A Son's Vow (20 page)

“Yes. Of course. I'm sorry. I guess I'm overstepping myself, aren't I?”

Hannah had little experience navigating conversations like this. Her mother had raised her to be a good Amish wife. Most of their conversations had revolved around household chores, raising
kinner
, and acting modestly.

Since Paul's death, her
mamm
had merely held Hannah and wanted to talk about her grief. Never had they talked about the future. Never had Hannah ever admitted that she wanted to have a life after Paul.

Stepping carefully, she said, “I know you care about me and I'm grateful that you do. I don't think you're overstepping things at all. But because I know what love feels like, I have to admit that I've started to have some romantic feelings for Rob, too.” After taking a fortifying breath, she said, “Melissa, if he feels much the same way, I am pleased about this.”

Melissa opened her mouth. Shut it. Blinked. Then leaned back in her chair. “I see,” she said at last. “Are your parents going to be okay with this?”

Hannah shrugged. “I don't know. Actually, they most likely won't be. But they will respect my feelings. I had the life that was expected of me. I was looking forward to marrying Paul and I was more than happy to marry him and simply be his wife and raise our
kinner
. But the Lord had other plans.”

“It seems He did.”

“I know you don't want me to be hurt—and I don't want to be hurt, either—but I will not live my life with regrets or in fear of what might happen. Because of that, I intend to find out what will happen between me and this older, more experienced Englisher.” And this time, when they stared at each other, it seemed neither could resist smiling. For the first time, they were smiling woman to woman.

It was as unexpected as Aaron's attack.

But instead of feeling scared and worried, Rob's attention and her developing feelings for him felt wonderful. Almost as if she had finally reached a decision about a problem she hadn't even known she had. Almost as if the Lord had given her a gift she hadn't ever expected to receive.

Life was too difficult to pass up the hope of something so wonderful.

A
FTER
A
ARON WENT
into the barn, Lukas said good-bye to Simon and Roman. Then he searched for Darla. He found her sitting in the kitchen, absently flipping through an old magazine. To his surprise, no one else was around. He wondered if maybe Patsy had encouraged the rest of their siblings to give her some space.

“Hey. You're done,” she said when he closed the door behind him.

“Yeah. I just said good-bye to Simon and Roman. They're going to head back to work. I'm going there, too, but I wanted to see you first.”

“Is everything okay?” Every muscle in her body looked so tense, like she was in danger of breaking in two.

He took a seat next to her at the table. “I think so,” he said
with a reassuring smile. “Roman said a lot of good things. So did Aaron, actually. Simon and Roman are going to go with Aaron tonight to talk to Hannah and her parents.”

Darla blinked. “
Gut
. That's wonderful.”

“
Jah
,” he said quietly. “I think he's finally ready to move on. I'm sure he'll be making amends to you, too.”

The tears that she was clearly trying so hard to hold at bay began to fall. “I just want him back.”

“I know.” Reaching out, he took her hand. “Just to let you know . . . tomorrow I'm going to pick you up from work. And then, we're going to spend the evening together.”

“Lukas, now ain't the right time—”

“Sure it is,” he interrupted. “It's the best time.” More than ever, he wanted them both to have something to look forward to.

As he'd hoped, some of the sharpness eased in her expression. “I should probably tell you that you're gettin' awfully bossy.”

He raised his brows in mock annoyance. “Getting? And here I thought I was bossy all the time.”

Her lips twitched. “Some of those times are worse than others.”

“This is one of those times, I'm afraid.” Pushing forward, he said, “So, this is what you need to do. You need to decide if you want to be here or at my house or in the middle of the field. But we're going to spend time together and work things out.”

She bit her lip.

“What time do you get off tomorrow?”

“Four,” she said grudgingly.

“I'll be there at ten till, then. After a second, he added, “And Darla?”

“Jah?”

“I plan on asking you an important question tomorrow night.”

“Again?” She pressed her palms on the top of the table, looking for all the world like she was annoyed.

But he knew she wasn't.

“Yep. So, you might want to start thinking about your answer to me.”

“I'll do that.”

When he left the room, he found Maisie and her brother Samuel standing in the hall, grinning like fools.

“Looks like you still like my sister,” Maisie said.

He winked at her. “I do.”

“You better watch out, 'cause she's stubborn,” Samuel said.

“I know.”

“If you try real hard, you might wear her down by Christmas, though,” the boy added.

Lukas grunted. “Christmas? It's only April.”

Maisie giggled. “Maybe she'll say yes by Thanksgiving, Lukas.”

Patting her on the head, he said, “I'll keep my fingers crossed.”

As Lukas walked out of their house and headed back to his office, where there was no doubt a stack of work waiting for him, he couldn't help but notice that he was smiling, genuinely smiling, for the first time in ages.

Things, at last, were finally getting better.

I
T HAD BEEN
a long day. A painful, scary day, too. But to Hannah's surprise, it had also been filled with some special moments, she decided as she folded up her lunch bag and slipped it into her tote.

After their heart-to-heart, Melissa had decided to stay home.
But instead of taking Hannah right back to her house, she'd asked if Hannah would like to stay there for the rest of the day. Not as Christopher's paid nanny, but as her friend.

Hannah had instantly agreed.

They'd spent much of the day playing with Christopher, chatting about Melissa's job, York's practice, and Hannah's sister and brother. When Hannah offered to make them banana cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, Melissa asked if she could help. They'd put Christopher in his high chair and made twenty-four beautiful cupcakes—all while laughing. It had quickly become apparent that her boss's talents were in finance, not in flour and sugar.

Just as Melissa was changing Christopher's diaper before loading him and Hannah into her car, there was a knock at the door.

When Hannah realized the visitor was Rob, she let him in.

“Hi,” she said shyly, Melissa's information extremely fresh in her mind.

Rob, on the other hand, seemed particularly quiet. “Hi, Hannah,” he said. “How are you?”

“Fine,” she said automatically. Then she shook her head and forced herself to be more honest. “Well, I'm kind of fine.”

While he attempted to figure out that reply, Hannah noticed that he was sort of dressed up—well, for Rob. Instead of his usual shorts, he was wearing a faded pair of khakis. Instead of his usual T-shirt, he was wearing a black golf shirt. It was untucked, and he had on Converse tennis shoes. His hair was damp, as if he'd just gotten out of the shower. He smelled fresh and clean . . . and he was staring at her face.

“Your cheek is badly bruised,” he blurted.

“I know.” She would, indeed, have a black eye by morning.
“It looks bad, but it will fade in time.” Hoping to change the subject, she said, “You almost missed us. Melissa is about to take me home.”

Rob turned to where Melissa and Christopher had just appeared. Linking his hands behind his back, he said, “That's actually why I came over now. I'd like to take you home today, Hannah.”

Hannah almost turned around to share a look with Melissa. Almost! Instead, she was simply grateful that Melissa had warned her about Rob's feelings. Otherwise she would have been constantly wondering if she was misunderstanding his words.

“
Danke
. I mean, thank you.”

“So, that means you'll let me?”

He looked boyish and cute. She took a moment to remember how different Rob seemed to her now, compared to her first impression of him. She no longer felt compelled to only think of him as the Rosses' neighbor, or the English man she was becoming close to.

There was no need to label him or justify her feelings for him. Instead, he was simply Rob. And Rob was someone she wanted to be around as much as possible.

“Yes, I mean, as long as Melissa doesn't mind.” At last she turned around and searched her boss's expression for a sign of what to do next.

Melissa simply set Christopher down on the floor. “Rob, that would be super. Now I don't have to load up the baby.”

Reaching for Hannah's tote, he said, “Good. I mean, that's great. You ready?”

Looking back at Melissa, she exchanged a smile. Then she turned to him. “
Jah
, Rob, I am ready.”

After saying good-bye and making plans to be back in two days—Melissa wanted Hannah to stay home and rest—Hannah walked out the door at Rob's side.

He kept looking at her, gazing at her as if she were the most precious thing in the world.

But instead of finding that awkward, Hannah liked it. And because of that, she realized that she really was ready. Ready to move forward and move on.

Ready for anything.

April 13

E
arly the next morning, as Darla walked down Main Street, she couldn't help but smile. It seemed that Lukas was determined to get her to say yes to him. She wondered what she would say when he asked that evening.

If he finally told her those three words she'd been hoping to hear, she knew how she'd respond. She wanted to marry him more than anything, but it needed to be for the right reasons. Not to keep her safe or because they'd been friends for years and years.

No, she wanted them to get married for love. Well, rather, she wanted him to love her the way she loved him. She'd pretty much loved him all her life and the recent turn of events had only somehow strengthened those feelings.

If they had love, then she knew everything else would come together. Somehow, some way, they would work out their problems and one day marry. She wasn't sure if or when that would
happen, but she didn't want to give up hope. More than ever, she needed hope.

“Hey, Darla?”

Looking up, she realized Aaron was standing outside the post office, hands in his pockets. Waiting for her.

“Hi,” she said simply.

“I know you've got to work. But . . . can we talk?”

Immediately her muscles tensed. Looking at him warily, she noticed that Aaron wasn't radiating anger. Instead, he was staring at her with such honesty it took her breath away. Here was the brother she'd always known.

Swallowing, she nodded. “
Jah
. Amanda is in there now. I'm not actually supposed to go in today for another hour. I came to town early to run some errands.”

The lines between his brows eased.
“Danke.”
Pointing to the park a block away, he said, “Is over there all right?”

“Of course.” She followed him down the sidewalk, taking care not to look anyone they passed in the eye. She needed to concentrate on her brother, not on what everyone around them thought.

When they got to the park, Aaron led the way to a bench that was apart from the others. “This will be
gut
. Ain't so?”

“
Jah
. It will be fine.” No one was around and they'd have relative privacy there. They sat down, side by side. Only about six or seven inches separated them. Darla doubted they'd been so close, either literally or figuratively, in weeks. Not since the fire.

For a moment, they simply sat. The sun was bright and warm. Flowers were blooming in a bed nearby, their scent infusing the air. At last summer was near.

“I wanted to talk to you about yesterday,” he said at last.

She nodded hesitantly. Though she didn't think he would snap at her or get mad, she didn't trust his reactions anymore.

He looked a little taken aback by her timid nod. Then, as if he was forcing himself to speak, he said, “Don't be scared of me.”

“I can't help it,” she said after debating the wisdom of being so honest. “I
am
scared of you now.”

He squeezed his eyes tight. “I guess I deserve that.”

“I'm not trying to make you upset or cause you pain. I am simply telling you how I feel.”

“I know. And you have that right.”

His responses were so different from what she was now used to, she hesitantly said, “You . . . You seem better.”

“I think I might be. After I lost my temper with Hannah, those men, they made me listen to them. They had some good points.”

“What did they say?”

“They talked about forgiveness and moving on.” He ran a hand over his face before continuing. “At first I thought everything I was going to hear was no different from everything that had been shared a hundred times before.”

“But?”

“But then Roman talked about open arms.”

“I don't understand.”

“Sometimes we humans like to think God has forsaken us when bad things happen. We fear that He has turned away because we ask for help and don't get it.”

“Like when five people die in a fire.”

“
Jah
. Like then.” He sighed. “Roman's words reminded me
of the scripture verse from Deuteronomy. About how the Lord doesn't need to be there to hold each of us.”

“Why doesn't He?” she blurted.

“Because He has given us friends and family,” he said quietly. Stretching out his arms, he said, “And many of us have two good arms to help support other people.” He paused for a long moment.

When he spoke again, Darla heard the tension in his voice accompanied by a curious mixture of regret and hope. “Roman reminded me that I've been ignoring everyone who has had their arms out. And, worse, I've even been hurting the people who have tried so hard to be there for me. Like you.” His voice cracked. “Oh, Darla, I'm so sorry. I know I've hurt you terribly. I canna believe I would ever sink so low.”

Tears pricked her eyes. Never, never would she have imagined that Aaron would be so honest about his actions of late. And though a part of her wanted to immediately forgive him, the last few months' hardships had taken their toll.

She cleared her throat. “What else did Roman say?”

“He said maybe if I told you I'm sorry and begged for your forgiveness, one day you might be able to do that.”

He wasn't looking at her. Instead, his elbows were resting on his knees. His shirtsleeves were rolled halfway up his arms, accentuating his muscles. But instead of looking strong he looked dejected.

Maybe she was weak . . . or maybe she was stronger than she thought she was. Whatever the reason, she started to speak. “Aaron—”

“Wait, Darla. Don't let me off.”

“But . . .”

“
Nee
. I don't want your forgiveness yet.”

She couldn't resist smiling. “
Bruder
, you have to stop telling me what to do. See, forgiveness doesn't work that way.”

“It should, though.” He sighed. “See, I forgot something when I was so eager to attach blame to someone for the fire.”

“What was that?”

“I forgot my vow.” After swallowing hard, he said, “When I graduated school, Daed took me for a long walk. He told me all about how my learning wasn't done even though my days of sitting behind a small wooden desk were.”

“I think I got that same talk.”

“If you did, then you might have made the same vow I did.”

“What did you promise?”

“That I would be the best man I could be. That I would tend to our land and look after this family when the day came that he couldn't.”

“What did you say?”

He straightened, kicking out his feet. “I promised him everything. I was cocky and full of myself and fourteen.” He rolled his eyes. “Who really thinks they know everything at fourteen?”

“Pretty much everyone, I think.”

“I suppose you're right. But see, it don't matter if I believed my promises or I simply said that I did. All that matters is that I made my vow and my
daed
believed it.” At last he faced her directly. “He died believing that I would honor it, Darla.”

“You shouldn't feel bad about that. I promised him much the same thing. I'm sure Patsy did, too.”

He nodded. “I'm going to have to live with my failures for the
rest of my life. But I want to make you another vow, right now.” He reached out a hand.

She noticed it was shaking.

Though her brain was sending out warning messages about how she shouldn't trust him, about how it was too late to trust him, her heart was proclaiming a different story. Each beat seemed to bring with it a plea for her to believe him. Just like their father had believed in him.

Now it seemed, it was up to her to decide where their relationship could go next. Instinctively, she knew that if she rebuffed him Aaron would understand. But he might also walk away and never reach out to her again.

Her mouth went dry. Did she want that? Did she want to look back at herself years from now and wish that she'd done things differently?

At last, she'd found her answer. She pressed her palm into his and couldn't help but notice that she was shaking like a leaf. Just like him.

Aaron shuddered in obvious relief.

After he visibly regained his composure, he looked her directly in the eye again. “Darla, from now on, I will do my best to honor Daed and my vow to him. I am sorry for the pain I caused you. I can't go back in time. All I can do is promise that I won't hurt you again.”

His words sounded as if they'd been pulled from his soul. But perhaps they were being guided by his heart as well?

“I believe you, Aaron,” she said quietly.

He blinked. “Already? Why?”

“Because you might be your father's son, but I am my father's daughter. I want to believe in the best of you, too.”

Her words hung in the air, then at last, settling between them, becoming part of the fabric of their lives. Darla knew that no matter how old she lived to be, she would always remember this moment as one of her finest.

She knew because moments that were easy weren't memorable. They didn't last. It was the hard things, the challenges, the situations that took one's pain and suffering and wrought something beautiful, that were the moments worth savoring. Those were what changed lives. And because of that, perhaps they were the only moments that truly mattered.

Aaron blinked, showing her just how much her words had meant to him. “I love you, sister,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Knowing she sounded much like him, she said the words that she needed to say just as much as he needed to hear. “I love you right back.”

After a shared smile, they dropped their hands. Moments later, Aaron kicked his legs out and gazed out into the distance again. And so did she. But instead of moving apart, they stayed by each other's side. Not talking. Not arguing. There was nothing more to say and far too much to remember.

A
DAY AFTER
his life changed—this time for the better—Aaron returned to Hope Mast's house.

But before he was able to put one foot on Hope's front steps, she walked out the front door. His heart started beating quickly as hopefulness sprung forth. Maybe everything hadn't died between them. Or, rather, maybe he hadn't killed it.

As he took in her brown eyes and brown hair that was so light
it looked more like burnished gold, he knew he'd do anything he could to keep her.

If it wasn't too late.

He'd at last realized that he wanted—no, needed—her forgiveness more than anything. He wanted that even more than he wanted to forget his mistakes for the past few months.

She was his future, and he was going to be lost if she wasn't a part of it.

But it was now her turn. For too long he'd been the one saying all the words. He'd been making all the decisions. Now it was her turn. So he stood silently and watched her. Preparing himself for her decision. This was either going to be the beginning of the next chapter of their life together, or the end of it.

Either way, he figured that this moment was always going to stay with him.

“What are you doing here, Aaron?”

“I needed to see you.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to listen to what you had to say.”

She inhaled sharply. “Do you really want to hear me, or are you just saying that?”

Because he hated towering over her, he sat down on the steps, allowing her to look down on him. “I really want to hear you. I'm listening.”

Long seconds of silence seemed to drag as she stared at him again. Never had he seen her look so cautious or so disappointed. He missed the smile she used to have whenever he was near.

Finally, she sat down, too. She remained four steps above him,
though. He was glad of it. He thought he was going to need the space to wrap his head around whatever she was going to say. He was now pretty sure that she was about to break up with him for good.

“Aaron, when I heard about Hannah, I realized that I've been living a lie with you.”

“You weren't.”

She fastened a hard glare on him. “Let me speak.”

“Sorry.”

“When I heard that you had jerked Hannah's arm right in the middle of the street, I was stunned. But what was more stunning was that I seemed to be the only person surprised by your actions.” She shifted, resting her head in her hands and her elbows on her knees. “It seems that everyone else has known that you've had a terrible time with your temper and that you've been taking it out on your family most of all.”

He couldn't deny it. Aaron nodded, hating how miserable her words made him feel. Shame engulfed him.

“This bothers me, Aaron. Family counts for most everything, don't you think?”

He cleared his throat, or attempted to, because it was suddenly dry.
“Jah.”

“It pains me to imagine that Darla was actually afraid of you. And that Lukas Kinsinger needed to talk to you more than once about your treatment of her.”

“I guess you've been hearing a lot of stories about me.”

Hope sighed. “I've been hearing a lot of things that were a surprise.” Looking at him intently, she said, “Aaron, did you ask people to keep secrets from me? Or did folks just decide to keep me in the dark all on their own?”

“I'm not sure what happened. I didn't ask anyone to lie to you, though.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“
Jah
,” he said quickly.

Her eyes narrowed. “I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can believe you.”

“You can. Of course you can, Hope.”

Looking crushed, she shook her head. “Are you ready to tell me the truth, even if it's something you know I'm not going to want to hear or agree with?”

“I want to.” He yearned to say that he'd tell her the truth no matter what happened, but he wasn't sure he could make that promise. What if there came a time when he could shield her from pain? Would he keep something from her in order to save her from getting hurt?