A Wartime Christmas (42 page)

‘I’ve been watching you,’ he told her, taking her hand. ‘Through the window. Just drinking you in from a distance.’ His voice was rough and hard, as though he was
controlling his emotions with difficulty. ‘I didn’t want to shock or upset you.’ His dark but weary eyes held hers. ‘My God, Kay, you’re so beautiful. More beautiful
even than the picture I had of you in my mind.’

Kay opened her mouth to speak but she couldn’t.

‘I wanted to write and warn you,’ he continued. ‘But my CO suggested I wait until after I was debriefed and had adjusted to being back. Kay, I’ve missed you and Alfie so
much.’

‘Alan? Alan, is it really you?’ She held his face in her hands.

‘It is, darling.’

‘But I thought – I was told—’

‘I know. I know all about it.’

Kay swallowed. ‘Do you know why me and Alfie are here – that our house was bombed?’

He nodded. ‘Yes, I know everything.’

‘Who told you?’

‘My CO, Major Campbell.’

‘But Alan, he sent me a telegram saying you were missing in action. After that, I heard nothing. I – I thought you were dead.’

‘And so I should have been.’ He drew her close and for a few silent moments they clung to each other. ‘Can we talk privately? Is there somewhere we could be alone?’ he
asked huskily.

Kay nodded, still unable to believe that Alan was here in the flesh. But he was and his eyes told her how much he wanted her and she knew there was only one place she wanted to be with her
husband. Linking her hand through his, they walked slowly out into the sunshine.

They lay together on a bed of bracken under the newly budding leaves of the oak tree. Kay felt at peace, at rest. Their need had been too urgent to deny. Arm in arm they had
climbed the hill and at the top, Alan had spread his jacket over the warm wooded floor. In the seclusion of the copse, they had once again become lovers. The sun warmed them, shining down through
the branches, dappling their entwined bodies with soft light.

This was the secret place, she told him, where she and Alfie liked to come. It was a secluded spot hidden in tangled thickets and filled with birdsong. They would bring a picnic here and enjoy a
game of hide and seek. Kay looked up gratefully to the canopy of nature above them that had provided such a welcome homecoming for Alan.

‘This is a beautiful spot, Kay,’ he whispered as she traced her fingers over his bare chest and he in turn touched the straps of her petticoat with trembling fingers. ‘Thank
you for bringing me here.’ He kissed her tenderly, wrapping her against him and holding her tightly.

Kay knew it was enough to have him beside her. But as she looked at his thin body, she ached for him. She could now see the sharp jut of his ribs and the hollows under his collarbone. She knew
he had endured hunger and pain. But how much?

‘Alan, where have you been and how did you survive?’

He stared ahead, his eyes far away. ‘I was captured on the French border after completing my mission. I spent over a year under Nazi lock and key, but with help from the Resistance
eventually managed to escape and was given sanctuary in a safe house until Paris was liberated.’

‘Oh, Alan, it must have been awful.’

‘Not as bad as it might have been,’ he said quietly. ‘After all, I survived.’ After a few seconds he continued. ‘When I was first called up, I was sent for training
with Military Intelligence associated with my rescue work here at home.’

‘Are you saying you were a spy?’

Alan looked into her eyes. ‘Kay, I was recruited long before the war started.’

‘But Alan, how could you get involved in something like that?’

He looked away again as though collecting his thoughts and when he eventually spoke, his voice was a rough whisper. ‘Me and my two brothers were taught to thieve by our father. We became
little experts at helping Dad in his life of crime. Although we knew it was wrong, we were afraid to disobey him and the only peace we had as a family was when he was in prison. When Mum died and I
ran away to sea, I thought I’d escaped him and the life I so hated. But one day, years after, I returned home to look for my brothers. But they had long gone and I found Dad very sick. I
should have left him – but he begged me not to leave.’ Alan’s face hardened. ‘He deserved nothing from me, I knew. Yet I stayed with him until he died.’

‘Alan, that was a kind thing to do.’

‘Perhaps. But that decision cost me my future. The law arrived and fitted me up for one of Dad’s crimes. I was arrested, tried and found guilty.’

Kay gasped. ‘But you were innocent!’

‘Who was to believe me, the son of a professional thief? I was sent to prison, where a man visited me. If I agreed to join in the battle against fascism, I would be pardoned. The truth of
it was, a second war with Germany was imminent and Military Intelligence needed its spies. With my experience, skills that could only have been gained through learning about crime and subterfuge
from an early age, I was a perfect candidate.’

‘But you’d left that life behind when you went to sea,’ Kay insisted.

‘So I thought. And if I’d never gone back that day, perhaps I would have led an entirely different existence.’

Kay felt the tears smart. ‘But then you would never have met me.’ She leaned towards him and whispered, ‘None of this changes us, Alan.’

He shook his head sadly. ‘You’d better know the whole story, Kay, before you decide on that. You see, I didn’t go to Spain to fight for freedom, but on a mission to steal
Franco’s gold. Britain was afraid Franco’s wealth would empower the Axis. That couldn’t be allowed to happen. Whilst there I witnessed a beautiful and historic town being ripped
apart, just as the East End was during the Blitz. A soldier beside me died.’ He paused, slowly meeting her gaze. ‘This soldier’s name was Alan Lewis.’

‘But how could that be?’ Kay was struggling to understand.

‘The dead man was Alan Lewis. But
I
was Jack Harper.’ Long seconds passed as she stared at her husband. ‘Your name is Jack – Jack Harper and not Alan
Lewis?’

‘Alan Lewis, the man who died, told me he was a member of the International Brigade. He claimed to be an idealist, fighting for freedom and justice. He had no family, apparently, and no
ties back home. So when the bullet obliterated his face, I saw an opportunity. I would take his identity, become him, and Jack Harper, the thief and puppet of the military, would die. He even
looked like me. His death seemed the answer to a new life. But, as I made my way back to Britain, Military Intelligence arrested me.’ His face darkened as he laughed without mirth. ‘All
I had done was to fall deeper into their power. They allowed me to keep the identity, which served well for espionage purposes. I was told that if, or rather when, a second war broke out, I would
be recalled to service. That was the price of freedom once again.’

‘So your name is Jack, not Alan?’ Kay said, staring at the man she thought she knew and loved.

Alan nodded. ‘But I left Jack behind a long time ago.’

‘Alan – Jack – I don’t know what to call you.’ For the first time, Kay felt afraid. What did this all mean?

He took her in his arms. ‘I’m Alan, I’ve always been Alan with you,’ he insisted. ‘Neither Alan Lewis nor Jack Harper, but the Alan you know. Now you know
everything, Kay. Does it change things between us?’

‘But why didn’t you tell me when we first met?’ There was so much to understand.

‘Because I was afraid of losing you.’

‘You would never have done that.’

‘Oh, Kay. Can you forgive me?’

‘For not telling me who you were?’ Kay shook her head slowly. ‘The name doesn’t matter, but secrets do.’

‘I know that now.’

The tears slid from her eyes as she looked at the man she had always loved. The man who said he loved her. Did she really believe a name mattered? Did the past count at all if you truly loved
someone? If you knew them to be good and kind, a wonderful husband and father, a man who would always be there for you. ‘The dead soldier lied to you,’ she told him. ‘Dolly, his
wife, came to our house and claimed to be your wife. She brought a young boy who she said was your son. It was a very unhappy time.’

Alan groaned softly. ‘My commanding officer told me in my debriefing.’

‘But how did he know about Dolly?’

‘MI knows everything about its agents, Kay. We are under constant scrutiny. Dolly was considered a threat from the moment she knocked on the door. Every letter you wrote, every one of our
friends and neighbours were vetted. Even Eddie and Babs’s move to next door was approved by ministry officials.’

Kay took a sharp breath as her thoughts whirled. ‘There was a man in a coat and hat – I kept seeing him—’

Alan nodded. ‘He was the one who pulled you out of the Tube stairwell.’

‘Alan, he saved my life.’

‘Yes, thank God.’

‘But what about the hundred pounds in the Post Office account? I thought it could have been Dolly’s,’ Kay protested. ‘And Sean – he looked so much like
you—’

‘Both unfortunate coincidences, Kay. The money was legitimately yours to use and Sean was Alan Lewis’s son with Dolly. Sean’s father’s appearance was not unlike mine,
which was one of the reasons I took his identity. And, in defence of my superiors, after the death of his mother, they were responsible for his safe recovery and later, the letter sent to the
sanatorium.’

‘So Dolly is dead – really dead?’

He nodded.

Kay stared into her husband’s dark and soulful eyes. Tears of relief and love filled her own. How could she have ever doubted him? But Dolly had tried to convince her and the things she
had said had seemed very real. Alan, her Alan, was a good man who would never have done the things that Dolly had accused him of. Yet, as guilty as Alan was of keeping his past a secret, she was as
guilty for ever doubting his love and allegiance to her and Alfie.

He brought her to him, kissing the tear-splashed skin of her cheeks. ‘Please don’t cry, Kay. It breaks my heart to think I’ve hurt you.’ Lying beside her on the soft
ground he whispered words of love in her ears. There were so many more things she wanted to know, but were any of them really important now? She and Alfie had survived and so had Alan. The
complicated paths they had led were a result of their love for each other and in her heart she accepted this. Very soon, she lost herself in the desire that filled every part of her body, knowing
that living for the moment was the only thing that mattered now.

Later, when the sun was a scarlet orb in the sky and tiny white clouds scudded across its surface, they made their way down the hill, arm in arm. Kay knew that whatever had
happened in Alan’s past, his love and loyalty had given her happiness from the moment she had met him. She knew too that like many men caught up in war, Alan’s part in the conflict had
been orchestrated by a force greater than she could imagine. He had told her that every country had its most secret weapon in the men they manipulated to fight wars on their behalf, and she
believed him.

But Kay also understood that she and Alan shared a love so deep and true that now they could survive anything that life had in store for them.

‘Are you ready to meet my parents?’ Kay asked with a smile as they retraced their steps through the green fields that led towards Monkton.

Alan stopped and, taking her into his arms, kissed her tenderly. ‘I’ve endured three years without you, Kay. Imprisonment and its privations were nothing to the fear of thinking I
might never see you or Alfie again. I shall never be able to thank your parents and Aunty Pops enough for taking care of you. We must build bridges with Len and Doris too. They’re good people
and were right when they felt they couldn’t trust me.’

‘But they didn’t know the man I knew,’ Kay whispered. ‘The man who I fell in love with.’

Alan held her closer. ‘There’s one more thing I’ve to tell you before we meet them.’

Kay looked anxiously at him. ‘Is it good or bad?’

‘I’ll leave you to decide that. Kay, I’ve been back to Slater Street.’

She gasped in a breath. ‘Have you seen our house?’

He nodded. ‘It was the first thing I did after my debriefing.’ Alan gently brushed a lock of coppery hair from her face. ‘Darling, there will be no return to number one hundred
and three, I’m afraid.’

Kay held back the tears. She had always held a small hope that the house could be lived in again.

‘That doesn’t mean we can’t go back to the East End,’ Alan said quietly.

‘We can’t, with no home.’

‘There are new kinds of temporary houses being built on the island. Some even with a little garden and a patch of grass. It would tide us over while we got on our feet.’

‘Alan, don’t tease!’

‘I’m not. My CO pulled strings to get me a job in the docks.’

‘Your CO!’ Kay gasped. ‘Does that mean you’re still a spy?’

Alan threw back his head and laughed. Soon Kay was laughing too, and he wrapped her tightly in his arms. ‘No, that’s all over now. I’m a free man. I’ve earned my liberty
and intend to make the most of it. And that means making you and Alfie happy. Do you really want to go back?’

Kay wiped away the tears from her face. ‘More than anything.’

‘We’ll need a house with three bedrooms of course.’

‘Three?’ Kay stared at her husband.

‘I spoke to your friend, Jean Pearson, too.’

‘You know about Jean?’

‘I told you, my CO knows—’

‘Everything!’ Kay interrupted ruefully.

He nodded, smiling. ‘You’ll be pleased to know she told me that Sean will soon be well enough to leave the sanatorium.’

‘Alan, there’s something I have to ask you. Something very important to me.’

‘If it’s important to you, Kay, then it is to me too.’

‘It’s Sean. Could you ever think of adopting him? I know it’s a big step to take. But he means a great deal to me.’

Alan looked deeply into her eyes and pressing his thumbs gently on her arms, he whispered, ‘I took a man’s name and identity. It’s only fair that in return I do something for
him. I’d like to give his son the chance of being part of a family –
our
family. And if adoption is what will make you happy, I’ll move heaven and earth to achieve
it.’