A Taste of Utopia (28 page)

“See, Dad, according to the dates you started your affair with Gwen, she was a month shy of her sweet sixteenth birthday. The legal age of consensual sex.”

From my peripheral view, I see Seth shifting his entire body to face me. But I remain impassive. My eyes are fixed on my speechless father.

“Go ahead, Dad, open your e-mail.”

“How did you get access to those e-mails?” he fumes. His face has turned from pale to crimson red.

“Remember when I was going through a computer phase? Remember you all reprimanded me for having my face buried in the pages of a book or in the screen of a computer? I hacked your e-mail account. Not on purpose, mind you. I was just experimenting with my computer skills. All I thought was how wrong, dishonest, and invasive my action was. In the haste to exit your e-mail account, I clicked accidently on an e-mail and an image of Gwen popped up. To my mortification, she was naked and fondling herself.” My voice wavers. “You were the perfect man I had adored and admired my entire childhood. I knew there was a reasonable explanation for the picture. So I searched, Dad. And what I found about you made me see you for who you are. A hypocritical father and a cheating husband.”

“But you . . . you never said anything.” Dad’s voice is weary. The arrogant man of five minutes ago has vanished. He is playing the victim now.

“Of course not. I love Mom and Caleb too much to ever to tell them that. Gwen was Caleb’s girlfriend, Dad. How could you?”

“Lottie, you don’t understand—”

“Spare me. I will never, ever, understand. How could you? An immaculate judge. Exemplary citizen. Keeper of justice and peace. Perfect father and husband.” My voice trembles at the last part. Up until I found the e-mails that’s exactly how I saw my dad.

Surprising lightness descends upon me. It’s been years that I carried the weight of this secret. So many times I felt like a major traitor. Along with Dad, I had become a liar and a cheat. But how could I destroy Caleb’s and Mom’s image of him? I cursed the day I came across the e-mails until today.

“I can’t believe you would hurt Caleb and Luna like that over destroying my relationship with Seth. That’s evil, Dad. Luna is pregnant with your grandchild.”

Dad springs from his chair. With a pointing finger he says, “No child of that whore will ever be related to me.”

Then everything happens too fast. Seth flies to his feet. His fist, quick and precise, collides with Dad’s nose. Before I have time to react, I hear the dull sound of a crack.

“Never call my cousin by that term again, you asshole,” Seth spits. He is leaning on the desk, and I fear he’ll pounce over it and end Dad.

“Seth, please calm down. I’ve got this.” I wrap my hands around his biceps, pulling him back.

“You broke my nose!” Dad cups his hand around his nose. Blood gushes between his fingers, flowing down his face onto his baby blue Polo shirt.

I grab a handful of tissues. “Here, put pressure on it to stop the bleeding.” I toss the tissues at him. “I believe we have an understanding,
Daddy.
A word of this from you to Luna or anyone else, and you will be joining Seth in jail. And from what I hear, inmates aren’t fans of judges.”

THE CLOUDS BELOW
us are white and fluffy. We’re on board a plane returning to the US.

“Your mom will be okay,” Seth says, sliding his thumb between my brows to undo the frown.

“Your mom and grandparents are mint. They reacted much better than I could ever guess.”

“Yeah, I was surprised, too,” I say leaning against his shoulder and stifling a yawn.

After the initial shock, Mom embraced Seth and expressed her understanding. Along with it, she expressed her expectations moving forward. I think it went well.

Grandpa wasn’t as understanding. However, in the end, he just went along with Granny. After a veiled warning of the consequences of hurting me, in clipped tones he let out a “Make my granddaughter happy” kind of speech.

All in all, it went well.

“Thank you,” Seth whispers in my ear.

“For what?”

“For defending me. What you did today was very brave, you know.” His hands are softly patting my hair. “Up until to today, Luna was the only person ever to stand up for me.” His voice breaks.

“Dad is a bully. I only wish I had known he had blackmailed Caleb, I would have put a stop to it.”

“Don’t feel sorry, you were a child at the time it happened.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t until I studied law that I realized that Dad had committed a crime and all that jazz. I just thought he was a monster for betraying Mom and Caleb that way.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I feared it would destroy them.”

“How did you do it? Keep this secret all this years. You were so young. And . . . I mean, how you reconciled your previous image of your Dad, and all this junk you found out about him. You never let out a hint of resentment toward him.”

I shrug. “Love has to be unconditional or it’s not love at all. When I found it out, I went through all the stages of grief. Looking back, it was the equivalent to burying my perfect father and accepting a tarnished version of him. I was angry, lost, and disappointed. Not to mention the guilt and shame of keeping it from Mom. For years, I battled this awful desire of wanting to die.” I turn to face him. “Your death was pivotal in my life.”

“How so?” He raises his perfect brows.

“Following your death, Luna was in our house for a few days. One night around one o’clock I went to the kitchen for a glass of water when I saw her outside. She was lying on the grass, with arms and legs spread out, under a starlit sky. The moon was round and yellow. I had never seen someone as vulnerable and frail as she was that night. Also, I never saw someone so strong.”

“Yep, that’s Luna for you. Always a paradox.” A cloud of emotion fills his eyes.

“I laid beside her with my legs and arms spread out, mimicking her. I wanted to know how it felt to be so free and fierce. We were silent until she started to tell me stories of you. How you liked Nutella and how she gave you hell for eating junk food. She told me how life had given you a shitty hand, but you had survived. But what hit the most was one thing she said. ‘Jake was a pothead, but I loved him wholeheartedly. And love that is complete and unconditional never dies or withers. It just lives on in the chambers of our heart. When you decide to love someone, love despite the cracks and dents, despite the stains and imperfections. Just love, because it will endure it all.’”

Seth’s body is so still I wonder if he is breathing.

“Do you think Luna would forgive me? For lying to her and putting her through hell?” His voice is so vulnerable he sounds like a little boy.

“Of course she will. You were trying to protect her. She’ll be mad as heck at first. You know her. But having you back will outweigh it all. Luna is mature beyond her years. She has lost too much to not know when to rejoice over gaining something.”

“I hope you’re right. I couldn’t get over it if she didn’t forgive me.”

“She will,” I reassure him.

We both fall into a soothing silence.

I am in peace. Like a tapestry of golden threads our future gleams with promising happiness. And though we don’t know what the future will bring, the lack of knowledge doesn’t scare me. The present is what matters. Being together is what counts.

Seth and I have so much to figure out. So much to clear out. Our love is a tiny seed, seated in a very fragile place. We’re determined to allow it to root because we both understand the unique spark our connection makes. We both see it. Feel it. Smell it. It’s rare. And it is potent. It’s worth a chance of growing.

Snuggling on Seth’s chest, I sigh. No, I almost purr in utter satisfaction. Just like the heroines of the many romance novels, I have found a soulmate.

Seth’s warmth wraps around me like a blanket, and I can see a lifetime of happiness stretching before us. Everything is going to be all right.

Time is our ally. It will give us the chance to nurture the speck of energy that sparkled that night under Ursa Major.

We have each other. And that hasty promise we made before Elvis Presley and God.

Above all, we have love. And love is the fairy dust that makes the real world go round.

One year later . . .

Seth

LIFE IS CONSTANTLY
changing, evolving like an organic matter. We resist so many of those changes. Until one day it slaps us across the face, bruising us into a rude awakening. And if we only accept these changes, if we are brave to face the battles, God, oh God, life can be such a magnificent journey.

By no means do I want to jinx my luck, so I avoid asking God for much. But today I feel the need to say a prayer. As I debate on whether or not to wear a tie, I fervently ask God for one more favor.

Today is the day I’ll see Luna. After over a decade, I will be face-to-face with her and I’m terrified.

“It’s just Luna, Seth.” Lottie peels the tie clenched between my fingers and returns it to the hanger. “You really want to wear a tie?”

“Is this shirt all right? Maybe I should wear the gray one.” I smooth an unseen wrinkle on the sleeve.

Lottie studies the light pink button-down shirt I’m wearing and rolls her eyes.

“You look fine, Seth.” She adjusts the collar.

“Do you have Jupiter and Jake’s gifts?”

“Already in the car.”

“How about Luna’s flowers? Should I take her flowers? Luna is such a practical person. Oh, no. We should have gotten her something else.”

“She likes flowers. Trust me. Cal gives her flowers every week,” Lottie says, folding the sleeves up to my elbows.

“Then we definitely should not have gotten her a potted flower. A bouquet would be so much more refined.”

“She will be touched that you remembered she likes sunflowers. Besides, she can plant them at the new house they’re buying.”

“What time is it? We’re going to be late.”

“We are a half hour away from them. Dinner is scheduled for seven. It’s five-thirty right now.”

“I don’t want to be late.”

“We’re not going to be late.”

“Is this shirt all right?”

“Yes, it’s fine.” Her forehead wrinkles when she glances at the pile of clothes strewn over our bed. It took me a while to decide on what to wear.

“I’ll put them away,” I say sheepishly.

Lottie flashes me her broad smile. “It’s okay. We can do it when we come back.”

“No, I’ll do it now. Why don’t you get ready? I would hate to be late.”

“Yeah, it would be a catastrophe of biblical proportions.” She wraps her arms around my neck, and her lips brush lightly against mine. “It’s okay to be nervous, but—”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Uh-huh.” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes again.

“For real.”

“Okay.”

“Well, okay. Perhaps a tad.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Get ready. We have to go soon.”

She grants me another smile and disappears into the bathroom.

We have just moved in together. Lottie transferred to Stanford where she’ll finish law school. I relocated, too.

After a year apart, only meeting on weekends when I would fly to New Haven to be with her, we decided to move in together.

And every piece of our lives fell together perfectly. We all got what we wanted out of the deal.

Zach and I relocated
His Secret
headquarters. Lottie is twenty minutes away from campus. And, most importantly, we are a half-hour drive from Luna and Caleb.

See? Everybody’s happy.

Half an hour away from Luna.

My stomach revolts, threatening to expel the little contents I have in it.

What if she hates me? What if she can’t forgive me?

I finish putting the clothes away and head to my office. I want to get some items from our new collection of men’s intimate apparel for Caleb.

After I place Caleb’s gift in the backseat of the car, and certify that the kids’ presents are secured, I return to the house and settle on the couch.

When Lottie enters the living room, I hold my breath. She is astounding. Lottie must be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. But what amazes me the most is that she doesn’t realize it. There’s not one ounce of entitlement in her bones.

I stand up and extend my hands to link with hers. “Babe, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she says, turning pink. My wife still flushes when I compliment her, which is often. I want her to see herself through my eyes.

“I have a gift for you.”

“For me?”

“Yeah, for you.” I pull a small blue box from my pocket.

“Thank you.” She flips the top open. A gasp escapes her lips.

“Happy anniversary!” I say, kissing her lips.

“Oh, my. Seth, this is beautiful. Thank you.”

“Here, let me.” I gather the necklace and clasp it behind her neck. The diamond pendant gleaming in between her collarbones was made to match her engagement ring perfectly.

“I have something for you, too,” she says, touching the stone. “I’ll give it to you tonight.” She blushes.

Her words are laced with just enough sexual innuendo to make my dick notice the clue and come to full attention.