A Simple Charity (14 page)

On the drive home, Fanny kept trying to put the matter out of her mind. She looked to the golden fields and trees that were just beginning to take on the glowing hues of autumn. She tried to let the patter of the horse’s hooves feed a little song in her head … something from church.

But the song that came to her was the one Tom used to sing to calm the children.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine …

A band of emotion squeezed her chest at the memory. “Dear Tom, they want to wash you away. They want to pretend you are long gone and everything is fine.”

The grip on her heart tightened.

What a relief it was to turn into the narrow lane that led home. She would have Emma swing over to Rose Miller’s to pick up the children when she got home; right now, it would upset them to see their mamm broken up and crying.

She climbed out of the buggy and began to unhitch the horse. Flicker nickered, nuzzling Fanny gently. “What is it, girl?” The horse’s large eyes brimmed with sympathy. “You know something’s wrong, do you?” Pressing her head against Flicker’s neck, Fanny breathed in the scent of warm horse and fresh hay. “I don’t know what to do.” The horse tried to console her, but only Gott in Heaven could lift the burden that weighed on her heart.

As she led the horse to water, Zed came around the side of the carriage house. Golden September sunlight outlined his tall, straight figure topped by a wide-brimmed straw hat. She nodded at him and turned to the horse, hoping to hide her tears.

“I think the problem with the door is finally solved,” he said. “Kumm, take a look.”

“Good.” Fanny’s voice squeaked. She swallowed hard over the knot in her throat. How much had Zed seen?

“Is everything all right?” His voice was low and thick with concern.

“Mmm.” She couldn’t bear to face him. Best to change the subject. “I have good news. There’s a new baby for Adam and Remy King. A little girl named Essie.”

“That is good news. The community is sure growing.” He dropped the hammer into a loop on his tool belt and stepped back. “I’ll be out in the carriage house when you want to have a look.”

“I’ll take a look now.” She gave Flicker a pat and followed Zed, gazing down at the gravel path.

She was grateful that he didn’t turn to stare at her puffy, sore eyes or poke her with questions right now. That was one of the reasons Zed was so easy to have around the house; he understood the necessary spaces between words, the healing quiet that had the power to nourish the mind and ease the heart.

The door that had been a problem for years was a wide six-paneled slab of wood. Tom had tinkered with it for years, but no matter what he did, it swelled shut in the heat and humidity of summer. In winter, the doorjamb never seemed to line up with the latch.

“I know we wanted to save this,” Zed said, one big hand on the knob. “But I wanted to make sure we could make it reliable before we close off the big carriage doors with dry wall.” He turned the knob, and the old door glided open without a creak or groan.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this door move without a battle.” Fanny closed it and opened it herself. Not a moan or creak, and it latched easily. “How did you do it?”

“It wasn’t the door that was the problem. The framing was rotten and shifted. Taking in moisture and swelling in the hot weather. And in the winter, the hinges would start sinking in the soft wood. So I pulled out the framing and put in all new wood. It’s level now.” He stood back, hands on his hips, as Fanny swung it open and shut.

She let out a grateful sigh. “It’s wonderful good, Zed. Tom struggled with this door so many times, every season. He used to say he was good at fixing a wheel, but not so much a …” Her voice broke as sudden tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision. In her mind, she saw Tom staring up at the top hinge, scratching his head. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed.

“Fanny, Fanny …” Zed’s gentle hands gripped her shoulders and led her into the building, to a workbench, which he dusted off with one hand.

Gratefully, she sank down and drew in a quavering breath.

“It’s not easy, is it?” His voice was ever so soft as he lowered himself to a tool chest beside her. “Gott takes away someone we love, and life goes on all around us while we keep looking for them. That’s how it was when my grandmother passed. I was young, just a kid, but I kept expecting to see her baking in the kitchen or chasing me out of the bathroom or scolding me to redd up my room.”

She swiped at her damp cheeks and mustered the courage to face him. There was no wall of judgment in his eyes, only sympathy. “That’s how it is. The mind plays tricks on us, doesn’t it? But this isn’t about the door you fixed. Something happened today that put Tom in my mind, and I can’t stop thinking that his memory is being swept aside like dried leaves.”

“Folks will tell you to move on. They think it’s for your own good.” He lifted his chin and stared at the shaft of light from the window, where dust glittered in the air. “It’s hard to suit other folks, though we try, don’t we?”

Fanny sniffed. Many times in the past few weeks she had confided in Zed about personal and family matters. Whether it be her worries about Will not wanting to mind her or the carriage house costs staying under control, Zed had always listened to her concerns and shared his good advice. “That’s just what I’m facing now.” She told him of the question Gabe had posed this afternoon—how he and Emma wanted to marry this wedding season. “They’re good, responsible young people, Emma and Gabe, so very much in love, and good friends for many years. But to marry so soon, while we’re still mourning Tom …” She swallowed back the thick knot in her throat.

“Did you ask them to wait until next year?”

She nodded. “But they want to marry now. I understand that, I truly do. They’ve been courting long enough. But I don’t think I have a celebration inside me right now. They’re looking to me for approval and joy, but I have none to give. It’s wrong to cast away mourning so soon. It’s disrespectful to Tom’s memory.”

“It does seem wrong.” Zed rubbed his knuckles against his chin. “But nothing is all wrong. Even a broken clock is right at two times during the day.”

“What can I do? If I put myself in Emma’s shoes, I wouldn’t want to wait.”

Zed leaned forward and wiped sawdust from the knees of his pants. “I take it that Tom knew about Emma and Gabe? He knew they were courting?”

“Ya. And he was happy that they were friends first. Tom thought friendship was the right foundation to build a marriage on. And he said it did his heart good to know that his Emma had found a man who would make her happy. Tom liked that Gabe was a good dairy farmer. He thought Emma needed a man who would get her out of the schoolhouse now and again.”

“So if the decision was up to Tom, he would have told Emma and Gabe to go ahead and get married.”

A feathery sensation tingled up Fanny’s spine as his words sank in. “Well, ya. Tom would give his blessing. He was looking forward to the two of them getting married.”

The silence of the old carriage house echoed with the answer:
Tom would give his blessing
.

Fanny straightened, pushing back her shoulders as she drew in a breath. “Oh, Zed, you’re right. Tom would want them to marry.” She bit back her lower lip, wanting to rein in her emotions now that she knew what she needed to do.

The answer was plain as could be; she had just needed Zed’s help to look in the right direction.

“Zed … what would I do without you?” The words were out before she realized what they might imply—that she had grown attached to Zed. But wasn’t that the truth? In just a few weeks she’d come to trust Zed with her thoughts and worries. He was a friend in every way.

Fortunately, Zed was not fazed by her enthusiasm. Thoughtful, he stared into the shadows of the old building, as if measuring the space in his mind. “You would have chosen that road sooner or later,” he finally said. “I just lit a lantern in the dark.”

That night at supper, Fanny felt a strong resolve deep inside as she lowered her chin to pray.
Thank you, Father, for this gentle peace
. She marveled at how a decision that had caused her so much anxiety earlier in the day now seemed clear as a summer sky.

As platters and bowls of ham, mac’n’cheese, green beans, rolls with butter, and corn were passed around, Fanny let her gaze linger on her dear family.

Caleb bore the responsibility of oldest son well, handling repairs and family matters with the same calm patience his father had possessed. It was hard to believe that the boy who used to shadow Tom all around the house had grown into a man. Fanny knew he sorely missed his father, but she was glad for the bond he had found with Zed.

Always ready to bubble over with laughter, Elsie brought a ray of sunshine to the gloomiest day. Her love of people was reflected in the shelves of the Country Store, where Elsie promoted the various crafts of Amish women—everything from lavender soap to birdhouses to paintings. Although a bit shy of Englisher folk, Elsie had overcome that fear to make the shop a Halfway destination for Englisher shoppers.

Fanny realized that Will was still adjusting to his school schedule, and she vowed to have patience with the boy, who was feeling his oats lately. Emma had only good reports from school, but by the end of the day it seemed that Will’s good behavior had run out. In the after-school hours before Caleb returned from the Stoltzfus ranch, Zed did a good job of channeling Will’s wild antics into
projects. When Will had taken to beating back weeds with a stick, Zed showed him how to use the weed whacker. It was a blessing to have a man around who understood what it was like to be a boy.

Watching Beth spoon a clump of macaroni and cheese into her mouth, Fanny realized the only time Beth stopped talking or humming was when she was eating. In the past year Beth had gone from repeating a few words to being a regular chatterbox, and Fanny enjoyed hearing her low, squeaky voice narrate the day. It warmed her heart to look down and see her little girl working the big broom or practicing stitches. They grew up so fast.

Strapped into his high chair, Tommy yammered a bit as his little fingers closed over Cheerios. Now that Tommy was eight months old, there was not a trace of that tiny bundle everyone had passed around last winter. He’d become an expert crawler and quite heavy, too. Fanny loved talking and singing to him all day long, especially now that he answered her by cooing right back.

And then Fanny’s gaze shifted to the daughter who would be leaving soon. Emma sat tall, her hair pulled back tight under her white kapp, as she told them of an assignment her youngest pupils had completed that day. Always neat as a pin, Emma set a wonderful example for her scholars and her younger siblings. It was hard to think of gathering here at the supper table without Emma and her stories of her scholars at school. She would be missed.

“I’m learning how to spell ‘joy,’ ” said Will. “But I keep forgetting: What does it stand for again?”

“J is for ‘Jesus first,’ ” Emma answered. “O is for ‘Others in between,’ and Y is for ‘You are last.’ J-O-Y. You can practice writing it after supper, if you want.”

Leaving the food untouched on her plate, Fanny spoke. “When I was about to leave Adam and Remy King’s today, Gabe stopped me to ask a question.”

Although the little ones kept eating, Emma, Caleb, and Elsie
grew wide-eyed and silent. Fanny turned to Emma, who had pressed a hand to her throat, looking a bit startled. “He said you two want to get married in November.”

Emma nodded. “Yes, Mamm. But we wanted to make sure it was all right with you. We’ll still be mourning Dat, I know, but … Gabe and I, we don’t want to wait.”

“He told me as much.” Everyone at the table was quiet now. Even Tommy had stopped babbling to stare at a trio of peas. “I told Gabe I needed some time to think about it, but I’ve made my decision.” Fanny paused, then gave herself a push, much like the gentle nudge Tom used to give her when she was being stubborn. “Tom wouldn’t have wanted you to wait. I know that your happiness was far more important to him than the mourning period. Seeing as this is what your father wanted, I give you my blessing.”

Elsie gasped in delight, and Caleb’s jaw dropped.

“Oh, thank you! Denki!” Emma’s eyes narrowed; she had a habit of squinting when she smiled. “You know we wouldn’t do it without your blessing.”

“You’ll be blessed by Gott, and you know your father would’ve given his blessing, too.”

“So you’re marrying Gabe?” Caleb teased his sister. “He’s a good one for you, Emma. He’ll get your nose out of those books.”

Elsie clapped her small hands together and steepled her fingers under her chin. “We have a wedding to plan, and November is so soon!”

“I know it’s not much time, but somehow, we’ll manage,” said Emma.

“When is the wedding? Can I come?” asked Beth.

“It will be in November,” Elsie told her. “And of course you’ll be there. All our family and friends will be invited.”

“That’s good.” Beth tore off a piece of roll. “But I’m wondering who’s getting married?”