A Wicked Beginning (55 page)
Read A Wicked Beginning Online
Authors: Calinda B
With my belly pressed on the cool wall, and Cam grasping my hair with his fist, I could feel his cock pulsing as he drove up inside of me. I cried and yelped with pleasure, riding the ecstatic surge. It wasn’t enough, however. Something felt off. “I need to see you.”
He disengaged from my behind and turned me about until we were face to face, locking eyes with mine. “Climb on.” Securing my hips with his hands, he hoisted me up onto him, lowering me onto his pulsating heat.
I wrapped my legs around him, willing him deeper inside. “God, Cam, I can’t get you deep enough. I want all of you inside of me.” My arms and legs were wrapped around him, my back was plastered against the wall, and there was no way he could get any deeper with his massive erection, but it didn’t feel like enough. “I want all of you, Cam.”
“Chérie, I guarantee I’m all the way inside.” He pushed the length of him inside until I felt a twinge of pain.
“I don’t know, something’s missing. I want more.”
“Chér, I am giving you all of me. I guarantee it.”
“Everything? Every little bit? Even all that the star dreamling represents?”
I watched his face change, a look of frustration darkening his features. I could feel him starting to soften. “Are you saying all of this, all of me, isn’t enough?”
“No, God, no, baby. I just had this sense that you are still holding back with me.”
At that Cam let out a bark of a laugh, gently let me go, walked over to the bed, and sat down. “I fucking can’t believe you, Chér. We’ve been passionate for what…six fucking days…seven…eight…we’ve made love in every possible position, we’ve shared profound sweetness, passion, joy, and love, and you suddenly say I’ve been holding back? Maybe it’s you who’s holding back. If you are, though, I don’t think I’m ready for the ‘real you.’ I want to live to see another day. Fuck.”
“Wait, Cam, hold up here. Stay with me for a second.”
“I’m here,” he said, picking up his t-shirt off the floor, crumpling it up into a ball, and throwing it across the room.
“Okay. I’ve got it.”
“Lay it on me,” he said in a weary voice. “I come from the Land of Chaos and Drama and What the Fuck. That’s where I apparently thrive.”
“It’s me,” I said in a small voice.
“It’s you what?”
“I’m scared.”
“You, the ka, the galaxy dancer, the giver of life and death…you’re scared?” He turned to me, biting the inside of his cheek. “Care to share?”
“I’m scared.”
“I heard you the first time. Come here, scaredy-cat.” He stretched his tanned, muscular body out on the bed and lay down, patting the space next to him.
I crawled up, snuggling into his side. “Just now, I was rolling with it all, Cam, I really was. I was feeling orgasmic, I was feeling juiced with love, but then I started to wonder if that’s all you love about me.”
“Chér…” He shook his head. “Is that all you love about me? My big, ol’ cock?”
“No way, Cam. No way. That’s just the icing on the cake. Sexual communion’s the prize we get to share when there’s flowing feelings between us. But now that we’re committed to one another, I don’t want things to change. I don’t want you to grow tired of me and want someone else. I don’t want to break up again.”
“Shhh.” Cam put a finger on my lips. “You’re running a head trip here, babe. Things are always going to change, else we’re dead and then it doesn’t matter. But let’s stay with the ‘I’m scared’ statement. I’m scared too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. Never ever. And this commitment thing? I don’t want to have to act differently because I made a promise to you. That scares me. And I really don’t think I’ve been holding back anything from you, but if I am, I’ll bust down that roadblock when I get to it. We’ve got time, babe. That’s what a commitment is for. All we did was build a safe container around our love so that we can grow with it. Will things always be perfect between us? I doubt it – it’s you and me, remember, flaws and all. But I intend to show you, throughout time, that we can solve anything, move through anything, if we do it together.”
“Really?” I said, my eyes welling up with tears. “We’ll work through it together?”
“Hell, yeah, babe. Don’t forget this.” He wriggled his ring encircled finger at me. “That’s a sign of my pledge, capped with a stone straight from the jungles of Peru. And it’s not just a commitment to you, it’s a commitment I made with myself, first. I couldn’t offer my heart to you unless I saw something in me that was of value…that was worth sharing and fighting for. And I found it in the go around with the star dreamling.” He pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head. “For being an almighty presence who waltzes through the galaxy, you sure can be Earthbound and insecure sometimes. It makes me feel like the scales are balanced every once in a while. That you’re not just slumming it with the Earth guy.” He chuckled, leaned over, and kissed the tip of my nose. “Still scared?”
“No, I think I got it, Cam.”
“What did you get? Is it contagious?”
I smirked and looked askance at him. “Maybe. I hope so…because if you catch what I just caught, well, we’re going to be doing this dance for a long, long time. I just realized that we don’t always have to be perfect, hot, and sexy and all that. What we have to be is willing to work through stuff and get to the other side. Like just now. You’re not heading for the hills because I got scared. I wonder if that’s one of the lessons I had to ‘get’…you know…why I left my ka temple in the first place and forgot all that I knew. Why the ta-ak’tiyani almost did me in…I started to question everything…I started to doubt.”
“Could be,” he said, his arousal renewing. “Could be,” he repeated, thoughtful. “Babe, I want to tell you something that I’ve never told you before.”
“What is it?” I whispered, fingering the blond hairs on his chest.
“You know I’ve had a lot of shit go down in my life.”
“Yeah…I know. Me too.”
“I know that, too, babe. But I tell you…when I met you…the first time I looked into your...” He turned his head and swiped his eyes. “Shit. This isn’t easy.”
“Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“Yeah, but it sounds so corny in my head.”
“Come on, Cam. Say what you want to say.”
He blew his breath out from his cheeks. “Okay, I’m going to sound like an idiot here, but here goes.” He looked me straight on, direct and clear. “When I first looked into your eyes, I figured there was more to life than abuse and hardship. It was like I knew that there was safety and kindness on the Earth somewhere. I felt safe and calm when I looked at you. And…” His eyes continued to well up, but he did not look away. Swallowing hard, he said, “And I knew that if I could find it in myself to be man enough to be with you…I knew that I’d be okay too.” He laughed softly. “It took me a while…thought I’d blown it for good last year.”
“Oh, Cam…that’s the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever said to me. Thank you. Thank you for telling me that.”
“You’re welcome. I mean it. I’m not going
anywhere,
babe
.
This you and I business…okay and Fabio’s in there too…for you, that is…” He tapped my heart with his fingertip. “It has only begun. I don’t care what Natalie has to say about eons gone by.” He rolled on top of me, all hot skin, hard cock, sweat, and love.
“
I’ll show you what I mean. Ready for another go with your man of integrity?”
“Am I ever, beloved. Am I ever…” I inhaled deeply, breathing in Cam’s smell, celebrating the warmth of him stretched atop me. This time the shared ecstatic communion between us was so gentle and sweet, it was like being swayed in warm waves. And I swear I heard a lullaby playing; rocking, rocking, rocking us to orgasm until we fell asleep in each other’s arms, renewed and ready for our next adventure, whatever that might be.
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