A Stray Drop of Blood (22 page)

Abigail smiled, took and squeezed Ester’s hand. “Yes, my lady. Just as it is easy to despise those who condemn you. Perhaps we should judge neither side.”

Ester returned the smile. But in her mind, the question was far from settled.

~*~

The walk home felt long, given how Cleopas’s thoughts thudded with each step.The teacher’s words still echoed inside him. They appealed to him in a place within himself that had never been touched before. He
wanted
to believe. But doing so would mean setting himself apart from his friends, his colleagues, and possibly his family.

But he knew. Deep within, he knew that he
did
believe, he was just unwilling to profess that right now. He would contemplate more, he would weigh his options, he would speak gently and at length to his wife and son.

He glanced over to Jason, then behind him to Andrew. The younger men had made a study of ignoring one another as much as possible, and Cleopas was alternately amused and irritated by the obvious displays of possession of Abigail. He often wondered how they would both react if he simply informed them that
neither
would ever have her as completely as they both wished. But he knew it was true. With Jason, she would never have a complete trust or equality, and with Andrew she would always feel a shame for having been with Jason first. Neither could win. Neither would want to hear him say it, either, so he would not waste his breath.

They neared the house, and the sound of two sweet voices floated to them on the breeze. Cleopas looked discreetly at his companions, searching for something he was distressed at not finding. Both had an expression of rapt desire in their eyes, but in neither was it the selfless joy that he felt when he heard Ester’s voice. In neither did he see a willingness to sacrifice his own wishes in order to make the woman he wished for happy.

Suddenly weary, Cleopas sighed and let the music wash over him. No matter what he did now or could have done in the past, he could not make these people he cared about happy. It was not within him, it was not his place. He may have been the father, the master, but he had no control anymore over the contentment of those who lived under his roof. It was not his fault, and it was unchangeable. But still, it made him feel a bit less worthwhile than he was accustomed to feeling.

Drawing in a deep breath and willing the peaceful words of the psalm into his soul, he decided to put it from his mind. His son was a man who had and would make his own decisions. Andrew, even if a slave, was also a man, who resented when his were taken from him. Trying to interfere would be futile. He blinked in decision and resigned himself to that fact.

~*~

Abigail looked over at Dinah, who chuckled when the three men tromped through the kitchen and left it again after warm greetings all around.“What is humorous?”

Dinah shook her head, her brown eyes alight with knowledge. “You, my humble little Abigail. You, who have never sought anything but your own place, you who have protested when Mistress raised you above it, you who feared so much being married away from this house–do you not realize that you have become the axis around which it turns?”

Abigail widened her eyes. “What do you mean, Dinah? I am nothing more than I ever was.”

“
Exactly.” Dinah’s nod looked satisfied. “But now, everyone realizes what that is. My daughter, the two young men desire you. The two elder think of you as their own child, as do both the mistress and I. Sweet one, you are the love of us all.” She offered a smile as honeyed as her famous cakes and lifted a hand to rest on Abigail’s cheek. “You are the only one who does not know it.”

Touched, Abigail blinked away a few tears and covered Dinah’s hand with her own. “My mother, if I am loved even a fraction as much as I love you all, then I am blessed indeed. But even so, I am no more than a slave girl. I have no more influence than a slave girl.”

Dinah laughed and turned back to her work with a shake of her head. “Go attend your master. He will want to freshen up before the meal. I can handle the rest of the preparations here.”

With a nod, Abigail took some of the heated water and headed for the room that was swiftly becoming more familiar to her than her own. When she entered, Jason turned to her with a smile.

“
Summer is upon us, I believe,” he said in greeting, wiping the perspiration from his forehead. Once she had mixed the warm water with the tepid already in the room, he caught her around the waist and pressed a kiss to her lips. “Of course, beloved, the sun dims in comparison to your beauty. You are the loveliest thing I have seen all the day long.” He kissed her again, then pulled away with a smile. “And how was your day?”

“
Uneventful.” She gave him a muted grin. “And yours?”

He shrugged. “Typical.”

They fell into their own usual routine. They spoke casually as she bathed his feet, he teased her softly before he kissed her again, then sent her back to her other duties with a gentle swat.

Abigail paused outside his door, sucked in a breath. She knew not when it had happened, but habit had taken over. She did not dread his company as she used to, even looked forward to those moments together. Unintentional as it had been, they had formed a relationship.

Chapter Fifteen

Ester had retired early, leaving Abigail with a blessed hour of solitude before she would be expected to join Jason. She went to her chamber with heavy lids, wondering if she would wake up if she took a brief nap before going to her master. She doubted it. After giving Andrew a weary smile when she passed him, she slipped into her room and closed the door behind her.

She set her lamp on the chest and surveyed the room that felt nearly unfamiliar to her now. The small room was washed in the gentle golden glow from the flame, the soft light soothing her.

She settled onto her pallet in a sitting position, afraid to lie down lest she fall asleep. Figuring she should get some studying done, she picked up a packet of letters Cleopas had asked her to review for him, and tried to convince her mind to keep working for an hour more.

It could not have been more than five minutes, however, before a knock sounded on her door. She let out a fatigued breath. “Enter.” She was more than a little surprised when it was Jason who slipped into her room, closing the door behind him.

“
Jason! I thought you were out.”

“
I just returned.” Jason smiled and looked around him. “Do you know I have never been in here? It is rather close, is it not?”

She had to assume her cynicism was a result of exhaustion. “Would you expect anything different for a slave? I have been blessed to have the space to myself.”

Jason settled down beside her, his gaze steady on her face. “Are you tired, fair one?”

She contemplated her answer for a long enough moment to prove she was. “A bit.”

“
Well, then.” Jason took the papers from her hand and put them aside. He pulled her into his arms and slid them both down on the pallet. “You should rest. Go to sleep.” He kissed her forehead.

Abigail looked into his face in confusion. “Lord?”

He chuckled. “I can go one night without the pleasures of your body, beloved. You are clearly exhausted. Sleep, in your own bed. If you do not mind, I shall just hold you.”

She opened her mouth but could think of no reply. Before she had much of a chance to develop one, another knock sounded on the door. Because she had no desire to invite another person in, she hauled herself up and opened it herself, stepping out when she saw Andrew in the hall.

His eyes, of course, were quick to scan the interior, and his brows furrowed. “He is invading even your private chamber now?”

Abigail just sighed. “What is it, Andrew?”

He was not so easily distracted. “He should leave you at least one place where you can go and not be threatened by his presence.”

“
You are overreacting. And moreover, if you wish to discuss this, choose a time when my master is not awaiting me. What is it you need?”

Anger and hurt flickered in his eyes, and he lifted a hand that revealed a necklace of pearls. “For Mistress. Master wishes you to put it on her casually in the morning when she dresses.”

She nodded, took the jewels from his hand, and said a brisk good night. She then opened her door once more and slipped inside.

“
What is that?” Jason asked when he saw her putting the pearls onto the top of her chest.

“
A gift for your mother, from your father.”

Jason nodded. When she looked at him, she found his face to have the same expression Andrew’s had a minute before. “Does he often come to your room?”

Abigail suddenly wished that all young men would disappear from the earth for just a day. Perhaps then she would get a little peace. “Only when duty requires it, Jason. Slaves do not have the luxury of waiting until morning to carry out their tasks.”

He ignored the last part altogether. “I do not like him coming here. See to it that you do not invite him in when it is
not
part of duty.”

“
Yes, Master.” She clipped each syllable.

He met her gaze, his own unyielding. Lifting a finger, he pointed at her, then at the place beside him. She spun to extinguish the lamp, then obeyed.

“
I know he is your friend,” he said softly into her ear once she was settled against him, “and that I am not. You enjoy his company. Perhaps I resent that, just as he resents that I am your lover and
he
is not. But that is the way it is, Abigail. You must convince him that it is also the way it will remain.”

When had anger become such a dear friend? And from where came the courage to voice it? “And how, Master, am I to convince him he will never be my lover, when I cannot convince
you
that he will always be my friend?”

“
Call me a selfish man if you will, Abigail, it would be accurate. But even so, I will have what I want. You should know that by now.”

“
Indeed,” she said through a clenched jaw, “I have figured that out.” The arms that were holding her were tense with frustration, but they made no move away.

In fact, he pulled her closer. “Tomorrow night I will be with my friends. I will most likely return quite late. There is no need for you to wait for me, Abigail, you will need your rest for the next day’s work.”

“
Very well.” But she felt no relief, given the irritation coursing through her.

He tucked her head under his chin. “Go to sleep.”

It was quite a while before she had calmed down enough to obey.

~*~

It felt as though the day were repeating when the next night Abigail once again entered her own chamber, lit the lamp, and settled down with the packet of letters and was once again interrupted by the sound of a knock upon her door. Tonight, she was not so tired. She had slept well the night before, once she had convinced her mind to let her, and the day had been restful and fun. She had accompanied Ester to lunch at Julia’s and had enjoyed her visit with Elizabeth. Her friend was warmer toward her now than ever before, and they found a new closeness in shared circumstances. So it was not with the same irritation that she called out, “Enter.”

When Andrew opened the door and stepped through, a determined look on his face, Abigail’s good mood wavered. “Andrew. You should not be in here. Jason–”

“
Is out.” He stood for a moment just inside the doorway, gazing down at her. Abigail could not discern what his expression meant. He had never looked at her with so much displeasure, so much anger.

She waited a full minute for him to state his purpose, then she refolded the parchment so that he would see he had her undivided attention.

Eventually, he let out his breath, let his countenance relax, and moved to sit beside her. “I am sorry, my love.” His voice was not at all repentant. “I just find myself growing impatient. Your master is constantly doing all in his power to remind me that you are not mine. I am but a man!” He ran a hand over his face, rested his arms on his knees. “Are you trying, Abigail? Are you trying to put him off? It has been a month since I last spoke to you of it, yet still he is relentless.”

Abigail was not surprised that his promise of limitless patience was not so limitless. She felt a sinking in her heart–Andrew would tire of waiting. And even if he did wait as long as it took, would his feelings remain unchanged, or would it be his pride that kept him to his promise, much as Jason’s kept him from relinquishing her?

“
What am I to do, Andrew?” she asked quietly. “I cannot refuse him, and I have never encouraged him. If he persists, it is not because of anything I have done. Please, believe that.”

“
I do!” he proclaimed, then belied his words by adding, “But surely you must be able to do
something
, Abigail. He is a man of strong temper, you could–”

“
Argue with him?” Abigail suggested. The irony in her tone drew Andrew’s gaze to her eyes. “I do. He enjoys it. I can mindlessly obey, refusing to argue, and he will just smile and remain satisfied. The only time he gets upset with me is when it is about you. And I cannot do anything that would dishonor him, you know that, so–”