A Thunder Canyon Christmas (9 page)

After several long, delicious moments, she finally jerked away, her breathing ragged. Her knit cap had fallen off and her hair was tousled. She shoved it away from her face with fingers that trembled slightly.

Her mouth was swollen from his kiss and he drew his fingers into fists to keep from reaching for her again.

She stared at him for a long moment, then she shook her head, that curtain of hair swinging with the movement. “This really isn't a good idea.”

He pretended to misunderstand, even as he felt a hard knot of unease lodge under his breastbone. “I know. Been a long time since I made out in the cab of a pickup truck. Seems a lot harder than it used to be.”

“You know that's not what I meant.”

“Elise—”

She shook her head. “Don't. Let me finish. I'm obviously attracted to you. I have been for, well, a long time. But I…I'm not in a very good place right now for a casual fling. I need to tell you that.”

He opened his mouth to argue that he wanted much more than that but she again cut him off.

“I'm still trying to sort out everything that's happened the last few weeks and I'm afraid I really can't afford this sort of…of distraction right now.”

“I can wait.”

She looked stunned by his words but quickly shook her head. “I'm not asking you to wait. That's not fair to either of us. Matt, you've always been a great friend
to me. I don't want to risk losing that by complicating everything.”

Now there was a tidy little bit of irony. He eased back into his seat. How many times had he used similar phrases while trying to let a woman down gently? He didn't know quite how to react. Mostly he was confused. How could she kiss him with such sweet passion and then try to brush him off in the next moment?

“I think you're just trying to come up with any excuse to run away,” he finally said.

She narrowed her gaze. “Oh?”

“I think you sense we could have something really fantastic together and that scares you right now so you're taking the safe road.”

She looked out the window. “We might have been friends in grade school, Matt, but it's been years. I'm not the same person I was then. Don't make the mistake of thinking you know anything about me or about what I feel right now.”

“I know enough to recognize when someone's running away. Believe me, I've been doing it long enough myself that I recognize all the signs. You're scared.”

“And you're unbelievable.” She reached for her door.

“Elise, don't. I'm sorry.” He was blowing this. Hadn't he just vowed to give her whatever time and space she needed? Now here he was jumping on her for being cautious. He needed to back off. He could be patient, especially with something this important.

“Forget I said anything. You're right. The timing is
lousy. You want to be friends, we'll be friends. I'm fine with that. Come on, I'll walk you to the door.”

“That's really not necessary.”

He gave her a pointed look that seemed to shut her up in a hurry. They trudged through the thin skiff of snow to the porch of the ranch house. It was past midnight and most of the windows were dark, though someone had thoughtfully left a light burning on the porch for her and a colorful Christmas tree blazed from the front window.

“Please don't be mad at me, Matt,” she said in a low voice when they approached the front door. “I really did have a great time with you tonight. More fun than I've had in…a while now.”

“I'm not mad,” he protested, though it wasn't quite true. He was mad at circumstances—at Erin Castro for stirring up the past, at her family for not seeing how upset and lost Elise was, at himself for the lunacy at falling for her right now when she had other things to cope with.

He would deal, he told himself. What other choice did he have?

“Good night.” He forced himself to give her only a kiss on the cheek, even though he wanted much, much more, then he turned around and walked back through the cold.

 

While she removed her coat and scarf and slid off her boots, Elise kept her gaze fixed out the window, watching Matt turn his truck around in the driveway then head back in the direction of Thunder Canyon.

She watched until his taillights faded pink in the lightly falling snow and then disappeared.

She wanted suddenly to be the sort of woman he was probably used to, someone who could flirt and laugh and kiss without thinking anything of it. But kisses meant something to her. Especially
his
kisses. She couldn't pretend otherwise.

A month or two ago, she might have been happy just for the chance to indulge her foolish daydreams about him, even at the risk of a little inevitable heartbreak. He was Matt Cates, for heaven's sake.

But she didn't have room in her life for that sort of mess and chaos right now.

She made the right choice, she told herself as she walked into the kitchen for a glass of water before heading to her room. Friendship with him was a much more safe option than these tantalizing kisses and terrifying emotions.

She saw a light glowing from the kitchen and just assumed her mother or Stephanie had left it on for her. She walked in to turn it off and discovered her sister-in-law sitting at the kitchen table with a mug bearing a silly blue snowman in front of her.

“Hey, you!” Elise exclaimed softly. “What are you still doing up?”

Stephanie gave her a quick smile and Elise thought how happy she was that her brother and one of her dearest friends had found love together. They had been married for three years now and seemed happier than ever.

“I couldn't sleep,” Steph said.

“Everything okay?”

Stephanie made a face. “The baby's restless tonight. He's rolling around like he's calf roping in there.”

Elise forced a laugh. “Maybe the kiddo is practicing the pre-Christmas hijinks to get the parents psyched and ready for all the sleepless nights a few years from now when he's a little kid waiting for Santa.”

“Oh, don't remind me of that.” Steph gestured to her mug. “I'm already having nightmares about putting together toys on Christmas Eve. I had a craving for cinnamon hot cocoa and thought it might help me and the baby relax a little. Want to join me?”

“Think I'll pass on the cocoa but I'll keep you company for a minute.”

She sank into a chair across from Stephanie, thinking again how very much she had always loved the kitchen at Clifton's Pride. After she and her mother moved to Billings, Elise had missed many things about the ranch. Moonlit rides into the mountains, the excitement of roundup, the thrill of watching a newborn foal come into the world.

One of the things she had missed most of all was this kitchen, warm and comfortable and homey.

Steph and Helen had decorated the kitchen for Christmas, with greenery and lights and pinecones covering every unused space. As she sat with her sister-in-law in the hush of a December evening, she could fully understand why Steph and Grant loved it here so much.

She reached down and rubbed her feet, sore from her long day at ROOTS and then their snowy walk through Bozeman. Better not to think about that, she told herself,
especially if she wanted to stick to her resolve to be only friends with Matt.

“How was your evening?” her sister-in-law asked.

Her mind flashed to the two kisses she and Matt had shared, both very different but equally intense.

“Nice,” she paused, then added in what she hoped was a casual tone, “I went to Bozeman with Matt Cates.”

“Helen mentioned you left her a message on her cell phone that you were going with him.”

Elise heard the curiosity in her friend's voice and she purposely avoided her eyes. Steph and Haley both knew she'd had a major crush on Matt when they were girls. They had all giggled about him and Marlon and the other cute boys often enough at recess and sleepovers.

“Matt was trying to pick out a Christmas present for Haley and he asked for my input,” she said.

“Did you find something?”

“Yes. I took him to that gallery near Grand Avenue, the one with all the embroidery. We found a gorgeous piece with an eagle alighting with outstretched wings in an oak tree. It will go beautifully in the ROOTS clubhouse.”

Stephanie's eyes lit up. “That does sound perfect. Haley will be thrilled.”

“I think so. It fits perfectly with her concept for ROOTS, a place where teens can stretch their wings while remaining rooted to values and traditions.”

“I didn't realize art galleries stayed open this late,” Stephanie said.

Elise shot her a quick look but her sister-in-law merely sipped at her hot cocoa with an innocent look. “We went
to dinner afterward at that steak house you and Grant took me to a few years ago.”

Stephanie was quiet for a moment, then she looked at her with concern in her eyes. “I guess Matt's fiancée must be an understanding sort.”

Elise froze as her heart gave one hard, brutal kick in her chest. “Sorry. His…what?”

Stephanie looked apologetic. “Well, I'm not sure it's official yet, but someone in town asked me about it today.”

“I'm sure it was a mistake.” Oh, heavens. Let it be a mistake. Fate wouldn't play that particularly nasty trick on her twice.

“I don't know. My source sounded pretty credible. Remember we saw him at dinner last night with Christine Mayhew? Tall, leggy brunette?”

“Yes,” Elise said, her voice low. She remembered the woman vividly and the way she and Matt had appeared so cozy together.

“The mother of one of my riding students works at the front desk of Thunder Canyon Resort. Joanie Martin. After the lesson today, we were chatting about the party next week at the McFarlane Lodge and about how hard Matt and his father had rushed to finish it. In the course of the conversation, she asked me if I'd heard about Christine and Matt yet. She said she overheard Matt telling someone after dinner last night that he and Christine were making plans for their future together. Speculation is they're going to announce it at Connor's big party on Christmas Eve.”

The dinner she had barely touched at the Bozeman
restaurant seemed to congeal into a hard, nasty ball inside her stomach. She thought of his kisses and the tenderness in his arms.

We could have something really fantastic together.

Had that just been a line? She tried to remember their conversation and realized he had never once said anything that implied he wanted anything more from her than the fling she'd accused him of wanting except for that—which in the abstract was vague enough it could mean anything. He could have just been talking about great sex, since they seemed to strike such sparks off each other.

Engaged. How could he be engaged? She wanted to deny it, to chide Stephanie for listening to gossip. But Steph wouldn't lie and she wouldn't repeat something unless she considered the source credible. Elise had seen them too, talking and laughing, had seen Matt's arm around the other woman.

Hadn't she always known he was a player? Oh, he might kiss her with breathtaking intensity but it obviously meant little to him.

She felt nauseous, remembering another time, another place, when she had been forced to stand politely by while the man she thought she loved, the one she had given her virginity to just a few weeks earlier, had introduced her to his very lovely bride to be.

Was it really possible that she had completely misread the situation with Matt? Now she couldn't meet Stephanie's concerned gaze, afraid of what her sister-in-law might read in her foolish, foolish eyes.

“Matt and I are just friends,” she mumbled, wondering why her lips suddenly felt numb and achy.

Friends. The word rang hollow. She certainly couldn't consider any man a friend who would put her in this position—and worse, when he would betray his fiancée with such callous disregard.

How foolish she was, still hanging on to childish dreams. That she would even consider for a moment that Matt might genuinely have feelings for her made her just about the most pitiful woman in the county.

For just a moment, she fought down a vicious stab of jealousy that some other woman would know the sweetness of those kisses, the strength of his arms, the tenderness of his lying, cheating smile.

“I'm sorry, El,” Steph said.

She forced her own smile, hoping it looked more genuine than it felt.

“About what? Matt and I are friends,” she repeated. Friends who neglect to mention an impending engagement. Who laugh and tease and kiss and betray.

“Whether he's engaged or not is no business of mine,” she lied. “He needed a favor, I owed him one for rescuing me the other night at The Hitching Post. Now we're square. He's free to be engaged to a dozen women, as far as I'm concerned.”

Steph didn't quite look convinced. Small wonder, since Elise couldn't even convince herself.

“You know, I'm beat. Think I'll leave you to your cocoa and the quiet. I wouldn't want to get the little one riled up again now that you've calmed him down.”

Stephanie smiled a little but touched Elise's hand with concern still in her eyes.

“It's really been wonderful having you back here at the ranch. Just like old times. I don't think I've told you that enough since you came back.”

Tears pricked the back of her eyelids as she hugged her sister-in-law and friend. She told herself it was just exhaustion from the busy day. “It's fun to watch you growing that baby in there. You're going to be a great mom, Steph.”

Stephanie made a face. “We'll see about that. I have a lot to learn. But at least I can make a mean cup of hot cocoa.”

Elise forced a smile and said good-night, then headed for her bedroom—the same one she had used when she was a girl, before her father's murder, when life at Clifton's Pride was warm and joyful.

By the time she closed the door behind her and sagged onto her bed with its blue-and-violet quilt, she was shaking with anger and something else, something dark and forlorn.