A Toast to the Good Times (6 page)

She arches towards me and I press my hand against her back, doing my best to pull her close through the layers of clothes she has on. My tongue runs along the inner edge of her lips, and she opens for me, her hands yanking at the back of my neck and pulling me closer.

Her kisses press sure and sort of frantic, across my mouth and along my neck, back to my ear, down my jaw. She’s half on my lap, her skirt edged high enough that I can see the tops of her stockings, thigh-highs secured with little black bows.

Unexpected and sexy as hell.

When my hands start to edge where they shouldn’t, she peels back and holds both her hands pressed to her cheeks.

“Whoa. No. Wow.” Toni shakes her head and the laugh that hiccups out of her throat is slightly embarrassed. “What is it about you?” she asks me, squinting as she pulls her coat back on and buttons it right up to her chin, even though she’s obviously warm from our energetic
make out
session. “It’s those curls, I think. Seriously, I’ve never seen another guy who can get away with curly hair and make it sexy. And you have the bluest eyes. I guess I’m just a sucker for the Black Irish look, and you’ve got it, Landry. Holy shit, you’ve got it, and I fall for it every damn time.”

“I’m feeling kinda used,” I joke, and when I smile, she sighs and shakes her head.

“Why did you have to be on this train tonight? Why?” She flicks my collar back into place, but when I go to take her hand and pull her closer, she draws it back. She stays next to me, but keeps her back ramrod straight. Her eyes are closed when she asks, “You have a ride from the station?”

The train is pulling in. Our ride is over.

I’m partially relieved. I’m partially let down.

“Paisley’s picking me up.” Damn it.

“Paisley?” Toni tucks her scarf neatly into her coat, looking like the put-together New York City PhD student she is. “Of course, she drives now. In my head, she’s still fourteen and obsessed with getting her braces off.”

“She got them off. Come by and check out her teeth. They’re incredibly straight.” I grin at her, and I love the way she draws a quick, sharp breath in.

“Not a good idea. At all. I think this…” She gestures to the empty train car, suddenly bright now that we’ve stopped and all the lights are up. “This was a good way to excise what needed…” She rolls her hands. “You know…everything that needed to get out.”

“You’re sure that’s everything?”

I’m playing with fire. I’m tired, I’m
hung-over
, hell,
and maybe
I’m still drunk. I’m about to face the family I betrayed, and I have yet to text the friend whose heart I crushed. But this slice of time with Toni felt like the best visit back to my past I could have hoped for.

And I don’t want it to end yet.

She hesitates a few beats, then pulls her phone out and hands it to me. I grab it so fast, I almost drop it, type my number in, and send myself a text message.

“You still eat disco fries?” I hand her phone back and she looks at the screen for a few seconds too long.

“Um, yeah. I mean, if we can go to The Queen. Even the best diner in New York City doesn’t do disco fries like The Queen.” She scrunches her face up like the next words hurt. “But maybe no? No. Yes, no it is. This was good enough, Landry. This was what I needed.”

She steps out the open door onto the platform, and I step after her, but I catch her wrist before she can get too far away from me.

“Disco fries at The Queen.
That
will be everything. Full circle, right?”

Her face falls a little, and I feel like a total dick. Full circle might be a pretty hurtful journey down memory lane for Toni. I wasn’t on my best behavior the last time we were at that little diner. But she’s not that timid girl from my past anymore. She raises her big, brown eyes, sweet but brutally assessing, and nods at me.

“Full circle. Okay. Call me. I guess.”

I watch as she walks over to her car and gets in, not even giving me a backward glance as she pulls away.

The quick, sharp honk of a horn makes me jump.

“Landry! C’mon! It’s late and it’s freezing!” Paisley’s head is leaned out the rolled-down window and her hand is waving me over to her beat-up Volvo.

I jog to the car and I slide into the passenger seat, glad for the full blast of the heat blowing from the vents. She leans over and grabs me hard and tight in a hug.

“I missed you so bad, Landry.”

I turn so I can crush my kid sister in my arms. Her curls smell like strawberries, the way they have since she was a tiny thing.

“I missed you, too, kid.” My voice catches on the words.

I kissed Toni a few minutes ago, now Paisley’s in my arms. The best parts of home have crashed into me, full bore.

Now I have to go and face the downhill slide the rest of this damn holiday is sure to provide.

Chapter 5

“Jesus, Paisley, slow down.”

I push on the dash with my boot and death-grip the door handle as Paisley takes the turn on the icy road going about twenty miles faster than she really should.

“Landry, it’s fine. I drive down this road every single day,” my little sister says.

She lets out a light laugh and casually grips the steering wheel at the bottom with one hand while she twirls her hair around the other. I know she’s just stating a fact, letting me know she’s long memorized every curve and bump in this road, but it still feels like a dig about me never being around anymore.

And if Paisley’s off-the-cuff remark feels like a dig, I can only imagine how bad it’s going to be when I talk to Dad.

             
“How’d Mom and Dad take it? You know, when you told them
I’d be coming home?”
             
Paisley drops the long strand of hair she’s been playing with and places both hands on the wheel at two and ten. She stares out the window like she’s suddenly the world’s most cautious driver.
             
“Paisley?” I push.
             
She forces out a heavy sigh.
             
“So, maybe I didn’t tell them. Yet.”
             
“Paisley! What the hell?”
             
She slouches into the seat like she’s trying to disappear into the leather. “I know! I’m sorry, I just really wanted you to come, and when you said that you would, I got so excited I
sorta
forgot and
—
”
             
“You didn’t forget. You’re a coward.” I’m half-joking. This night has already dragged on for what feels like days, and I’m too worn out to fight.
             
“I know, I know. I’m sorry, Landry. It’ll be fine. Mom misses you so much.”
             
The fact that she doesn’t mention our dad at all isn’t lost on me.
             
“And how do you think Dad will react?”
             
Paisley sighs again. “Dad is Dad... He’s stubborn. And hurt. But it’s just a bar. You’re still his son. It’ll be okay...I think.”

She mumbles the last two words low enough that I wonder if she knows she even spoke them out loud.

             
The thing is, she’s so wrong.

It wasn’t just a bar.

I know that now, even though I’ve only been putting my heart into mine for the last year. I can’t imagine what it felt like to almost lose this thing that you’d put your entire life into, that your father put his heart and soul into and passed down to you.

But I was a stupid, selfish kid who only wanted out of our shithole town, and if I spent my money to save Dad’s bar, I’d still be stuck here.

Besides, if Granddad didn’t want me to get out of New Jersey, he wouldn’t have left nearly his entire fortune to me.

I don’t know if I’m convincing myself or just rationalizing.

             
“We’ll see,” I say. “And if it’s not, it’s on you.” I smile at Paisley so she knows I’m not pissed. Not too pissed, at least.
             
“It will! It’s Christmas! The time for all joyous things and miraculous family healing!”
             
“That’s a load of bullshit, you know that, right?” I grin, but regret it as I watch Paisley’s mouth fall into a disappointed frown. I forget how sensitive she can be sometimes. I jump topics, hoping to erase some of the awkwardness. “Anyway, what’s all this big announcement stuff?”
             
Paisley rolls her eyes. “I told you, I’m telling everyone all at once. Tomorrow.”
             
“Ah, Squirrelly, you made me catch a train. In the middle of the night. And you’re not even going to give me a hint?”
             
“No. Dealing with you all
at
one time will be more than enough. So, stop asking. And for the love of fruitcake, stop calling me Squirrelly.”
             
I can’t. I’ve done it since she was born, when Mom and Pop brought her home from the hospital and she was all tiny and squirmy with that fuzzy red hair. She looked like the squirrels in our yard. So that’s what she’s been.
             
“Fine. As long as you’re not pregnant with that religious zealot, Cal’s kid, we’re golden.
Squirrelly
.”
             
Paisley purses her lips and sighs.
             
“Please don’t call
Calvin
that. He is a devoted Christian. There’s nothing wrong with that, Landry. Just because you never see the inside of a church these days
—
”
             
I think I know where this is going, so I cut her off.
             
“You’re not about to become Mrs. Bible-Beater, are you? Don’t tell me you’re marrying that creep, Paisley. Do you remember that time he got caught
—
”
             
“Landry, I’m not marrying him. Just stop. Seriously.”
             
She shakes her head, and looks like my mom when she does. It’s a simple gesture, but still so heavy on the disappointment. The same shake of the head Mom gave me as she signed the papers to bail me out of jail.

             
“This is how you want to end up? Here?” My mother was glaring at me as she signed the paperwork that would officially release me from the county lockup and let me back into the world. Her dark hair was pulled back in a crazy bun and she was wearing her old granny glasses with the croakies, so I knew my call must have interrupted her during a knitting marathon.
             
I decided not to answer. The old officer behind the desk looked over and his downturned mouth communicated a little disapproval, but mostly complete and utter pity.
             
You know your mother is pretty badass when your arresting officer feels a little guilty letting you out of your drafty ten by ten cell and into the clutches of your screaming gorgon of a mom.
             
“Thank you, Officer. I promise you won’t be seeing this maniac in here again,” my mother assured him, the same way she used to tell the dentist I’d never have another cavity and my principal I’d never get caught making out with Becca Cowart in the back stairwell during band practice again.

“Mom, lay o
ff. I’m not a kid anymore and
—
”

“Oh, you’re not?”

She grabbed under my elbow with a biting claw of a hand and marched me outside, her flip-flops skidding on the salt that had half-melted the ice on the stairs. Her feet must have been cold as hell, and a new level of shame helped me bottom-out even further. If my dad and I hadn’t been the two biggest raging assholes in the world, my mother would be home knitting some kind of atrocious Christmas sweater vest for one of us instead of braving the icy winter in the first shoes she found lying around when she got my panicked call.

“Because I honestly can’t think of the last time you acted any older than about fourteen, Landry,” she continued, her lecture losing some of its edge when her teeth chattered. I rushed to get her car door, but she was gripping the keys, her eyes spearing daggers i
n my direction. “Get the hell in
the passenger side, you idiot. You’re probably still legally drunk.” She shook her head. “Your father owned that bar for how many years, and that man never, ever came back to our home with so much as a drop of alcohol in his system. You turn twenty-one and can’t stop funneling it in?”

“I’m not an alcoholic
—
”

“Shut up. Did I ask you for your opinion?” She kicked up gravel peeling out of the police station parking lot. “The answer is ‘no, I did not.’” She was driving hunched against the wheel, trying to peer over the glasses perched on her nose. She looked ridiculous, but now wasn’t the time or place to laugh at my mother. Unless I had a sincere death wish. “Here’s what I have to say to you, son. Grow the hell up. Grow up. And do it fast. Because your father is running a business, I am running a family, your sister and brother are trying to keep things together at school and with their jobs, and all of my attention is going to my adult child. How does that make any sense?”