A Weird Case of Super-Goo (4 page)

“Do I really have to wear this helmet?” Aunt Lillian asked the next morning, patting at all the wires sprouting from her head.

“Yes. It’s to help focus your brainwaves,” said Tina. “Kevin, is the battery fully charged?”

“Brainwaves—you mean like ESP?” Aunt Lillian asked.

“Yes, sort of like that,” said Tina.

Aunt Lillian looked ridiculous with the Brain Drainer strapped to her head and the wires taped all over her arms, legs, hands, and feet. What’s more, she was dressed in her old baggy clothing.

“Giles, can you explain all of this to me, please?”

“Well, yesterday, when you helped Mom clean up, you got a little older, just for a bit. I saw it. And I think it’s because you were
acting
older. So maybe if you spend a whole day doing grown-up things, you’ll go back to the way you were.”

“We’ve got your whole day planned out,” said Kevin.

“And the Brain Drainer should simply speed things up,” explained Tina. “All you have to do is concentrate, and your brain’s energy will help age your body.”

“That’s why we wanted you to wear your old clothes,” said Giles. “So you could just grow right back into them.”

“It sounds kind of kooky,” said Aunt Lillian.

“You
do
want to get older, don’t you?” said Giles.

“You bet your socks I do!” she said.

It was first thing in the morning, and Tina and Kevin had come over to Giles’s house for the big experiment. Giles gripped a stopwatch and Tina and Kevin had each brought a clipboard and pen.

“We’re ready to begin, Mr Barnes,” Tina said to Giles. “Kevin, please turn on the Brain Drainer.”

Kevin flicked a switch on the helmet and it started to hum.

“We have ignition,” said Kevin.

Giles watched the second hand on his stopwatch.

“Five…four…three…two…one. Seven-thirty!”

“Breakfast!” Tina shouted, glancing at her clipboard.

They all rushed into the kitchen.

“And remember,” said Giles, “no sugar-coated cereal.”

Aunt Lillian hurriedly set the table, made herself two pieces of whole-wheat toast, and cut half a grapefruit. After eating, she cleared away her dirty dishes, loaded them into the dishwasher, and wiped down the tabletop.

“Check!” said Kevin, making a big tick on his clipboard.

“Eight o’clock!” said Giles. “Clean up bedroom.”

They followed Aunt Lillian upstairs to her room and watched as she made the bed, folded her clothes, and tidied up.

“Wow,” said Kevin. “I think it’s working, Barnes.”

Giles peered at Aunt Lillian. He thought she was looking a little older already. But he didn’t want to waste even a second.

“Eight-thirty! Read newspaper!”

They all rushed back downstairs to the living room and observed Aunt Lillian as she read the morning newspaper.

“Remember, no comics!” Kevin said.

“And no turning on the TV,” Giles warned her when he caught her eyes straying.

“All right, all right,” she grumbled. She skimmed the day’s headlines, and then the job listings, circling anything she thought might be right for her.

“Now, the bank!” shouted Giles.

They all got on their bicycles and headed off for the local branch, where Aunt Lillian was to open her very own bank account. The customers and the clerk looked at them all a little strangely (especially Aunt Lillian, whose Brain Drainer was humming quite loudly by now) but Aunt Lillian acted so grown up that there wasn’t much trouble at all.

“Excellent work,” said Tina. “Very grown up indeed.”

When they got back to Giles’s house, Tina stopped them in the driveway.

“Eleven o’clock. Time to rescue cat in tree!”

“Cat in tree?” said Giles. “That’s not on the list!”

“A little surprise,” she said. “I got Kevin to scare it up there earlier this morning.”

Aunt Lillian dutifully clambered up the tree and brought down the quavering cat, which purred at her adoringly as she patted it on the head.

“Roger on the cat rescue,” said Kevin, checking his clipboard. “This is amazing!”

Aunt Lillian was looking like a very grown-up teenager by now.

“Lunchtime!” Giles announced.

“Without any kind of frozen meal,” Kevin added.

Much to Giles’s surprise, Aunt Lillian made them all a very tasty meal of cream of celery soup and tuna-salad sandwiches.

“Great job,” said Tina.

“How am I doing?” panted Aunt Lillian. She was now in her late twenties.

“We’re getting there!” said Giles. “Vacuum car.”

As she was finishing off the car, a little girl riding down the sidewalk on a skateboard fell and skinned her knee. Aunt Lillian immediately rushed over to the whimpering child and patted her scraped knee with a tissue. Then,
with a comforting hug, she sent her on her way home to get a Band-Aid.

“Was that on the schedule?” Giles asked Kevin in amazement.

“No,” Kevin whispered back.

“Spontaneous display of responsibility,” said Tina, making a note on her clipboard. “This is very impressive. I think we’re almost there, Mr Barnes.”

The rest of the day sped by in a blur. They made Aunt Lillian listen to a whole Brahms concerto, then recite the news headlines she’d read earlier. They observed her while she figured out her taxes, cleaned the inside of the oven, defrosted the refrigerator. She helped Giles with his homework, spending at least half an hour on French verbs, and then made him an eye-doctor appointment. She typed up her resumé on the computer and sent out job applications.

By now, Aunt Lillian was putting on years by the second, growing back into her own clothing. Her face was not quite so smooth, not quite so round. Her hair was losing some of its curl, getting shorter. It was like watching some kind of time-lapse nature film. Suddenly she was back to her old self.

“Stop!” Giles shouted.

“Cut power!” Tina cried. Kevin rushed over and threw the switch on the Brain Drainer.

Aunt Lillian was looking at her body, examining her hands and arms. Kevin wheeled over a full-length mirror. She slowly removed the helmet.

“Uh-oh,” said Kevin.

“Orange hair!” cried Aunt Lillian.

Tina winced. “I thought I’d ironed out that little glitch.”

“Don’t worry! I love it! What a great bonus!”

“What a relief,” Kevin whispered to Giles. “Some people are very sensitive about orange hair.”

“And you know what else?” Aunt Lillian said, peering at herself in the mirror with a mischievous smile. “I think you stopped me a year or two early.”

“Oh. Well, we can always put you back in the Brain Drainer for another session,” said Tina seriously.

“No, no,” said Aunt Lillian. “I’m very happy with the results. Thank you. You kids could make a fortune with that orange hair thing, by the way.”

“I trust you’re happy with the results, too, Mr Barnes?” Tina asked Giles.

“Look, you don’t have to call me Mr Barnes anymore,” he told the Quarks with a grin.

“Oh. I was kind of starting to like it,” Kevin said.

“You know, Barnes,” said Tina, “I don’t know if you’d be interested, but we’ve still got an opening in the genius business.”

“Having trouble finding willing victims?” he asked.

“Barnes, we’re really sorry about your hair,” Kevin said. “We were pretty mean to laugh at you. But you know what? You’ve started a fad at school! I saw two other kids with orange hair today. It’s going to be big, Barnes, very big—and you started it all!”

“I hope you’ll consider my offer,” Tina said. “Good partners are hard to come by.”

“I don’t have to consider it,” said Giles. “I’ve already decided. I’d like my old job back.”

“Great!” exclaimed Kevin. “And we’ll try not to be so annoying. Promise.”

“Don’t worry,” said Giles. “I’ll learn to live with you.”

A Weird Case of Super-Goo
Copyright © 1996, 2002 by Firewing Productions Inc.

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