A Time to Dance/A Time to Embrace (6 page)

“Then why come to our meeting?”

John forced the air from his lungs and shook his head, chuckling in a way that was completely void of humor. “Don’t you ever let up?”

“I know, I’m the bad guy, the relentless one, pushy and demanding. Fine. So be it. But why does he have to come to the meeting?”

“Forget it!” John stood up and glared at her. Gone was the intensity in his eyes, the searching and questioning heart that had moved him to wonder aloud if this decision to dissolve their marriage was really one they should be making. In place of all that was a man with whom Abby was more familiar these days, a man who seemed neither to love her nor care for her feelings. “Ask Nicole.”

He turned to leave, and Abby was instantly on her feet.
Not that
quick, John. You started this conversation.
“Wait!”

He spun around, his expression cold as wet cement. “What?”

Don’t say it, daughter . . . A kind word turns away anger . . .

Abby narrowed her eyes. “You asked me a question earlier.”

John waited, silent.

“You asked me if I was sure if this was the right decision.” Fresh tears stung at her eyes, and she blinked them back. There was a tightening in her chest, and she recognized what it was: the walls of her heart were growing higher, harder.

“And . . . ?” John’s look had gone from cold to impatient, and she wanted to kick him in the shin. Maybe then he’d share some of the pain she was feeling.

“It’s the right thing to do, John.” Her voice was measured, barely more than a whisper as she fought for control over her tears. “As long as you’re sleeping around behind my back, it’s the only thing we
can
do.”

Fire exploded in his eyes, and he clenched his teeth. “I am not sleeping with her, Abby. She’s a friend.”

“How can you stand there and lie to me?” She gave a shake of her head and glared hard at him. “I mean, you’re absolutely amazing. Your sock drawer has a love letter from the woman, and you’re trying to tell me she’s only a friend? Be real, John. And when the kids ask why, make sure you mention your weakness for sad, lonely women, will you?”

A dozen emotions flashed in John’s eyes, and his jaw muscles flexed. But he said nothing, only turned around again and disappeared into the kitchen.

Abby stood there, watching him go, and a strange, sad feeling came over her. In that instant, her hardened, walled-up heart felt like an unbearable burden deep within her.
“She’s a friend . . . she’s a friend
. . . she’s a friend.”
John’s words beat at her relentlessly until she shut her eyes to make them stop.

He
was
sleeping with Charlene, wasn’t he? He had to be.

Let he who is without guilt cast the first stone . . .

There it was again—that same voice. A piercing pang entered her consciousness, and Abby thought of her e-mail friend, a man she’d been talking with almost daily for the past two years.
That’s not the
same.

Let he who is without guilt cast the first—

No!
She shouted silently at the words assaulting her heart.
I’ve
never even met the man.
Why would God want her to feel guilty now? She needed that friendship. Especially with John devoting all his attention to Charlene.

Daughter, hear Me. Let he who is without—

Abby closed her eyes and forced the words from her mind.
Okay,
fine. We’re both guilty. But it’s John’s fault, Lord. He’s the one who broke
faith first.

Abby considered the number of times she’d found out from other sources that John and Charlene were together, and suddenly her mind was filled with the image of the two of them on the football field after the state game. It was amazing the kids hadn’t gotten wind of their father’s affair.

Like the old saying went, where there was smoke there was fire. And where Charlene and John were concerned, there had been enough smoke to indicate an outright inferno.

Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways
acknowledge Me and I—

Why was this persistent voice rattling around in her heart lately? Ever since the football game. Certainly it had to be habit, familiarity with Scripture, and not the presence of God trying to communicate with her. After all, it had been years since they’d attended church regularly, and at least that long since she’d prayed or read her Bible with any consistency.
What would the Lord want with me now?
Now that John and I have gone against everything He ever wanted for
our lives?

There was no answer, and she allowed her eyes to find the dusty photographs once more. Every time there’d been a chance to make things right somehow she and John wound up in a fight.
Just once,
Abby, couldn’t you have shut your mouth? Couldn’t you have walked
straight up to him and allowed him to hold you like old times?
She thought about that for a moment and realized the answer was no. Fighting words were all they had left.

Apparently today would be no sentimental exception.

They had no choice now but to move ahead with the divorce and pray that somehow God—if He still cared enough to listen— would forgive them and help them make new lives without each other.

Sean and Kade were already downstairs in the living room, but Nicole was reading her Bible on her bed, feeling as though she might actually float if she tried to stand up. She glanced across the room at her mirror and realized that she had never felt more beautiful. Really and truly, she was a daughter of the King, and He alone had set her apart for this moment in time. It was overwhelming.

She scanned the pages of Jeremiah 29 until she found the verse she wanted, the one she’d lived under and believed since she was a little girl:
“For I know the plans I have for you, . . . plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Nicole let her eyes read over the words several times. Never had her future looked brighter than at that moment and it had everything to do with the nature and faithfulness of God Almighty.

Leaving the Bible open to that page, she found the velvet box that had been hiding in her jewelry cupboard. With ease she placed the ring on the appropriate finger and stared at it.
Oh, Lord, I’m the
happiest girl alive.
Folding up the fingers of her left hand so the ring wouldn’t be obvious, she danced down the stairs and peeked into the living room where Matt, Kade, and Sean were watching an NFL pregame show. “Where’s Mom and Dad?” It was already after nine, and Nicole knew she couldn’t wait much longer. If they didn’t start the meeting soon she might just have to jump up on the kitchen table and announce her news for all the neighborhood to hear.

Kade shrugged, his eyes fixed on the television set. “Upstairs, maybe.”

Nicole caught Matt’s gaze and held it, grinning at him as he spoke a hundred silent words with his eyes. He stood and crossed the room, kissing her lightly on the cheek. “You look pretty.”

Sean grabbed a pillow from the sofa and threw it at Matt. “Aw, quit it, guys. No ooey-gooey stuff before noon on Saturday, okay?”

Nicole giggled as Matt linked his fingers through hers and led her into the room. He patted Sean on the top of his head. “One day you’ll understand, little brother.”

Everyone smiled, and Nicole’s love for the man beside her swelled. Already he thought of Kade and Sean as his brothers. Her parents were going to be thrilled at—

“Okay, TV off.” Mom and Dad entered the room together, and for a brief moment, Nicole felt a frown crease her forehead. Were Mom and Dad mad at each other? She had the oddest sense that there was something foreign—a tension or a wall or a wedge— something between them. Something big.

Nicole caught herself. She blinked away the image and looked at her parents again. There. Now they looked right. They were smiling and taking their seats next to each other.
Must be my imagination.
Too much on my mind.

The room was comfortably quiet. She and Matt sat on one sofa, Sean and Kade on the other, and Mom and Dad in chairs beside each other. Dad spoke first.

“Let’s get started. You all know how busy football season is around here—especially this last one. And now that things have settled down there are a few things we need to discuss as a family. First, I’d like to—”

“Aren’t we going to open in prayer?” Nicole looked from her father to her mother and back again. “We always start our family meetings with prayer, right?”

Nicole watched her mother cast a knowing look at her father, and a twinge of apprehension hit her again. He looked nervous . . . convicted, even. A feeling of fear came over her.
I can’t believe he
actually forgot, Lord . . . Wow, what’s going on with them?
She shook the worry away. Everything was fine. Her parents were solid. Rock solid. Why imagine a problem where there wasn’t one?

“You’re right, Nicki.” Dad looked at her, and the uneasiness of a moment earlier disappeared. She loved it when her father called her that. He was the only one who did. “Why don’t you pray, honey?”

She shrugged and glanced at the faces around her. “Sure.” She bowed her head and focused hard on the Lord, on His goodness and kindness, on the plans He was bringing to fruition in her life. “Father, we come before You as one, one unit, one family, determined that our ways and plans and decisions will be only those that You have planned for us. Bless this time of communication and let it bring us closer as a family, closer to You and to each other. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

There was a pause, and Nicole couldn’t fight off the sense of something fearful and foreboding in the air.
Come on, Dad, say
something funny like you usually do. This is getting weird here.

Her father cleared his throat and looked in her direction. “Matt, we’ll start with you. That way you can get on with your day and leave us here to finish up.”

Matt nodded and squeezed Nicole’s hand, the one with the engagement ring on it.

“Well—” he looked at her, and she knew she would never forget the way his eyes sparkled—“actually Nicole and I both have something to tell you.”

Nicole took in her mother’s reaction, noting how her eyes changed from cool tension to wide-eyed disbelief. Her father still looked clueless, but that was typical.

Nicole drew a deep breath and looked expectantly at Matt. “Do you want to tell them?”

“Come on, guys . . . the suspense is killing us.” Dad crossed one leg over his knee and settled back against his chair, his smile forced and stiff.
Why does he look nervous? Or does he?
Nicole couldn’t get around her pesky suspicion that something wasn’t right.
I’ll find out
later. Right now there’s something more important to discuss.

Matt grinned and then faced her family. “Okay, this is it—” he gently lifted Nicole’s hand so that everyone could see her ring— “I’ve asked Nicole to marry me.”

Nicole wrapped her other hand around Matt’s neck and gave him a quick hug. Without turning toward her family she spoke, her eyes locked onto Matt’s. “And I told him yes.”

She whipped around and saw that her parents were stunned, their mouths hanging open, their eyes wide.

“Mom, Dad . . . did you hear us. We’re
engaged!”
Nicole hooted out loud, and then in a blur of motion her parents were on their feet, pulling her into a three-way hug. Mom squealed as Dad stepped back and shook Matt’s hand.

“Talk about a shocker . . .” He pumped Matt’s hand until he realized that the moment called for something greater than a handshake. “Come here.” He grabbed Matt and pulled him into a hug.

At the same time, Mom braced her hands on Nicole’s shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. “Nicole! I can’t believe it. When did this happen?”

All feelings of impending doom had vanished like morning fog on the lake; Nicole was overcome with joy. “Since Wednesday. Matt took me out on the trail and proposed to me with his knee in the snow.”

The group shifted so that Mom could embrace Matt and congratulate him, as well. Kade moved into the circle, gently grabbing the necks of both Nicole and her fiancé, pulling them close. “You crazy guys, keeping a secret like that.” He punched Matt’s arm lightly. “Hey, way to go, Matt. Welcome to the family.”

Gradually the hugs ceased, and they returned to their seats. Nicole beamed at her father, who was tapping his fingers in a nervous rhythm on the arms of the chair. “Now, Dad, don’t tell me you’re shocked. Matt said he asked you about this a long time ago, and you gave him your blessing.”

Her parents exchanged an uneasy look. “Really?” Mom raised one eyebrow and cast Dad a strangely partial smile. The uneasy feeling hit Nicole again.
What’s Mom’s problem? Why’re they acting like this?
“I didn’t hear about it.”

A nervous laugh came from her father’s throat, and he glanced from Mom to Nicole and back. “Matt said it could be . . . years. I thought . . . well, I had no idea that’s what he wanted to tell us today.”

Matt reached for Nicole’s hand again, and she slid up next to him. Everything was going to work out just as she’d always dreamed. She nestled her shoulder against his much larger arm and studied him. He was something else, really. The complete package. Exactly what she and her mother had prayed for.

Sitting up a bit straighter, Matt faced her parents. “Actually, I had no idea I’d be ready this soon.” He glanced down and gave Nicole a smile that echoed in the core of her being.
He loves me!
Thank You, God, he loves me!
Matt turned back to her parents. “The change came sometime last summer, or maybe in the fall. I started thinking that I’d be finished with law school this June, so why not get married this summer? Nicole can keep taking classes. In fact, we both think it’s a good idea for her to get her education so she can teach if she wants to.”

Nicole loved the way he worded that.
If she wants to . . .
The truth was, married to Matt she would have a choice. The thoughts were almost too wonderful to bear.

Mom nodded and looked from Nicole to Matt. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.” She hesitated, and Nicole studied her eyes. They were flat and the happiness in her voice seemed artificial.
Why aren’t you glowing, Mom? This is my finest hour here
. She wanted to mention the fact that everything about this day, this news, was an answer to the prayer her mother had prayed so often when Nicole was a young girl, but somehow the timing didn’t seem right.