A Summer to Remember (17 page)

“Do wipe that stupid grin off your face,” she commanded her younger brother, “or I may feel compelled to do it for you.”

Lord Alleyne presented her with an instant poker face that further incensed her.

“And
you,
” she said, stabbing a forefinger in the direction of her younger sister, “ought to be in the schoolroom. I cannot imagine what Wulf was thinking, to allow you down to receive visitors he ought not to have received at all.”

Miss Cowper rose to her feet in instant alarm.

“I daresay, Freyja,” Lady Morgan said placidly, not moving, “he expected to derive some satisfaction from watching Miss Edgeworth fall into a dither at the sight of so many sober, silent Bedwyns. I daresay he will be annoyed with Ralf for eluding the summons. But I do believe, with Alleyne and Wulf, that she is going to be a worthy foe. She did not collapse at all, did she? And Kit was laughing the whole while. I could see it in his eyes.”

“Lord Ravensberg to you,” Freyja said sharply.

“He told me,” Lady Morgan retorted, “when I was five years old and he carried me on his shoulders one day when I could not keep up to all of you, that I was to call him Kit. So you never mind, Freyja.”

She got to her feet and made a triumphant exit, Miss Cowper trotting along in her wake while Lord Alleyne chuckled again.

“Little spitfire,” he said. “She may outshine us all yet, Free.”

11

L
ady Freyja has been hurt,” Lauren said.
“No.” Kit took her by the hand and drew her arm through his. “I think not. Her pride has been bruised, that is all.”

They zigzagged their way along the gravel paths of the formal parterres, the hem of Lauren’s light sprigged muslin dress brushing against the floral clusters that spilled over from the borders. They were headed toward the wilderness walk among the trees, from which Kit had emerged a mere five minutes before with Lady Kilbourne and Lady Muir. His grandmother had walked as far as the rose arbor with them and had then tried to insist that they all leave her there to enjoy the fragrant air while they continued their walk. But Lauren had insisted upon staying with her to keep her company.

There was a quiet kindness about Lauren Edgeworth that one might well not notice unless one was observing closely. Kit was observing.

“Are you sure that is all?” she asked now.

They had spoken very little on the way back from Lindsey Hall, as if by mutual consent they had decided to keep their impressions to themselves until they had properly digested them. But now they had been thrown together again by his grandmother, who had insisted they stroll for a time while the other ladies accompanied her back to the house.

“We shared a brief romance three years ago, Lauren,” he said. “It was very brief after a lifetime of being simply friends and playmates. Then she betrothed herself to Jerome, I made an ass of myself by fighting both him and Ralf, and I went off back to the Peninsula, where I belonged. It would be absurd to imagine that she has worn the willow for me ever since. That simply is not Freyja’s way.”

“Is it yours?” They stepped beyond the parterres to cross the narrow stretch of lawn to the little humpbacked bridge spanning the stream that gurgled its way down over a stone-studded bed to join the river.

“Have I harbored a secret passion for her all this time, do you mean?” he asked. “No, of course not. It was briefly conceived, soon forgotten. Besides, Lauren, I would hardly admit to stronger emotions for her in your presence, would I? It would be in execrable taste.”

“Why?” she asked. “Our betrothal is only a temporary thing, after all. There is no need to hide the truth from me out of tact.
Did
you love her?
Do
you?”

His boots clattered over the boards of the bridge in contrast to her lighter footfall.
Had
he loved Freyja? He
had called it love at the time, though he remembered his feelings now more as a desperate hunger to lose himself in the body of a woman who could perhaps bring him a moment’s forgetfulness. Not that their passion had ever been consummated, of course. She had more than once allowed him to come close, only to whisk herself away with laughter at the last possible moment. He had not thought of her as a tease at the time, but looking back now, he wondered if she had ever taken his attentions seriously.

“It is impossible,” he said, “to put a label upon remembered feelings. They are colored too much by all our subsequent experiences. I was desperate to marry her, to carry her off to the Peninsula with me. But I was a desperate young man in many ways that summer. And it all seems a long time ago. How could I love her now? She was unpardonably rude to you.”

He turned north with her in the direction that would take them uphill on a route that curved beside and behind the house. He had taken her aunt and cousin in the opposite direction earlier, on the shorter, easier route that ended at the riverbank.

“I was not offended,” she said. “I understood her motivation, having felt it myself. Though I was never able to bring myself to be that blatantly rude to Lily.”

But she had wanted to be? Because Kilbourne had hurt her?

“Were you offended,” he asked, “when I did not rush to your rescue this afternoon? I did rather cast you to the wolves, did I not? But if you cannot stand up to the Bedwyns on your very first encounter with them, you see, they will make a meal of you at every encounter thereafter. You acquitted yourself magnificently, by the way. And if you did not notice, you won the respect of Ralf even before we went upstairs, and of Bewcastle, Alleyne, and Morgan after we did.”

“She rides and swims and shoots and does all those things she asked me about, does she not?” Lauren asked. “She knows how to enjoy herself, how to have fun. She knows how to face life with vitality and passion. She is your perfect counterpart, Kit. I think perhaps you should use this time while I am here to consider your future carefully. It might be unwise to reject the idea of marriage with her just because you bear a grudge from three years ago.”

They were walking along a narrow, fragrant alleyway, whose walls were high rhododendron bushes. Tall trees beyond them on both sides offered a canopy overhead as shade from the late-afternoon sun. She had left her parasol in the rose arbor. She was gazing straight ahead up the path, Kit saw when he dipped his head to look into her face. Sometimes he almost forgot that theirs was not a real betrothal.

“Perhaps I
should
use the time wisely,” he said. “Perhaps I should woo
you
into making it a real betrothal.”

“No.” She shook her head. “We would not suit in any way at all. You must see that. No, Kit, I am going to be free when all this is over. Wonderfully free at last.”

It was rather humbling to realize that even if he employed all his very best skills to charm her, even if he should come to the point of really wishing to wed her, even if he should fall in love with her, she might truly prefer a solitary spinster existence to marriage with him. Freedom, as she called it. Well, it was hardly surprising, perhaps. Women had precious little freedom. And he was not such a prize.

“I think perhaps you misunderstood your father earlier this year,” she said. “You believe that he promoted a match between you and Lady Freyja purely for dynastic reasons, that he was demonstrating his power and showing no concern whatsoever for your happiness. But perhaps he thought to make you a peace offering with his plan, Kit. Perhaps he thought you would be very pleased indeed.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, frowning.

“Your mother said it this morning,” she said. “Kit, sometimes we just see things from the wrong perspective. Because you quarreled with the Earl of Redfield three years ago, and because he banished you, you cannot conceive of the idea that perhaps he loves you, that perhaps he wants your happiness.”

A peace offering? Or the autocratic assumption that a son, even one who was almost thirty years old, was subject to one’s will, with no right to feelings or preferences of his own? Two vastly different perspectives indeed.

Up ahead the main path continued its gradual curving rise toward the high point north of the house. But there was another path, narrower, steeper, and stonier, that branched off sharply to the right. It led to the top of a wooded hill and a ruined tower, which looked ancient but was in reality just another folly. Kit turned Lauren onto the steep path and slid his arm clear of hers so that he could grasp her hand the better to assist her in the scrambling climb. She gathered up the front of her skirt with her free hand and labored onward, as dignified as ever.

“Kit,” she asked, “was it a whole year after you returned to the Peninsula before your brother died?”

“Almost exactly,” he said. “He caught a chill. There was a solid week or so of torrential autumn rain and the river flooded close to some cottages, marooning their occupants and threatening to drown them all. They were not our own laborers, but Jerome rode to the rescue anyway. There were not enough boats, so he did a great deal of swimming and saved a number of lives. No one died, as it happened—except him, two weeks later.”

“Oh,” she said. “He was a hero, then.”

“Absolutely.” A damned hero, who had not even lifted his fists to defend himself before Kit broke his nose and had not fought back afterward. A bloody hero, who had not even waited for Kit to come home again before dying. A shining hero, who had stranded his brother on this side of the grave without first shaking his hand and making peace with him.

“Where is he buried?” she asked.

“In the family plot in the churchyard, I suppose,” he said abruptly. And no, he answered silently though she did not ask, he did not know exactly where. And no, he had no intention of visiting the grave. Ever. It had been a damned fool thing for Jerome to do, recklessly risking his life like that and losing it. He had not written one letter all that year to his brother in the Peninsula. Not one. Neither had Kit written to him, of course. The first word he had had from Alvesley after his banishment was the black-bordered letter addressed in his father’s hand.

He had walked out beyond the camp after reading it, out into open countryside, and he had howled at the empty sky and shaken his fists at the cruel, invisible God. And then, even though it was less than two hours since he had returned from one exhausting mission, he had
volunteered for another. He had not stopped for sleep or even for food. Not even for a shave. In action lay some hope of control over this malevolent thing called life. And perhaps—though improbably—forgetfulness.

“Oh,” Lauren said breathlessly, stopping on the path, her feet firmly planted on a large, flat stone. “This is steep.” She turned to look back the way they had come. They were surrounded by trees, but the main path was visible far below and through the tree branches beyond it some of the brightly colored flowerbeds of the parterres.

“Catch your breath for a moment,” he said.

He wished they were back in London. He wished he had his own bachelor rooms to return to and his clubs to attend and his friends to spend his days and nights with. And Lauren to tease. It had been a mistake to come home, to believe that it would be possible to do if he brought a wife, or even a temporary betrothed, with him to somehow insulate himself from all that had set him adrift from his family and his boyhood self three years ago.

Jerome was dead and could never be brought back. And Syd . . .

“Why were your brother and Lady Freyja still not married after a whole year of being betrothed?” Lauren asked.

At first he had assumed that they
had
married, that Freyja was Jerome’s widow. It was only after he was back in England and had sold out that he learned the truth. He had been puzzled—and deeply shocked.

“I have no idea.” He shrugged. “A banished son is not fed a great deal of family information, you know.”

They resumed their climb. Lauren’s breathing was labored and her cheeks flushed. Her thin slippers must find the going rough underfoot. But she uttered no word of complaint. She was quiet dignity personified, he thought, and felt an unexpected wave of affection for her. He chuckled aloud at the memory of the wonderful setdowns she had dealt first Ralf and then Freyja. He had been very much afraid that like a lion with a mouse they would be able to devour her whole and spit out the remains.

But strength did not always show itself in boldness and physical action alone, he was discovering.

“What is funny?” she asked.

“Nothing is
funny,
” he replied. “Just joyful. It is July and a hot, sunny day. We are in a country that enjoys peace within its borders. We are young and in good health and surrounded by the beauties of nature.” His mood swung from depression to exuberance, and he tugged at her hand. “I want to show you something.”

“That tower?” she asked breathlessly, glancing upward. “I suppose it has one of those steep, winding stone staircases leading to the top, does it? And you are going to insist that I climb it. I would really rather not. Going up is always relatively easy. Coming down is sheer terror.”

“Not the tower.” He pointed. “The best view to be had is not from the top of the tower, you see.”

She stopped and looked, still laboring for breath. “Oh, no,” she said firmly. “No, Kit. I have never in my life climbed a tree. It looked dangerous when Gwen and Neville used to do it, and it looks dangerous now. Besides, it would be a childish thing to do. We are quite high enough for a view, thank you very much. I can see the roof of the house quite clearly from where we stand. I am not—I am absolutely, definitely
not
climbing that tree.”

It took all of ten minutes to reach the branch he had in mind. It was not as high up the ancient oak tree as he had often climbed as a boy, but it was definitely higher than the tower, and it was a broad, sturdy limb. It was easily reached by numerous perfectly safe foot- and handholds. But each move, particularly the first one that took them off the ground, had to be coaxed out of Lauren. He went up behind her, one arm linked about her waist, but she would not allow him literally to carry her up.

“I will do it myself, thank you,” she told him curtly the only time he tightened his hold and would have hoisted her upward when she seemed to be paralyzed with indecision. “This is
not
what I meant at Vauxhall, Kit. There is nothing remotely enjoyable about this.”

“But it
is
memorable, you must admit,” he said into her ear with a chuckle. “Swimming in your shift and climbing trees all on the same day. You are in sore danger of becoming a notorious hoyden.”