A Summer To Remember (Seasons of Love & Lust Book 1) (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

The next morning, I awoke early. Not only was the show that evening but the cryptic message Talia had given me the night before weighed heavily on my mind. I tried to forget about it during my shower and afterwards, I stepped into a colorful short-sleeved, orange bustier mini-dress courtesy of Alexander McQueen and a pair of orange and black striped Christian Louboutin platform sandals.

After I allowed my hair to dry on its own and wore it in long, wavy locks and put on the lightest makeup I could get away with, I left the bathroom. I walked into the bedroom and placed my makeup bag back into my luggage then looked outside the open picture window.

The air conditioning was at a pleasant temperature but outside, a bright burning sun and impossible humidity awaited us with stifling heat.

Paul strolled up to me and kissed the top of my head. He looked casual in a pair of a fitted blue jeans and a white, short-sleeved silk shirt. “You look great. Ready to go get some breakfast?”

I nodded. “I’m starving.”

He turned me around and kissed my lips. I didn’t care his open mouthed display of affection had ruined my perfect lip gloss. “Today is going to be fine, Jerrica. We’ll get through it the same way we do everything else. Don’t be nervous. I don’t know what they have on me but it certainly isn’t insider trading.”

It was a joke I was supposed to find funny but I merely smiled. “Go on downstairs. I have to repair my lip gloss.”

“I can wait for you to—”

“No!” I exclaimed a bit more forcefully than I intended to. “Find us a nice, intimate table.”

Paul looked conflicted. “All right. I will meet you downstairs. Don’t be too long.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

I repaired my face and grabbed a Hermès Kelly leather bag and left our suite, walking to the elevator. The couple next to me had a copy of the
Miami Times
and the wife brandished it at her husband several times to make a point in lightning-fast Spanish.

“Excuse me, may I borrow your paper?” I asked in proper Castilian.

The couple turned my way. “Yes, of course,” the wife replied in perfect English.

I went directly to the Entertainment Section and soon found the story. There were two photos: the picture on the left was one of up-coming actress Kendall Lawson and next to her was Paul. I knew they dated so that wasn’t really a shock.

What
was
a complete and utter surprise that struck me like a ton of bricks was the most recent photo on the right they had of her. She was still thin but she wore an ivory shift dress and matching Yves Saint Laurent Tribute sandals. She stood next to her current boyfriend, an extremely popular hip-hop star from Brazil with café au lait skin, a handsome face, and a body to die for. His arm held her delicately by the waist and he had a large smile on his face. Her baby bump was hard to miss; she looked well into her second, or perhaps her final trimester.

I scanned the piece before I got to the good part:

Although Ms. Lawson has kept mum on the paternity of the child she is expecting in October, it is pretty obvious the father isn’t Kool Luc, her current flame she has dated for the past four months. This time last year, the blockbuster actress dated Paul Branson, an Investment Banker at CDG Investments in Manhattan. When contacted directly by the
Miami Times
, Ms. Lawson’s rep remained steadfast and would not give a firm “Yes” or “No” as to whether Mr. Branson is the responsible part
y
.

My breath came in slight pants and I tried to control myself as I handed the paper back to the older couple and boarded the elevator with the couple. There wasn’t much that could be said. He obviously didn’t know or he would have told me. Perhaps she was afraid he would try to talk her into an abortion, although I refused to believe Paul was that shallow.

The elevator dinged and I slowly exited, not sure I could handle all the different emotions going through my head at the moment. I walked to our table in a fog and sat across from him. He held a copy of the paper in his hands and bit on his lower lip.

The waiter came over and took my order that consisted of a vegetarian egg-white omelet and a mimosa. I knew I needed alcohol like a hole in the head but I couldn’t conduct this conversation with Paul dead sober. My mouth might spit out words I would regret later and sometimes it was best to hide one’s feelings than to say something out of spite or anger.

To say I was angry was the understatement of the year. I knew it probably wasn’t his fault and many times after a relationship ended, an accidental pregnancy was discovered but many women usually took care of the situation. Obviously, Kendall, being the good little German-Scots-Irish Catholic Midwesterner, decided it was better to have the child than to get rid of it in utero.

Paul sat in silence until the waiter left. “Are you feeling all right? I can only assume you read the story yourself.”

“I did. I’m assuming she didn’t tell you, otherwise you would have mentioned this important information to me especially since you are aware of
my
condition.”

He glanced at me with guilt-ridden blue eyes. “I’ve known since June. It was the reason why you found me in the Hamptons on my own. I didn’t know what to do because Kendall informed me of her predicament but she also told me she’d started dating Kool Luc and neither wanted me to be a part of the child’s life.

“I begged, pleaded with her to allow me to at least send child support but she doesn’t want me at the birth. If I am not there then she can’t put me on the birth certificate because we’re not married. I needed to clear my head and at the time I was dating Ashley. If she found out, she wouldn’t have understood and would have made my life a living hell.”

“After the Rohypnol incident with Ashley, it
still
didn’t make any sense for you tell me? I want to know why you are treating me like I will break like shattered glass if you confide any of your secrets to me?”

“I don’t have a good excuse for not telling you, Jerrica. Maybe I was nervous and scared. This whole ‘incident’ you keep talking about, it’s not the end of the world. I technically will have a child, but it means nothing if Kendall doesn’t want me to be involved. She’s known Kool Luc for a long time and chances are they will probably get married. That’s why we broke up in the first place. She cheated on me with
him
.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t think of anything reassuring to say to Paul because part of me was still too pissed off about how he’d known for almost two and half months his ex was expecting his baby and hadn’t bothered to tell me.

He grabbed my hands and squeezed them gently. “Please don’t let this come between us. If it makes you feel any better, I was just a sperm donor for all the impact I will have on that kid’s life. She wants
nothing
to do with me and the breakup was extremely painful despite my not being in love with her. I almost feel like she did it on purpose so she could have one white kid and her parents won’t think too badly of her when she marries Kool Luc and they have children together.”

“It’s not that…” I trailed off and looked around the restaurant. “I always feel like we are starting over every time another secret comes out. It would have been so much easier if you’d been honest with me about whatever has happened in your life that is going to have a direct impact on our relationship.”

His eyes turned cold and he glared at me with a look that clearly spelled out he was the one who was pissed off now. “Jerrica, I love you very much but if every time something unsavory pops up about me in the news or gossip starts to fly that makes you uncomfortable, then perhaps I am not the one for you. Don’t get me wrong, I love you with all my heart, but you have to understand if I kept anything from you it’s because I thought you were in no position to handle what I would have to say.

“This is hard on me too. I work for one of the most prestigious investment banking firms in the country. Do you think they are going to want this kind of sordid news floating out there about a junior partner? Every time something unsavory happens, I catch hell at work. My parents are extremely disappointed in me, and my only saving grace right now is you.”

I pulled my hands away and stood up. My mimosa had arrived to the table. I drank it down and put the fluted glass back on the table. “I think it’s best if I spent some time apart from you. I’m not breaking up with you. I love you. I need to get my head straight and being around you isn’t going to help the situation. I hope you understand.”

Before he could say a word, I grabbed my purse and strolled out of the restaurant. I walked out of the hotel and the humid Florida air hit me like a hot fan blowing in my face. I immediately began to sweat and walked toward the nearest taxi stand. I was waiting for a pick up when something hit me hard in the face. Although I tried to wave the bug away it settled on my shoulder and I glanced over to see the biggest roach I’d ever witnessed in my life. It was a real live fucking palmetto bug!

I screamed bloody murder as I swatted it away and ran to the taxi, hopped in, and was met by the cool, refreshing environment only a working air conditioner could provide.

The driver looked over his shoulder. “Where to, Miss?”

“The Setai, please,” I responded hurriedly still freaked out about the bug.

Funny, I was more freaked out about the palmetto bug than I was about Paul. Some part of me felt I was being unfair to him and judging him for a situation that was well beyond his control. I knew this in my mind, so why couldn’t I communicate this to my stubborn heart that wanted to feel broken and as if he’d shattered it into a million pieces? My heart was a fucking drama queen I would leave in two shakes of a lamb’s tail if it were possible. However, it was as much a part of me as my mind and neither could seem to find symbiosis with the other.

I needed a second opinion, and the person who could give it to me was less than five miles away from where I was staying. It seemed like a no brainer to me I should consult Talia. If anyone knew about heartbreak, it was her.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I should have been a bit shocked when Talia met me in the lobby of the outrageously expensive Setai Hotel but I wasn’t. I grabbed her and clung for dear life, sobbing crocodile tears and generally having a nervous breakdown that was a long time coming.

She stroked my hair and told me not to cry. People passed us and more than a few second-glanced us but I didn’t care. I felt so broken.

Paul had kept secrets from me because he thought I couldn’t handle them but he wasn’t a cheater, douchebag, or an asshole. He treated me better than any other lover I’d ever had and for the first time in my life, I could see light at the end of a tunnel that had been bleak and dark for so long, I didn’t think my perspective would ever change.

I knew I was acting like a fool and my hormones were of no help. The situation was pretty awful, but part of it was of my own making so I had no one to blame but myself.

We separated reluctantly and Talia smiled. “Paul called me and said you might drop by. I take it you’ve read the whole Kendall Lawson and Kool Luc story?”

I nodded, a tear sliding down my left cheek. “I know it isn’t his fault and she cheated with Kool Luc while they were together. What kind of girlfriend just leaves her boyfriend in a restaurant to lick her own wounds while he is also hurting? I feel like the world’s biggest piece of shit right now.”

Talia cocked her head. “Jerri, stop being so damn melodramatic and put on your big girl panties! That man loves you with all his heart and if this is how you are going to act every time you find out he isn’t some perfect man then how can you expect to make a life with him? We’re human and we make mistakes. He didn’t sleep with her while you two were together and knock her up—they were dating at the time and she specifically waited until he’d moved on to call him up and tell him he was going to be a father to a child he could never claim. She said something to the equivalent of ‘lose my number and forget you ever knew me.’ It was really rough and Jude didn’t share it with you because he knew you were in an emotionally fragile state.”

“Great, so now I find out everyone walks on eggshells around me.”

Talia grabbed me by my shoulders with both hands and replied coolly, “No, we don’t. Why don’t you admit Vassar fucked you up? You don’t have to be a victim of rape or child molestation to have scars that refuse to heal. You know that, right? You had an abortion and damn near lost everything behind it! Don’t you think that is enough to mess with your head forever?”

I nodded wordlessly.

“Good, then come on upstairs and have a few rounds of Jack with Seth and me. His brother Nil is in town and he is one of the best tattoo artists in the world. He works at The Black Rose in L.A. and they are finally going to ink me.”

“
They?
”

“He brought Loire. She is really good too. You should let her ink you. Something small at the nape of your neck where you can hide it at all the fancy functions your parents have.”

“That won’t do then. It would have to be somewhere on my lower torso that would
never
show and only Paul would be able to see it.”

“Cool! Let’s go up to my suite where Nil and Loire can get started.”

I loved that Talia could always raise my spirits no matter how dark they ventured, and no one would ever be able to take her place.

I had forgotten I was supposed to be pissed at Paul and all I could think about now was a potential tattoo. I was about to get inked for the first time.

***

“So, Nil, is it? That short for something else?” I asked as he inked in the outline of my tattoo.

It would eventually become a black rose in full bloom with a closed rose next to it. It was coming out as beautiful as I thought it would be and was arranged directly above my left pelvic bone.

“Nope. It’s Catalan. Seth ended up with a nice American name but I got one from the old country thanks to our mother.”

He began to ink Paul’s name in cursive; it was intricate work and hurt like a bastard because the needle was placed directly on my pelvic bone but I didn’t care.

Talia breathed in deeply and swallowed another shot of Jack Daniels. Her tattoo, which Loire was doing, consisted of the whole name Winter’s Regret mid-back with thorns separating the two words. Underneath, her nickname, Tal, would be added in cursive.

“Are you the younger brother?” I asked just to take my mind off the tremendous amount of pain.

“By thirty-five minutes…we’re fraternal twins. Hence the reason why my eyes are blue and his are that grayish-green color. I inherited my eye color directly from our paternal grandmother while he got our mother’s. Our dad’s eyes are brown.”

“Interesting.” I practiced breathing exercises because after three shots of JD, my head was spinning and I didn’t think I needed another. “What made you want to become a tattoo artist?”

“Both Seth and I have always been artistically inclined. I was good with drawing and portraits…he was good with a guitar and had a great set of pipes. Everything worked out.”

“I think that is the most I have ever heard you talk to a client, Nil.” Loire looked up at him and I could feel the sparks between them.

She had the most gorgeous yellow-gold eyes I’d ever seen, and although she wasn’t inked anywhere I could see, I knew she must have had some. What tattoo artist didn’t?

“Jerrica is easy to talk to, Loire. Most of our clientele is made up of vacuous celebrities who always want some intricate tattoo in Chinese or Japanese that means absolute nonsense.”

I laughed out loud. “How do you know?”

“I spent two years in Asia…a long time ago. I was fucked up most of the time, high on heroin, marijuana, and booze. I spent almost a year in Bangkok but I kept visiting China and Japan too. I learned enough about both languages to know that when the idiots come in and want something exotic, most of what they have brought me is gibberish and I refuse to ruin my reputation over bullshit. I give them a choice: they can allow me to tattoo on the
correct
phrase or they can find someone else to fuck up their body because it won’t be me.”

“Do you really think it is the smartest idea to get a tattoo the night you have to play a show?” I asked Talia.

“What the hell are you talking about? It’s the best time to get one. I will be in so much pain, I won’t have time to be nervous. Besides, Seth insisted I get mine done before I can do the first gig.”

“Seriously?”

“Well, technically being part of Winter’s Regret is like being in a gang. You’re not officially a member until you have your ink.”

I looked at her with exaggerated annoyance. “You’re kidding, right?”

Loire laughed. “Does she
look
like she’s kidding?”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Anyway, I want to do this. No one made me join the band and a couple of the assholes, specifically Linx and Niko, would rather not have a woman in the band. They say it messes up the dynamics of the group, especially if fans were to find out Seth and I are an item. It’s been tough these last few weeks but I can handle myself and I don’t need Seth to save me. We all grew up in the same tough Boston neighborhood—believe me, I know how to handle myself around them.”

We continued to chat about the group and other little snippets of gossip before both our tattoos were finished, bandaged, and covered. I laid on Talia’s sofa after Nil and Loire had left, nursing a hefty glass of Jack Daniels and told her all about my run in with the palmetto bug.

She laughed so hard, I thought she was going to piss her pants. “I could totally see you screaming like a little girl when it landed on your shoulder too.”

“It isn’t funny, Tal. You should have seen the size of that thing, and first it hit me in the face. I didn’t know what the hell it was at first. I’m still traumatized…it made me forget all about my fight with Paul.”

“Speaking of that situation, what are you going to do? You know how I feel. Don’t let that gossipy bitch from the
Miami Times
ruin your vacation. She doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. What went on between Kendall and Paul is no one’s business and I’m here to tell you he would be lost without you.”

There was a knock at the suite door and Talia got up and walked over to answer it. From her hushed tones, I knew she was either talking to Seth or Paul. I downed the rest of my drink and felt a slow burn as it settled into my still-empty stomach. I’d never been a whiskey girl before but I could understand why so many people liked it.

My mind failed to process what we’d been through earlier and I was ready and waiting to wrap my arms around Paul and let him know how much I loved him. I wanted him to know I acted immature earlier and in the end, we would be all right. We had to be if I wanted to save my relationship.

Talia walked into the sitting room, trailed by Paul. He had a bouquet of red, white, and pink roses in a cut crystal vase and teared up from the sight of it.

I got up and hugged him, careful not to knock the vase over. “They’re beautiful and I am so sorry I hurt you so badly today. I know it’s easy to say the words but you mean everything to me. Can we just enjoy this awesome pre-concert gig and make up tonight?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

When his lips met mine and we sealed our deal with a kiss, my insides melted and I knew this man had the ability to shatter me if he wanted to, but he’d already made me feel unbroken. The pain was gone and there was only him and me. I wouldn’t leave him because it would be the equivalent of cutting off one half of my body.

We were in this for the long haul and I could finally admit I would be willing to be there for Paul through thick and thin.