A Summer in Sonoma (28 page)

“Oh, yeah. I came real close to a hurricane once, in Louisiana. I got out of there fast. I didn't think I'd ever get dry.”

“See,” she said, turning toward him, “I don't want to ever do that. Ever.”

He laughed at her. “Cassie, by now you should know
I'd take much better care of you than that. Here,” he said, taking the coffee out of her hands and setting it with his on a flat rock beside the blanket. Then he said, “Come here,” and his arms went around her waist. He flipped her deftly onto her back and covered her lips. Her arms immediately went around him and held him, moving under his mouth.

When he kissed her like this, she was lost. His kiss was always careful, tender, but there was power in there she was not only curious about but extremely tempted by. What does it mean, she wondered, when you have a person in your life you can't imagine ever being without, and yet he doesn't fit into your life at all? This was supposed to be something interesting to pass the time—a nice person to enjoy, but not get too involved with.

He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. “You worrying about Beth or something?” he asked.

“No. She's doing very well. I was just wondering…maybe it's not a good idea for us to do all this kissing.”

“I thought it was a great idea.”

“It might be taking us in a direction I'm just not ready to go. Maybe we should put a halt on the making out.”

“I thought you liked it.”

“I might be liking it too much,” she said.

He laughed at her. “I don't think that's possible. Tell you what—we can stop after today, how's that? I'd hate to waste this perfect spot.” He lowered his lips again and she put a hand on his chest. “What's the matter, Cassie?”

“I told myself I wasn't getting serious about anyone again. For a long while…”

“You feeling serious?” he asked, lifting one brow.

“I don't want to be serious.”

“Okay. Take your time.” And he lowered his lips again, but the hand pushed back at him and he stopped. She did take note of the fact that it took very little to keep him under control. Men she'd dated who were much smaller, much less muscular and strong, took a lot more convincing. “What's really bothering you? Want to tell me? You know you can tell me anything you want.”

“Oh, I don't know. Mixed feelings, I guess.”

“Mixed feelings about…?”

“I'm spending a lot of time with you, a lot of time talking to you. You've been wonderful to me. We're getting closer. But…”

“But?”

“When I stopped by your store to thank you, to have coffee, I didn't see this coming. It wasn't something I planned on. In fact, I planned against something like this. I'm feeling a little bit, I don't know, in over my head.”

“No, you're not,” he said. “You can put the brakes on this anytime and you won't get any trouble from me. You know that. I'd hate it, but I wouldn't give you a hard time. And even while you keep pushing this just-friends idea, you know how much I like you. I think you like me that much, too.”

“Well…”

“I'm not moving too fast for you, Cass. We both know that. What are you really worried about? Huh?”

“Well, for one thing, I'm worried about you giving me a seven-hundred-dollar leather jacket on your salary….”

He lifted his eyebrows in mock surprise. “You saw my pay stub?”

She gave him a whack in the arm. “And bringing hundred-dollar bottles of wine to my house when I make do on Two Buck Chuck….”

“Cassie, I've told you before, I haven't had anyone to spend my money on for a long time. Well, Mom and Dad, but that's a little different. I'm not hurting for money. I'm not running up debt to give you one or two nice things—a bottle of good wine, some flowers. I like doing it. You should just say thank-you.”

“Thank you, but it worries me…”

“Worries you because you're trying to take care of my finances for me, or worries you because you're afraid it makes you committed to something?”

She pushed him away and sat up; maybe it was time to confront it. “Both,” she said.

“Well, rest easy—I can afford it or I wouldn't spend it, and it doesn't lock you into anything.”

“It's one thing for you to say that and another thing for me to believe it. I think if I said we should stop getting together so much, you'd be unhappy.”

“You're damn right about that—I'd hate it. And it wouldn't make sense because we have a good time together. Listen, you worried that when your friends get a look at me, they're going to say you're out of your mind?”

Her chin dropped and he laughed. She lifted her eyes to his and said, “I don't think that's at all funny.”

“You know what—you're a worrier. You're afraid when your friends see me pull up on some big hog with a ponytail and naked-lady tattoo, they're going to have you committed. Cassie, take it easy. I look a little like an outcast, but I'm a nice guy, I don't dribble on my shirt much and people usually take to me after a while. Really.”

“I don't think you're funny.”

“Yes, you do,” he said, grabbing her around the waist and wrestling her to the ground, making her giggle in spite of herself. “You think I'm hilarious. And you hate how much you like me—that's very cool.” He gave her a kiss. “I have an idea. I'm taking my folks to dinner tomorrow night, to my mom's favorite restaurant. It's pretty nice—you'll like it. Come with us. I'll pick you up. When you see I have a perfectly normal family, it'll give you a little peace of mind.”

“Perfectly normal, huh?”

“Well, I think they're normal. It's normal for a sixty-year-old couple to pull up on a big Harley wearing leather pants, long hair, lots of piercings on their faces and ears with tattoo sleeves to the wrists, right?”

She slugged him in the arm.

“They're just regular, nice folks. I've told them about you and I can tell they think I made you up. They keep asking when they're going to meet you.”

“What did you tell them?”

“That I met this gorgeous emergency room nurse who I've been seeing at least once a week for months now…”

“Seeing?”

“Cassie, I know you're trying to keep a leash on this
thing between us, but we're seeing each other whether you can admit it or not. The only thing up in the air is whether we keep seeing each other, and I guess you're in the driver's seat there. So, what do you say? It's a nice restaurant—they're nice people.”

“I've gained ten pounds since I met you,” she said.

“You've gained it in all the right places, too. I have a spot in mind for tonight, on our way home. It's this little place in Paradise that looks like a shack and inside is a world-class Hungarian chef. He'll probably sit at our table through half of dinner, helping himself to your wine. You're going to love it.”

She sighed. “Really, I don't know what to do with you….”

“Yes, you do,” he said, grinning. And then he went after her lips again and she thought, Oh, what the hell. He felt very good, tasted better. And it was positively remarkable to her that they'd been friends all through summer and were well into fall and he hadn't pushed her to go further.

“Why haven't you tried anything?” she asked him between kisses.

“Because you're not ready. You telling me you're ready?”

“No,” she said.

“That's why. When you're ready, I'm ready.” And he kissed her a while longer, occasionally sliding his lips to her neck, her ear, her cheek, her eyes.

If he's half as good at the rest of it as he is at kissing, it's scary to even think about!

 

Cassie walked Steve along the river for about an hour, deep in thought. When Steve was tired and Cassie no more insightful, she called Julie and asked if she could stop by. The family was back from some fun at the park and it was nap time. Julie told her to come right over.

Cassie gave a couple of quick knocks on Julie's door and let herself in. Steve bounded into the house and found Tess curled up on her rug by the back door. Jeffy was on the couch; his feet were on the floor but his body was slumped into a lying-down position and he still wore his soccer shorts and shirt. They must have kicked the ball around for a while at the park. Julie was in the kitchen, puttering. “What's going on?” Cassie said by way of greeting.

“It's quiet time for the little ones and Jeff crashed. Billy wore him down.”

Cassie tilted her head and listened. There was the sound of children laughing and what could be toys or balls flying around the room, furniture moving, an occasional squeal or giggle. “Quiet time? Is that what you call it?”

“Well, we couldn't call it nap time anymore. They're bouncing off the walls in there. I've thought about yelling, but what the heck—if they keep it in there and out of my hair for an hour, that's all I need.”

“What are you doing?”

Julie put one hand on some apples, the other on a bowl that appeared to have flour and other ingredients in it and said, “I'm going to make Billy an apple pie. I hope I remember how—I haven't done this in a long time.”

“Special occasion?”

“Yeah, I'm cooking a real dinner. Want to join us?”

“Thanks, but I have plans. I guess the new budget is working out?”

“It's like a miracle,” she said. “I've been shopping cheap for so long, I don't even have to think to keep it in the range. In a couple of weeks I saved enough for Jeffy's birthday party next month. Now I'm working on Christmas. And that isn't including this brand-new thing we have—a savings account. An actual savings account.” She sighed deeply. “It's very small, but wonderful. Wouldn't you love to get something better than a red candle from your best friend for Christmas?”

“I don't want anything better than that,” she said. “Get on your feet, all the way on your feet, and we'll go to Paris or something.”

“How about we drive to the Bay Area for lunch,” Julie said. “Or maybe Placerville. And we better take your car.” She picked up an apple and started carving away the skin. “So, what are you doing tonight?”

“Well, I'm going out to dinner with Walt. And his parents.”

“Really?” Julie asked. “Sounds like this is getting interesting.”

Through the family room window, Cassie saw the ladder lean up against the house and Billy climb up. Chores, she thought. Weekend maintenance—something he rarely had time for before he cut back his part-time schedule a little bit. “It surpasses interesting. I've
never been up against anything like this before. I'm very confused.”

“Why?”

“Okay, here's the deal. I found him to be a very nice guy. Easy to talk to. Interesting—he has lots of fun stories about growing up in his dad's fixer-upper houses with three brothers, about his eighteen-month cross-country on a motorcycle with just a bedroll and small duffel. And not only that, he always asks about what's going on with me and he remembers absolutely everything I tell him so he can say, ‘How are things going with your friend Julie and the three kids?' Or, ‘How'd Beth's last chemo go?' He's just plain thoughtful.”

“This a problem for you?” Julie asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, it's a problem. What does it mean when you like someone so much, you can't imagine ever having a week or a month you wouldn't get together for dinner or go for one of those bike rides? But at the same time you can't imagine being with him for life?”

“You like that riding, huh?”

“I'm amazed to say, I really do. It's great. I've seen more of this area in the past few months than I've seen in twenty years. I did it as an experiment, you know. I never expected to take to it.”

“You've got a guy,” Julie said with a grin. “Sounds like you've got yourself a good one this time.”

“I don't want him to be my guy,” Cassie said. “I've never felt like this before. I've never met a guy I didn't get all excited about, filled with silly expectations and
lots of ridiculous hopes and dreams. This is so completely different. I'd like to keep him as just a casual friend, but… Julie, I've been seeing him since last June. And all he's done is kiss me.”

“Really? In four months?”

“Uh-huh. I wasn't even sure that was a good idea, but I couldn't resist. I mean, I'm still a girl, right? Everyone can use a little romance here and there. Kissing. Cuddling.”

“Good kisser and cuddler, is he?”

“Whoa,” Cassie said. “I've considered myself completely in love within twenty-four hours of knowing someone and crushed when it doesn't work out. I'd call a guy ten times before I got the message he wasn't going to call back. I've bought guys little gifts, made out on the second date and jumped into bed on the fourth…. This one—I keep trying not to get too close to him, but it's getting bigger than both of us. I don't know what to do.” She sighed. “He's just about as good at kissing as talking. And he's very good at talking.”

“He hasn't even slipped a hand under your—”

“He said he can tell I'm just not ready, and when I'm ready, so is he,” Cassie said. “But really, I just don't think I can go any further with this.”

“You don't find him attractive?” Julie asked.

“Not really, no. Well, I mean, he's not one of your classic pretty boys, like Billy. I've described him to you—he's different looking. But he's kind of growing on me. I notice things about him. Like his eyes—he has the most amazing blue eyes. And he thinks everything is funny. He laughs all the time and he has a great big
laugh and a really nice smile. I guess if you look at him real closely, imagine him without the hairy face and tattoo, he's probably handsome.” She shook her head. “I have to end this before it goes any further….”