A Unique Kind of Love (18 page)

No answer.

I walked a little, then regretted it.

There he was.

He had his hands on her waist and she was clutching his hair. He was aggressively making out with her, almost snogging her face off. I recognized her as the freshman that had just joined the team. That was the moment when I understood exactly what heartbreak and anger was. I remembered my English teacher's words, defining fury.

"An emotion so strong, so visible, yet to those who choose to see only what they want to, see only the flash of fire in your eyes, feel only a burn in the deepest depth of your souls, hear only the drop of one tear as it passes past your cheek, these signs catch those who care and they look only into your eyes with the power of ice, calm your soul with just one touch and dry the tear with just one word."

At that moment, I wanted to explode like a time bomb that has no hope of being stopped. But I also wanted to shout until my throat runs dry and mostly, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry like I've never ever cried before, like I didn't know how to do anything else. My biggest wish was to punch him, but that would prove that I cared.

"
Daniel," I breathed, clenching my fists to calm down. He broke off, then his eyes were the size of tennis balls.

"Tori, I-I, this is not what it looks like."

The freshman, Dina, fixed her hair and clothes, her cheeks flushing.

"This is 
exactly 
what it looks like, Daniel."

That's when I spit on him and walked away.

♥♥♥♥♥

Lena Rose Winter

When she finished, her cheeks were hot with tears and her features fallen. Her eyes were puffy, because she wouldn't stop sniffling during the whole thing.

Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. I stroked her hair, as my shoulder became wet with tears.

"It's his loss," I said, handing her tissues. She blew her nose and smiled.

"Yes, after all, I 
am 
the great ToriBear."

We giggled, but she was unaware of the plan forming in my mind. We swayed to the songs and continued decorating the tree while talking about anything BUT her love life, which included the topic of me and Liam.

Click.

Click.

Click.

I heard heels stomping on the stairs, making me turn. My own mother was standing there at the bottom of the steps, wearing an elegant, long, black gown. Her hair was down in curls and makeup defined her cheeks and eyes.

She was classy and beautiful.

Tori let out a gasp.

"Mother, where are you going dressed like this?"

Just as I blurt that out, the doorbell rang. Tori was the one who moved first and rushed over to open the door which made her trip over the box of garlands.

I followed Tori and saw a man in a fancy suit smiling like an idiot by the door.

An eyebrow rose. "Who are you?"

"Roger, I'm here for Margaret." His words hit me like a cold bucket of water on a December night. I plastered a fake smile on my face.

"Excuse me for a moment,
Mr. -Roger-who-is-here-for-Margaret-aka-my-mom." 
I closed the door. I advanced towards my mom, who shrugged.

"Mother, you have five minutes to explain."  Sweat beads formed on her forehead.

"Well, I-I, he's my date." This was the second time I got splashed with icy cold water in December.

"Your date?" Tori was by my side now, equally shocked. There were tear streaks on her cheeks, but she definitely was back to her old self.

I was bewildered. "Yes, my date," Mom replied, confident now.

"What about Dad? Huh? Did you completely forget about him, Margaret?" Those words came out of Tori's mouth, who was wearing a furious expression on her face.

My mom's face softened. "I would never forget about him, but I need to move on. It's been seven years and Roger's really nice."

"MOM! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" I shouted, resisting the urge to shake her shoulders. But then I remembered that she was my mother.

"Lena, don't you dare speak to me like that," she calmly answered.

"Why didn't you tell me, at least tell me!" I exclaimed, waving my hands around.

"Tell you what?" Her reply was so infuriating, I think I could've exploded right there. I stroked an invisible beard with my hand, taking deep breaths.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe that you're cheating on Dad!" The words left my mouth without any thought. Mom's nostrils flared and her face turned red, the same way they would when she's really mad.

"I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOUR FATHER, HE'S DEAD. DEAD, LENA. HE CEASES TO EXIST, I NEED TO GET MY LIFE BACK."

"I THINK THIS IS WHY I'VE ALWAYS PREFERRED DAD, HE AND I WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.”

I froze. The words again left my mouth without any thought, I obviously hurt her. In less than a second, her palm collided with my cheek. Tori sucked in a breath.

"Okay, have fun.” I shrugged, opening the door for her. I hoped that Roger wouldn't still be here, but
nooo
, he stood there, smiling with pride. It took me all the will in the world not to punch him right there.

Without saying anything, I could see the guilt in Mom’s eyes. She hastily left, slamming the door behind her. After a few seconds of pure silence, I grabbed my coat and put my boots on.

"Where are you going?" asked Tori, biting her lip.

"I need fresh air."

She slid her coat on and put on her brown Uggs. She checked her pockets, making sure the keys were in there. She nodded upon hearing the familiar jingling.

"Take me with you." She stopped to look at the tree.

She locked the door and we headed for Liam's house.

I crossed my fingers, hoping that he'd be there. I wanted to talk to him, tell him everything. As always, I knew he'd listen. Over the week, we’d gotten a lot closer. I figured that seeing him would make me feel better anyway.

Right?

19

What Now?

“It’s too cold for you here, and now, so let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater.”

Lena Rose Winter 

The cold breeze blew through my hair, as I watched the snow covered pavement. Tori’s and my footsteps crunched in the snow, our pace slow. I had a million thoughts throbbing in my head. I couldn't concentrate, my mind was almost hazy. A thousand questions popped up and infuriatingly, I couldn't find the answer to any of them. A single one stood out, almost like a glowing bird flying through a thick fog.  

How could I be such a monster to my own mother? 

Strangely enough, I wasn't crying. I only felt confusion, sadness and utter guilt. The pain throbbing in my chest and the weight on my shoulders was enough to make me feel like hell. I deserved that. At that moment, all the memories flooded back, Dad, Mom and I, reunited as big, happy family. All of the birthdays we celebrated together, playing hide and seek and making each other smile. AS childish as that sounds, I missed my daddy.  

I was just a little girl who lost her way. 

You're wrong. You're not the only one suffering. 

I knew that.  

All this time, I was concentrating on how I was feeling. Although, I knew Mom was hurting. There were nights when she'd be sure I was sleeping, she’d cry in her room at night. I peeked through the keyhole once and what I saw broke my heart; she was clutching her marriage picture and crying. She'd mumble, "Come back, I miss you."

Those nights were the ones I'd go to sleep with tears on my cheeks.

I never bothered to ask if she was okay and when I did, she'd reply, "I'm fine, just tired." 

I'd always mentally agree with her. No, not because of fatigue. 

I was simply tired.  

Just tired, that's all. 

Tired of never being good enough, tired of trying and not getting credit, tired of getting put down, tired of people calling me names, tired of backstabbers, tired of crying, tired of insecurities, tired of being unconfident, tired of being tired.  

Still selfish. 

I agreed with myself, as weird as that sounds. I should've been compassionate towards Mom. Putting myself in her shoes might've been a good idea.  

Imagine having to raise a child, alone. Losing your only love and losing a piece of your soul at the same time.  

In a way, Mom needed her own savior, her own Liam. Liam saved me from a dark hole I was trapped in for a long time. He's my Superman. Maybe Roger was Margaret Winter's Batman. What about
Tori
's hero? 

"Tori?" I suddenly asked, feeling déjà-vu. 

"Yeah?" 

"Did it hurt?" 

Her face scrunched up in confusion. She looked quite adorable, almost like a little girl. 

"What do you mean?" 

"When you saw Daniel with her." I hesitated, fearing that I hurt her. She turned and kicked the snow while walking.

Her hands twitched. "Seeing them together was like having a million arrows clashing through the armor that surrounded my heart. My heart broke like a vase shattering on the floor."

I felt a pang in my chest, because she'd used the same metaphor my dad used to describe heart break.  

"I'm really sorry, Victoria," I said gently. The wind blew through tendrils of her hair, as she pursed her lips.  

"I loved him," she whispered and something about her voice shook as she said those words. 

"Are you sure?" I tucked a strand of my wild hair behind my ear. 

"No, I'm not.  I don't think I'll ever be able to let go."  

At that moment, it was to my complete wonder, as my nineteen-year-old sister resembled a tiny girl, who lost her teddy bear.  

"Your superhero will come; I'll make sure of it,"
 I mentally promised. 

A comfortable silence set in, as we both had busy thoughts. Her, about Daniel; and I, about her.  

How could a beautiful, angelic person like Tori have so much pain bottled up inside? 

Everything was possible. Right now, I had to distract Tori from a horrible demon; her own memories.  

"Was I being a bitch to Mom?" I blurted out.  

There was a long, pregnant silence. I feared her answer. Even if I knew that Tori would always support me, the truth had to be told. And I wanted to hear it from someone I trusted, someone who would never lie to me.  

"Maybe." 

I let out a long sigh. "I know." 

"I'm sorry, babe." Tori squeezed my shoulder soothingly. 

"I'm fine." 

It was her turn to say, "I know."