A Tree Born Crooked (23 page)

James’ voice was low. He still wasn’t exactly sure where this was going, but the energy in the room was turning volatile.
 

“I’d start shutting my mouth right about now if I was you.”

Rabbit gave a short, sharp laugh, almost like a bark.
 

“No, you wouldn’t! That’s just the thing, ain’t it? You don’t do what nobody tells you. Gotta always do things your way, no matter what it does to other people. You just don’t care ‘bout nobody, do you?”

James clenched his fists. He could hear a dangerous buzzing inside his ears in the same way that he could feel the spark inside his chest flare up and begin to blaze. James knew that this was going to end badly. He knew it, and he could feel it, yet he couldn’t have stopped it if he had tried.
 

“You want to start pointing that finger? Really? Maybe you think I don’t care, but at least I ain’t some ignorant, pill-popping loser who can’t do nothing for himself but bum off his mama and scurry around, being told what to do by his jackass cousin who treats him like shit. Least I got some dignity, which is more than I can say for you.”

Rabbit nearly spat at his brother.

“At least I stick by my family. I never took off none, disappearing all the time and only coming home once in a blue moon when I felt like it. I always stuck by my own, even though maybe it weren’t always what I wanted neither. Least I acted like a man.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It was as if they were young teenagers again, squabbling on the ball field over who caused the team to lose. Or who should take the blame for stealing the neighbor’s keys and going out for a midnight joyride. Or who could do more push-ups, who was braver, or who was going to become a millionaire first. It was the same ridiculous fight they’d been having since they both could speak; it was the only filial overture either one of them knew how to extend. The words themselves were empty, but it was the fervor behind them that mattered.
 

Except that Rabbit broke the unspoken rule of fraternal fighting. He brought an outsider into the fray.
 

“And this one here.”

Rabbit pointed at Marlena, losing his balance a little as he did.
 

“What’s she even doing in here? She’s got her own room. Why ain’t she in it?”

Rabbit took a step back and steadied himself against the wall.

“Oh, she just don’t say nothing, do she? She just sits there, not talking, not saying a damn word the whole time. And you know why? ‘Cause she knows she’s screwed. She knows her daddy was a two-bit, good for nothing traitor. Turning against his own friends. And now he’s gotten what was coming to him.”

James knew what was about to happen, but there was still a small part of him trying to deter it.
 

“You got one second to shut your mouth, ‘fore I do it for you.”

Rabbit sneered.

“He’s most likely in a heap a pieces right now, just like that big guy said. I heard what them alligator boys do to somebody who steals from ‘em. So, she knows she’s screwed. ‘Cause if you think I got nothing, she’s really got nothing. Leastways there’s somebody worse off than me. Bet she probably thinks she can just—”

Before Marlena even had a chance to respond, James had his hands around Rabbit’s skinny throat and his squirming body pinned up against the wall next to the television.
 

“You want to keep talking ‘bout her like she ain’t in the room, huh? You want to keep running your sorry little rabbity-ass mouth? Keep running it. Every word you say, I’m just gonna squeeze a little tighter, okay? And then we’ll see who’s screwed. You want to play that game?”

Rabbit gripped James’ wrists and tried to wrench himself out of the hold James had on him, but James only seized him tighter. He could see the look of terror paralyzing Rabbit’s face, but he didn’t care.

“Anything else you want to say? ‘Cause I’m listening. You been saying over and over this past week ‘bout how I never listen to you. Well, I’m listening. You talk and I’ll squeeze, and we’ll see who’s still breathing in the end, okay?”

Rabbit made a gagging sound as his eyes watered and his face turned sallow. James could feel Rabbit’s pulse against his palms. The fire was raging inside him, the flames leaping up into his throat and for a moment, James wasn’t sure if it was his brother, or himself, that was strangling. He heard Rabbit make a small, animal whimper beneath his hands, and James knew that he had to let him go. He slammed Rabbit back against the wall one more time and released him. Rabbit fell to the floor, gasping and retching as he gripped the dirty carpet and swallowed mouthfuls of air. James backed away from him.

“Get away from me. Get out of this room. Now.”

Rabbit was coherent enough to raise his head and question James in ragged gasps.

“What? Where am I gonna go?”

Rabbit pushed himself up and stood leaning back against the wall, his chest heaving with the effort. James couldn’t look at him.

“It doesn’t matter, just go somewhere. Go sleep in the Jeep. For Chrissakes, just get out of my face.”

Rabbit continued to wheeze. When he didn’t move, James took a step toward him.
 

“Now.”

Rabbit lurched away from the wall, glaring at James as he yanked on his jacket and sidestepped around him. James could see the ugly red marks creating a wide “V” across Rabbit’s throat. He watched his brother’s every step until Rabbit finally slunk out of the motel room and banged the door closed behind him. Only then did James turn to Marlena. His shoulders sagged.
 

“I expect you’re gonna tell me that I’m a cruel bastard and should go apologize. Or at least be sorry.”

Marlena’s eyes were wide, but not from fear. They stared at each other and listened as the Jeep door opened and slammed shut in the torrent of rain. She spoke to him for the first time since he had held her in the drifting sunlight of the ruined house.

“No. I was gonna tell you to sit down and make us two more drinks.”

Marlena slid off the edge of the bed and sat down in the chair across from James.

“He’s right, you know.”

James slumped down into the hard chair.

“About what?”

James fumbled with a can of Sprite, but ripped the aluminum tab off trying to open it. Marlena reached across the table and gently took the can out of his hands. She quietly mixed the two drinks before answering.
 

“I’m screwed.”

He watched Marlena raise the cup to her lips. She took a small sip before setting it back down on the table, holding it tightly with both hands. They stared at each other for a long moment and whereas before James had only felt Marlena’s wall break down, now he was able to see the disintegration play out in the tightness of her jaw and the largeness of her eyes as she kept opening them wider and wider to keep the tears from spilling over. He could see the battle she was fighting to control her emotions in the minute twitches of her eyebrows and the slight trembling of her lower lip. He hadn’t been aware of the tremendous effort she had been putting forth to keep herself together. He had thought that her silence was only brooding. Now he saw that it was her only defense against the reality of her situation. James opened his mouth, but realized that he didn’t have anything to say. He clamped his mouth shut and waited for her to speak again.
 

“I feel like I’m caught in that terrible place between waking and dreaming. When you know that you’re no longer asleep, but you can’t move your body. You want to move, to yell out to wake yourself up, but you’re trapped in the limbo of sleep.”

“You don’t know that Waylon’s really dead. That’s just what those assholes were saying. They’re probably just trying to scare you.”

James was pretty sure that he didn’t believe this himself, but he did his best to sound convincing for her.
 

“We’ll go home, you’ll make some calls, talk to people, and find out what really happened. And you’ll go on. Life will go on.”

James felt stupid as he said it and wasn’t surprised that Marlena ignored his optimism.
 

“Turning and turning in the widening gyre—”

Her voice trailed off. James cocked his head and took a drink.

“What’s that?”

She was gazing out at the rain again. It had let up somewhat and was now a steady drizzle, blanketing the night instead of attacking it.
 

“It just came into my head. Some lines from a poem I read in college. I can’t recall all of it, or even what the title was.”

“Say some more of it.”

She turned back to him, trying to remember.
 

“I think it goes: ‘Turning and turning in the widening gyre, the falcon cannot hear the falconer. Things fall apart, the center cannot hold, mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.’ And then there’s something about a bloody tide and then a beast coming out of the desert.”

The hopelessness floating in Marlena’s wide eyes terrified James. Since he had met her, she had been the decisive one. She had taken charge of Rabbit’s situation and formulated the plan to go after Waylon. He had seen her angry, and frustrated, but always with some end in mind. She could fight what she could see, what she could define as the problem, the enemy. But now she was lost in a mire of uncertainty and idleness. She was vulnerable and, though he didn’t know why, James suddenly found this threatening. Once again, he couldn’t help himself from lashing out.

“You think that’s what this is? Some anarchy thrown upon the world? That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. This kinda thing happens to people every day.”

Marlena’s eyes widened.

“What’re you talking about?”

James leaned back in his chair.

“Well, it does. Waylon chose his path. We all choose our paths. And people who do what he did get hurt. Sometimes, they get killed.”

The words tumbled out of him as he tried to stave off the desperation and desolation exuding outward from Marlena. Thin rivulets of tears broke from her eyes, and she didn’t bother to wipe them away as James’ voice grew louder and he stood up from the table. He knew he was spinning out of control, knew that he was tormenting her, but he couldn’t stop.
 

“And if they did kill him, then you know what, he probably deserved it. Maybe you weren’t part of what he was doing, but this is the way it goes down, sweetheart. I guess you wouldn’t know that with your college learning and your fancy poems and your big, pretty house out in the middle of a field, but this is how it happens.”

“Stop it.”

Her voice was a whisper and even though James heard her, he kept going. He gulped down his drink and slammed the plastic cup back down on the table, splitting a hole in the side of it.
 

“You wouldn’t believe the shit I seen done to people. Some who deserved it and some who ain’t. If you’re gonna be upset about something, be upset about the innocent people out there who get what they didn’t deserve.”

“Stop it.”

James couldn’t. He turned his back to her, talking to the room around him.

“You sit there and you cry because, what? You don’t know what to do now? You don’t know what to do with your life? Your daddy may or may not be dead? Poor baby. My daddy’s dead. He blew himself up. You think he deserved that? You see me standing around crying ‘bout it?”

“I said, stop it!”

Before James could turn fully back around to confront her, he felt her fist connect with the side of his face. He grabbed her right wrist, but she swung with her left and caught him at the temple. She twisted away from him, her face slick with tears and rage.
 

“Don’t you dare preach to me! You, who know nothing but anger and lashing out and running away from everything that scares you. You only know how to choke people, how to get pissed off and fight. Is that how you communicate with people? Is that how we do this? Alright then, fine, I can do that, too.”

She went at him again, but this time James was ready and grabbed her forearm as she swung. He spun her around and tried to restrain her against his body, but she pushed herself forward and then slammed her elbow backwards into his ribs. He released his hold on her as he gasped in pain, but she didn’t let up. She pivoted around and raked her nails across his face. James caught her wrist again and this time managed to pin her with her arms trapped against his chest. Her body shook as she panted and sobbed at the same time.
 

It looked like blood that ran down from the cut beneath James’ eye, but really it was his arrogance and pride, his loneliness and self-imposed extrication, seeping out of James like a ghost passing through an empty room. He desperately, desperately, wanted Marlena to understand him and help deliver him from the devils he held hostage inside of himself.
 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He kept saying it between ragged breaths until Marlena moved to get free of him. He let her go and his arms fell limp at his sides. Marlena slowly wiped her face with the back of her hand and stepped away from him.
 

“I know you’re sorry.”