A Shade of Vampire (11 page)

“Am I a victim?”

I thought it was a trick question. I stared at him for a couple of seconds, wondering if he realized how insane that question sounded coming from him. Of course he wasn
’
t the victim! He wasn
’
t the one who was captured against his own will and imprisoned - in an admittedly breathtaking and lavish penthouse
–
but imprisoned nonetheless! He was lord of the vampires, feared, revered and admired. How on earth could he possibly be a victim?

I studied his appearance, wondering what was going through his mind. Before I could even think it through I reached out and wiped the blood off his mouth with a tissue.

“You fed on someone.”

It was almost as if he stopped breathing as his fists clenched.

“She wasn
’
t much older than you are. Eighteen or nineteen. She was a shadow hunter. She was the enemy. I found pleasure in sucking every bit of her blood out.” He raised his blue eyes to meet mine and the slightest of smirks formed on his lips. “I enjoyed it the same way I would
’
ve enjoyed you.”

I tensed, confused by what he was attempting to say. “Why are you telling me this, Derek?”

A painful expression twisted his features as he began to fumble with his fingers. He shook his head slowly before responding, “Because I don
’
t want to enjoy it. I actually miss being the victim, but that night... you saw me as someone playing the part of a victim. Why?”

I gave it some thought.
Why did I say that?
At that time, all I really wanted was for him not to kill me, but I could
’
ve said so many things. Why that? I dared grab his hand before answering.

“Because I don
’
t believe that you are a slave to what you
’
ve become. I don
’
t believe that you
simply can
’
t
.”

He looked at me with so much intensity, I began to wonder if I
’
d said something wrong, so I was relieved when his face somehow relaxed and he lifted a hand to brush a stray strand of hair off my face. “You are a marvel.”

At that statement, I had to smile. “I doubt I
’
m much of a marvel…at least not compared to you.”

“What do you mean?” He seemed taken aback.

“The guards told us about how you
’
re a Blood Shade legend, savior of the vampires. It all sounded very impressive.”

He looked away, almost as if he was disturbed by what I said.

I found that strange. After an accomplishment that massive, I would expect a guy to be proud, to gloat over it, to puff out his chest and have that look on his face letting everyone know that it was indeed him who
did that.
It
’
s definitely how Ben would
’
ve reacted. Not Derek.

“Savior of the vampires…” he scoffed. “I
’
m supposed to rule over our kind. They say my reign will bring the vampires true sanctuary. I
’
m not even sure if we deserve to get saved. After everything we did… After everything we
’
re doing…” He gave me a long, meaningful gaze and pulled his hand out of my grasp. “Look what we
’
re doing to you.”

To that, I didn
’
t know how to respond. I missed Ben so much. There wasn
’
t a waking moment since I got there that he wasn
’
t at the back of my mind, that I wasn
’
t wondering what he was thinking about or how he was dealing with my disappearance. I wondered how many of the humans they took here were separated from loved ones. To my relief, Derek didn
’
t seem to be interested in a response.

“My father was a farmer,” he began. “That
’
s what we did before we became
this
. We farmed wheat and grew vegetables. It was a humble existence, but we were happy. Then one night, my father and Lucas were out in the city to trade our goods. Vivienne and I went out for wood. When we returned, our mother was dead, her blood sucked dry.”

I swallowed hard as I listened and imagined how that would
’
ve felt.

“Vivienne swore it was a wild beast. They ridiculed me but I knew it was a vampire. I was just thirteen at the time, but I was so sure that a vampire murdered my mother, so I found a way to join the shadow hunters. For five years, I was one of them and I killed many, many vampires. So imagine my surprise when on my eighteenth birthday, my father came home and he was a vampire. I should
’
ve killed him. I really should
’
ve, but I couldn
’
t. He was still my father. He turned Lucas, Vivienne and me that night. I became the very creature that I hunted, the creature that I hated.”

“If you hate vampires so much, why fight to save them? Why establish the Blood Shade?”

“It was never about saving the vampires. The next hundred years after I was turned were all about saving my family. It just so happened that I couldn
’
t save them without also saving the others who helped us survive. I never thought that the Blood Shade would become what it is now.”

I couldn
’
t even begin to imagine what those years were like for him, how tormented he must have felt, but if he wanted me to acknowledge that he was a victim to his own existence, I wasn
’
t about to give him that. He was too strong, too powerful, and too influential to play the part of a victim.

“I
’
m sorry for what you had to go through, and I
’
m…honored that you would tell me these things, but you
’
re strong and you
’
re a leader
–
whether you like it or not. If anything, you seem to be the only one here who has the power to change things...for the better.”

“I don
’
t know how to do that.”

“Well, who ever said that you have to figure it all out tonight?”

I grabbed his hand, stood up and pulled him up. I don
’
t know what possessed me to do it, but I nudged him toward the larger couch, enjoying the curiosity in his eyes as I sat on the space beside him. I heaved a sigh before pulling his arm over my shoulder and snuggling against him.

“We
’
ve already had too much drama for one night, don
’
t you think?”

“True.” His tone seemed lighter, more relaxed as he ran his fingers over my bare shoulder. “Now that I
’
ve embarrassingly spilled my guts to you, perhaps it
’
s time you told me more about you.”

I groaned. “And delve into
my
drama? I don
’
t think so. Let
’
s spend tonight introducing you to today
’
s version of entertainment.”

I reached for the remote control and switched on the flat screen TV. I couldn
’
t help but smile at the fascination that sparked in his eyes.

“What on bloody earth is that?” he asked.

“A magic mirror,” I teased before explaining to him the best way I could what exactly a television set was. I asked if he wanted to watch a movie, recalling the extensive DVD collection we
’
d found earlier that night. I asked him to pick a movie and he returned with two interesting picks:
Chicago
and
the Godfather.
It was almost a reflection of the kind of person that he was
–
a musician and a killer whose loyalty to family stood above all else
–
either way, tormented, with darkness constantly looming over him.

Since I wasn
’
t up for watching either movie, I smiled, remembering his request and how Vivienne managed to have her minions see that it be done immediately. “I have a better idea.”

I was amused by the questioning look he gave me as I stood up, laid the DVDs he chose on the center table, grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the music room. The sheer delight in his eyes when he saw the room was almost endearing
–
like he was a boy shown a roomful of his favorite toys. “Vivienne did it so quickly…”

“Your sister really loves you…” There was bitterness to the way I said the words, jealous that he had a family that worshiped the ground he walked on while I had a family that had abandoned me and left me to another family
’
s care.

He sat in front of the black grand piano and tapped on the space next to him. “Sit.”

I noted how he never said
please
to me. With him, there were never requests, just commands. I rolled my eyes, not used to being told what to do. The Hudsons never really paid much attention to what I did or didn
’
t do as long as I didn
’
t get myself or their kids into trouble. Ben wasn
’
t very authoritative when it came to me either. It was something about Derek I thought I
’
d never get used to, but still, I found myself sitting next to him as he played an enthralling tune that simply took my breath away.

In the middle of his performance, it dawned on me that it was exactly the effect Derek Novak had on me: he always managed
–
in one way or another
–
to take my breath away.

She looked so peaceful, so serene, so innocent as I carried her to her bedroom and laid her on her bed. No other woman
–
and believe me when I say that I
’
d been with many
–
had the same effect that Sofia Claremont had on me. She was fragile and vulnerable, and yet strong and resilient at the same time. She
’
d only recently entered my life, yet it felt like I
’
d known her for ages.

It was strange the way I felt about how she listened to me and tried to ease my mind after my tempestuous outburst. I was grateful, but at the same time, I was mad at her. Inside the music room, she listened to me give in to my passion for music. She listened until exhaustion and sleep stole her attention away from me. Lying on the cushioned wooden bench inside the music room, she was a feast to behold, with her dress hiking up those long, milky white legs of hers, her locks of red hair cascading down the edge of the bench and her pink lips slightly parting as she breathed. My stomach clenched just looking at her, wondering what she was thinking that she would allow herself to be so vulnerable around a creature like me
–
one who could lose control at any moment and completely ruin her.

But somehow, deep inside, I knew… I knew that I could never harm her that way, simply because I would never be able to forgive myself for it. I may not have enough self-control to keep myself from feeding on others, but with Sofia, I couldn
’
t afford to lose control. She had become my one remaining link to humanity and it was clear to me that her ruin would be my ruin.

Thus, I carefully picked her up in my arms, fully aware of how much of the skin on her neck and shoulders were exposed to me and how much I wanted to have a taste of her. However, it was easier for me to hold myself back. She had managed to make herself too precious for me to even think of destroying.

I left her on the round bed covered with pink linens and white furs. There was a smile on my face as I walked out of her room. With Sofia, it felt like I
’
d found my compass. I knew that as long as I had her, I had someone to keep me grounded, someone to direct my way. If only for Sofia, I had a reason to stay awake.

Having absolutely no desire
–
or need
–
to lose myself in sleep, I returned to the living room and figured out how to view the “movies” she introduced to me. I was amazed by the contraptions humanity managed to create over the years. I never would
’
ve dreamed them possible in my day.

I mostly spent the rest of the time viewing one movie after another, moved by the stories and lives portrayed. I had to remind myself several times what Sofia said
–
it wasn
’
t real, just actors playing a part
–
like that of our time
’
s theaters.

I was in quite a good mood when morning came and was eager to check on Sofia. Thus, when I knocked on her door, I wasn
’
t expecting to be met with silence. I knocked again. Nothing. My heart sank, certain that despite my warning, she once again attempted to escape. I swung the door open and looked around the room. The smell of blood immediately invaded my senses and I was stunned to find that my first instinct wasn
’
t hunger but instead, an overwhelming urge to see to it that Sofia was okay.