A Soldier's Journey (7 page)

She saw the affectionate banter and touches between Josh and Eve, and Clint and Stephanie, and she resented them. She shouldn't. They were going out of the way to make her feel at home, but...dammit, she did. That anger and resentment she'd felt the morning she saw the couple in the hospital returned.

“Andy?” Nate walked over to her chair. “Why don't we walk to the corral? The horses are out.”

Gratitude filled her. He had sensed her discomfort. She nodded and stood, the brace on her left hand hitting the table beside her and knocking the glass over. It exploded like a shot, and the wine splashed up on Nate's clothes and began to spread. A red stain spreading...spreading...

White lights. Shots. Screams. Her screams. More shots. Pain.
The mountains faded into the field operating room. Blood was everywhere. “No,” she heard herself screaming. Jared stepped in front of her and...
God, no... Jared! Jared! Don't...

She was only vaguely aware of someone touching her, talking to her, but she couldn't understand the words. A loud bark, a warm furry body pressing against her...

She felt herself being lowered to a sitting position. Images still darted in and out of her brain.
The man with the gun... Her friend...

She couldn't breathe. Then she felt arms going around her and carrying her. Strong. Like Jared.
He isn't dead!

“Andy. Breathe. Take a deep breath. Breathe,” the voice commanded.
It isn't Jared.
Despair flooded her.

“Breathe, dammit.” The voice was louder, too strong to resist.

Air rushed in, then out.

“Andy?” The voice was gentle now, even tender. “You're safe now.” Something wet licked her face. A furry body tried to crawl up on her. She grabbed him, held him close as the images started to fade away in a fog.

She was aware, barely, that fingers were taking her pulse, then her blood pressure. She knew her pulse was racing, and her blood pressure was probably sky-high. Her eyes were wet. Sore.

She was inside a room. Not a tent. Joseph was madly licking her hands. She saw Nate's face then. Worried. His hands were busy taking her blood pressure.

Stephanie was by her side, holding a glass of water. “Hey. Glad to have you back with us,” she said in a matter-of-fact voice. “Take a sip of water.”

Andy did as she was told. “I'm so sorry,” she said after a swallow. “I don't know...” But she did know, and she felt humiliated beyond words.

“No apologies necessary,” Stephanie said.

“Damn right,” Nate said. “I've been there. So has Josh.”

“I shouldn't have come...” She remembered the steaks then. Probably burned by now. She didn't care for herself. She wasn't hungry. She felt sick. And incredibly tired.

“Anything I can get you?” Stephanie asked.

She shook her head. All she wanted to do was flee, but she didn't want to ruin everyone's evening, and that was what would happen if she left now. She had to stop running, no matter how much she wanted to at this minute.

“I'll be all right,” she said, starting to rise.

“No,” Nate said. “Your pulse is too fast. Your blood pressure isn't that great, either. Just relax for a few minutes. Okay?”

Her eyes asked the question.

“Just some medic stuff I picked up along the way,” he said. “It's not that hard to feel a pulse or take blood pressure when you have a hostess who keeps a monitor around.”

She was grateful he wasn't asking any questions. “I'm feeling much better now, thank you,” she said formally. “I just haven't had much sleep lately.”

“I certainly understand that,” he said.

Andy tried to emerge from the dark mist that still lingered. “Where am I?”

“In Eve's bedroom,” Stephanie replied. “Feeling better?”

“How did I get here?”

“Nate carried you,” Stephanie said. “He went through medic training in the army. I only treat animal patients.”

“I'm sorry,” Andy said. “I'm really sorry. I must have ruined your dinner.”

“We're just glad we were here,” Stephanie replied. “Don't you worry about anything. Every guy here has gone through the same thing. God knows it's nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I should...control them...”

“I still have flashbacks,” Nate said. “Rare now, but they pop up. It's why we vets meet.”

“But dinner...”

“Not to worry,” Stephanie said. “The steaks are in the warmer. Everything else is fine.” She paused, then asked, “Or would you like to go home?”

She wanted nothing as much. She felt lousy and weak and tired but she didn't want to ruin everyone's evening, not any more than she already had. And to leave now would be cowardly. She wouldn't feel any better at home, and maybe, just maybe, she needed company right now. “I want to stay.”

She looked for Nate, who stood up.

“You should be fine now,” he said.

She thought she saw a glimmer of admiration in Nate's eyes, but how could that be? She had unraveled at the sight of spilled wine. She had made a spectacle of herself. She had, she noticed now, stained his shirt with red wine.

“I'm sorry about your shirt. I'll pay—”

“No, you won't,” he said. “I have several just like them, and this is the oldest. No big loss. In fact, the wine gives it more character.”

“It looked new to me,” she said.

“Looks can be deceptive.”

She suspected that he was just trying to make her feel better. “You do know there are ways of removing wine stains?”

“I've had some experience. I'll leave you with Stephanie and let everyone know you're okay.”

She didn't want him to leave, but his tactic worked. She
was
slowly relaxing. Her head ached. Her eyes were probably red, but to her surprise his light banter made her feel human again. She tried a smile. “Thank you. I'm ready...”

Nate leaned over and whispered so softly she knew he meant only her to hear, “Good for you.”

Andy took a deep breath and stood. She could do this.

CHAPTER EIGHT

A
NDY
TRIED
A
smile as she entered the kitchen.

Eve was checking something in the oven. She straightened as Andy and Nate entered, followed by Stephanie and Joseph. “Okay?” she asked, worry in her voice.

Andy nodded.

Nick looked up at her anxiously. “When I feel bad, I want to be with my dogs. Would you like to meet them?”

“Nick, I don't think...” Eve started.

“Yes,” Andy said. “I think I would like that.” Anything to delay meeting the gazes and sympathy of the others. She was still shaken, still trembling slightly within if not outside. “I think Joseph would, too.”

Nick's face lit up like a sudden burst of fireworks. He reached for her hand and led her through a hall to a closed door. There was trust in that hand, trust she didn't have for herself. Joseph stayed at her side as the boy led her to a bedroom and opened the door. Four dogs looked up, two from dog beds on the floor and two on the bed. Two raced over to her, and the other two regarded her warily.

“This is Lulu,” Nick said of the young dog who jumped on her. “She's pretty new. But she's learning. And the beagle is Miss Marple. She's a thief. The two shyer ones are Captain Hook, the Chihuahua, and Fancy.”

She was enchanted by the names as well as the obviously odd collection of dogs. Fancy was...the homeliest dog she'd ever seen. Yet her happiness at meeting someone was endearing. Joseph sniffed each dog, then returned to her side, apparently convinced she was in no danger. She stooped and petted each of the dogs and was rewarded with licks.

“Mom calls them her motley crew, but I don't think they're motley at all. When I asked what it meant, she told me to look it up in the dictionary,” Nick said.

“And what did it say?” she asked, completely enchanted.

“Composed of diverse, often incongruous elements,” he recited like a small scholar.

“And what does
incongruous
mean?”

“I looked that up, too.”

“And?”

“I didn't understand completely.
Different
, kinda.”

“Well, your dogs
are
different, and in a good way,” she said. “They're different in the way they look, but they're alike in that they love you.”

He beamed. “I like your dog, too.”

“He's my first one. You might have to give me some advice.”

“Is he a military dog like Josh's?”

“No, but he's been trained to help me.” It was the first time she'd admitted to anyone other than Dr. Payne that she needed help.

“Josh has nightmares,” Nick confided. “I've heard him. Amos helps him, too.”

That didn't seem right. Josh had appeared so confident, so in control. He was starting a new business, had taken a wife and gained a child...a rather precocious one, at that.

They were interrupted by a knock. “Dinner's ready,” Stephanie said.

Andy nodded. She concentrated on controlling the tremors that sometimes continued after a PTSD incident. That was what she called it: an incident.

She was self-conscious, embarrassed, unsteady, even nauseous, but she darn well wasn't going to show it. She stood. “I think I should wash first. I have dog all over me.”

“That happens around here,” Stephanie said.

Andy went into the bathroom, washed her face and looked at herself.

She looked washed-out. She walked unsteadily into the dining room. Joseph stuck so close to her she almost tripped against him.

Then she was at a table loaded with food. The steaks had been cut into individual pieces and looked a bit charred. But no one said anything. Instead, they dug into a huge salad and baked potatoes.

She listened as Nate and Josh talked about the new inn. “Susan, our manager, is not that excited about the name. She's great at marketing and thinks we should look at something more...descriptive than Covenant Falls Inn.”

“I like Covenant Falls Inn,” Eve said.

“We haven't finalized the sign yet,” Josh said. “Any suggestions are welcome.”

He turned to Andy. “I heard you've been delving into some of our newspapers. Find anything interesting?”

She tried to think of something. “A lot,” she said. “I followed several generations. But there was one thing I didn't understand. A notice about the city council failing to pass something to do with a camel.”

“The camel!” Nate said. “I almost forgot about it.”

“It definitely caught my attention,” Andy said.

Josh and Clint looked just as mystified as she felt.

Eve glanced at both as if she were sharing a delicious secret. “Angus Monroe,” she said, “bought two camels that were
brought to the United States from Egypt. They were the brainchild of Jefferson Davis, who was secretary of war for the United States before he became president of the Confederacy.

“There's a lot of conjecture,” she continued, “but apparently Davis was concerned about transportation in the southwest. A general had read a book about travels in China and Turkey. It included a passage that camels could travel long distances on difficult terrain and with little water. Money was appropriated and a ship was sent to Egypt and Turkey to buy camels and hire camel drivers.

“The Camel Corps, as it was named, was sent to Camp Verde in Texas and used successfully to take supplies to California. At the beginning of the Civil War, though, the Camel Corps was dismantled. There apparently were difficulties with camels spooking mules and horses. The animals were sold to private individuals or escaped into the desert.

“Angus bought two of the camels from a roaming circus, which bought them from the army. The idea was to take supplies up to the gold mines. He was always thinking of ways to increase his business. It apparently worked for several years. Then one died. The other reportedly was a lonely old lady who followed Angus wherever he went. He kept the animal in back of his house, but it often escaped, mangled yards, bit people and spit on them.”

Nate took up the story. “Finally, it was too much. The town council passed a no-spitting-in-town ordinance. It sounded fine to Angus until he discovered it was meant to banish his camel. Then it was too late. And, if Angus was anything, he was a law-abiding man. He had also become very attached to the camel. He built a ranch outside town for his family and the camel. After that camel died, the owner of a saloon tried to repeal the no-spitting law, but the ladies of the town bullied their menfolk into defeating it.

“There've been other attempts to repeal it, but the original families liked to tell the story, so it stayed on the books,” Eve finished. “It's one of our eccentricities.”

“That's a great story,” Andy said, the earlier embarrassment forgotten.

“I haven't heard it before,” Clint said.

“I haven't, either,” Josh added.

“It was a long time ago,” Nate said.

“But the inn...” The words were out of Andy's mouth before she could stop them. “The gold mines, using the camels to get to them...what about the Camel Trail Inn?”

Five pairs of eyes riveted on her. “I mean...it's none of my business, but...Eve said you wanted history to promote the town. That's really neat history.”

“Damn,” Josh said after a short silence. “That's perfect. There's a Camelback Hotel in Arizona, but Camel Trail? That's unique and implies adventure.”

“The sign could include a camel,” Nate added, his eyes lighting. “The restaurant's napkins and stationery, as well.”

“And the website,” Eve added.

Andy looked on as all five of her dinner companions bounced ideas off each other. Josh threw her a grateful look. “That was a stroke of genius.”

She didn't think so. It just seemed to fit. But a sense of accomplishment glowed inside, the first she had felt in a long time. She wanted to add ideas, suggestions, but then she stepped back.

“What do you think?” Josh asked her directly. “It was your idea.”

“I don't know enough about the hospitality business to answer that,” Andy replied.

“Okay, then as an individual, would all things camel attract you?”

Andy's lips twitched. “Maybe not
all
things. Beef would be better than camel.”

“We couldn't very well serve our symbol,” Nate said, the area around his eyes crinkling with amusement.

“Maybe we can find a real camel?” Nick inserted happily. “It would be so cool to have one.”

Josh looked horrified. “No,” he roared.

Stephanie had been quiet during the discussion, but now she grinned. “Might be interesting. I've never treated a camel.”

“Tsk-tsk,” Clint said. “Remember the no-spitting ordinance.”

“Joy killer,” Stephanie shot back.

“It's just that you're a pillar of the community now and...”

Stephanie turned to Eve. “Do you ever feel like doing bodily harm to your husband?”

“Often,” Eve agreed.

The lighthearted comments triggered Andy's loss again. Had Jared and she been so at ease with each other, so full of joy? They'd never really had the chance.

Nate stood. “I think I should take Andy home. I have work to do tomorrow, especially after this discussion. I have a tough boss.”

Josh raised an eyebrow.

Eve pushed back her chair and stood. “I'm so glad you came over, for more reasons than one. That was a terrific idea. And I'm so pleased you're interested in the history project.”

“I'm glad I could be of some help,” Andy said. “It was a good dinner, certainly the best I've had in months.” She looked down at Nick. “And thank you for introducing me to your friends. They made me happy.”

Nick grinned. “You and Joseph can visit them any time.”

“We would like that.”

She finished saying goodbye and joined Nate at the door.

Once in the car, she sat back in the seat.

She still felt shaky.

* * *

“I
HOPE
THAT
wasn't too much too soon.” Nate said.

She hesitated before answering. “I thought it might be,” she said frankly. “And I was sorry to spoil dinner, but I think it was good for me to get out.”

“That really was an inspired idea about the inn. I'm sure we'll use it. Thank you. And don't worry about the flashback. There's tremendous respect for the way you stayed and hung in there. You made a friend for life with Eve at the way you talked to Nick.”

“He's a nice kid.”

“Yeah, and smart as hell, just like his mom.”

She was silent the rest of the way. Conflicting emotions bombarded her. There had been some very good moments and some very bad ones on her first social adventure outside the hospital. The good had been the comradery, the conversation that included her. It had been Nick and his dogs.

The bad...

Best not to think about that.

When they arrived at the cabin, she swung the door open the second he stopped. “You don't need to walk me inside,” she said. “But thank you for everything tonight, especially for looking after me so well.”

“Not a chance,” he said. “My mama taught me better than that.” He left the car and opened the back door for Joseph. She stepped out before he could help her.

When they reached her door, she put the key in the lock and turned back to face him.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She wasn't sure she wanted to go inside the empty cabin after the attack, but neither did she want to invite him inside. She wasn't ready for that. “Yes,” she said. “I think I am, thanks to you and Stephanie. I'm just sorry I interrupted the evening.”

“Most of us have been there,” he said gently. “Clint, Josh, myself... We've all had flashbacks. I'm just glad you stayed. We never would have thought of Camel Trail Inn.”

“I really am sorry I ruined your shirt,” she said. “I'll replace it.”

“No, you won't. I wasn't fibbing. It really was an old shirt and one I didn't like that much.”

Their gazes met
and suddenly her heart beat a little faster. Warmth flashed in his expression. She wanted him to touch her. To hold her.

No! How could she?

She turned and fumbled with the doorknob. “I really must go inside. I ate well, but poor Joseph...”

He took the hint. “G'night,” he said. “Call if you need anything. The number is on that sheet I gave you.”

“Thank you.”

After a searching glance, he turned and she watched him stride to the car.

Andy stepped inside and leaned against the door. She didn't look out the window, but she sensed he was still there outside. It was another moment before she heard the car start up.

She flipped on the light, sat in a chair and thought about the extraordinary evening. The wine spill, the flashback with all its terrors, then the convivial dinner. Terror and laughter. But the only time she had really felt at ease was with the boy and his dogs.

And then that brief connection at the door. So brief and yet...real.

She felt disloyal to Jared, to the others. She was living...

She fed and watered Joseph and watched as he went outside and did his business, then joined her inside. He followed her as she changed into the overlarge T-shirt she slept in, then jumped up on the bed and put his head on her chest, looking up at her with his intelligent eyes.

“We did okay today, didn't we?” she said. She had not run after the flashback. She had stayed and taken part in a conversation, an important part. And she had enjoyed most of it. She had laughed. Actually laughed about Nick's camel.

She turned the light off. But she doubted she would get much sleep.