A Unique Kind of Love (26 page)

“How are you today? You feelin’ better?”

I just tried every time, hoping with all my heart and soul to get an answer. I sighed heavily, the usual disappointment making my heart ache.

“So, today, we had a test about Renaissance. I aced it and it was really funny seeing others sweating like pathetic pigs because of how hard the test were to them. I also have a social studies project to do, about who I’d like to be in the future. I’ve been thinking, and I-I want to be a cancer researcher or whatever the name is. I want to help and find a cure for that horrible sickness. A cure that will no longer force little children to lose their parents; or women and men to lose their children.”

I waited for a couple of seconds, hoping to get any answer.

Anything.

“And, um, well, you’ll be happy to know that Adam’s planning on asking Tori out. They really like each other and I can see it. But, you know, I’m ashamed of something. When he told me that, I got really jealous. Because, well, uh… He had that same excitement I had, when I wanted to ask you to be my official girlfriend. But you’re asleep now, so I’ll just ask you when you wake up.”

If any other boy was in my position, I was pretty sure the atmosphere would’ve gotten awkward, although, I felt really comfortable. I knew that Lena was somehow listening, but she didn’t mind.

Are you even sure she’s listening?

“I know you’re pretty tired of hearing this every day, but I just wanted to say that I-I really misses you. Please, come back. Please, just do. I miss you so much.”

By now, my voice was breaking, because tears had collected in my eyes.

“I mean, it’s so 
hard 
to live with this every day. The guilt. Knowing that I should’ve taken that hit, not you. I should be in that bed right now, but you are. I should’ve done something. I should’ve knocked Leo unconscious so he couldn’t have hit you. I-I should’ve told my parents that I didn’t want anything for my birthday. I should’ve stopped them from going out that night.

 “You know what I wanted?” I chuckled dryly, the tears now freely falling on my face. I didn’t feel any shame of doing so, because she was 
Lena. 
She didn’t mind.

“I wanted an airplane, you know, the kind that’s remotely controlled. I wanted to see it fly.

“But I… never did. I lost my parents and little sister a week before my birthday. And now, here you are.”

An angry bubble was forming in me. So many thoughts ran through my head and I had to let them out.

“You can’t leave me, Lena. You can’t, okay? You’re going to fight this and wake up. You’re going to wake up, alright? I miss you so damn much and you have no idea how much everything hurts. I want to hear your voice.  I want you to smile, or laugh because I’m tickling you. I want us to sit in the library, with two identical books in hand, doing competitions on who’ll finish it first. I want you to 
come back
 to me.”

“Please,” I mumbled, kissing her head.

A little hand wiped the tears freshly falling on my face. I lift my head, startled to see a little angel.

“Lee-yum. Don’t cry, pwease?” Ellie’s frail voice said, patting my cheek affectionately. I raised my eyebrow upon seeing her here and she pointed to the door. I saw Annabelle, casually leaning against the door. She had a small smile on her face, something rare to see these days. I looked at her questioningly and she nodded towards Ellie.

“It’s Friday, remember? Scar asked me to get Ellie because she had to go to work early today. Her boss called and asked her to work an earlier shift. So, I drove Ellie here, knowing that you’re always here.”

I nodded gratefully. I babysat the seven-year old girl, because Scar had to work on Monday and Friday. On the weekends their dad wasn’t at work, so Ellie spent time with him. Sometimes, I brought her here. She seemed to be the only other person that didn’t mind seeing me at my weakest. She grew to love Lena, even.

“It’s good to see you talking, even though it wasn’t for anyone else but Lena.”

And with those words, Belle turned on her heel and left. I turned to Ellie and gave her a tight hug. I took her in my arms and set her on my lap. She reached over and gave Lena a kiss on the cheek. I smiled a little.

“Hi Lena. It’s me again, Ellie.”

Ellie waited for a moment, as if expecting an answer. Then, she turned to me with wide, sad eyes.

“She still doesn’t answer, Lee-yum?”

I shook my head, a certain sadness engulfing me. Ellie turned and bit her lip. She took Lena’s hand in hers.

“Lena, please don’t make Lee-yum sad anymore. Wake up, okay? He loves you very much and I love you too,” said the little girl. Her voice had so much emotion, making me remember how much I loved her. I turned her body so she could face me and supported her tiny frame with my hands.

“How was school?” I asked. Ellie’s eyes brightened and a huge grin appeared on her face, showing the missing front tooth.

“It was great! I got a star, because I could count to 50, see?” She said, pointing to the golden sticker on her hand.

“Good job, El,” I mumbled, kissing her forehead. Ellie smiled softly, and then pouted her lips.

“Lee-yum?”

I knew she was up to no good, with that expression on her face. “Hm?”

“Will you sing?”

I raised my eyebrows, and chuckled. Ellie and I had a tradition of me singing to her and it was mostly when she felt tired and wanted to sleep.

“What song?” I asked, already knowing her answer.

“The one that goes like: “
I just wanna hold ya, hold ya, hold ya.”

I nodded knowingly and said, “Alright.”

She put her hands together and then placed her head on my chest. She looked at me expectantly. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. I hummed the piano solo in the beginning and then started singing Nina Nesbitt’s song.

“You're far away tonight
1
Haven't seen you in a while
It always feel like a climb
On this never ending hill”
“And I keep saying, wait just one more day
Days slowly drift away
And I can hold to the memories
But they won’t hold me in the same way
As you”

“And this distance between us
Has come and cut us clean as
A sharp blade
And this distance between us
Has made my heart as weak as
Silk that's frayed”

I started gently swaying, as if rocking Ellie to sleep. I realized I had been staring at Lena. That song described perfectly how I felt at the moment, about everything.

And I just wanna
Hold ya, hold ya, hold ya now
You're the one that
Keeps me, keeps me on the ground
I just wanna
Hold ya, hold ya, hold ya now
Can we turn this knife the blunt way around?”

I feel empty, my eyes are closed
It's getting dark and I'm alone
And I sleep next to my window
In case you decide to come home
And I keep saying, wait just one more day
Days slowly drift away
And memories I have begin to fade
'Cause you're so far away
This distance between us
Has come and cut us clean as
A sharp blade
And this distance between us
Has made my heart as weak as
Silk that's frayed
And I just wanna
Hold ya, hold ya, hold ya now
You're the one that
Keeps me, keeps me on the ground
I just wanna
Hold ya, hold ya, hold ya now
Can we turn this knife the blunt way around?

And as I sang that verse, I looked down at Ellie, who was tenderly snoring. Her eyes were shut and she had an absent smile on her face. I was so lucky to have that little kid. She was the only person who gave me a little joy and the only other person I spoke to, besides Lena of course. I shut my eyes, and sang the bridge, my favorite part of the whole song.

And I can only stay
One more day
It's like waiting on the rain
In a warm summer day
And this distance between us
Has  come and cut us clean as
A sharp blade
And this distance between us
Has made my heart as weak as
Silk that's frayed
And I just wanna
Hold ya, hold ya, hold ya now
You're the one that
Keeps me, keeps me on the ground
I just wanna
Hold ya, hold ya, hold ya now
Can we turn this knife the blunt way around, now.”

Finally finishing the song, I decided that I should go to the cafeteria, as my stomach was growling with hunger. I leaned over and placed a gentle peck on Lena’s forehead.

“I love you,” I murmured.

I walked into the halls and reached the cafeteria. It was almost empty, except for a couple of nurses and doctors, eating or drinking coffee. What was abnormal, though was that Annabelle was sitting in a corner, an untouched sandwich in front of her. I went her way and tapped her shoulder.

“Oh! Hey, Liam.”

Her cheeks had dry tear traces of them. She looked like I’d taken her away from deep thought.

Good.

Over thinking while being in a depression never did nothing but make your mind explode, believe me.

I took a seat in front of her, carefully holding Ellie in my arms.

“Sandwich?”

I nodded, mouthing, “
Thank you.”

Taking the grilled cheese sandwich in my hands, I stuffed it in my mouth, savoring its heavenly taste with speed. When I was done, I wiped my mouth with a napkin. Belle’s eyes were glued to her phone, which was placed on the table. I took out my phone and typed something, showing it to her.

“What’s wrong?”

My cousin bit her lip and hesitantly looked at me. I could tell that she wanted to spill everything but she was scared of me judging her. Then, she waved her arms around in an “
Oh, what the heck
” way.

“Leo’s been calling and texting me non-stop.”

I sucked in a breath. Leo had spent two nights in jail and was fired from the restaurant. I haven’t seen him since that damned day and I didn’t want to. I’d sworn to myself that if I ever saw him, I’d beat the crap out of him.

“He says that he’s sorry, that he misses me and that he loves me and a whole load of bullshit.”

I typed a couple of words, letting my curiosity show on my face as I showed her my phone screen. She blanched a little and gulped. A fire appeared in her eyes and she locked them with mine.

“
What happened with him?”

“We started going out in 12th grade. He was the perfect gentleman and I was completely in love with him. We were named the Golden Couple at school. He was also Adam’s best friend. Adam was fine with us going out, he trusted Leo with his life. During the whole winter vacation, Leo was in France. And when he came, he’d completely changed. He started smoking, drinking and flirting with everyone. I felt like absolute shit, but I still loved him. When we were alone, he was the Leo I used to know.

“But with time, we started disagreeing and having fights. At one point, he… slapped me. I was scared, because he had this crazy look in his eyes. We soon forgot about it. But he started snapping at me for the little things. He’d physically hurt me every time, because every single time, we’d be alone. Slapping and kicking me.”