A Small Country (2 page)

‘What do you mean?’

‘He’s left us. Left home.’

‘What do you mean? What the hell do you mean?’

‘You know what I mean, there’s no need to swear. He’s gone off with one of his women.’

‘One of his women. What do you mean? I’m ashamed to hear you say such a thing about your father. One of his women.’

‘A special one, perhaps. Anyway, he’s set up house with her and their baby. That’s what they say. What’s the matter with you, Tom? Do you think I know nothing? I’m not a child. Don’t you think I know my own father, what he’s like?’

Tom stood up and touched Bella’s flank with the whip. He couldn’t wait to get home. To get hold of his father, to see him, question him.

‘Where’s he gone?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘I thought you knew everything.’

‘I think perhaps mother knows, but she hasn’t told me.’

‘How is mother?’

‘Like she is when he’s later than usual on a Saturday night. Of course, you’ve had time to forget the Saturday nights.’

Somehow they were quarrelling. They had rarely quarrelled.

‘How long has he been gone?’

‘Day before yesterday. I suppose he timed it to coincide with your holiday. Your vacation, I mean.’

‘He’ll be back.’

‘I don’t think so. I hope not. Oh let’s get something settled.’

For three years at least, Catrin had known about her father, seen all the signs her mother had been too trusting to notice; how happy he was all day Saturday with Saturday night before him; the glazed, faraway look in his eyes on a Sunday; a man who had lost his road. She had known for years. If ever he and she were at a concert or meeting together during the week — her mother rarely went out at night owing to her indifferent health — she was aware, always of how he chose to sit as far away from her as possible, so that she shouldn’t notice — but she did — how soon he slipped away. There were many, many tell-tale signs. For three years she had been waiting for the storm to break and now it had, and with any luck the air would be clearer.

‘Edward’s coming tomorrow,’ Tom said.

Edward was his room-mate at Oxford, Edward Turncliffe. He had spent a month with them the previous summer.

‘Oh no. You’ll have to stop him.’

‘I can’t. He’s on his way. He’s cycling here. He’s staying the night at Brecon or somewhere. I don’t know where. I can’t stop him.’

‘Well, don’t stop him then. Let him come. Life has to go on. Mother stays in bed. It may do us good to have Edward with us. He’ll help with the hay. He’s good company. I’ll be glad to see him anyway. Very glad.’

‘Does everyone know?’

Catrin shrugged her shoulders. ‘I suppose so. “When’s he coming back, then?” they ask. “Hay’s ready for cutting.” ’

‘We’ll start on it tomorrow.’

He shook the reins impatiently and Bella flicked her ears, a little hurt at the extra effort required of her on the last stretch.

‘My God, what a home-coming. Why didn’t you send me a telegram?’

‘You might have thought it was bad news.’

‘How can you joke at a time like this?’

They were silent for the rest of the journey home.

Hendre Ddu was a prosperous farm situated in mid Carmarthen-shire. Rounded green mountains, where grass gave way to gorse and heather, encircled the farm, a fast-flowing river divided it from neighbouring land; the nearest village was three miles away, the nearest market town, five.

The front of the farm house with its beautifully proportioned windows and its elegant doorway, dated from the early eighteenth century; the back, the kitchens and dairies and the servants’ bedrooms over them, from an earlier time, possibly Tudor; the fireplace in the best kitchen was huge and open to the sky, the beams blackened by centuries of smoke. The farm buildings spread out behind the house like a small village.

The farm had belonged to their mother’s family, the Morgans, for generations.

Tom left the pony and trap to Catrin and walked through the rose garden to the front door.

Usually on his first evening home he was assailed by innumerable small pleasures; the beauty of the place, the warmth of everyone’s welcome, all the sounds and smells he’d almost forgotten, the news and gossip which hadn’t been considered important enough to be included in letters, the celebration meal. And whilst wishing to be a tower of strength to his mother – now, according to Catrin, lying prostrate in her darkened bedroom – disappointment at all he was going to miss made him feel like a surly schoolboy.

The house was quiet. He glanced briefly at the wide hall; the polished oak, the flagstones, the dark, glowing rugs. Then, catching sight of himself in the mirror over the fireplace, he hit himself sharply on the forehead. It was a gesture like someone tapping a barometer to make it settle.

He went upstairs to his mother.

Each time Catrin had been to see her, she had hardly turned her head or smiled or in any way acknowledged her presence, it was only Nano Rees the old housekeeper who could get a response from her, get her to drink some tea or take some gruel; Nano had been with her all her life. Yet when Tom went in she struggled to sit up, she patted her hair, straightened the top sheet, looked at him expectantly.

‘Don’t worry, Mam.’ He held one of her thin hands. ‘He’ll be back. I’ll get him to come back, don’t you worry.’

‘Did you pass your examinations Tom?’

‘I didn’t have any, Mam. Not this year. It’s next year I do my Honours. There’s no exam this year. Nothing to worry about.’

‘I’d forgotten. You keep telling me in your letters. You look well, Tom. I’m glad you look so well. I think you’ve grown again. Have you?’

‘I don’t think so’

‘You must be very tired after your journey’

‘No, not a bit.’

‘Oh, but you must be. Two changes and over an hour’s wait in Cardiff and all the noise. Go down now, son, to have your supper. Nano is full of fuss waiting for you.’

‘I won’t have a meal unless you get up.’

‘I can’t possibly get up, Tom. I can’t even walk to the bathroom.’ She lay down again, weakly.

‘Then I’ll stay up here with you and have something on a tray.’

The thought of the sacrifice he was making made him feel virtuous.

He rang the bell and in a minute or two Catrin came in.

‘Tell Nano I won’t be having supper downstairs. Ask her to make me a few sandwiches and get her to send them up here. Beef, I’d like. The underdone bit by the bone. She knows the part I like.’

‘Good. Beef. The underdone bit by the bone. Very good. The table’s laid. Sewin, caught this morning by Davy Wern Isa, that’s the first course, jugged hare to follow because it’s his lordship’s favourite, I can’t eat it, but who cares about that. Then, oh, then we have a choice; blackcurrant tart or raspberry and redcurrant puree. A few sandwiches, then?’

‘Go down now, Tom, there’s a good boy.’

‘Not unless you come, Mam. You don’t have to eat anything, just get dressed and sit at the table with us, that’s all I ask. My first night home.’

‘Tom, I can’t.’

‘I see a succession of little bedroom snacks before us. Edward will be here tomorrow night, have you told Mother? Edward Turncliffe. I’d just like to know, that’s all, whether he’ll be having sandwiches up here with the two of you and whether it’s beef, slightly underdone, that he likes as well. I’d just like to know. Or will he want a bit more than that after cycling from Brecon or wherever it is, and even you perhaps after thirteen or fourteen hours on the hay.’

‘Have you finished? I can’t see...’

‘Nano happens to be sixty-nine, that’s all, and she’s been slaving away for hours.’

‘Do go down, Tom. Please.’

‘I’ll be up later, then, Mam.’

‘I’ll try to get up tomorrow, Tom, I really will. I’m not promising anything, but I’ll do my best. Take the roses out, Catrin, they’re giving me such a headache. Put them in the middle of the table downstairs, Nano will like that. Don’t quarrel any more now, children. Tom is very tired, Catrin, after his journey.’

‘I think this has been the worst evening of my life,’ Tom told Catrin later, as he wished her good night.

He had eaten a very large meal with very little appetite, struggled to make small talk with Nano and the maids without mentioning the one thing on all their minds, endured an hour of his mother’s silent suffering.

‘You’ll have plenty worse than this,’ Catrin had said cheerfully. ‘We’ll make a man of you yet.’

TWO

The next morning, a little before six, Davy Prosser, the oldest of the menservants, called in to see Tom who was having his ‘little breakfast’ in the morning-room. (Little breakfast was a bowl of tea and a hunk of bread. Breakfast – porridge, eggs and bacon – was at nine.)

‘Mr Tom, I’m not at all happy about Briony. Her cough is back and worse than ever, and her yield is down almost to half. Shall we get Parry over?’

It was a mere formality. Briony was one of the mothers of the herd, a valuable pedigree shorthorn. They both knew that the vet had to be fetched, and with no delay. The consultation, rapidly concluded, constituted a transfer of authority; it was the acknow-ledgment of Tom as the new master.

‘How’s Mrs Prosser, Davy? I shall be calling to see her one of these days. Not tonight, though. Mr Turncliffe – you remember my friend Turncliffe – he’s coming later on today. Invited before I knew how things were here. Things are pretty bad here, aren’t they?’

‘Mr Tom, I don’t ask questions.’

‘You’ve got a right to, man. You’ve been here long enough.’

‘Oh yes. Before your mother was married. Years before.’

‘And I’ve always had a special regard for you. You know it very well. You were the one who taught me everything; how to ride, how to plough. And my Sunday School teacher as well, we mustn’t forget that.’

‘Aye indeed, come to think of it. You weren’t so quick in the Sunday School, though, if I remember right. Never unruly, mind, but a bit of a yawn from time to time. Aye indeed.’

‘Anyway, while I’m in charge here, as far as the stock is concerned, what you say goes.’

‘That’s it then. Well, we know where we are now. I’ll send Glyn over to fetch Parry straight after breakfast. And I hope you’ll come to see the Missis when you can. I’ll be over at the hay-field myself later on. What you cutting, Parc-y-Duar? Yes, That’s what I thought. It’s sweet as a nut.’

Rachel Evans sat up and drank her tea. Miss Rees had opened the curtains and given her the customary sermon. Counting her blessings was the text on that particular morning, with Mr Tom chief among them; strong, handsome, clever at book-learning, serious-minded, loving. If he had faults they were trifling ones like galloping through his allowance, which time would mend. Miss Catrin too, of course, only a bit sharp because of wanting to go to that college, and if it was up to her, Ann Rees, she should go, because nothing came of trying to change anyone’s nature, and Miss Catrin’s heart wasn’t on the farm, that she could say. A beautiful home was next on the list. When Lady Harris had called last she had said she had never seen such exquisite china, not anywhere in the country. Exquisite. That was the word she used. And the linen. No one would credit the pairs of sheets; fine linen, best Egyptian cotton, flannelette, with pillow-slips and bolster cases to match.
And tablecloths, drawn thread work, embroidered and plain damask, large and small, enough for Miss Catrin’s bottom drawer and for her daughter’s daughter. Next, the best farm in three parishes.

Rachel closed her eyes at that point.

‘No more, Nano, no more now. I’ll try to get up today, I really will. Edward Turncliffe is coming, isn’t he, and I promised Tom to get up. I must make an effort. Women have been deserted by their husbands before this, I know they have, and without having you to look after them.’

Suddenly, she was in the old woman’s arms and crying as she had not been able to do before.

‘He’s gone, Nano. He’s gone. And he won’t be back, will he, Nano?’

Miss Rees was now quite silent except for the occasional ‘There, there. Come now. Come, come.’

But at last, since the storm showed no signs of abating, she spoke out again. ‘We’ve managed without him before and we’ll manage without him again.’

‘I was never happy, never, never, till I had him.’

‘You were happy enough before you ever saw him.’

‘No. Don’t say that. I wasn’t. No.’

*

At last Rachel grew calmer. ‘Where’s Tom?’ she asked then. ‘Has he gone out already?’

‘Yes. This half-hour or more.’

‘Send him up to me, Nano, when he comes in for breakfast.’

She walked to the mirror on the dressing-table and sat in front of it. She looked ill, haggard, but not as bad as she’d expected. She felt much worse than she looked.

She was turned fifty but her hair was still thick and without a trace of grey. She brushed it, though without much strength, and put it up. She collected her things together to take to the bathroom. Everything was such an effort.

Rachel had never been a beauty nor had she ever possessed the liveliness which does instead. She supposed that would make acceptance of her position a little easier in time. She wouldn’t have bruised vanity to contend with, at any rate. Only heart-break.