A Very Nefarious Christmas (8 page)

She saw Black Dog. He’d found Melora, and he was trying to get her on Santa’s lap.
Good luck with that,
she thought. She and Teddy had made sure Melora wouldn’t sit on any Santa’s lap without Aunt Teddy on his lap too. You couldn’t be too safe, these days. Donna brought her eyes up to the man standing before her. Holy hell. He had grey-streaked hair that was pulled back into a braid, and his eyes were the color of steel.

He looked at her and seemed to like what he saw very much. Willie’s mother was hot and she was classy. “Willie,” he said. “What can I get for you … and your mother?” Tread couldn’t take his eyes off this woman and barely seemed to noticed Willie.

Willie, however, noticed Tread and his staring. “I don’t need anything,” she told him. “Mom, this is Tread. Tread, this is my mom, Donna.”

“Donna,” he repeated, his eye contact still unbroken.

“Can I leave her with you, Tread?” asked Willie. “I’ve got to see Black Dog. Is it a free night or … can you put it on Black Dog’s tab?”

“It’s a party night so everything’s free. So, lovely lady, what will you be having to drink?”

Tread’s huge arms leaned on the bar, waiting for Donna’s drink order. He was one of the more polite bikers in the club, and Willie felt her mother would be safe in his care. She heard her mother start to talk to him as she made her way to Santa Claus and his elves.

Melora had refused to sit on Santa’s lap, as expected, so Teddy was sitting on Jelly Belly’s knee with her niece on his other knee. Black Dog quickly snapped pictures while the moment lasted.

“There you are, Baby. I don’t know why Mel refused to sit on his lap. She handed him her list, said, ‘Here you go!’ then headed right to me. I never saw a kid act like that. Teddy came and got her to sit on his knee for the pictures. Hey, you okay, Willie?” Black Dog thought Willie looked too pale.

“I think so. I’m just a bit tired, and I’m glad that my mother is taking Melora home tonight. Did Melora get a present from Santa?”

“Not yet. We’ve got them marked and the elf girls will give them out as the children are leaving. I see your mother is talking with Tread. She looks … different.” Black Dog raised his eyebrow as he observed the couple at the bar talking and laughing.

“Thank Teddy for her makeover. She insisted on coming and it looks like she is having a good time. I’m going to go in the kitchen and see about food. Keep your eyes on Melora and my mother, will you?” She stood on her tippy toes to kiss her man before hurrying off.

Black Dog admired her ass as he watched her heading to the kitchen. Willie was always making sure everyone was fed and cared for. He loved that part of her; she was a perfect mother, a wonderful lover, and he couldn’t wait to make her his wife.

Donna and Melora left after about two hours. Teddy drove because Dona had a few drinks and lined up a date for the next night with Tread to see some new movie. Willie and Teddy were both a bit shocked. After seeing their mother happy and laughing, they hoped she wouldn’t break the date. Teddy had sworn she’d make sure she went, too. Later on, Willie was exhausted, so she laid on the couch in the office at Black Dog’s insistence. He said they couldn’t leave until later on and wouldn’t let her clean up, so she closed her eyes and sleep came fast.

Once it was dark enough, Swiper and Moose gathered the turkey stealing gang together. All of them were in a white cargo van. Maynard was in the front with Swiper driving. Thorn, Moose, Bernie and Oreo were in the back.

“I hate birds. Just the thought of even getting near Old Coots farm makes me itch.” Swiper wouldn’t shut up with his complaints ever since they hit the main road.

Moose was tired of hearing it. “Swipe, shut the fuck up. They’re dead, dude. We’ll be in and out. All you gotta do is drive the van. You don’t have to even
touch
a frozen turkey. We’ll do it all. Faster you drive, faster we’ll be done.” 

“I shouldn’t even be here,” Swiper argued back, pissed. “I’m allergic to birds. I think. I feel like I’ve got hives just from … from
thinking
about them. This is a bad fucking idea. My gut says we shouldn’t do this. We made enough money selling trees that we could have bought turkeys. Didn’t we, Bernie? I heard Black Dog say that. This is a stupid idea. Who da fuck steals turkeys??” Swiper tried to scratch his arm and the van swerved into the opposite lane.

Thorn went rolling in the back of the van. “Swiper, knock it the hell off!” he yelled out. “You’re gonna get us pulled over! Just get us there so we don’t spend Christmas in jail. You don’t have to do anything but drive, we keep telling you that.”

Maynard spoke up. “We’re about there. Pull over in the next clearing and Orson and I will get the truck. Who’s covering our backs?”

“Moose and Thorn will be. This place work for you?” Swiper aimed the van into a clearing.

“Yeah, works,” said Oreo. “Got the wire cutter for the fence. Let’s get this done.”

Four Nefarious bikers quickly exited the van and went off into the dark night to steal a truckload of turkeys.

Bernie sat and looked out the window as Swiper, to no one’s surprise, moaned and groaned endlessly about his hatred of fowl.

“I hate birds. They shit all over my stuff. Ducks shit in my pool. Fucking sea gulls go after me at the beach. I never did a fucking thing to a bird in my life, Bernie, but those fuckers hate me. If my bike is parked with all the others, one of ‘em will shit just on mine. I don’t have issues with squirrels, just fucking birds!” Swiper was watching the road as if a bird might find him.

“What about owls, huh? Do they
hoot
at you?” Bernie was curious how Swiper would answer that.

“Those fuckers make every camping trip a nightmare! I forgot about them hooting bastards. And woodpeckers. Fuckin’ hate them too. You think there’s owls out here now?” Swiper rolled down the window and peered out into the night.

“I don’t know nothing about birds, Swiper, but I see Moose and Thorn coming outta the woods.” Bernie pointed at the figures coming toward the van.

* * *

Orson cut a hole in the fence big enough for him and Maynard to fit. Once through, he passed the wire cutters to Moose.

“Last time, the gate was just shut. If it’s locked, we’re driving through it. If you can, open them for us. Tell Swiper to turn the van around. If you hear yelling, come and get us out. As soon as you hear a truck start up, run back to the van. Shouldn’t be too long.” Orson spoke softly and the other bikers nodded back.

Maynard and Orson crept to the loading dock. A refrigerator truck was backed into it. Oreo nodded at Maynard and they quickly ran to the truck, each surprised to find that the doors were unlocked.

“Well, hell. Somebody left the keys here for us, Maynard. How do you like that? Easy peasy job.” Oreo started up the truck and saw the gates were open. “We’re good to go. I’d blow the horn in thanks but I guess that wouldn’t be too wise, huh?”

“I don’t think so. Those Coots are all crazy. Can we turn the radio on?” Maynard suddenly asked, looking jumpy. “I feel spooked. I can’t put my finger on it but something ain’t right.”

They passed through the gates and nobody was around to stop them. As they went by Swiper in the van, he started to go so they could follow him to the road they’d previously agreed was the safest to unload the stolen turkeys at. Oreo was singing to the music on the radio while Maynard focused anxiously on the road.

Pulling down the dark wooded road that was off the grid, Oreo looked at his partner. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He was peeved that Maynard wasn’t enjoying this as much as he was.

“I don’t hear the refrigerator on. Fuck. We should have checked inside. I’m hoping we didn’t steal an empty truck.” Maynard finally realized what was bugging him.

Pulling over, Orson shut off the truck and jumped out cursing. Swiper and the other bikers came up to them. Bernie stayed in the van. Maynard stood by the back of the truck, watching as Orson jumped up and began to roll up the door.

Swiper’s worst nightmare came to life. Out of the back of the truck flew about a dozen live turkeys. Oreo shut the door as fast as he could, but couldn’t stop a number of them escaping. The turkeys were very much awake … and not happy at all. Wings flapping like crazy, they ran around angrily and made a fuss. One turkey in particular began to circle Swiper threateningly.

Moose and Thorn burst out laughing. Swiper, stunned, began to back away as the turkey drew close. “Stupid motherfuckers,” he shouted, his voice shaking. “They’re not fucking dead, and I’m gonna kill those fucking birds
and all of you
!” He screamed and ran to the van for protection, the angry turkey chasing him.

A second later, Swiper returned with a shotgun, which he aimed at the turkeys and Maynard and Orson. Fury stung his eyes. Thorn and Moose wisely dived to the ground.

“You scummers!” he screamed out. “Frozen turkeys, my ass!” He aimed the shotgun at a turkey near Maynard and Oreo, who were staring back as if he’d lost his mind.

Moose yelled, “Run! He’s got a gun!”

Swiper blasted off a round, and Thorn and Moose heard Maynard and Orson yelling and running off into the woods. Swiper was aiming to fire again when Thorn tackled him to the ground.

“Swiper, what the hell are you thinking shooting at us?? Moose, get the shotgun from him. I don’t know where the hell Maynard and Orson ran to, but we’ve got to get outta here. Swiper, get into the van. Moose, you drive. I’ll take care of the truck. We need to return it or dump it close to Coots farm.” Thorn was thinking as rationally as he could.

“Fuck the truck. Leave it here with those damn birds. Let them go into the woods. Who the fuck cares? Did I get at least one of those birds?” Swiper was feeling ill as he thought of the turkeys.

Moose couldn’t help himself and started to laugh again. “Nope. You just shot at Maynard and Oreo. Now, I’m gonna have to come back and look for them. Get in the van and maybe we’ll find them on the way outta here. Thorn, why don’t you take these birds to your lodge, let ‘em go and become wild. You got fowl in those woods, don’t cha?”

“No wild turkeys in years. I get calls every year asking for them, though. Hell yeah, I’ll take ‘em. I’ve got a plan to get rid of the truck, too. Gonna wake up Mad Jack. This was his idea, so he can come help me. Go find Maynard and Oreo. I’m good.” Thorn climbed into the truck and rode off leaving Swiper cursing and Moose and Bernie to find the two missing bikers.

* * *

Once he hit Sea Woods, Thorn stopped at a payphone and called Mad Jack’s house. Deidra didn’t want to wake up Jack, but Thorn finally convince her to.

“Wake him up and tell him to meet me by the road to the Lodge. I need a ride. Don’t ask me why over the phone.” Thorn wasn’t going to let Jack off the hook. Deidra relayed the message, to which Thorn heard Jack respond, “This better be for a good reason. I’m still sick as fuck.”

Thorn backed the truck down the road that lead to his Lodge and waited about ten minutes. Finally, he saw Jack’s truck, so he jumped out.

“Your plan backfired,” he said once he got into Jack’s truck. “Those morons stole a truckload packed with
live
turkeys. Swiper freaked and let loose birdshot on Oreo and Maynard. They ran off into the woods and I’ve got the turkeys. I’m going let them loose here.”

Jack started to laugh as he looked into his best friend’s face. “You’re thinking what I’m thinking, huh?”

“What? That we should save two or three dozen and gift Nailz with them? Yup, I think that’s a great Christmas present for my father-in-law. They’ll go off into the woods after a few days, probably. If not, well, Merry Christmas Nailz.” Thorn laughed so hard his gut hurt. “I’m gonna back this truck up and set a bunch free into the woods. They’ll find their way to my house and I’ll put out food for them. We’ll drop the others off at Nailz’ and take the truck up by the Filthy Fiend’s clubhouse.” Thorn rubbed his gloved hands together.

Jack grinned despite his sore throat. “Sounds like a great plan to me. I got two bags of Christmas lights in the back of my truck, in case we need more.”

“You stole more lights while you were sick?” Thorn questioned.

“Nah, Dee did. She was the one that hit up the yacht club, so I need to dump these lights somewhere. Maybe we could leave them in the truck?”

“May as well. That’ll really confuse things. Let’s get this done.” Thorn wasn’t asking anymore questions when time was of the essence.

They worked fast getting most of the turkeys into the woods where they disappeared into the night. Jack followed him and parked his truck at the beginning of the road to Nailz’ house. Mad Jack slowly drove the truck down the road with the back door open. Once they were in front of the house, Thorn moved fast, tossing turkeys behind the fence of Nailz’ front yard. He jumped inside the truck cab when he was done and Jack turned the truck around so they could take a pass by and see if the turkeys grouped together.

They slowed down and Thorn aimed a flashlight at Nailz’ house. Turkeys were on his truck, in his yard, and even all over the front porch.