A Weekend Temptation (12 page)

“I see. Again with the elaborate answers.”

“Like I said, if you ask a question, I’ll answer.”

“Okay. When did you know you’re parents didn’t love each other?”

“There wasn’t a time I didn’t know. My father was never there for birthdays, holidays, or weekends. He slept at our house. That was all he did. Then he went back to his better, more important life...”

“What’s more important than family? Was he in love with his job?”

“No, my father wasn’t a workaholic. He just had trouble balancing his family or rather
families
. My father had two families to support, mine and his lover’s.”

“What?” He raised his brows. “You’re kidding?”

“I wish I was. I wish I’d had a father like you had, one who was always in my life and made me know I was special.”

He nodded. “You deserved that. Every child does.” His gaze drifted down to her flat, exposed stomach. She knew what his eyes were promising, that their child would have a father who cherished him.

“When did your mother leave your father?” he asked.

“Never. She was religious, not skilled in the workforce, and she had three children. She did what she thought was best—she gave us the fancy house, the ballet lessons, the good schools. She assumed that was what it meant to be a good parent. To her, sacrifice was more important than happiness or love.”

“But you don’t think that. You think she should have left him?”

“I think it would have been wonderful if she could have found her own legs to stand on. Then maybe she could have found a man who truly loved her and put her first.”

“Like your father never did.”

She nodded. “Like my father never did.”

“So your parents are still married?”

“My mother died of cancer four years ago, and my father died long before, on the day after my high school graduation. He had a heart attack in his lover’s bed.”

Joel scowled and squeezed Ava’s shoulder, pulling her into his heat and strength. “Must have been hard.”

“It got harder. After his funeral, we found out my father left his entire fortune to his lover and her two children. You see, he felt guilty he didn’t spent enough time with them, in life, so in death he evened the scales. In the end, my father gave his money to the people he really loved. The ones he would have preferred to put first, if he wasn’t doing the so-called right thing.”

Joel rubbed his chin with his free hand. “You’re telling me he left you, your mother, and siblings with nothing? No money, no assets?”

“Just the house, and that was heavily mortgaged. Apparently it takes a lot to support two wives and two sets of children.”

“Rotten bastard!” He added some colorful, Italian curses Ava couldn’t begin to interpret before saying, “You must have put yourself through college.”

“I did. It was hard, but I did it. I paid off my last student loan a year ago, thanks to the exorbitant salary my previous employer paid me. The man was overly generous.”

Joel smiled at her compliment. “The man never wanted to lose you.”

Something warm slid over Ava’s heart and squeezed. For a long moment he held her close, nuzzled against her head.

With a deep breath he said, “That explains why you haven’t jumped at my proposal, why you think love has to be part of marriage. That’s why you don’t trust me to care for you and our child. Because you had a bastard of a father who did everything wrong.”

She chewed her lower lip. “I want something better. We never knew about the other woman or the children he’d fathered, but we always knew something was wrong. We finally learned his terrible secret after the will was read. On that day everything changed. The man who I thought was my father was different. You see, I can’t marry a man with secrets. I have to be able to trust, and you’re not telling me everything. If I marry you, eventually you’ll have my heart. You could hurt me. I won’t be stupid like my mother.”

“I’m nothing like your father.”

“Then tell me your secret. What happened in that accident?”

Chapter Twelve

Joel watched the clouds drift over a darkening sky. He waited a few, tense heartbeats before answering. “Ask me something else. Everything else is fair game.”

“Of course you won’t talk about it. It’s important, and you’ll do anything to keep me and everyone else away from you.” Ava pulled from his embrace and bounded to her feet, arms wrapped around her midsection. “For a second there, I thought I could actually marry you.”

He grabbed her by the shoulders to prevent her escape and spun her until she faced him. “Everyone wants to go back to the past and relive it. What’s the point? Nothing can be changed. I can’t be changed. Every day I wake, it’s the same damn life. What happened is
over
. Can’t you let it be
over
?”

“No! It’s another dreaded secret.”

“It is not.” His fingers dug deeper into her shoulder blades. “I won’t go into the livid details, but that doesn’t make it a secret that’ll hurt you.”

“How can I know that, if you won’t tell me anything?”

“If you marry me, you’ll have my present and my future. The past shouldn’t matter because I’ve learned to deal with it.”

“How? By shutting off your emotions? By staying isolated from people who want to love you? What if I start to love you? What if our child loves you? Will you pull away from us the way you pull away from your own family?” Her hands fisted against her ribs as she hugged herself tighter, fingers still clenching the velvet ring box. Knowing she had to let the prized solitaire go.

If she married him, Joel would be just like her father had been. Secluded. Untouchable. She couldn’t live like that again and would never allow her child to be subjected to those same worthless feelings that came from having an emotionally distant parent.

“I promise no matter how hard it is, I’ll be there for you and our child,” he said.

“You make it sound like the ultimate sacrifice. Why is it hard for you to be there? You should be happy to have a child. Why aren’t you? What happened to you?”

“Let it go.” A muscle leaped in his cheek. “Mind your own damned business.”

“If I accept your flippin’ ring, it will be my own damned business. Your business will be mine
.
At least it should be.”

She sighed out a long irritated breath. Why was she wasting her time? Did she really think she had the ability to crack his walls when Claudia after half a year and an engagement ring never had? After none of his family had?

He would never draw her near enough for her to feel like a part of his life the way a wife should. If she married Joel Stanfield, she’d never be his true partner. Did she really want to do that for desperate, needy hormones?

“I know there was an accident, and you lost someone. Did you love her, will you at least tell me that?” she asked, softening her tone.

He worked his jaw for a long ticking moment. “Yes.”

“Did you—”

“It was one night, forever ago, leave it alone. I promise, what happened won’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you.”

Please. He was already hurting her, damn it. It killed her the way he closed himself off. He might as well be a country away.

“Right. Well, Joel.” She shoved the solitaire into his chest for him to take back. He stared at it, shaking his head, she released it, and it dropped into the sand. “I won’t marry you. You won’t let me in, and you’ll never love me.”

“Our marriage will be more peaceful if we don’t do something crazy like fall in love. If we keep some respectful distance.”

“Respectful distance? That’s what you want? My parents gave each other plenty of distance. An outsider would even say they were respectful. But the unspoken undercurrent alone would have sank three of your prized yachts.”

“That’s only because your father cheated on your mother. If you marry me, I’ll be faithful.”

“Parents should love each other. A child should be raised in a loving home.”

“Give us a chance. You’ll see how good our marriage can be. I’ll be a good husband.”

“How do you know? It’s not like you’ve ever been married before.”

He shot a quick look over her head and said nothing, just stared out at the crashing waves. His silence told her the truth he didn’t want to reveal.

Her jaw dropped for a second, then she forced a breath into her hard lungs to help her recover. “You were married before, weren’t you?”

He nodded. That was all she got. Shouldn’t be much of a surprise, he gave her nothing. Like always.

“You were married. You loved your wife enough to marry her. What was her name?” she asked.

He closed his eyes and rubbed them before answering on a sigh, “Elizabeth.”

“Elizabeth. She’s the woman you lost in that mysterious accident. You loved her. She’s the one who has your heart, the only one who will ever have your heart, right?” Her voice could cut glass.

“Marriage without love isn’t what you think. It isn’t like the way you grew up. With me as your husband, you’ll be happy.” It sounded too much like a command to be the truth.

“No.” Ava shook her head and glared into his cold, velvet black eyes.

“Ava, you think if you have love, you’ll be happy. But it’s not true. It’s completely the opposite. I had love, it was stormy and ugly, and it ripped me to pieces. Love is powerful and passionate and destroys everything that matters.”

“What happened?” she pleaded. “What did it destroy?”

Joel let go of her shoulders, but she could still feel his fingers imprinting her skin even though they were no longer there. Then he reached down and scooped up the ring box, dusted the sand from it, and pushed it deep into his jeans pocket. “If you decide not to marry me, I’ll still take care of you and the child. A piece of paper signed by a judge will change nothing. I am committed to you. I’ll protect and provide for you every minute of your life. You’ll see, I won’t hurt you like your father did. You’ll come around. If you don’t, you’ll still have me.” His tone, his expression so intense, she shivered.

“Joel…” she whispered through dry lips and an aching throat.

His gaze wasn’t on her anymore but on the pasture a few yards from the beach. “If we want to be on time for dinner, we should get back.”

****

As they walked back over the soft, green land, she absorbed everything Joel had told her. She started adding pieces to her puzzle. Joel had lost the woman he loved, his wife, in some kind of accident. He blamed himself and the fact he was in love for the tragedy, calling it a mistake.

No. Joel hadn’t
been
in love, he was
still
in love. That was the problem. That was why he’d never give Ava his heart because it belonged to another. Because like Joel’s mother, and his grandfather, when Joel gave his heart he gave it forever. Which meant he would never give it to her.

She already believed he’d love their child. But would Joel open up enough to show that love? Or would he be so disconnected that the baby would never
know
he was loved? Would her child feel the way she had growing up, abandoned, worthless? She bit into her lower lip as she considered the question.

She didn’t know yet. She needed more time to figure it out, to make the right decision.

At least Ava had learned one thing from her trip to Italy. Joel couldn’t love her, so she wouldn’t marry him.

Chapter Thirteen

Joel was back in the city again, back in his penthouse, glaring at his sixty inch flat screen TV not seeing its clear HD images. Alone. Frustrated. Because Ava had said no. She should have moved in by now, should be planning their wedding.

This time, leaving her at her condo had been as comfortable as prying skin from his body. She needed more time so she could trust him and learn he was nothing like her father. But just because he hadn’t convinced her to marry him, didn’t mean he was giving up. He desired her. And not just her body. He liked her as a person and wanted her living with him.

If he married her, it would be to give her the legal protection of being his wife and all that entailed. But he would not do something stupid like falling in love. Even if he was still capable of that, he’d never let his defenses down enough to do that again.

If she changed her mind, and they married, they’d have separate bedrooms and separate lives. Separate meant peaceful. And peaceful was good. It was the only way.

He knew what happened when a man fell in love. Love led to anger. Anger led to destruction and pain. The utter devastation, the out-of-control emotion of love wasn’t worth the inch of temporary pleasure it gave in return.

Hadn’t Elizabeth’s death taught him that? And it’s not like he’d only lost his beloved wife that night.

Even if he was fool enough to love again, he would never put Ava and their child at risk because of that love.

Never. His job was to protect them. Even if it meant spending a lifetime fighting his growing feelings. Even if it meant living in isolation.

****

Three days later, Ava woke and with fuzzy, sleep-strained eyes padded into her kitchen. She was starving and excited about the prospect of consuming her usual extra cheddar, ham, and green pepper omelet. She found her cast iron pan, when the door buzzed.

It was only eight in the morning. She wasn’t looking her best or expecting anyone. Who could it be? Was Joel here to pester her some more about the financial security that marriage provided?

She rubbed her brow and groaned. Then she checked the peephole and found a strange woman holding two large grocery bags in her hands. Ava opened the door a tiny crack. “Hello?” She eyed the bags with a mix of curiosity and suspicion.

“Miss Carson.” The stick-woman lifted a bag in greeting. “I’m Gwen, your new dietician.”

“My…my what?” She cleared her sleep-clogged throat, opened the door wider.

Gwen held the bags in one hand to offer Ava an age-spotted hand. The woman’s icy fingers were cold like the dead. “Your pregnancy dietician. Didn’t your husband tell you he hired me?”