A Song for Us (7 page)

“I need your room key.”

E patted down his pockets but his hands flew up to his head as his face contorted in pain.

“I’ll . . . I’ll get it.” I hesitated before slipping my hand in his front right pocket, coming up with a lighter. His eyes opened, locking onto mine. I held my breath as I pulled my hand back and stuck it in his other pocket and pulled out the plastic card.

I slid it in the card slot, and the little green indicator light flashed and then I pushed down the handle and shoved the door open. E leaned against my side and I wrapped my arm around his lean, muscular waist and guided him inside until we stood at the foot of his bed. He groaned and fell back onto it and stared up at the ceiling.

I scanned the room. “Where are your pills?”

He pointed in no particular direction and I took off into the bathroom.

A label-less orange medicine bottle sat on the edge of the sink. I tried three times with shaky fingers before removing the childproof lid and grabbing him one of his pills.

When I made it back to him, he was shirtless and my gaze immediately fell to his thick chest and the rippled muscles of his abdomen. He was unbuckling his dark jeans and my eyes slowly slid back up his body and locked onto his. I was embarrassed he had caught me staring, and he smirked knowingly as he shoved his pants over his hips.

“I . . . I found the pills.” I held out my hand to show him, and he sank down on the bed in only a pair of black boxer briefs. I tried to look anywhere but at him as I made my way over and extended my arm.

“Thank you.” His voice was rough and low as he popped the pill in his mouth and swallowed.

“I should have gotten you a drink.”

He shook his head, his eyes closed as he fell onto his back. “It’s fine. I take them dry all the time.”

I was wringing my hands together as I watched his chest rise and fall. I forced my eyes not to venture any lower. My heart rate was finally beginning to settle to a normal rhythm after my worry for him. Then my mind froze as I realized that in my worry for Eric, I had forgotten Derek.

“E?”

He didn’t respond.

“Eric?”

“Mmm?” His eyebrow rose but he kept his eyes closed.

“Where is Derek?”

I watched his Adam’s apple jump as he swallowed. “Why do you put up with that asshole?”

“What kind of question is that? E, tell me where he is.”

He slowly turned his head toward me and blinked his eyes open as he searched my face. I could tell he was struggling to find the words, and my heart sank as I imagined the worst.

“Why does he get to fuck up and I have to be the one to break your heart?”

“Please, just tell me, E. Please. You’re scaring me.”

He shook his head and looked up to the ceiling above him. “The cops came right after you guys left. I was able to get out of the club, but they arrested Derek for fighting.” E squeezed his eyes closed and took a deep breath. “He was trying to find you to make sure you were safe.”

My hand went absentmindedly to my chest as my heart broke for Derek.

“How do I get him out, E? Where do I go?”

“He will be released in the morning. You’ll have him back in no time . . . I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. You tried to find him . . . thank you.”

He nodded but didn’t reply.

I stood by his bedside for a moment as I wondered what Derek was going through. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

He looked over at me with a grin and shook his head. “No.” I turned to leave the room, but as I got to the door, his voice stopped me.

“It would have been his birthday today.”

My heart broke as I realized he was talking about his little brother.

“Can you hang out for a bit? Just talk to me while I fall asleep?” I turned around to face him. He was still lying on his back, his legs over the edge of the bed. One arm was over his forehead to block the light, and the other was stretched out to his side in my direction. “It will help keep my mind focused on something else, something good . . . drown out the darkness, you know?”

If I went back to my room, I would only spend the night pacing the floor and worrying about Derek. There was nothing wrong with my spending time with E. He was my friend and he proved he was Derek’s by going back for him at the club.

I slowly walked back toward the bed, kicking off my heels as I moved alongside it and sat on the edge above E. “What do you want to talk about?” I slid back farther and lay slowly onto my back so our bodies formed a
T
on the bed.

“Anything. Just want to listen to your voice.”

I sighed as my fingers looped in my necklace and I twisted around my pointer finger. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get Donna?”

“No. She had a lot to drink. I’m sure she is asleep by now or she would have come over.”

“How long have the two of you been together?”

“It just sort of happened.” He groaned.

“She doesn’t seem like your type.” I studied the tiles on the ceiling.

“I don’t have a type.”

“Everyone has a type.”

He rolled over and put his fists under his chin so he was looking up at me, and I realized how close our faces were. “What’s your type?”

I focused on counting the holes in the tiles, not wanting to turn and look him in the eye. My heart was racing as I lay so close to him while he was practically naked. I felt like a whore for even being in here while Derek sat in jail because he wanted to save me. It wasn’t like him, and it gave me hope that he and I might be able to work past our problems.

“I dunno.” I shrugged as I pulled my lip between my teeth, biting down.

“Everyone has a type,” he mocked me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed as I continued to tug on my necklace. “I like rockers, of course. Anyone who loves music. It’s important to me, ya know?”

“I do,” he said quietly as I snuck a glance over to him. Having his arms bent the way he did made his muscles in his arms bulge, and I’d never realized how built he was.

“I like someone who is considerate and kind. Puts others before themselves.”

“That doesn’t sound like Derek.”

“You don’t know him like I do.”

“Fair enough.” He shrugged and rolled back onto his back. I was thankful he was no longer staring at me.

“Fair is fair. I told you my type, now you tell me yours.”

“If we played by those rules, why am I the only one who is nearly naked?” He laughed quietly, vibrating the bed.

“You’re avoiding my question.” I don’t know why I cared.

“I told you. I don’t have a type.” I rolled my eyes but he continued, “There’s just a person. She gets me. I’ve never met anyone like her, and I know she is the one I’m supposed to be with.”

I was surprised by how much his words stung. Maybe it was hearing him talk about Donna the way I sometimes wished Derek would talk about me. I knew that, in his heart, Derek did love me, and I knew we were good together, maybe even great. But seeing the expression on Eric’s face—that look of genuine emotion—made my heart ache. I had loved Derek from the moment I met him. He was the life of the party and everyone wanted to be his friend. It only took two days for us to realize we should be together. Our relationship had always been a crazy kind of love. We fought and hurt each other, but we could never stay away. About a year ago Derek had taken things a step too far and cheated on me with a groupie. I found out when his
cell phone had accidentally dialed mine while he was in the act. We split up after that, even though we still were in the same band. It was hard to watch him move on with life without me, and I realized that I didn’t want him to. We vowed never to hurt each other again, and now we were in it for the long haul.

Donna was lucky to have someone such as Eric, someone who so clearly adored her. I thought of how safe I felt the moment Eric found me during the fight. How Donna had clung to him as we made our way outside. How he risked his own safety to go back inside for Derek because I asked him to. I was starting to feel sick as my thoughts swirled. I shook the thoughts from my mind. I was just exhausted, and coming off a night of way too much booze.

“Where’d you go, just now?” His voice cut through my thoughts and I struggled to come up with something to say. Suddenly I just needed to get out, clear my head.

“Derek would be mad that I am in here,” I blurted out as I sat up.

E’s fingers wrapped around my wrist and I was terrified he would feel how frantic my pulse became as he touched me. His fingers slid over the raised scars across my arm as he looked over my tattoo, the word ROCK. I had gotten it almost a year ago now, to remind me of Derek. And to cover the etches in my skin, a piece of my past that I wanted to forget.

“You mention this to your mother and I’ll start paying your sister visits. You think you can keep a secret, Sarah?” Phil ran his hand through his sandy hair. He looked like the perfect businessman, but I could see the evil in his eyes from the first day I had met him.

“I won’t say anything.” I wiped a tear from my cheek as I struggled to block out what had just happened.

“That’s a good girl.” He kissed me on the forehead and I wanted to scrub my face with bleach as I waited for him to slip out of my room, leaving me alone in the darkness. Sobs ripped through my chest as I slid off my bed and onto my knees on the hard wooden floor. I reached under my bed, feeling for the small wooden keepsake box. I sighed, relieved as my fingers landed on the box, and I pulled it out, holding it against my chest.

I slowly lifted the lid and grabbed the old razor that my father had left behind when he ran off with his girlfriend two years before.

It was an old plastic disposable. Nothing special about it, but it belonged to him and that made it invaluable. It hurt when he had left us behind. It hurt that I had to endure Phil because of him. All of the pain needed an outlet, and as I dragged the old blade across the inside of my arm, I released it all. All of my anger and sadness slipped out in long, red streaks, dripping onto the wooden floor below.

Part of me was ashamed of what I was doing, and part of me was crying out for someone else to see the hurt that I kept buried inside.

I wanted to pull away from him, embarrassed, but E wasn’t looking at me with pity. He wasn’t judging me, but he was also not ignoring it the way Derek always did. Suddenly I felt that we were right back in our tour bus, just talking and swapping life stories, and it was comforting.

“I won’t say anything.”

My gaze dropped to E’s hand and then went back to his eyes.

“This is what friends do, Sarah. They hang out and talk to each other. I missed that about us.”

I pulled my arms around myself and swallowed hard.

“I don’t think Donna would be happy.” I also knew that Derek would be pissed if he spent the night in jail while I was hanging out with E.

“What would make
you
happy?”

My eyes snapped up to meet his, and I was suddenly terrified by the intensity of his gaze. I pushed to my feet. I always felt that E could see straight past my bullshit as no one else could. He could sense the secrets that I hid from everyone else. Secrets I was too ashamed to even share with my boyfriend.

“It’s been good seeing you again, E.” I took a step backward toward the door, and he pushed to his feet.

“But?” He stepped forward and I instinctively took another step back.

“But I didn’t want to cause any problems for you. You seem . . . happy.”

“But you’re not.” He stepped again and I did the same.

“I am.” My voice was weak, my mask slipping. “I know you don’t like Derek, but he has changed. He and I are planning a future together.”

E shook his head, running his hand over his messy hair. It had grown out since I had last seen him, and he looked as if he belonged on the cover of a magazine more than on a stage behind a drum kit.

ERIC

T
HE DESIRE TO
be closer to Sarah drowned out the throbbing of my head. She was running from me, but I could see in her eyes she had felt something. Even if she didn’t, I hated that she was with that fucking asshole. I could have helped put the final nail in that coffin tonight, but I couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye and tell her he was cheating on her again. It would have killed her, and I wouldn’t be any kind of a man if I let her run into my arms while she ran from his.

I wanted her to want me as badly as I wanted her. And what I was going through with Sarah was gutting me. But Sarah had never been mine. Our relationship had never gone further than friendly flirting. And I had to remind myself that it never would.

I stepped forward, pulled toward Sarah. “I just want you to stay.”
She took one final step backward as she leaned against the door.

“I can’t. Sleep it off, E.” Her words were barely a whisper, and her eyes were pleading with me. Her hand felt for the door handle next to her waist and she grabbed ahold of it. I reached out, wrapping my fingers around hers, leaning closer. Her chest was rising and falling quickly, her lips parted. I looked down at her mouth and her tongue darted out, running over her lips. I could barely control my own breathing and I struggled not to press myself against her. I needed to feel her skin against mine. I glanced down at her baby-blue dress as my forehead pushed against hers and our breaths mingled.