A Vampire's Soul (17 page)

And from somewhere deep inside me came a shattering luminescence.

This vow I had made, the promise I had given, was what bound me to him. I was the guardian of his soul, swearing to keep it safe from all harm, no matter how long that might be. I had not been forced into this decision. I had given my word and pledged myself to him, freely. There had been a moment in the clearing right after the Wraith had asked if I would become Gabriel's Promise, a moment when I could have refused. I could have turned away and retraced my steps, and I would have been safe. The memories would have faded over time, becoming nothing more substantial than the ghost of a dream.

But I hadn't said no. Something had brought me to the clearing, something that would not be denied. Gabriel's faith in me. And my love for him was what enabled me to carry his most precious gift through the passage of time. Refusing to give it back was not an option. No matter the sacrifice I was asked to make . . . how could I not do this?

“So, how do I get him to take it back from me?” I asked, wiping my eyes.

S
ebastian looked decidedly uncomfortable, which I found a little bewildering. Hadn't I given him the answer he was looking for? I said nothing, waiting for him to speak. The quiet stretched out for the space of a heartbeat, and then another, until I couldn't stand it anymore. Perhaps I needed to try a different approach?

“Sebastian, is there any reason Gabriel would not want his soul back? Surely he doesn't want to stay a vampire forever.”

“Perhaps he does,” came the morose reply.

“Bullshit!” I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “What the hell's wrong with him? What can he possibly be thinking?” The angel's face became a billboard for misery. “Has any other vampire done this?” He shook his head. “And you had no idea it was going to happen?”

“None. It was assumed he was being coerced in some way.”

“What? By me?” He had the grace to look embarrassed. “Is that what you still think?”

“No, of course not,” he replied hurriedly. “The fact that you weren't aware you even had Gabriel's soul definitely weighs in your favor. Also your apparent willingness to complete the ritual, even though . . .” His voice trailed off.

“Even though what?” I asked suspiciously.

“Even though it is now utterly hopeless.”

“What do you mean, hopeless?” I could feel my temper rising. “You said if the matter was in my hands, would I be willing to go through with it? Are you saying it doesn't make any difference?”

“I had to be certain that Gabriel's decision was his alone . . . and I'm not entirely sure.”

“About which part specifically?”

“Whether his decision can be nullified by you.”

The expression on his face was that of an individual in wretched despair. Apparently this was beyond anything he'd ever had to deal with. “But you think there may be a possibility?”

He sighed. “I don't know, perhaps . . . who can say?”

It wasn't an outright no, and that was good enough for me. In the meantime, there was something else that had been nagging at me. “When did Gabriel first tell you he didn't want his soul back?”

“He never actually told me—”

“Well, he told someone!”

I thought from the way he narrowed his eyes that Sebastian wasn't going to answer me, but then I saw his lips moving and realized he was doing his time-in-this-existence calculations.

“It would be what you would call early summer,” he said finally.

Aw, shit. That would be when Gabriel had dumped me. I suddenly recalled the conversation between us the night he'd come back into my life. I'd thought his reason for vanishing so abruptly nothing but a weak excuse. Hurt pride had made my tongue, if not caustic, then at the very least sarcastic. Now, I was appalled at the shameful way I'd treated him.

Gabriel had told me he needed to make a decision about the return of something that had been taken from him. No, not taken, something he'd been forced to give up. Something that, if it was returned to him, would change his life. But he had refused to accept it because it came at too high a price, a price the current holder would have to pay. I thought he was playing me, so I got angry, believing this so-called decision had nothing to do with me. I couldn't have been more wrong. It had
everything
to do with me. Holy Mary, Mother of Christ! What to do now?

“Did he say
why?
” I asked Sebastian.

“No, but I think it's obvious. He will not do anything that might put you in harm's way.”

“How would I be in harm's way?”

He shrugged. “I can't say.”

Yeah, he could, he just didn't want to, which meant I was going to have to pull it out of him piece by piece.

“Well, how is it done? Returning a soul?”

“It is a relatively simple matter of the correct invocation being recited while the Fallen maintains physical contact with the Promise. The supplication releases the vessel's hold and allows the soul to be returned.”

“That doesn't sound so bad.” I'd been expecting black candles, pentagrams, and an animal blood sacrifice at the very least. “So how would that put me in harm's way?”

The angel looked uncomfortable. “Ordinarily it wouldn't, but with you a complication has developed.”

Which was just another way of saying “you are so screwed.”

“What kind of complication?”

He glanced at me, and I saw his Adam's apple was working overtime, which only seemed to confirm my “screwed” theory. Whatever he needed to say involved me, and it wasn't good.

“The only way for a Promise to safeguard a soul is to link it with their own,” he said, looking as if he'd just realized he was standing in the middle of a minefield. “The intent being to return it in a timely manner.”

Having already received a lesson in Sebastian's explanation about the fluidity of time, I wasn't sure I liked where this was headed.

“What do you mean by
timely manner?
”

“It was always believed that the need for vampires would be short-lived. A thousand years at most. Humankind would learn the lesson or would no longer be a factor. Either way, balance would be restored.”

“Only someone miscalculated, didn't they?”

“ ‘Yes.” His nostrils flared, and his eyes turned fiery. “And it has proved to be a grave error, one that has resulted in a very different outcome. It was never imagined that the necessity for vampires would continue into this century . . . or possibly beyond.”

Well, wasn't that just fine and dandy? The powers-that-be hadn't counted on mankind's overriding instinct for self-preservation, the will to survive at any cost.

“That Gabriel has adapted through the centuries,” he continued, “is a testament not only to his strength of will, but also his desire to find you. Seeking his redemption has been paramount. It's just a shame it has taken so long to find it.”

I know an accusation when I hear one, and I realized the angel was holding me entirely responsible for this turn of events. I don't mind taking my share of the blame when I'm guilty, but that wasn't the case here.

“Wait a minute,” I said indignantly, “are you saying this complication wouldn't exist if he'd found me sooner?” I didn't need him to verbalize his answer; his eyes said it all. “For your information he
did.
I know for a fact we've met before, because he told me we had.”

“That's true enough,” Sebastian conceded, “but that's all it was. A single introduction, the briefest of meetings, a shared look across a room. You would not permit him the opportunity to form the necessary connection. And in the process of seeking you out, his vampire nature has grown stronger, thus allowing him to experience something he never could in his celestial form.”

“What's that?”

“The chance to embrace emotional love.”

“Angels can't feel love?”

“They feel love, but only in its more physical manifestation.”

Which explained his earlier hard-on. “That,” I said hating to disillusion him, “is lust, not love.”

He looked somewhat crestfallen. “Then an angel truly cannot experience love the same way humans do.”

“Or vampires.”

“Or vampires.”

This was really interesting shit, and something I wanted to discuss with him in depth. Unfortunately, it was a conversation for another time and place, and besides, it didn't change anything.

“So how is time a complication in my case?”

Shaking his head, Sebastian looked more pitiful than before. “The best way I can explain it is by saying Gabriel believes his soul has now become inextricably linked to yours. One cannot be released without the other.”

I may not always be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but this wasn't one of those times. I understood all too well what the angel was telling me. There was only one way to release my soul that I knew of, and that was to . . . yeah, I got the picture. Gabriel didn't want his soul back because he wasn't going to take my life to do it. This was the price that, in his opinion, was too high for me to pay.

“Do you know for sure that our souls are linked like this? That there's no chance of my surviving the prayers and physical contact stuff?”

“Nothing is certain, Rowan. But it makes little difference now. Gabriel cannot undo his decision.”

“He can't?” Sebastian shook his head. “So what's the point of telling me any of this?”

“A vampire has never made such a sacrifice to the Dark Realm. I had hoped you might be able to undo it.”

“How?”

He shrugged. “I don't know . . . this dilemma is unprecedented.” Which meant we were groping in the dark and had nothing to guide us. I resumed pacing, going over in my head everything Sebastian had told me about being a Promise and what I could now remember. I walked up and down three times before coming to a stop in front of him. “What we need is a loophole.”

“A loophole?” He sounded dubious.

“Yes.” I nodded, feeling something coming together inside my head. “The Wraith is a—what did you call him—a trickster? Well, doesn't the other side know that?”

“The other . . .”

“Yeah, the Light?” I pointed to the sky. “Surely they know how he operates?”

“Of course.”

“Then there has to be a loophole. I refuse to believe that Gabriel would make a decision like this without there being some sort of escape clause or way out. There has to be something, no matter how small a possibility.” I demonstrated with my thumb and forefinger. “I refuse to believe it doesn't exist.”

“But what if it doesn't?”

“Then my purpose as his Promise has been more than a mockery, Sebastian. It's been pointless. And I refuse to accept that. There has to be a way to undo this, and you're going to find it for me!”

“I am?” Now he looked worried.

“Who better? You know Gabriel, you know me, and you know what we're up against. Nothing is ever a hundred percent guaranteed. There is always a chance that something has been overlooked. We just need to find it. One chance, Sebastian, that's all we need.”

There was silence as he thought through what I had just told him. “You truly believe an exemption might exist?”

“I do,” I answered firmly. “I refuse to believe anything else.” Sitting down next to him, I took his hands in mine. The feel of his long fingers overlapping themselves didn't seem so weird anymore. “If you can come up with another suggestion, I'm all ears.”

“But . . . if I cannot find a loophole?”

“Then we'll do it the old-fashioned way, with candles and prayers and whatever else is needed—and you can damn well tie us together if that's what it takes to keep Gabriel connected to me.”

Sometimes you just need to know another option exists, even if it's not a very good one. I didn't have much faith in the angel's bell, book, and candle routine, but it made him feel better to hear I was willing to consider it. Which was the whole point.

“I won't let Gabriel throw away his chance at redemption, Sebastian, not until I've tried everything.”

His eyes made me think of blood oranges. “But Rowan, he loves you. He will never agree to any of this.”

I nodded and gulped down the sudden lump in my throat. “Guess I'm just going to have to coerce him then. Don't you see, Sebastian, I love him too much to not do this. I couldn't live with myself, or him, if we didn't at least try.”

“But what you are risking—”

“—is my risk to take, Sebastian,
mine
. We have no way of knowing what I may or may not lose, but we do know what Gabriel will lose. And that is something I'm not willing to give up. I don't care what some stubborn, possessive vampire says. Even if he is the love of my life. In the end, it will count for something. It has to.” I paused and drew in a breath. “Never underestimate the power of positive thinking,” I said, with what I hoped was a confident smile. “One way or the other Gabriel
will
get his chance at redemption. Now go find me that loophole!”

It was the only answer. I tugged on the neck of the T-shirt I was wearing and buried my nose in the fabric. Gabriel's scent infused every pore in my body, calming me, putting me at ease. I loved him too much not to do this, even if it meant, no matter which outcome came to pass, I would never see him again.

I would be all right with that because the decision had been made the moment I first set foot inside the clearing—and saw him hanging on that damn tree.