A Short History of Indians in Canada (4 page)

“Yes,” said Linda. “That’s exactly what I thought you would say.”

The game begins. Louis hands the baby in the airmail box to Orena and goes to the microphone to drum up business.

“All right,” he says. “Here’s the game you’ve been waiting for. Blackout bingo. First prize is…a brand new Ford pickup and a White baby. Any questions?”

Martha Red Horse holds up her hand. “Is there a cash equivalent for the baby?”

“Good luck,” says Louis, and he signals Bernie Strauss to start the game before someone else can ask a question.

Linda nudges Bob. “We better do something.”

“Linda,” says Bob, and he says this in a fatherly way without the hint of reprimand, “look around.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” says Linda.

“We’re surrounded by Indians.”

Bob sits down next to Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal, who have twenty bingo cards spread out between them.

“Hello,” says Mr. Cardinal. “I’ll bet you came for that new Ford pickup.”

“Hi,” says Bob, trying to sound nonchalant. “You here for the truck, too?”

“No,” says Mrs. Cardinal.

Bob taps Linda on the hip, though it’s more of a pat than a tap. “Look who’s here.”

“Wish us luck,” says Mrs. Cardinal.

Bernie Strauss begins calling numbers. At first Bob doesn’t get any, but then he hits a run of numbers, and before he knows it, he has only two left. Three of Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal’s cards also have two numbers left and one of their cards has only one number left. And then one of Bob’s numbers is called and he has only one to go.

Even Linda is getting excited.

“Okay,” Louis says to Orena, as he watches the number come up on the big board, “what’s the worst that can happen?”

This is a question that Louis asks all the time. This is the question that Louis asks when he hasn’t a clue how bad things can get. And this time, he asks it just as a squad of RCMP comes storming into the hall.

“Oh, great,” says Orena. “Now you’ve done it.”

“B-8,” Bernie shouts.

“Bingo!” shouts Bob, and he leaps out of his chair. “Bingo, bingo, bingo!”

The RCMP confiscate the new Ford pickup.

“You don’t have a permit,” the RCMP tells Louis. “If you don’t have a permit, this is an illegal gambling activity. ”

“It’s my truck,” says Bob, holding up his card. “See, I have a bingo.”

“We have a permit,” Louis tells the RCMP, but when he turns to find Orena to ask her to show the RCMP the permit, he finds that she is gone.

“We also heard that you were giving away a White baby,” says the RCMP.

“I suppose we need a permit for that, too,” says Louis.

“What about my truck?” says Bob. “What about my truck?”

Two weeks after the raid on the bingo game, Orena’s cousin calls to thank her for the White baby. “Where in the world did you get it?”

“In the mail.”

“And they say
we
don’t know how to look after our kids.”

“You can keep it if you want,” Orena tells her cousin.

“We’ve filed a suit against the Alberta Child Placement Agency,” says Orena’s cousin. “The idiots had me mixed up with a woman in Medicine Hat. Should have my son back by the weekend.”

“So, you don’t want the White baby?” says Orena.

“Come on, cuz,” says Orena’s cousin. “You know any skins who want a White baby?”

“It’s tough,” says Orena. “They just aren’t that appealing.”

“I suppose you can get used to them,” says Orena’s cousin. “What do you want me to do with it?”

“Drop it in the mail,” says Orena. “I’ll figure out something.”

Bob gets out of jail, while the Crown reviews the case. “Can you believe it,” he tells Linda. “They take my truck, and they arrest me.”

“You hit an RCMP officer.”

“I didn’t hit him,” says Bob. “I stumbled into him by mistake.”

“Is that what you tell your wife?” says Linda, who is not ready to let bygones be bygones.

“I’m going to leave her,” says Bob, who finds that he is sexually aroused by Linda’s reluctance and condemnation. “You just have to be patient.”

“And what about that White baby?”

“What about my truck?” says Bob. “The White baby thing was probably just a gimmick to get people to come to bingo.”

You know, everyone likes a good story. Yes, that’s true. My friend Napioa comes by my place. My good place. My good place by the river. Sometimes that Napioa comes by my good place and says, tell us a good story. So I do. Sometimes I tell those good stories from the Indian time. And sometimes I tell those good stories from the European time. Grown-up stories. Baby stories.

Sometimes I take a nap.

Sometimes I tell Coyote stories. Boy, you got to be careful with those Coyote stories. When I tell those Coyote stories, you got to stay awake. You got to keep those toes under that chair. I can tell you that.

You better do that now. Those toes. No, later is no good.

Okay, so I’m going to tell you a Coyote story. Maybe you hear that story before. Maybe not.

Coyote was going west. That’s how I like to start that story. Coyote story. Coyote was going west, and when
he gets to my place, he stops. My good place. By the river.

That was in European time…1940. Maybe it was 1944. No, it was 1942.

Coyote comes to my house in 1941. Hello, says that Coyote. Maybe you have some tea for me. Maybe you have some food for me. Maybe you have a newspaper for me to read.

Sure, I says. I have all those things.

So Coyote drinks my tea. And that one eats my food. And that one reads my newspaper.

Hooray, says that Coyote. I have found a job in the newspaper.

Maybe you’re wondering who would hire Coyote.

I thought so.

Okay, I’ll ask.

Who would hire Coyote? I says.

The Whitemen, says Coyote. The Whitemen are looking for a Coyote.

Oh boy. Coyote and Whitemen. That’s pretty scary.

It’s over on that coast, says Coyote. In that west. That’s where my job is.

Good, I says. Then I won’t have to move.

But I am so hungry, says Coyote. I don’t know if I can get to that coast, unless I get something good to eat.

Okay, I says, I will feed you so you can get to that coast.

And I don’t have a good shirt, says Coyote. I really need a good shirt, so the Whitemen will see that I’m a good worker.

Okay, I says, I will give you my good shirt.

Oh, oh, oh, says Coyote, how will I get there? It’s a very long ways, and my feet are quite sensitive.

You still got those toes tucked under that chair? You better keep your hands in your pockets too. Just in case Coyote notices you sitting there. And don’t make any noise. If that Coyote sees that someone is listening to him, that one will never leave.

Okay, I tell Coyote, I will call Billy Frank. My friend Billy Frank goes to the coast. He drives that pickup to that coast to go on that vacation. Maybe he will take you when he goes on that vacation.

Hooray, says Coyote. Hooray!

So Billy Frank takes Coyote to that coast. And that’s the end of the story.

No, I was only fooling. That’s not the end of the story. There’s more. Stick around. Have some tea. Don’t move those toes. Coyote is still around here somewhere.

Ho, ho. So a lot of things happen. All of a sudden, everyone is fighting. Mostly those White people. They like to fight, you know. They fight with each other. And then they fight with those other people. And pretty soon everyone is fighting. Even some of us Indians are fighting.

You’re probably thinking that Coyote is fighting, too.

Is that what you were thinking?

It’s okay, you can tell me.

So Coyote comes back. I warned you about this. Coyote comes back, and he is driving a pretty good truck.

Yoo-hoo, says Coyote, come and see my pretty good truck.

Yes, I says, that’s a pretty good truck, all right. That job you got must be a pretty good job.

Oh, yes, says Coyote, that job is the best job I have ever had.

That pretty good truck that Coyote is driving says “Kogawa Seafood” on the door. Ho, that Coyote. Always looking for something to eat.

Where did you get that pretty good truck? I says.

Coyote stole me, says that pretty good truck.

No, I didn’t, says Coyote.

Yes, you did, says that pretty good truck.

Don’t talk to that silly truck, Coyote tells me.

What’s wrong with talking to trucks? I says. Everybody talks to trucks.

Not anymore, says Coyote, and that one lowers his
eyes so he looks like he is sitting on a secret. Talking to Enemy Alien trucks is against the law.

Enemy Alien trucks? Holy, I says. That sounds serious.

National security, says Coyote. If someone saw you talking to an Enemy Alien truck, I might have to arrest you.

I’m not an Enemy Alien, says that truck.

Yes, you are, says Coyote.

No, I’m not, says that truck.

So Coyote and that pretty good truck says “Kogawa Seafood” on the door argue about Enemy Aliens. They argue about that for a long time. All day. Two days. Three. One week. They keep everyone awake. Nobody on the reserve can sleep. Even the dogs are awake.

Knock it off, those dogs says. You’re keeping everyone awake.

I haven’t heard of any Enemy Aliens, I tell Coyote.

Oh, says Coyote, they’re all over the place. But you don’t have to worry. You don’t have to run away. You don’t have to hide under your bed.

That’s good news, I says.

Oh, yes, says Coyote. Now that I’m on the job, the world is a safer place.

No, it’s not, says that pretty good truck.

Yes, it is, says Coyote. And those two start arguing again.

I don’t know about you but all this arguing is making me dizzy. Maybe we should have some tea. Maybe we
should have some dinner. Maybe we should watch that television show where everyone goes to that island, practise their bad manners. Maybe we should go to sleep. You can sleep on the couch.

So when I wake up, that pretty good truck is gone. But Coyote is still here.

Where is your pretty good Enemy Alien truck? I ask Coyote.

Oh, says Coyote, I had to sell that one. That’s the law now. All Enemy Alien Property must be confiscated. All Enemy Alien Property must be sold. That’s my job. And that Coyote shows me a piece of paper says “Order-in-Council 469.”

Boy, I says, that paper has a nice voice.

Order-in-Council 469, says that paper. All hail Order-in-Council 469.

Boy, I says, that paper sounds pretty important.

It is, says Coyote. That paper says that I am the Custodian of Enemy Alien Property.

Coyote is the Custodian of Enemy Alien Property, says that paper. All hail Coyote, Custodian of Enemy Alien Property.

That job sounds pretty important, I says.

It is the most important job in the world, says Coyote.

Is it more important than being truthful? I says.

Oh, yes, says Coyote.

Is it more important than being reliable? I says.

Absolutely, says Coyote.

Is it more important than being fair? I says.

Probably, says Coyote.

Is it more important than being generous? I says.

It certainly is, says Coyote.

Holy, I says, that is one pretty important job, all right. How do you do that pretty important job?

Well, says Coyote, first I find all the Enemy Aliens. Then I confiscate their property. Then I sell their property. Say, you want to buy some Enemy Alien Property?

Enemy Alien Property. Yes, that’s what that Coyote said. Sure, I don’t mind asking. You keep sitting in that chair. Keep those toes under that chair. And stay awake. You start snoring, and that Coyote is going to hear you for sure.

So I ask Coyote, what kind of Enemy Alien Property do you have for sale?

Oh, says Coyote, I have everything. You want a sewing machine? How about a set of dresser drawers? I have a bunch of radios. Cameras? A refrigerator? Blankets? Tea kettles? A wheelbarrow? A house. Maybe you need an easy chair. I got lots of bicycles. Maybe you need a new car. Maybe you need a fishing boat.

A fishing boat? You have a fishing boat for sale?

Ho, ho, says Coyote, I have more than one. How many would you like?

How many do you have? I says.

Eighteen hundred and four, says Coyote.

That’s a lot of fishing boats, I says.

It’s a hard job, says Coyote. But someone has to be paid to do it. Maybe you need a pretty good kimono.

No, I says, I don’t need a pretty good kimono.

Come on, says Coyote. Let’s go see the Enemy Alien Property.

So I go with Coyote. But we don’t go in that pretty good truck says “Kogawa Seafood” on the door because Coyote has sold it. But that coyote has another pretty good truck says “Okada General Store” on the door.

You sure have a lot of pretty good trucks, I says.

Oh, yes, says Coyote, I am an excellent Custodian of Enemy Alien Property.

So Coyote starts driving. He drives to those mountains. And that one drives into those valleys. And then he drives to that Pacific National Exhibition in that Vancouver city.

I am lost, I tell Coyote. Where are we now?

Hastings Park, says Coyote.

That Hastings Park is a big place. Big buildings. Big signs. That big sign says “Livestock Building.”

Livestock? All right. So I ask Coyote, you got any Enemy Alien Horses? That’s what I ask. You got any Enemy Alien Horses? I could use a good Enemy Alien Horse.

That Coyote checks that list of Enemy Alien Property. That one checks it again. No, he says, there are no Enemy Alien Horses.

Enemy Alien Cows? I ask Coyote.

No, says Coyote, no Enemy Alien Cows.

Chickens?

No.

Sheep?

No.

Holy, that’s all the livestock I can remember. So I ask that Coyote, what do you keep in that Livestock Building?

Enemy Aliens, says Coyote. That’s where we keep the Enemy Aliens.

Boy, that Coyote likes to tell stories. Sometimes he tells stories that smell bad. Sometimes he tells stories that have been stretched. Sometimes he tells stories that bite your toes. Coyote stories.

That’s one good Coyote story, I tell Coyote. Enemy Aliens in a Livestock Building.

No, no, says Coyote. This story is not a good Coyote story. This story is a good Canadian story.

Canadian story. Coyote story. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. All those words begin with C.

Callous, carnage, catastrophe, chicanery.

Boy, I got to take a breath. There, that’s better.

Cold-blooded, complicit, concoct, condemn.

No, we’re not done yet.

Condescend, confabulate, confiscate, conflate, connive.

No, not yet.

Conspire, convolute, crazy, crooked, cruel, crush.

Holy, I almost forgot cupidity.

No, no, says Coyote. Those words are the wrong words. The word you’re looking for is legal.

Boy, you’re right, I tell Coyote. That legal is a good word. You can do a lot with that one. That’s one of those magic words. White magic. Legal. Lots of other White magic words.

Patriotic, Good, Private, Freedom, Dignity, Efficient, Profitable, Truth, Security, National, Integrity, Public, Prosperity, Justice, Property.

Sometimes you can put two magic words together. National Security, Public Good, Private Property.

Stop, stop, says Coyote. All these words are giving me a headache. We only need one word for Enemy Aliens. And that one word is legal.

So Coyote takes me into the Livestock Building and that one shows me the Enemy Aliens.

Boy, I says, you caught a big bunch of them.

You bet, says Coyote.

But what is that smell? I ask Coyote.

Pigs and cows and horses, says Coyote. We had to move the pigs and cows and horses out so we could move the Enemy Aliens in.

That is certainly a strong smell, I says.

It certainly is, says Coyote. We better leave before we get sick.

Maybe the Enemy Aliens would like to leave, too, I tell Coyote. So they don’t get sick from the pigs and cows and horses used to live here.

Enemy Aliens don’t mind that smell, says Coyote. They’re not like you and me.

They look like you and me, I says.

Oh, no, says Coyote, you are mistaken. They look like Enemy Aliens.

So that Coyote shows me all those sights. That one shows me that big building with all that glass. And that one shows me that other big building with all that glass. And then that one shows me that other big building with all that glass.

Boy, I tell Coyote, that’s a lot of big building with glass.

You want to see another big building with glass? says Coyote.

No, I says, that’s enough big buildings with glass for me.

Okay, says Coyote, let’s go see that Enemy Alien Property. Maybe we can find you some silverware.

So that Coyote shows me that Enemy Alien Property.

Holy, I tell Coyote. It looks like you confiscated everything.

Yes, says Coyote. The Whitemen have given me a commendation that I can hang on my wall.

Boy, there’s another one of those words begins with C.

See anything you like? says Coyote. I can give you a really good deal on family heirlooms.

But just as Coyote is showing me those good deals on those family heirlooms, he gets that phone call. This is before they got those phones you can walk around the house with and this is before those phones you can carry in your pocket. Call any place you like for thirty cents a minute, plus those roaming charges. This is the time when those phones are nailed on those walls, when those real women place that call for you, when you have to stand right next to them.

No, not the real women.

So that Coyote stands next to that phone and that one nods his head and that one smiles and that one makes happy noises.

Good news, says that Coyote. The Whitemen have given me another job.

Boy, I says, you are one busy Coyote.

Yes, says Coyote, and I have a new slogan. You want to hear it?

You want to hear Coyote’s new slogan? No, I don’t want to hear it either. But if we say, no, we may hurt Coyote’s feelings and that one is going to cry and make a lot of noise and keep everyone awake. Yes, that one will keep the dogs awake, too.

So I tell Coyote, Okay, you tell us your new slogan.

Okay, says Coyote. Here it is. “Let our slogan be for British Columbia, ‘No Japs from the Rockies to the seas.’”