A Time to Love (18 page)

He chuckled.

"Wait," she said. "Mac?"

Her surgeon leaned over her. "Yes, Jenny, I'm here."

"Do a good job," she told him. "I want to walk without my cane when I'm married."

"Sure thing. See you later."

Before she'd left her hospital room that morning, she and her grandmother had prayed, but as the anesthesiologist held the mask over her face, Jenny said another prayer that all would go well.

She floated to the surface what felt like minutes later. Her grandmother was standing beside the bed. Then Jenny went under again. The lights were dim when she woke next. Someone was touching her wrist.

"How are you feeling?"

Jenny looked into the face of the nurse who was taking her blood pressure.

"Hurts."

The nurse adjusted the drip on the bag that hung by the bed. "You'll feel better soon."

"
Grossmudder?"

"Excuse me?"

"Grandmother."

"Oh. I sent her to have something to eat. She'll be back soon. You rest now."

When she woke again, sunlight was pouring into the room. Her grandmother sat in a chair next to the window, looking tired.

"I better not find out you stayed all night," Jenny said.

Phoebe rose to walk over to the bed. "Good morning. What did you say?"

"I better not find out you stayed all night," she repeated. Her voice sounded rusty.

Phoebe smiled. "What would you do?"

"Be very unhappy with you."

Jenny moved her hand on top of the covers. The texture felt familiar. Looking down, she saw that she was covered with her grandmother's quilt, the same one she found when she was in the hospital the first time.

"You brought it with you?"

Her grandmother leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Of course." Then she smoothed Jenny's hair back from her face."There now, no need for tears. I never got to spend as much time as I would have liked taking care of you when you were young. It is no hardship to watch over you now."

Several days later Jenny was sitting up in bed when her grandmother walked in. "Well, you're looking better. How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Jenny said, forcing a smile.

Phoebe walked toward her. "You're still in a lot of pain, aren't you? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

"Maybe in a minute. It'll get better. The doctor said it was an easier surgery than last time."

Her grandmother gave her an understanding smile. "Easier for him, eh?"

Jenny bit her lip. "Yeah."

"My, look at all the flowers," Phoebe said, looking around the room.

"David's family sent that one and my boss—my former boss—sent the big arrangement. He also sent a check to one of those children's organizations. Wasn't that nice, even after I went to see him and told him I was resigning?"

"Very nice."

Phoebe brought a long-stemmed rose from behind her back and gave it to Jenny.

"How sweet. Thank you."

"It's from Matthew. He gave me money to get you something since he couldn't be here."

"I miss him and the children." She glanced over at the cards they'd made and given to Phoebe for her.

"Just remember, the sooner you're better, the sooner we can go home."

Jenny stared at her feet covered with the quilt. "I wish I could click my heels and be back in Kansas right now." When Phoebe looked confused, she laughed. "I'm sorry, that's from a movie."

"I watched one on the television set in the waiting room while you had your surgery," Phoebe told her. "Strange how many different things can be put in boxes."

There was a commotion at the door and someone was making shushing noises. Then Sam poked his head in. "Jenny?"

"Sam!" Jenny held out her arms.

"Remember what I said," David told him as Sam bounded into the room. "You can give her a hug if you're very, very careful."

David walked over to kiss the top of Jenny's head. Picking up his son, he let him lean down to hug her neck.

"Oh, it's so good to see you! Where's Joy?"

"
It's so good to see you—where's Joy?"
David pretended to be offended. "She's right behind us."

He turned to Phoebe and gave her a quick hug. "How are you, Phoebe? Was the hotel okay?"

"Hotel?"

Her grandmother nodded. "David made arrangements for me to stay at the one next to the hospital."

David shrugged. "No big deal. Just makes it easier for her to come see you."

"It's a very big deal," Jenny said quietly. "Thank you."

"What are friends for?"

Joy walked in then with a small shopping bag. "For sneaking food in past the nurses," she said in a stage whisper.

"I'm allowed to have regular food now, Joy."

"It's more fun pretending I'm doing it on the sly," she told Jenny with a grin.

"Cheeseburgers!" cried Sam.

Joy clapped a hand over his mouth. "Sssh, you little snitch!" She looked at David. "You didn't tell her, did you? You said you wouldn't tell her."

David rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't dare."

"David and I arranged for a private plane to take you home as soon as you're ready."

"Guys, that's too expensive!"

"We want to do it," Joy said firmly. "We have just one request."

"Anything."

Joy and David exchanged a look. "Um, could we come to the wedding? Are outsiders okay?"

"You are not outsiders," Phoebe spoke up.

"No, you are not outsiders," Jenny affirmed. "You've been more than friends. You've been my family."

She shifted to get more comfortable in bed. "I haven't sent out invitations yet because weddings are held in November, after the harvest."

"Jenny the Impatient can wait that long?" teased David.

"Jenny Banana," Sam corrected with his mouth full of fries.

They laughed. The adults opened their bags of food. Jenny sighed happily as Joy handed her a cheeseburger.

"It's Jenny's favorite fast food," Joy told Phoebe. "She doesn't cook much."

"Hey, I'm learning!"

They all munched as Sam stuffed more french fries in his mouth, and Jenny felt like she was floating on such a cloud of happiness that she wouldn't need her painkillers that night.

Home was just days away now. Home, and Matthew.

Joy was hiding the bags and drink containers in the shopping bag a half hour later when Jenny's doctor walked in. He hid his grin at her surreptitiously pushing the bag behind her, but his real expression was grave.

"Shall I come back?" he asked Jenny.

"We were just going," David assured him.

"Could I ask you for a ride back to the hotel?" Phoebe asked."If you don't mind, Jenny, I think I'll take a nap and come back at dinnertime?"

"That would be great."

Everyone left after quick hugs and kisses. The doctor sat down heavily in the chair beside the bed, sighing.

A chill ran up Jenny's spine. "Something tells me you don't have good news," she said slowly, searching his face.

"I'm sorry. I don't."

W
e've been getting some more information from military surgeons about problems associated with bomb victims overseas," he told her.

"What kind of problems?"

"There's a nasty little side effect to the bombing injuries. We saw some instances of it in earlier wars and conflicts but hadn't seen as much in the last few years."

"But now?"

"Now with our technology improving we're saving more soldiers, more victims, and we're starting to see more evidence of certain problems."

"What kind of problems?" When he hesitated, she felt the first flicker of fear. "Mac, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't tell you much about what I'd been hearing. There was no point in frightening you. As I mentioned, the bombers sometimes include contaminants in the bomb."

"Are you saying that you found some in the metal you took out of me?"

He looked at her. "I'm not sure. I saved the material from the first surgery and tested that with what I know now and I'm concerned."

Anxiety pressed on her chest. "Okay, spit it out, Mac."

"I want to run more tests. And I'm afraid you could be looking at more surgery."

It was getting harder to breathe. "Give me the bottom line. How bad is this?"

"I'm doing research, calling people I know." He reached over to grasp her hand. "Some victims have gotten sick." He paused. "Several died."

Jenny wondered if he knew that his hand had tightened almost painfully on hers.

"I felt I got all the metal out last time, but we know that's not really possible. Since you haven't reported any symptoms, I feel like you're probably in the clear. I'm having the metal retested as we speak."

He released her hand and then frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Numb, she stared down at her hand. It was red where he held it so tightly, and now that he'd called attention to it, she felt the ache. "I don't know who was holding too tight—you or me."

"We'll start on the tests tomorrow." He got to his feet and patted her shoulder. "Hang in there. I'm sure everything will be all right."

She wasn't so sure, but she forced herself to smile at him and nod.

The minute he left the room, she burst into tears. She'd thought the worst of it was over, that she had come out on the other side. With her past surgeries, with the physical therapy, through sheer grit and determination, she was recovering. She could soon be walking without a cane. She was going to be married.

Fresh sobs shook her. This changed everything. Everything. What if the doctor found complications? What if she'd survived only to become sick, maybe die now?

This couldn't be happening.

Hailey, Jenny's favorite nurse, came and sat in the chair the doctor had just left. She did as he'd done—reached for her hand and simply held it.

"I know it's scary news," she told Jenny. "But try not to panic."

She handed her a box of tissues. "It's not good for you to be this upset, you're just recovering from surgery."

"How—how do you not get upset?" Jenny asked her as she wiped at her tears with her free hand.

"By not thinking the worst until you have to," the nurse told her gently.

Jenny stared at Hailey. The woman had such kind eyes."I'm—I'm trying. Really."

Hailey had been one of Jenny's nurses since she'd come down from recovery several days ago. She looked to be just a few years older than Jenny, but she cared for her with such skill, she seemed older. Whether it was placing pillows to support her just so or showing up just when she needed her, she had been one of the best nurses Jenny had had in her several hospital stays. Even now, the nurse held an injection in her free hand.

"The doctor left an order for a sedative if you want it," Hailey said when she saw Jenny's glance.

Jenny shook her head. "I don't want to be doped up when my grandmother comes back for dinner. She'd be suspicious that something's wrong. I don't want to tell her anything until—until we know."

"It's really mild, but I understand. Use the call button if you need me, okay?"

Jenny tried to sleep. Tried television. Tried not to cry again.

Finally, worn out with stress and worry, she dozed off.

Jenny walked along the dusty road, wondering where everyone was. The sky was a bright-blue bowl overhead, the sun blazingly hot.
Sweat ran down her face and dampened her shirt. She was thirsty, so thirsty she felt feverish.

A flock of birds flew out of the brush beside the road, as if something had flushed them out. Jenny pressed a hand to her heart, willing it to stop pounding.

It was too quiet. Snipers could be lurking in the bushes. A car could come along with Death at the wheel.

A branch snapped behind her. She spun around but didn't see anything.
Turning back, she walked faster, faster, then started running.

A horse's hooves clip-clopped behind her. She glanced over her shoulder, and her eyes widened at the sight of the Amish buggy approaching. She couldn't see the driver in its dark depths but as it drew closer, she saw Matthew. She waved frantically and called his name.

To her utter shock, he frowned and waved, then returned his attention to the road.

The buggy passed her and proceeded down the road. Annie and Mary and Joshua peered from the back window at her, their sweet faces looking so sad.

She stretched out her hand to them, but the buggy speeded up and disappeared. Despairing, desolate, she sank down onto the road and wept.

Jenny woke with tears streaming down her cheeks. Her heart still pounded with the fear and drama of the nightmare.

"Jenny?" Her grandmother peered around the door. Then she caught sight of her granddaughter's face. "Oh,
liebschen,
are you all right?"

Jenny nodded and reached for the tissues. "I'm—fine."

Her grandmother drew the chair as close to the bed as possible, then she sat down and took Jenny's hands in hers. "Are you in pain? Shall I get the nurse?"

She was in pain now. When she nodded, her grandmother hurried out the door and soon returned with Hailey.

"Oh, sweetie, are you crying again?"

"Again?" Phoebe asked, looking from one to the other.

"I was really hurting earlier," Jenny rushed to say, giving Hailey a desperate glance. "But I thought the pain was easing."

"Sometimes it's that way," Hailey told her as she checked the medication pump. "Some days it's two steps forward, one step back."

Jenny felt the blessed numbing begin spreading through her.

"Better?" Hailey asked her quietly. When Jenny nodded, she smiled. "When I looked in a while ago you were sleeping soundly."

Phoebe patted Jenny's hand. "Sleep's good for you. It'll help you heal."

"Dinner'll be here soon," Hailey told them as she walked to the door. "You're eating here like usual, Phoebe?"

"Yes, indeed." Phoebe smiled at the nurse and then, when she was gone, she turned back to Jenny. "You were crying
again?"

Jenny shrugged. "I told you, I was in pain. And I'm missing Matthew and the children."

It was a lie, but surely a lie was acceptable in God's eyes when the alternative was to tell her grandmother that she was crying over fear of what the tests would reveal, wasn't it?

Dinner came a few minutes later. Jenny picked at it with little appetite.

"Don't know why you want to eat here," she told her grandmother when she realized she was staring at her in concern."The food at the hotel must be better than this."

"I enjoy being here with you," Phoebe told her. "Do you want me to get you something else from the cafeteria? Or maybe find one of the McDonalds you love?"

She smiled. "No, but thank you."

"I can't wait to get you home and fix your favorites and fatten you up," Phoebe told her.

Jenny couldn't help it. She broke down and cried again.

Matthew hung up the telephone and frowned.

He locked up the telephone shanty and went back into the house. Hannah looked up as he entered.

"What's wrong?"

He sat down heavily at the kitchen table. "Phoebe called me about Jenny."

"What did she say?" Hannah hurried over to sit next to him.

"She said Jenny is too quiet."

"I would imagine. She must be in a lot of pain since the surgery, poor thing. We must say a prayer for her."

"I think it's more than that." He didn't quite know what to say. He was afraid to put what he felt into words.

"Maybe you're worrying too much. Phoebe said that she came through the surgery well, didn't she?"

"
Ya.
Phoebe said she would take Jenny her cell phone so she could talk to me again this evening." He brooded as he stared into his coffee. "I wish I'd gone with them."

Then he realized that Hannah was talking to him. He raised his head. "What?"

"You still can."

"Still can what?"

She made an exasperated sound. "You can go there."

"
Ya.
I guess so."

"Well then?"

He lifted his eyes. "What if she's changed her mind about living here? About—about marrying me?"

"Why would you think that?"

"She's back in her own world," he said. "Maybe she's thinking she likes it there." He swallowed hard. "Why would she want to give all that up to be here?"

Hannah reached across to take his hand. "Because she wants to be with you and the
kinner.
She loves you. She loves them. And she told me how she felt she'd come home when she came here, Matthew."

Matthew stared at their joined hands. He wanted to believe what she was saying.

"Why do you doubt her now? Did she say anything that gave you cause to do so?"

Just that hesitation in her voice when Phoebe had handed her the telephone . . . that quietness. It wasn't anything she'd said. Nothing he could put into words. But he'd so looked forward to talking to her and she'd answered him in monosyllables. He didn't want her to be unhappy away from him, but he had to admit to a selfish desire for her to be missing him. He hadn't heard that in her voice.

"You haven't changed your mind about her, have you? Matthew?"

He vehemently shook his head. "But maybe she has."

"Then go to her. Maybe she's sitting there miserable without you."

"And what if she isn't? What if the way she's behaving isn't because she's not feeling herself yet? What if she's changed her mind?"

Hannah sighed. "Then I guess you'll know. You could get your feelings hurt. But at least you won't sit here miserable, worrying. And you're forgetting one thing." She sat there, looking at him.

Now it was his turn to be exasperated. "
What?"

"Maybe you'll find out that it was just your imagination. She'll be so happy to see you that you'll wonder what you were thinking . . . " She stood and kissed the top of his head. "And you'll feel like a
mopskopp."

Indignant, he glared at her. "I'm not a stupid fellow!"

She laughed and shot him a cocky grin as she stirred something that simmered on the back of the stove.

"No? I think you're stupid in love." Her grin faded. "You're just feeling insecure. But there's no need, Matthew. She loves you."

"Do you think Amelia would approve?"

"Amelia?"

"
Ya."

She stopped stirring, and her expression was thoughtful."Where did that come from?"

He shrugged, not wanting to tell her why. "I don't know. I've asked myself that question a couple of times since Jenny came back into my life."

"
Ya,
Matthew. Amelia loved you and would want you to be happy. And she would want the kinner to have a mother to love them."

She walked over and bent to put her arms around his neck."Think about going to see Jenny, Matthew. Maybe the two of you need to see each other."

"I'll think about it," he said.

It wasn't just that he worried that Jenny had changed her mind. But he felt Hannah wouldn't understand why he didn't want to go to see Jenny in New York City.