other dentist recently? No.

He dips the mirror into Kraus’s mouth:

Sussman frowns
.

There it is. “Help me”?

He leans back
.

Sussman goes home. Can Sussman eat? Sussman can’t eat.

Sussman sits at the kitchen table, untouched food in front of him. His
wife chats volubly while Sussman stares into space
.

Can Sussman sleep? Sussman can’t sleep.

Sussman is in bed, pyjamas buttoned to the neck, staring at the ceiling
.

What does it mean? Is it a message for him, for Sussman? And if so, from whom? Does Sussman know? Sussman doesn’t know.

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