A Very Good Man (43 page)

  Jake looked at her and almost said no in a pissy and angry fashion. She didn't even have Holsom's influence to explain her actions, but he let it go. Randy was a good choice. Probably more stable than he was and closer to her age. That she'd led him on and obviously just used him hurt, but he'd live. After a few seconds he shrugged.

  “Make yourself useful then. We can talk while I take a turn digging. Can you get a few loads of kindling for us? And a pot of coals from the kitchen to light the fire?” That would save on matches. No one used matches anymore if they could help it. Another thing worth more than gold now.

  She smiled as if working with him were a treat, and even as he dreaded her coming back, he knew that it couldn't be avoided. Whatever was coming would come. All he could do was shoot it.

  The thought flowed easily into his mind. Too easily.

  At what point had he decided that just killing things was an adequate solution to life's problems? He didn't know, but he wasn't really planning to shoot anyone, not for just talking to him. The others worked silently, only the rasp of shovel on damp dirt making any sound at all. By eleven they started rolling the logs in, making sure they were tight together, but that some small gaps for air still existed. They had to leave the far end partly uncovered so that air would work through like a chimney from the fire side, also left so air could get in. Not a lot, or they'd lose too much wood, but too little and nothing would happen, it would just go out.

  The kindling was dry and tiny, no more than slivers really, and the pot, metal handle held by a rag that had been folded over several times to protect the hand, held coals that looked white and didn't glow in the sunlight, but held enough heat for their needs. Building the little tepee of kindling didn't take him long anymore, then Jake just put a few of the coals in the center and built around it. And then blew. And blew. The world started going black a bit when the thing finally took off and started burning merrily away. Then he added the rest of the kindling and a few lager pieces of wood before blowing again to get it as hot as possible. Half an hour later they had smoke pouring out the other side, thick and gray, which turned white. That was the signal to slowly choke the air off from the front. He worked the shovel himself as everyone watched. The scrutiny didn't make him happy, since the odds were he was going to mainly fail at this.

  It seemed easy enough, but the fact was, until he had some practice, it would probably go wrong somewhere. He left a lot of air going in for now, hoping too much was better than not enough. After it grew inside for a while he'd have to suck up the chance of failure and just bury it almost all the way. It actually made him feel nervous.

  “There, so two hour shifts now, two people at a time watching it, that means tonight too. I'll take the morning alone, so people can get enough sleep. Tomorrow I'm going into town. If you don't want to come with, get your excuses around, and that means solid work here that needs to be done, not complaints about sore muscles from shoveling. Of course you'll be sore.” He smiled and did a good enough job of it that a couple people even chuckled softly and two smiled. Better than he expected.

  “Get with me after dinner on that.”

  The first two to watch the fire were a man and woman he didn't know. She had that same shocky homebody look that most of them did, but the man looked... slow. And new. They both looked new. Heather didn't give him time to think about it overly, grabbing his arm then and leading him away. A bit more firmly than Jake expected actually. Her eyes looked at him seriously for a minute after she spun him to face her, having taken him past the barn.

  Her hands went to her sides then, but she seemed upset. As in angry, not weepy or contrite over her previous screw ups. She didn't have a weapon at least. Jake really had to wonder what the deal was, since as far as he could tell he hadn't done anything to her. Helped her out, saved her life, at least possibly, but nothing bad. The whole thing was kind of the other way around really. She glared at him anyway.

  “What the fuck is your problem?” She said, looking a lot cuter than she had a right to while starting a fight. Her hair shorter and more brown now than it had been, blue eyes sparkling a little under the cloudy sky. She had a jacket on, a blue thing that had gray stains on the cuffs and was too big for her, made of nylon stuffed with something equally fake. Jake didn't say anything. Really he couldn't figure out what she meant. His problem? Other than the whole end of the world thing? Wasn't that enough?

  Finally he shook his head, “You're going to have to be a little more exacting than that. My problem? Which one do you mean, I'm sure I have several. My main one right now is figuring out how to keep the morons here from killing each other this winter. Did you mean something else?”

  She put her hands on hips which accentuated her stomach a bit, even under the thick coat. It was one he'd brought back with him he realized. He'd taken to cleaning out people's closets for things and just took anything that looked useful, figuring someone might need it. That had been after he'd been kicked out too. Not exactly brilliant thinking on his part, he realized. It had worked out in the end, so good enough. The girl rolled her eyes and made a noise that was both frustrated and loud enough his hand moved toward his nine in its holster. She frowned at him.

  “Sorry, didn't mean to confuse... Anyway Jake, the problem is that one day we're friends and the next you're acting like I tried to kill you or something. I need you as a friend, why are you acting like this?” Her face went still and looked ready to cry.

  “Why? I already told you.” The bafflement on his face had to be clear, Jake certainly felt it strongly enough. “Seriously? You can't get that running off and sleeping with some other guy after very specifically not sleeping with me because you've been raped might just seem a little off-putting to me? I'm not that ugly am I?”

  She turned half away and shook her head.

  “It's not that, Jake, I... Well, when I got here I didn't know anybody and you were really nice to me. It was so hard being alone, it's just... I'm not really attracted to you like that. I met Randy after Nathanial said we had to get help or leave, and it just clicked. I'm sorry, I didn't lie... I just didn't...”

  Jake smiled, which couldn't have been all that happy, because the girl took a step back. Maybe it looked crazy? He felt a bit angry, but what could he do about it? He just shook his head.

  “Well, I'm glad for you then. Still, I don't see why women keep thinking that “explaining” that they just don't think of me “that way” or “aren't attracted” to me should make things any better. Is there a bigger insult they could use instead? I'm not attractive to you? Then why share my bed like that? Why lie and say that you weren't ready for sex when obviously you were? Just so you know, in the future, don't talk to me. We aren't friends, and you not “liking” me isn't an apology, it's just coming to rub salt in the wounds. Again by the way. This needs to be done now and you need to leave me alone. You don't want me? Fine, but don't pretend that it's my problem.”

  Instead of backing off or leaving, like any sane person would, she just stood, hands back on hips.

  “Why shouldn't we be friends? There are only fifty-two of us left and that many only because four new people came in last week. It's not like there are a lot of good people to choose from. This is just because I don't want to sleep with you? God that's messed up. I haven't slept with anyone here but Randy and they don't mind being my friend. Well, mainly, I mean...” She looked a little sheepish then but went quiet.

  Fuck, she'd slept with someone other than Randy? He didn't want to ask, but a morbid curiosity took him. He fought it and tried to walk away but the word whispered out anyway.

  “Who?”

  She shook her head as if to clear it, “Oh, it was nothing, uh, Tipper, Randy and I... when everything was going on, a couple of times. It was...”

  Seriously? He came back for this? He should have never come back at all, these people deserved to die. Jake turned and walked off. Or tried to, a small hand caught his arm and didn't let go. He spun back to her and smiled again, but the girl didn't release him.

  “Jake... it's not a big deal, people seek out comfort when things get stressful, it's normal and healthy. We need to be there for each other now and if some of the combinations get a little strange,” She waved her left hand a little in the air, trying to express what her words didn't. “Well, we deal, right? We have to comfort people or they'll snap... no one can take stress like this alone.”

  Jake looked at the hand and raised an eyebrow at it. His left arm, but still... She didn't let go and he didn't shoot her. They were at an impasse then. He shook a little in rage, which she had to feel through his arm, but didn't react at all to it.

  “Everybody but me?” He said softly, so gently she leaned in without meaning to, her face inches from his.

  “What?” The word said that she hadn't heard, rather than just not understanding what he meant.

  “Everyone gets to be comforted, but me? That seems rich, doesn't it? You don't even realize that you just said that, do you? I'm just so far beneath you that you can't see me as human at all or something. Jake doesn't count, nope, not him. Too ugly, or scary or whatever. Not at all. If there's no problem and nothing to kill, then just leave him hanging in the wind alone, not worth the effort. Oh, but if he leaves everything falls apart because people won't bother even trying. What kind of crap is this? I'm expected to take this from you? How about this, I can live on my own, I know that. Even now. How about you and your precious Randy and Tipper go and live without anything I helped with for a while? If I don't matter at all, then why don't you just do without? That sounds fair, doesn't it? I mean if you don't think I matter at all, then...”

  He turned and walked off angrily, hardly noticing when the two leaping zombies came in behind the three military vehicles. The trucks kept going on down the road, the dead hoppers didn't. All moving fast. Angry he just drew and hit the first one in the air instantly as it headed toward them, Heather ducking to the ground. It was a good move since the other one turned and ran at them for some reason, leaving the trucks to speed away. Normally zombies didn't react to gunfire at all. Just as the man in black military garb tried for Heather, he caught a bullet in the head too. She scrambled away before it could scratch her or anything. Each got another bullet before he started to walk off, leaving her huddled against the side of the barn, red-brown paint needing to be replaced on that side.

  “See how much I don't matter?” He said, still very angry. Then left to get a machete.

  To their credit the matte green and tan military trucks came back to look for their pursuers, also both military. Jake wondered angrily if they'd been attacking them at first, ready to kill them all if he could, figuring he'd die if it came to that, but the military men flooded out of the vehicles without pointing any weapons at him. That was a good sign.

   The bodies on the ground, those had weapons trained on them, but not any of the living people. They had on at least four types of outfits, from black, like the two super-zombies on the ground, to a light tan and even a black and gray made of annoying and ugly pixels that looked like really bad computer graphics. They all stopped and waited for him to take off the heads without talking though, so they weren't stupid. Then he stood up and waited, machete in his left hand, as the cleaners surrounded the men from a distance. All the military men but two missed the movement. One of those wore black, and spoke to a thirty something guy in tan softly.

  “Um, Major, smile, we have company.” The guy didn't sound nervous or anything, he just let the others know. Half of them jumped but no one pointed a weapon yet. It probably saved lives. People got jumpy when weapons came into play for some reason.