A Stray Drop of Blood (52 page)

He knew that he could not move with caution, otherwise it would not look as though it was a regularly occurring practice. So he took her lips quickly, lightly, teasingly, then again as his hand settled on her waist, then a third time with a smile, lingering. His lips parted hers even as her arms came around him.

It felt as though his blood flamed. He melted under those small hands that were on his neck, his back. His hand slid around her, up her back, pulling her closer until she was pressed against him, his body noticing with approval that she pulled him closer too, even as his mind screamed at him to remember this was only an act. Which meant if he wanted it to stay that way, he had better end it soon.

Figuring his father had seen enough, Titus scooped her up and carried her into his room, knowing the dimness of the interior would hide them from view. He put her on her feet, though it took more than a moment of self-lecture to convince his lips to pull away from hers.

Their arms were still around each other when he looked down into her eyes, as hazy as his. “Perhaps,” he said breathlessly, “that was not such a wise idea after all.”

“
Probably not.” Abigail pulled his head down to hers again. Her kiss was intoxicating, hungry, and he returned it as greedily as she gave it. When finally she pulled away, it was with a long breath. “I am sorry. I should not have done that.”

Titus smiled and buried a hand in her long, silken tresses. “I am not sorry. I have wanted to kiss you since the first time I saw you. You are lucky that I now have the strength to stop at that.”

“
You have grown much.” She gave him a luminous smile. “I am proud of you, Titus.”

He returned the smile, but he knew it was not so bright. “I cherish that, my friend. But even though I respect you more than anyone I know, it is probably a blessing that you are leaving soon. I am only a man, and you challenge my strength constantly.”

A hint of a blush stole into her cheeks, but she neither pulled nor looked away. “I suspect you are right. For I am only a woman and not above temptation either.”

A rather dangerous thing for her to say to him when she was still in his arms. But luckily the sound of hurried steps approaching his door was enough to convince him to step away rather than devour her lips again. As soon as the knock sounded, he called out, “Enter!” and hoped that he looked more composed than he felt.

It was Phillip, and he carried a letter in his hand. “From Israel.”

Titus took it quickly and broke the seal. “It is from Drusus Visibullis,” he announced, which drew Abigail to his side so that she could read the missive with him.

The first news the letter contained made her cry out in joy. “She improves!” She smiled first at Titus, then at Phillip. “Praise God.”

“
There is more. They are coming to Rome.” He let the hand holding the letter fall to his side and looked over at the happy woman beside him. “He instructs you to remain here with me until they arrive.”

Abigail stilled, her eyes landing on his. What had passed between them a minute before passed again now. “For how long?”

Titus shook his head, handing the parchment to her to see for herself. “He writes that he will not leave until Ester is well. It could be weeks or months, Abigail.”

She drew in a careful breath as she read it. “Arminius promised that the legalities would soon draw to a close and the estate be proclaimed Benjamin’s. Perhaps we should stay there.”

Titus sighed. “You have not the staff, and it would probably take months to find slaves suitable. They must be selected with care, Abigail, for your life would be in their hands.”

“
Then what do I do?” Her tone crossed frustration with a plea. “I am not welcome in your house, Titus, certainly not for an indefinite period of time.”

“
Do not be ridiculous.”

Titus turned in surprise to see Caius standing there, a heartless smile on his face. “You are of course welcome in my home. You are Jason’s widow, the mother of his son.” His hard gaze flickered to Titus. “And mine has obviously found pleasure in you, so you may remain just where you are. I will not hear of you taking an unnecessary risk. I will inform the slaves that you are until further notice a part of my household.”

He left again, and Titus followed him out, stopping him with a hand on the elbow a few paces down the corridor. “Father, what is this about? Your motives are never so pure, and I would be a fool not to question them.”

Caius plied his arm away from Titus’s grasp. “I saw how easily she went into your arms, Titus. I will see for myself that she does not go so easily into your heart.”

Titus let him stride away, but he could not move. He could not help but think that his father’s warning was a bit too late; she had taken up residence in his heart long ago.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Abigail finally took pity on Samuel when he tried to hold his eyes open with his fingers and keep looking down at the letters she had written. Laughing, she put an arm around his shoulders. “Enough, my son. You have done well this evening. You should go to bed.”

Samuel dropped his fingers from his eyes and slumped against Abigail. “Sleepy.”

“
You played hard today. But you still tried hard on your lessons, and I am proud.” She kissed his brow. “Go get ready. I will be in in a moment.”

Samuel nodded and slid off of the chaise, then shuffled in the direction of the exit, apparently headed to relieve himself. Abigail smiled and let her eyes move over to where Titus was immersed in a book, Benjamin asleep against his chest. Her smile only grew as she walked over to claim her slumbering son.

“
You should have put him to bed when he fell asleep.” She lifted the baby, loving the way he snuggled against her.

Titus looked away from the manuscript with a smile. “He seemed happy enough, and he did not bother me.”

She nodded. “Send Samuel in when he returns, please.” She moved to their small room, putting the baby gently into his basket. He nestled in easily, and Abigail stood there a moment just looking at him. Each day he seemed to grow a little more beautiful, and she was beginning to see his personality emerge. The way he would fight sleep if she put him down when still awake, wanting so desperately to stay with her, but the way he clung to it and did not want to wake up when she came to rouse him from a nap.

He was beginning to look more and more like Jason. It made her heart skip now and then when he looked up at her with those innocent eyes and she saw her husband reflected there. She would be lying if she said she did not miss Jason. He had been her life’s axis for the last year. And now his death took that central place, and everything she did revolved around the glaring fact that she was his widow.

Tears surged without warning, and she squeezed her eyes shut against them. She was not a very good widow. It had only been months since he died, and here she was dreaming of another man. She knew it was wrong–more than that, it was pointless. It was certainly good and right that she and Titus had become friends, that they had not only gotten past the mutual disdain they had once had, but had actually come to like one another, to help one another grow in their new faiths. What was not acceptable was the way her heart had begun to flutter whenever he was near, the way it raced when he smiled at her, the way her blood had boiled when he had kissed her earlier that day.

She had no business falling in love with Titus Asinius. It was not only stupid, it was unfair. She had not had these feelings for Andrew, who had loved her so purely and genuinely, she had not had them for Jason, who had ended up sacrificing a career and a home to make her his. Why should she feel them now, for a man as out of her realm as the very sphere of the stars? Nothing could come of an interest in Titus. Even if he felt an affection for her, even if it was as strong as this thing blossoming in her heart, it would not matter. Titus was not like Jason. He was not half Hebrew, he did not have parents that would encourage him to make her his wife. They could never marry; it would destroy his family, and he would be ostracized.

So marriage being out of the question, all they could share was a friendship. It could not be let to deepen into anything more. It would only hurt them both in the end, or tempt them to sin, neither of which was acceptable. If he must kiss her again before his father to keep her safe, then of course it was a risk worth taking, but she would not be so foolish as to again initiate an embrace. She had learned this morning that it was too dangerous, the feelings he ignited in her too powerful to be trifled with.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Samuel’s entrance into Titus’s room and the man’s laugh as he picked up the boy and hoisted him onto his shoulder. Abigail had to smile as she saw Samuel’s tired grin as he “flew” into the room as though a bird, arms stretched wide in his glide. Titus lowered him to his pallet gently, pulling the blanket up over him.

Her breath caught in her throat. It was no wonder she was falling in love with him. He acted like a father to her children, even the one who had been but a slave. When she had first met him, he had not even known how to speak to a child. Now he was a hero in Samuel’s eyes, simply because he was always there, willing to listen, willing to love him.

“
Good night, my dear little man.” Abigail knelt beside Samuel and kissed him softly.

Samuel yawned. “I love you, Mother,”

“
And I love you,” she replied as she stood.

“
Good night.” Titus put a hand on Abigail’s back to lead her back into his chamber, where they would have their own study session. He closed the door softly behind him, so that their voices would not keep the children awake.

“
What time tomorrow would you like to begin the search for a handmaid?” Titus asked as they both took their usual seats.

Abigail lifted her brows. “Why bother, now? I will not be traveling back on my own; I will not need such a large retinue for myself.”

He gave her a muted grin. “Abigail, the point remains that you are now a lady of means, and as such, you should have an attendant.”

“
Titus,” she rejoined with a sigh, “if have a maid I must, I would rather choose one from among my own people, since it is in Israel that I will be spending my days.”

“
In other words, you will not go in search tomorrow, you would rather just calmly wait for Ester to arrive so that you can fall back into the habit of waiting on
her
.”

She sighed again, her gaze weary. “How is it that the man who was once the firmest advocate of me keeping my place is now the first to balk at the prospect of me returning to it?”

Titus just smiled and picked up her hand. “Because, sweet one, I was once blind to everything but politics, but now I have been blessed with a vision that allows me to see you in all your worth. You are not a slave, Abigail, you have not the soul for it. And it would pain me to see you slip back into old habits.”

“
You need not worry.” She squeezed his fingers. “Ester was the first to raise me above my status, and she will not let me slip back into it now that I have given her a grandson.”

Titus was quiet for a moment as he nodded his concession. “You have really missed her a great deal, have you not?”

“
She is my mother. She is the woman who raised me and taught me and loved me for half of my life, the half that saw me make the biggest changes. This is the first time I have been away from her for more than a day since Cleopas brought me home. How can I help but feel as though part of me is missing? And not knowing how she fared until today–it has kept part of my mind in constant prayer.”

“
You have hidden your concern well.” His tone hinted at disappointment. “I knew you must miss her, but you have never let yourself show anything but what the moment calls for.”

“
Titus,” she said softly, meeting his gaze with warmth, “that is not so. It is just that I cannot let myself think about her much, or I would worry needlessly. I know she is in the Lord’s hands, and I have had faith that she is taken care of. And that faith has allowed me to focus on what is happening here, things that I certainly need to give attention to. I have not been hiding my feelings from you. I have simply been keeping them at bay, even from myself.”

He nodded, his face relaxing. “I suppose I shall have to practice that, so that I do not walk around somber and depressed when you finally leave me.”

There was a seriousness in his voice that she decided to dismiss. “Come, my friend, we both know you are the master of that already and were long before we met.”

“
No. I simply did not feel anything I thought it necessary to hide before we met. But now?” He shook his head, then reached out to touch her face, slide his hand through her hair to the back of her head. “Now, my father would disown me for feeling the things I do for you.”

Her heart accelerated, even as she willed it to be reasonable. “Is it so unacceptable that I am your friend?”

His smile was sad, it seemed. “My friend? Yes, that would be bad enough. Far worse is that a woman he sees only as a slave has become the mistress of my heart.”

“
Titus,” she breathed, half in reprimand, half in longing.

“
I am in love with you, Abigail.” He gazed long and deep into her eyes. “I, the first to condemn Jason for letting his involvement get emotional, have fallen completely in love with you.”