A Shameful Secret (30 page)

“But she was not wrong,” Hester said. “It is true that she was unkind and I was hurt for I had thought she liked me . . .” She caught back a sob as his hand gripped hers tightly. “But that does not make her wrong, Paul. I was wrong to marry you. I knew that if my secret came out it might bring shame to your family, but I never expected . . .”

“He is dead,” Paul growled. “I merely winged him, for I would have had him brought to justice, but he tried to shoot me when I was already wounded and on my knees. Mortimer killed him—did he tell you that?”

“Not exactly,” Hester said, her eyes widening with shock. “He said that Henry Blackwater had been brought to justice and would not trouble me again—and he said that you had been wounded, but that it was not fatal and you would recover.”

“He behaved like a man of honor,” Paul said, an odd look in his eyes. “I know that he tried to persuade you to go with him, but I excuse him that, for he could not know that I would come after you.”

“You should not have done, my dearest,” Hester said. “You simply make it harder for us both. I am glad to see you, but it will be even harder to part when you go . . .”

“I am not leaving here alone,” Paul said, his eyes glittering with sudden determination. “You are my wife, Hester. You belong with me, and I with you. I love you and without you my life means nothing.”

“But . . .”

He reached out to place a finger against her lips. “No, do not say it, Hester. I know what you will say but I do not care. I lied to try and save you from the cruel tongues of those who will try to destroy you—but I have since realized that I was wrong. We shall not try to hide the fact that you have a daughter. I have already taken steps to adopt her, and she will live with us at my estate in Devon. Indeed, she is already there, for I took her down myself before I joined you in London. The air is very good there, and she will be well fed and cared for even when we are not there. I have employed a governess to teach her the things she needs to know, and as soon as I am well enough to travel that far, we shall go to join them.”

“You did so much for me—and yet you did not tell me?”

“I intended to once we were married,” Paul said and smiled at her. “It was to have been the most important of my wedding gifts to you—though it was my intention to let people think she was my daughter not yours.” His fingers trailed her cheek and her throat, touching the pulse spot in the little hollow at the base. “It was for your sake, but I was wrong. I should have spoken out, told my parents—and the world. It was stupid of me to lie.”

“No one believed you,” she said. “I know that it means some people will not accept me into their homes. I am prepared to accept that for myself, but you . . .”

He leaned forward to kiss her on the lips. “If they will not accept you, then I do not care for them,” he told her softly. “You are my love and my life, Hester. Please believe that I shall never give you up.” He saw a tear slip from the corner of her eye, and wiped it away with his thumb. “No, do not cry, my love. I want only to make you happy.”

“But you have,” she said and caught back the sob that rose to her lips. “I did not think that such happiness could ever be mine.”

“You should always have been happy,” he said. “But what you do not understand is how much you have given me. Until I knew you, I knew nothing, my darling. I fought for my country, and I performed my duty to my family and friends. I took mistresses, and I gambled, fenced, and raced my horses, behaved, as a gentleman ought—but I did not know what true happiness was. You have made a better man of me. My happiness lies in you and the children we shall have, including the daughter we already have.”

“Oh, Paul,” she whispered. “You said that Richard had behaved as a man of honor, but I think you are the most honorable man I know.”

“If a man hath not honor he hath nothing,” Paul smiled. “That is our family motto—did you know that?” She shook her head and he leaned back in his chair once more, a flicker of pain crossing his face. “My mother reminded me of it when she apologized for being unkind to you. She has always guarded our family honor in her way, but I think I made her understand that there is a greater kind of honor.”

Hester shook her head, the tears trickling down her cheeks. She knew that she could not argue against him now. Paul had decided that he would love and honor her, and if he was brave enough to accept that it might mean them being shunned by society, then so was she.

She stood up as Charlotte reappeared carrying a tray with the brandy decanter. Anna followed her into the room with another tray that held glasses, sweet biscuits and a jug of sweet wine. She set it down, bobbed a curtsey, and sent a look of approval her master’s way, then went out.

“I trust you have it all settled between you,” Charlotte said and busied herself pouring brandy for Paul and wine for Hester and herself. “I thought we might drink a toast to your happiness, my dears—since we were so rudely interrupted the last time.”

Paul took the glass and lifted it in salute, a smile of satisfaction, and perhaps the merest hint of triumph on his lips. “Thank you, Charlotte. Indeed, I have much to thank you for. Had you not taken Hester to Bath we might never have met again.”

“Again?”

“We met briefly when I lost my way,” Paul explained. “I think I fell in love with her then, though she looked like a startled fawn and I thought she might run away.”

“I had been warned not to speak to strangers,” Hester said. “I hardly saw anyone but my family and a few of my mother’s friends.”

“Well, I am glad that I was able to bring you together,” Charlotte said and sipped her wine. “May I know what your immediate plans are?”

“We shall stay here for a few days,” Paul said. “I was warned the journey would knock me back, but I did not expect to feel quite this weak. So we shall wait a few days and then travel to my own estate. Sylvia is waiting for us there and we shall spend some time with her. It was my intention to travel on to Italy—but I have changed my mind. I think we shall go up to London for a few weeks first . . .”

“But, Paul,” Hester said, looking at him in apprehension, “do you think we should?”

“I have no intention of hiding my head in shame and nor need you, Hester. We shall be bold and then we shall see who our friends are—and our enemies.”

“Bravo!” Charlotte said. “I think that is an excellent idea. I shall give a large party and invite all my friends—and you shall be the guests of honor.”

“Perhaps no one will accept,” Hester said doubtfully.

“Then I shall save a great deal of money in the future,” Charlotte replied and laughed. “We shall see, my dears.”

“I thank you, dear Charlotte,” Paul said. “I believe you have hit upon the very idea.” He drained his glass and set it down. “And now I think I should like to lie down for a while—if I may, Hester?”

“Yes, of course,” she said. “I shall take you to my room. It will do you good to rest for a while.”

* * * *

Paul was resting when Hester looked at him later that afternoon. He was lying with his eyes closed, but he opened them at once, holding his hand out to her.

“Please, come and sit with me for a moment, my love.”

“Did I wake you? I wondered if you would like to have your supper brought up here, or if you would prefer to dine downstairs?”

“I was not asleep, but I believe I may have slept for a while,” he said and smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“I think you may have done,” she said her eyes bright with an echoing laughter. “Charlotte is very pleased with you, Paul. She was afraid that you would not come, and I think she meant to try and persuade me to live with her. She has been very good to me.”

“And earns my gratitude for it,” Paul said. “Where would you have gone had she not given you this house?”

“I do not know,” Hester said, taking the hand he offered. “I suppose I must have tried to find lodgings somewhere.”

“And I might have had a devil of a job to find you,” he said, his fingers curling tightly about hers. “Promise me you will never run off like that again—no matter what anyone says to you?”

“I promise,” she said. “I went for your sake, but I see that I was wrong.” He sat forward to kiss her, but a little moan of pain broke from his lips. “Do not, my love. I think you must have your supper in bed, for you are in too much pain.”

“My valet will give me something to help,” Paul said. “He insisted on accompanying me, and I was forced to let him because I had been a little rude to him recently. I hope he will not put your household out too much.”

“I think Charlotte said he had been lodged in a room behind the butler’s pantry. We have no butler now so it was empty.” She watched him wince as he swung his legs to the floor. “Are you sure you wish to get up?”

“Yes, quite sure. You go down now, Hester, and I shall join you in ten minutes. I would ask you to dine with me here, but we must not neglect Charlotte.”

“No, we must not neglect Charlotte,” Hester said. “I owe her a great deal.”

“I owe her a great deal, too,” Paul said. “So I shall come down, and we shall spend a quiet evening together. Then, will you come back to bed with me?”

“I had thought you might wish to sleep alone because of your shoulder?” Hester said, looking at him with the softness of love in her face.

“Then you thought wrong,” he said and his eyes gleamed. “This may not be exactly the wedding night I had planned, but be it what it may, I do not intend to spend it alone.”

* * * *

“I shall say goodnight to you,” Charlotte said when the tea tray had been dispensed with at nine o’clock. I am tired after my journey, and you look exhausted, Paul. Take your husband to bed, Hester, for otherwise he will make himself ill again.”

She smiled at them both, gathered her belongings and swept from the room. Paul stood up and held out his hand to Hester.

“I believe your cousin’s advice is sound, my love. Shall we go up?”

“Yes, of course. My housekeeper has prepared the chamber next to mine for your use.” She smiled as he began to shake his head. “You may wish for some attention by your valet before you come to me. I think your shoulder is paining you again?”

“Like the very devil,” Paul agreed with a wry smile. “Curse it, I wanted things to be very different. I am as weak as a kitten.”

“We may lie close to one another,” Hester said and gave a soft laugh. “Do not frown and fret so, my dearest one. Your shoulder will heal in time, and we are lucky that we still have time. You might have been killed.”

“How sensible you are, my love,” he said. “Very well, I shall allow Hernshaw to tend to my shoulder while your maid helps you to undress—but I shall not be long in coming to you.”

Hester smiled as they parted. She allowed Anna to help her into a soft, lacy nightgown and then, after dismissing her, sat at her dressing mirror to brush her hair. She was still there when Paul came to her. She laid her brush down, but he picked it up, and using his uninjured arm, began to brush it for her.

“I have dreamed of doing this, of being with you this way, my darling,” he said and the look he gave her was tender and loving. “I know that we made love on our wedding eve, but that side of love is only a part of what I feel for you, Hester. I want to spend my days and my nights with you, to have and to hold for the rest of our lives.”

He laid down the brush, and Hester stood. She moved away from her stool and then towards him, slipping her arms about his waist and laying her head against his chest. He held her loosely with one arm, the other hand caressing her hair.

“I love you so much, Paul,” she whispered and looked up at him. “Come to bed now, my dearest.”

When they lay side by side, their lips touching, he caressed the satin arch of her back with his fingertips. For some time, they were satisfied to kiss and touch, but as their hunger grew stronger, Paul gathered her to him, wanting to feel the softness of her body pressed against him, but hearing the stifled groan he could not quite control, Hester pushed him gently back against the pillows.

“Let me take the lead this time, my dearest,” she whispered. “I believe there is a way that we may take our pleasure without causing you too much pain.”

She bent over him, beginning to kiss his chest, laving his nipples with her tongue as he had done for her, working downward to the shadowed arrow of hair that led to his throbbing masculinity. She kissed his naval, and then licked delicately up the side of his spear-hard, blood-engorged organ, making him gasp and moan with pleasure.

“Sit astride me, Hester,” he said in a husky voice that sent little thrills of desire winging though her body. She did as he asked, and holding her about the waist, he helped her to lift herself, and then slowly, very slowly, she came down on him, easing the huge, throbbing length of him into her silken sheath. “That is so good . . . so good . . .” he murmured as she bent forward to kiss his lips, her hair dangling into his face. After allowing him to kiss her breasts for a moment or two, she sat back, and then, lifting herself from him, she slowly came down on him again. “My God, Hester . . . .”

He seized her by the waist, driving her down and lifting her again as the heat took them, driving them faster and faster until with a great shout, he came, and she came shuddering after. Then she bent over him, kissing his lips once more, before sitting back and looking at him with delight.