A Way to a Dragon’s Heart (7 page)

His hands slid over Caleb’s chest. “I want to say yes, right here, right now, not because the contract is good or because the business is doing well but because you’re asking. That’s all.” Flat palms curled into fists, gripping the white chef’s coat. “But I’m so angry, just outright pissed, that I can’t say yes without second guessing if you mean it. In a week or a month or a year you’ll get restless. That Avian migration instinct will kick in, and you’ll fly off to your next destination, making your way back to me whenever it suits you—
if
it suits you. I trust in you; I trust that you love me. I trust that you’d die for me, maybe even kill for me, as passionate as you are. But I don’t know how to trust that you’ll
stay
for me.”

Caleb squeezed his eyes shut and controlled his breathing. His skin tingled, and the flesh along his spine jumped and twitched. Counting exercises accompanied the breathing, and he fought back the physical reaction that wanted to come with the emotions. “That’s why you were so angry when I went to Crete,” he said with his eyes still closed. “You thought I was bailing before anything had truly begun.” He opened his eyes, and Xander stepped back. “I’ve never run away from you, Xander. I’ve never turned my back on us or what we have. For me there is no off-again phase of things, that’s something you offered and I accepted because Drew wouldn’t trust anything else.” Xander’s hands grew slack, and Caleb grasped his wrists. “I always ask you to go with me. I always want you to be with me. And I always return. You’re the one scared that I’ll get fed up one day and just disappear. I don’t have that fear. Don’t lay that on me like I’ve threatened to never come back or given some ultimatum.”

“This isn’t an ultimatum? If I don’t sign the contract and take on the partnership, everything’s just fine and we’re good?”

Caleb released him and walked to the archway separating the small workstation from the test kitchen. He spread his arms and gripped the sides of the arch, giving Xander his back. “This is a gift. This is brick and mortar that’s permanent and doesn’t change unless we actively choose to change it. This is a real, tangible expression of what you say you want and what I can give you.” He turned sideways and leaned against the side of the doorway, hugging himself. “This is an anchor. I might drift but only ever so far. I can’t stop being what I am. Birds migrate, Vampires wander, and I’m blessed with both traits, but they’re not the only ones, Xander. I’m loyal, and I’m deeply patient. If you don’t take the partnership because of me, I’ll think you’re a fool and tell Drew to convince you. If you take it but don’t want a relationship with me to come with the deal, I’ll accept that and I’ll wait. Either you’ll come around or I will, but I’ll be here to figure it out.”

“Your eyes,” Xander whispered.

“Don’t change the subject. You wanted to fight, so finish it. This was our dream, and I thought if I made it come true you would understand I wanted something permanent with you, whatever that turned out to be. Being Avian, even a Dormant one who can’t shift, comes with a migration instinct but it comes with a
nesting
instinct too. So does my Vampire heritage since we’re on the subject of my nature and exactly what I can or can’t overcome. This café is the culmination of everything I’ve done, selfish and selfless alike. It’s the part of me you fell in love with and want to stay. There are a million things a place like this needs and a million places to get it, all of which more than satisfy my need to wander and return.” He looked down at his feet, his heart pounding in his throat. “This is my hardcopy to you, something you can physically interact with to know I love you, and I’m not going to disappear nor am I going to stop coming back…as long as you’re here to come back to.”

Xander closed the distance between them. “Yes.”

“What?” Caleb blinked.

“Yes. To the contract, to the relationship, I’m saying yes.” He cradled Caleb’s face. “We’ll either spend a lifetime together or spectacularly burn out, but I won’t get to know if I don’t choose. I want to jump so I’m jumping, yes. Now can we talk about your eyes shifting?”

Arguments have a rhythm and cadence that’s hypnotic. A fight between the right people, done the right way, can be outright intoxicating, but you have to work to make sure it’s a sad-drunk, maybe a desperate-drunk, but never mean-drunk, and you have to fight fair. They’d both been raised by people who always strove to fight fair or not at all, but there was something deeply unfair about Xander’s advantage in this particular fight. His scent, the sound of his voice, the feel of his skin… Caleb couldn’t sober up from it all as it accompanied Xander’s words. He’d said yes. The sad-drunk of practiced conflict faded, but happy-drunk took its place before sobriety could stand a chance.

“Caleb, please say something. You’re worrying me. Can you explain why your eyes changed?”

Caleb stared at him and shook his head. “It’s a long conversation.”

“I’m here for a month; we have time.”

“No.” Caleb shook his head again. “It’s too long of a conversation to have right now. I didn’t want to fight, but you did. So now that you’ve had your fight, I want my makeup sex. We can talk about me coming out of Dormancy later.”

“You what?” Xander asked open-mouthed.

“Later,” Caleb offered. "I’ll explain naked or semi-dressed; I’m not picky.”

“Caleb…”

Whatever followed his name got swallowed in a kiss instead.

Chapter Seven

Between the first kiss and the first thrust they paused only long enough to remove their clothes and slick their bodies, coming together fast and furiously, chasing away the hurt and stings through the bucking of hips and the stretching of muscle. The leather creaked beneath their weight, the sound playing harmony to their moans as Caleb rode Xander down to the couch of the tiny office.

They cried out one after the other, the coupling ending as abruptly as it began. The room spun slightly, and Xander let out a ragged laugh, his body jerking and bucking with the sensation of doing so with Caleb still inside him. Caleb laughed in answer, only to be racked with the same spasms. They eased down to the couch on their sides, their bodies still wed one to the other.

“Caleb.” Xander lost his breath as Caleb’s hips moved and set his body shuddering. “Round two already, or are you trying to keep me quiet?”

Caleb moved again, a slow undulation that became a continuous wave of motion. “It’s the second half of round one, and I don’t want you quiet.” He picked up speed without hurrying. “This part of the café has sound insulation,” he whispered along the curve of Xander’s ear. “Take advantage of it.”

Pleasure clawed its way along Xander’s nerve endings as Caleb worked their bodies with the expertise born of years together and the determination born of pure unabashed need. A Pleasure Bond snapped into place with a near audible hum in Xander’s head, and he was no longer alone in his skin.

His pleasure poured out as Caleb’s flowed into him, and he lost track of who was where and what was which. They fell into perfect sync, heightening the liquid ecstasy pumping through their blood and being, as hands, teeth, and tongues went to work to awaken every nerve ending and set it to sing.

The release built, a hurricane gaining strength, teasing and tormenting, spinning along an edge that made coherent thoughts sparse, transforming the dance into a run—no—a chase. Xander pursued it at a gallop that pushed his heart to threaten revolt as it tap-danced along inside his chest. He carried Caleb for the ride or perhaps the other way around. He tried to answer the challenge of separating out their sensations from one another, but the storm came ashore and leveled all reason in its wake.

Chapter Eight

Xander felt Caleb’s mind fall away from his own until he floated in the afterspace and that perfect moment of being all alone. No mote of doubt or slip of hesitancy existed in that place. Xander clung to it and made his home there until it saturated his every intention. Then he let it go. Even perfection would soon be flawed without Caleb to share it with.

He opened his eyes and tried to remember when he ended up on his back. Caleb lay on his side, his head propped up on his hand watching him. Xander smiled. “I felt it this time. You don’t slip out of the Bond like I thought; you pull from it. Why do you always leave first?”

Caleb kissed him and traced his chin with a fingertip. “So I can watch you linger there. It’s my own perfect moment.”

“Thank you.” Xander smiled when Caleb looked puzzled, but Caleb didn’t ask and Xander didn’t offer. He didn’t have to words for what it meant to have that perfect moment extended by then hearing the perfect thing.

He asked the question he’d been holding back in that perfect moment where there seemed nothing to fear. “How do you feel about everything with Kryssa? The timing and everything I mean.”

Caleb brow set in that familiar crease that told Xander his lover had taken the question to heart and would answer in kind.

“It depends,” Caleb qualified. “If you agreed to become intimate or pursued it so you wouldn’t have to dwell on things between us, I’ll be upset and disappointed. I think better of you than to use Kryssa that way.” Caleb smiled. “If you saw the sudden opportunity and jumped on it before it expired like I think you did, I’m damn proud.”

They laughed together, and Caleb kissed him again. “I don’t believe in coincidence. All of the projections the contractors gave me should have had us opening in another month. A flawless renovation, a larger than expected grand opening, great reviews
and
suddenly coming out of Dormancy is all too much to ignore. Everything happened to bring us to this moment, and I believe Kryssa is a vital part of that. You love her, you’ve loved her since the day you met, and now you have a game-changing step to take at the same time you and I are taking a major step in our relationship. It means something, and I’m happy to be a part of it.” He looked away. “I wasn’t sure I would be involved in any way when things finally changed between the two of you.”

Xander touched his face, and Caleb looked at him again. “There’s no way you could ever be outside of what happens between Kryssa and me. The way I feel about her…I haven’t felt this way since I met you. You were always going to be a part of it.”

“So you were this lovesick over me in the beginning?”

Xander shook his head. “If only it were confined to the beginning.” Caleb laughed, and Xander smiled. “But at least you put out early. It gave me a place to start.”

“That’s it,” Caleb said.

“What?”

“You’re nervous because even though you and I started out with the same kind of intimate friendship, it was early on. We fell in
like
and worked our way up. You don’t know what to do because you’re already in love with her.”

Xander lay there open-mouthed for a moment. “Why do you get to put it into words that make sense?”

“Because I have just enough distance not to be terrified but just enough empathy to really understand. It’s a gift.”

“Okay, Mr. Gifted, what do I do with Kryssa?”

Caleb pressed his lips together as if fighting a smile. “Do you want a list? I’ve been working on one for a while. I’ve come up with some interesting things in the shower.” Xander moved to sit up, and Caleb pressed him back down. “Sorry, I’m sorry, we’re naked and some thoughts can’t be helped. I’m not laughing at you. It’s just hormones, I swear.”

Xander stared at him. “You’re blushing. You never blush.” He brushed a finger near the corner of Caleb’s eye. “And your eyes changed slightly just now. What’s going on?”

“Concerning Kryssa or the Dormancy?”

“Yes, smart-ass, those two things,” Xander replied.

“Should we clean up first? The emergency rinse station at the other end of the kitchen also doubles as a great walk-in shower.”

Xander considered a moment. “Can we talk in the shower?

“Only about coming out of Dormancy,” Caleb said. “If we talk about Kryssa, we’ll never make it out before round two.”

“Then no on the shower. I want to hear what you think before we’re too far away from this moment.” He ran a hand over Caleb’s chest. “And now I’m intensely curious. My information on the topic is second hand, granted, but I can’t think of a single thing about coming out of Dormancy that would make the great Caleb James blush and stall, so it has to be about Kryssa.”

Caleb smiled and leaned across Xander toward the floor. A storage drawer slid open beneath the couch. He shut it and came up with a tub of disposable wipes. Xander reached for one, but Caleb pressed his hand back down and started to wipe along his chest in slow, broad strokes. “Where do you want me to start?”

“The blush and the desire to avoid eye contact by doing something else,” Xander answered.

“Okay, I really do have a list, much of it truly came to mind while in the shower for various reasons and thus centers around being in the shower. Although any body of water would do since it’s more about watching her flush with color and running my hands and tongue over the scale-trail the moisture makes until I arouse her into new patterns.”

Xander’s lips parted and closed, lost for words. Caleb glanced up at him, and he could only nod in encouragement to go on.

“She’s beautiful. The occasional fantasy or dream is to be expected. But it’s been different lately. I’ve been hyper-aware of her this last year. It built over the first half, which led to kissing her that night. Since then it’s exploded, going from black and white to IMAX 3-D Technicolor. The dreams are intense and vivid. Just hearing her name brings her scent to me for hours. I’m not even inside of her in over half the images and fantasies. It’s just hours, days of tasting her and touching her, of licking you from her skin after watching the two of you come together.”

He took out another wipe without looking up. “The imprint is so strong that I’ll wake up from one of the dreams and feel the warmth of both of you still on my skin.” He paused, and his breath sped up. “There’s one that’s so vivid it seems more like memory, and she’s not even in it. You come to bed having just been inside of her. I take you in my throat and the taste of both of you, the feel of it through the Bond, makes me come without touching myself. They’re the first wet dreams I’ve had since puberty.”

Xander had to try twice to speak. “I never thought of you as passive when it came to sex. Other dreams and fantasies you’ve shared aren’t like that.”

“No. They aren’t,” Caleb agreed. He moved to sit between Xander’s legs. “But then none of those were about Dragons from bloodlines so old that she’s not only out of my league but playing an entirely different sport I don’t qualify for.” He paused, another wipe half way out of the container. “It’s hard to explain. While still Dormant I literally couldn’t even dream of being with her on equal footing. It’s not a self-esteem issue; it’s instinct.” He went back to his task, ignoring or intently studying Xander’s growing erection as he cleaned Xander’s pelvis and the inside of his thighs. “The dreams changed after I kissed her. They changed again after I shifted the first time a few months ago, and I’ve had them every single night since.”

Caleb’s expression grew raw and wanton as he fell into himself. Xander had to look away. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced his breath to slow and his body to think in words instead of sensations. It partially worked. The pull to link their minds again, to taste Caleb’s memories on his tongue quieted from a roar to a more manageable scream. Xander could even speak past it. “How did they change?”

“Using your word, they became less passive and more
doting
I guess. It stopped being about what I wasn’t and became solely about who and what she is. The friendship, the connection, the playfulness, the flirtation, everything that makes up our relationship entered the dreams.” Caleb grasped his hips and pulled him close. Xander’s eyes opened. “No, keep them closed so I can watch your face.”

Xander complied for the same reason he’d let Caleb talk while looking away. He knew at times a lover’s face could hold a deeper truth when they weren’t watching and waiting for a reaction, just as their voice could hold true hurt or wonder when they didn’t have to see how their words affected someone. Revelation without complete vulnerability, emotional nudity without psychic nakedness left no reason to lie.

“I didn’t understand it at all at first. I thought that perhaps my Vampire side had matured to something new. Everything had that Erosine Vampire sexual edge to it that Mother said might develop as we all got older. But then scent seemed to take on actual color, another type of vision, and I knew my Therian side had changed. It unfolded rapidly after that. Beauty and movement fascinated me well beyond usual. Next came textures.”

Xander fought to keep his eyes closed as Caleb’s hand dropped between his legs and he played his fingers over the delicate skin drawn tight and high in Xander’s arousal.

“Everything tasted exquisite. Even things I didn’t like before now had a sudden neutral attraction with the complexity of their composition. That’s when I started to design the café. I almost couldn’t help it. I needed to surround myself with the scents, and tastes, and textures we’d always talked about. I was nesting, and it felt wonderful. But it didn’t end there.” He ran a slick hand along Xander’s length and gripped him tight. “That edge of sex came back stronger, hungrier and bits of older ancestry came into play. Kryssa’s scent, the way she moves, the richness of her color, the texture of her skin, all as if it became a flashing neon sign. As birds have dinosaurs in their past so Avians have a Saurian past. Somewhere in the way back, every humble little Sea Hawk like me has a Dragon ancestor shaking her head at what we’ve become.”

Xander reached down and stopped his hand. “Or admiring your resilience and adaptability.” He opened his eyes. “Kryssa would never judge you as less for being Avian. To her you’re Therian, a little Vampire on the side to be sure, but no less Therian.”

Caleb smiled and looked at their hands. “I know that now.” He reached down with the other hand and angled himself to sink inside of Xander. “Instinct said otherwise, but I have more than one set of instincts and the wonderful primate ability to accept a good thing and want more of it.” He used both hands and the patience of ages to press and stretch and glide deeper until he ran out of space between their bodies. “I…” His breath shuddered. “I realized how she felt about me. That’s why I kissed her.” He rocked his hips forward, a tiny movement, but powerful when done right.

“You didn’t ask for more.”

Caleb shook his head. “She didn’t offer more, and I hadn’t talked to you.” He took Xander in his hand again. “I didn’t know how you’d feel about it. I didn’t know if this—” He squeezed his hand around Xander. “—would be the result. I’d thought, I’d assumed but until this moment, until I could touch you, watch you, take in your scent as I told you, I didn’t
know
.” His hips picked up the barest touch of speed as they rocked together. His hand followed suit. “Are you going to tell on me?”

Xander let out a tortured laugh and focused on the processes of speech. Syllables strung together made words, and words made sentences that could be used as answers. He gave it a shot. “I hate that you can hold conversations like this.”

“Liar. You love the challenge.”

“But…” Several breaths passed. “I hate that you win.”

“Agreed. Are you going to throw me under the bus and tell her?”

Xander’s hands gripped the cushion beneath him, scratching the leather. “About the fantasies or the Dormancy?” He managed a halting laugh.

Caleb gave a heated growl of laughter as reply. “She’ll know about the Dormancy in the first five minutes she sees me. I’m talking about the rest.”

“Should I?” Xander asked.

“If it advances your cause, baby, absolutely.” Caleb smiled. “I forgive you in advance.” Another hint of speed. “You shouldn’t push, but you should definitely feather this particular nest with every reassurance you can. Let her know I’m okay, that
we’re
okay. That I want this for you.” A sharper thrust. “That I want this for me but without any expectation.” A tighter glide of the hand. “That it doesn’t intrude upon, but instead completes, what we have.”

Xander’s eyes snapped open. “Completes?”

“I said complements.”

“No.” Xander sat up, his weight back on his hands giving him leverage to meet the increasing yet still shallow thrusts. “You said completes. Is that what you meant?”

The change in angle forced Caleb to move his hand. He fully gripped Xander’s hips and moved him faster as they stared at one another. “Do you want me to say yes?”

“Yes.”

Caleb looked startled. “Not even a pause?”

“No.”

Their eye contact faltered. “You’d know if you stopped trying to talk and let the Bond fall in place. You want an answer, come and get it.”

And Xander did just that.